"The Kiss of Death Mistake"

You replay the conversation at 2 a.m. She texted back fast yesterday. Today, nothing. Was that smile friendly or flirty? What did the shoulder touch mean?

Every hour you spend decoding her signals drains your confidence and hands her the controls. Women can sense that insecurity from across the room — and it repels them.

One of the "22 Rules" kills the obsession on the spot: assume she likes you, and act accordingly. Sounds too simple. Works anyway.

Her interest tends to rise to meet your expectations. Psychologists call it a self-fulfilling prophecy.

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10 Myths About Introverts

Sofomore

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10 MYTHS ABOUT INTROVERTS

Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk. This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.

Myth #2 – Introverts are shy. Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.

Myth #3 – Introverts are rude. Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.

Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people. On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.

Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public. Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.

Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone. Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.

Myth #7 – Introverts are weird. Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.

Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds. Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.

Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun. Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.

Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts. A world without Introverts would be a world with few scientists, musicians, artists, poets, filmmakers, doctors, mathematicians, writers, and philosophers. That being said, there are still plenty of techniques an Extrovert can learn in order to interact with Introverts. (Yes, I reversed these two terms on purpose to show you how biased our society is.) Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.

Source: http://www.carlkingdom.com/10-myths-about-introverts
 
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"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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The Gambler

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Props to whoever wrote this. As an introvert myself, I think I can agree with all ten points.

I'll bet many or most of the skilled posters here, with well-written, detailed posts, are introverted.
 

PapiChulo

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#9 is completely wrong about the thrill seeking/adrenaline. It's very much the opposite.
 

Packers2010

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after reading this post. i now know I am a introvert.

i related to all 10 points on a MASSIVE scale.

i went out till 4 am last night and got a little drunk.. tonight i fel like i need a rst night..
 

Atom Smasher

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OP, you should credit your source.

I generally agree with these observations, being an introvert by nature myself.

I've noticed that men in men's magazines are starting to write like women. You can always tell by the peppering of very short, simplistic platitudes, e.g. "Just start talking. Don't worry about being polite." or "Just look it up".

My guess is that this was either written by a male/female team or by a somewhat feminized male. The grammatical hints of female infuence are definintely present. However, all in all these are excellent observations and for the most part very spot-on.
 

"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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Atom Smasher

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Packers2010 said:
after reading this post. i now know I am a introvert.

i related to all 10 points on a MASSIVE scale.

i went out till 4 am last night and got a little drunk.. tonight i fel like i need a rst night..
Yes, I'm the same way. I need some restorative downtime after socializing.

On another note:

It's interesting how introverts become leaders of groups. We tend to think that the loud, "alpha" type is the one who maintains leadership, but my observation is as follows:

I've definitely always been an introvert, and yet I always become the undisputed leader of any group I involve myself with (and not even by design). At first I come in under the radar and am almost the invisible man. I am quiet and respectful as I learn the established group dynamic for a while. Eventually I will slip in an opinion here and there, perhaps a bit of advice or a different way of looking at something. Slowly, respect is garnered, and the loud "alpha", if one exists, is revealed to be all sizzle and no steak. Mmmmmm.....steak....... Sorry, just had a Homer moment there...

Then comes the tipping point. Some kind of mild challenge or even crisis occurs within the group, and people look to me for the solution as I act with absolute assumed authority. It's funny how this isn't even by design... it's just how it seems to work. I think my cool head and ability to think more rationally than most are what facilitate this dynamic. From then on, I am considered the group leader. This happens time and time again.

Why am I saying all this? Just to remind us all that if you are an introvert, you can rise to a leadership position very naturally if you leverage time and your natural abilities.

Lasting, quality leadership is never taken by force or by being a blowhard "alpha" type. Notice I say quality and lasting. No, leadership is always granted by those being led. When they perceive you as a man who remains cool under pressure, displays an ability to think and act rationally, and most importantly, demonstrates that he is taking the group under his protective wing, they gladly grant you leadership and defer to your guidance.

That is how the introvert rises to the top. I personally would rather be a quieter, polite guy than an "alpha" loud-mouth, although I have in the past envied those guys. They tend to get more immediate attention.

I think the trick is to find the sweet spot. Many introverts would benefit from becoming a bit more outgoing, just as many blowhards would benefit from toning down their overt aggressiveness. In the end, the introvert leader topples the alpha blowhard when the moment of crisis occurs.
 

020204

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Great post I really enjoyed that. I too am probably an introvert , although in modern society, introverts as described are probably the ones who not socially retarded. Females have often tried to pigeonhole introverts and make them feel inept. I think an introvert who quietly absorbs a lot of seduction marterial is often the most lethal with the ladies in the long run.
 

synergy1

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I'd say the label of introvert is mostly an American invention as many other cultures do not talk as much or as loudly as Americans - especially in the north east. It seems like people always have to 'say something', even if its painfully obvious. I have a friend who always pretends to talk like a foreigner to try and differentiate himself, but fails insomuch that he is loud, and does more talking than is necessary.

There are many introspective people out there who probably share a few of the characteristics listed above. I know I do as well. I hate verbose idiots just as much as the next guy. However, when in rome - its been something I have had to adjust too, but don't entirely like doing. However amongst intelligent people, no amount of conversation is too much.
 

Atom Smasher

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I agree. I actually think that we commonly label as "introvert" is actually what should be normal.

All day long people verbally vomit all over me and I think how all that could have been said with fewer words. people just love to hear themselves talk. And you're also spot on when you observe that people always have to verbalize that which is painfully obvious.

We are a sick, neurotic society. All these things are symptoms of that.

There was a period where I thought something was severely wrong with me because I wasn't an extrovert. I tried to be that way for a while, and I found it to be extremely distasteful and incongruent with my core being.

Loud, obnoxious people may excite the emotions of those in proximity for a short time, but that quickly wears off and becomes annoying.
 

"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."

Attraction runs on a clock.

She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.

The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."

One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.

Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.

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sylvester the cat

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Geez. OP posts a positive spin on characteristcs defined as 'weird' by 'normal' people and suddenly everyone's a fvking introvert!

God bless you OP for posting this though. I'm gonna print it out, laminate it and show it to the next c0cksucker that calls me weird...
 

Purefilth

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i am ESTJ - Extraverted Sensing Thinking Judging
(Extraverted Thinking with Introverted Sensing)
thats according to the MYERS-BRIGGS TYPE INDICATOR®
and I fit with all points except #9.

Amazing really how many are introverts..
 

sylvester the cat

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I agree with #9 to a point.

I don't like rollercoasters or parachuting or anything like that but I do feel compelled to get up on a stage and try to make complete strangers laugh and i find the dating game to be quite thrilling. especially girls who play hard to get. where a 'normal' dj might give up on that, i will hang on like a dog with a bone until i get what i want. or not as the case may be.
 
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Fly By Night

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I wonder if any guy here would admit to being an extrovert. All I see are guys saying they are introverted. Are guys naturally supposed to be introverted or is it the "we were all bad with women because we were introverts" theory on SS?

Either way, I was and still am an introvert, but I can easily hold a conversation with people now. But for #9, I think it depends on my mood. There has been times where I like to wild out at parties if I'm feeling it, but some nights, I don't even feel like going out. It's pretty surprising to realize how biased I was towards extroverts being better than introverts. I think when we hear the word "introvert" we like to think of a kid who curls up into a ball in a dark corner and never makes eye contact with anyone in the room. A pretty warped view on personalities. :l
 

"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"

I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.

The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.

Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.

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B

BeDJ

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I think I am extroverted, I can't stand being by myself. I need some type of human interaction, which may also lead to insecurities...very interesting discussion.
 

sylvester the cat

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Thanks to OP I am proud to be an introvert. Even though i know pride comes before a fall...

Up until today i just assumed there was something wrong with me.

when a woman on POF accused me of not being very talkative because she was asking boring questions, i copy and pasted OP's op to her. that seemed to do the trick.
 

NobodyCares1

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I think that it's bullsh!t to say that someone is 100% introvert or 100% extrovert. It's never black and white, though I'd say I'm more introvert but sometimes I just want to go out there and talk to people, have fun, do something crazy. It depends a lot on my mood though, and I noticed if I am too much around people I feel nervous, so I need some alone time, but I try to enjoy time with my friends to the fullest.
 

backbreaker

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I'm what you would call intervened but i don't think it's some secret blessed character trait or anything.

by myers briggs I'm an INTJ with a very strong emphasis on the J lol borderline obsessive compulsive.

I don't particularly enjoy talking to people. I was an only child for just about my entire life until i was 17, and i was usually the only black kid in my TAG/AP classes and had very few friends at school, so I got used to being quiet. Not saying anything is bad about either just the fact of the matter.

However, I have always been very personable, I get that from my mother and when need be I can talk to just about anyone and feel comfortable doing so.]

however some of those "myths" on that list are very true wtih me. I don't particularly like people in general. the older I get the more fake i think most people are and I don't like fake people. I don't like going outside if i can help it in particular in the day time. I pretty much do always want to be alone. I live in the same house as my wife and son, I work from home and i might see both 2 hours a day, and my wife is a home maker. I keep to myself and I require a lot of me time. But i always make time for both eventually, but unless it's the weekend or a holiday i can't be all around people all the time. And the concept of relaxing is foreign to me, my philiophy is that if you have to relax from your job you have the wrong job. however i am a roller coaster junkie which is odd considering the list.
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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