“There’s a Reason His Wife LEFT Him”

FMCSMT

Don Juan
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#1
I had a female co-worker say this to another co-worker and I heard about it today.

I gotta say, it knocked me off kilter. I’ve worked with her for about 3 years now and we’ve always got along well. I don’t know how the conversation was brought up.

Truth is, I don’t really know why my wife left. I have theories and what not but I never asked. We were married 11 years and share 3 children.

She did all the typical tactics to get a leg up in custody but I fought back and won. I did quite well. We’ve been divorced about 4 years now. We don’t speak to one another. We are strangers.

I have been working on forgiveness. I have felt that due to my resentment towards her that it may be holding me back. She stole my kids at one point and a trial was had to get them back. Since then, I’ve felt that she is a piece of shvt. My kids do too.

She remarried right away. People say I sound jealous until they see the new guy but he is ugly and very overweight and makes little money. They never sit next to one another, hold hands, or are affectionate in anyway. When people see him they say I am being nice in the way I describe him.

My kids say that their relationship is nothing like when her and I were together. She is clearly not happy.

Lately, I have thought that I need to forgive her. Let it all go. Though she drove me to suicidal attempts that she is unaware of.

To have a co-worker say “There is a reason his wife left him” got me thinking. And maybe I shouldn’t care but I wonder if people from the outset think that there must be something wrong with me.

I never laid a hand on her or my kids. I made good money then and now and provided a good home and had fun with my family. I worked out all the time so sex wasn’t an issue. The divorce was a surprise not only to me but our friends and both sides of our family, except for her parents, who were in on it, unknown to me.

After reading Rollo’s books, I choose not to have a relationship or LTR with any woman. I pump and dump quite often. I am forthcoming about my standing in no LTR.

I guess I don’t know if I’m doing thing right anymore. I know I shouldn’t care what other people think but sometimes when people look in from the outset, the picture is clearer, if that makes sense.

I have my kids half the time and we have so much fun. They don’t want to leave. I do like my alone time and have a lot of good friends.

I’m not sure where I’m going with this but I wonder if there’s something wrong with me? My ex tells my kids that I haven’t moved on because I don’t have a girlfriend. My kids never see my plate spinning activities so they think I’m alone all of the time.

I guess my question is, is there something broken in me? Is there something I did wrong in my marriage? Do people and prospects see me as I must’ve done something wrong to be a divorced, single dad? And have any of you been down these lines of thinking? And if so, what guidance might you have?
 

Die Hard

Master Don Juan
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#2
Just from reading your post, I get a sense that you are a nice guy. You have an inclination to care for other people, to do what's right.... You are a kind person...

Which is ultimately unattractive to women.

Just a theory...judge for yourself if there is any thruth to it.
 

mrgoodstuff

Master Don Juan
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#4
Just from reading your post, I get a sense that you are a nice guy. You have an inclination to care for other people, to do what's right.... You are a kind person...

Which is ultimately unattractive to women.

Just a theory...judge for yourself if there is any thruth to it.
To all women or a certain type of woman?
 

Die Hard

Master Don Juan
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#5
To all women or a certain type of woman?
It's a rule which applies to women in general, there may be exceptions. But how much nice guy behavior makes her lose attraction, can be totally different for different women.

I guess to the degree that his SMV is higher than hers, he can be more of a nice guy without her losing attraction.
 

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Master Don Juan
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#6
Usually comments like this are made in response to a specific incident. Are you sure you didn't do something to illicit that response? I'm not saying you were wrong and she was right, but it's probably not a very deep thing. Did you talk bad about your ex in front of her, or anything like that?
 

Alvafe

Master Don Juan
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#7
office gossip to possible play you lower then you looks, ther eis a reason she left him, menas more like I don't know what did happen but why would she leave him otherwise, think of it like a compliment(maybe a backhanded one), from what she knows of you, she can't belive your wife left, so there must be a reason, woman will never think she is a idiot for doing so, it have to be your fault somehow.

serious though, you really shouldn't care much about gossip, and forget about the whole forgiving act, just ignore the old b!tch like she deserve, have fun out of her misery, and never take the woman back, just think on she was holding you back now is time to have fun
 

FMCSMT

Don Juan
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#8
Thanks for the replies.

I don’t know what triggered this comment from her but from the sounds of it, others were talking about me and she chimed in with that comment.

People I work with do know that I date several women and for nothing more than a bang. I don’t say that but I’ve had some visit me at work, bring me food, brought them to work parties etc. Different girl each time...

They may have seen me doing that and know me as a valuable asset to the company (it’s no secret I am the top earner above management even) and the guys may have asked “why isn’t he in a serious relationship?” And this woman may have chimed in “His wife left him for a reason”.

Pure speculation as I didn’t ask why she said that and I don’t plan to.

I do have to treat the ones I date shtty or they lose interest but I don’t do that in front of others. I’m pretty respectful around coworkers, even to a plate or potential plate.
 

DEEZEDBRAH

Master Don Juan
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#9
I had a female co-worker say this to another co-worker and I heard about it today.

I gotta say, it knocked me off kilter. I’ve worked with her for about 3 years now and we’ve always got along well. I don’t know how the conversation was brought up.

Truth is, I don’t really know why my wife left. I have theories and what not but I never asked. We were married 11 years and share 3 children.

She did all the typical tactics to get a leg up in custody but I fought back and won. I did quite well. We’ve been divorced about 4 years now. We don’t speak to one another. We are strangers.

I have been working on forgiveness. I have felt that due to my resentment towards her that it may be holding me back. She stole my kids at one point and a trial was had to get them back. Since then, I’ve felt that she is a piece of shvt. My kids do too.

She remarried right away. People say I sound jealous until they see the new guy but he is ugly and very overweight and makes little money. They never sit next to one another, hold hands, or are affectionate in anyway. When people see him they say I am being nice in the way I describe him.

My kids say that their relationship is nothing like when her and I were together. She is clearly not happy.

Lately, I have thought that I need to forgive her. Let it all go. Though she drove me to suicidal attempts that she is unaware of.

To have a co-worker say “There is a reason his wife left him” got me thinking. And maybe I shouldn’t care but I wonder if people from the outset think that there must be something wrong with me.

I never laid a hand on her or my kids. I made good money then and now and provided a good home and had fun with my family. I worked out all the time so sex wasn’t an issue. The divorce was a surprise not only to me but our friends and both sides of our family, except for her parents, who were in on it, unknown to me.

After reading Rollo’s books, I choose not to have a relationship or LTR with any woman. I pump and dump quite often. I am forthcoming about my standing in no LTR.

I guess I don’t know if I’m doing thing right anymore. I know I shouldn’t care what other people think but sometimes when people look in from the outset, the picture is clearer, if that makes sense.

I have my kids half the time and we have so much fun. They don’t want to leave. I do like my alone time and have a lot of good friends.

I’m not sure where I’m going with this but I wonder if there’s something wrong with me? My ex tells my kids that I haven’t moved on because I don’t have a girlfriend. My kids never see my plate spinning activities so they think I’m alone all of the time.

I guess my question is, is there something broken in me? Is there something I did wrong in my marriage? Do people and prospects see me as I must’ve done something wrong to be a divorced, single dad? And have any of you been down these lines of thinking? And if so, what guidance might you have?
Its that female sociopathy and absolute solipsism. Rollo accurately hits on the hen house. The feminine primacy and in group preference.

You dun goofed by sharing your divorce. If alpha women notice yiur vibe no ring and wilk blow you at work.

Your game is weak. Step up.
 

glass half full

Master Don Juan
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#10
Its that female sociopathy and absolute solipsism. Rollo accurately hits on the hen house. The feminine primacy and in group preference.

You dun goofed by sharing your divorce. If alpha women notice yiur vibe no ring and wilk blow you at work.

Your game is weak. Step up.
Don't let her actions, or these people she knows, or anyone else playing the "Doubting Thomas card" get to you. This is none of anyone's business but yours and hers. And you are done with her, so stay done with her. Doesn't matter why she did anything.

Perhaps you have some inner doubts about all this, however I think you should concentrate on improving your own life and forget those trolls.

That's what they are, Trolls.

Move on...if you need to, move to another nearby community and get a different job. You CAN do this.
 
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DEEZEDBRAH

Master Don Juan
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#12
Don't let her actions, or these people she knows, or anyone else playing the "Doubting Thomas card" get to you. This is none of anyone's business but yours and hers. And you are done with her, so stay done with her. Doesn't matter why she did anything.

Perhaps you have some inner doubts about all this, however I think you should concentrate on improving your own life and forget those trolls.

That's what they are, Trolls.

Move on...if you need to, move to another nearby community and get a different job. You CAN do this.
Be your own mental point of origin. - rollo

Clearly bud dun goofed by making his split known.

If alpha married or not, women put out.
 

Danger

Master Don Juan
Joined
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#13
I had a female co-worker say this to another co-worker and I heard about it today.

I gotta say, it knocked me off kilter. I’ve worked with her for about 3 years now and we’ve always got along well. I don’t know how the conversation was brought up.

Truth is, I don’t really know why my wife left. I have theories and what not but I never asked. We were married 11 years and share 3 children.

She did all the typical tactics to get a leg up in custody but I fought back and won. I did quite well. We’ve been divorced about 4 years now. We don’t speak to one another. We are strangers.

I have been working on forgiveness. I have felt that due to my resentment towards her that it may be holding me back. She stole my kids at one point and a trial was had to get them back. Since then, I’ve felt that she is a piece of shvt. My kids do too.

She remarried right away. People say I sound jealous until they see the new guy but he is ugly and very overweight and makes little money. They never sit next to one another, hold hands, or are affectionate in anyway. When people see him they say I am being nice in the way I describe him.

My kids say that their relationship is nothing like when her and I were together. She is clearly not happy.

Lately, I have thought that I need to forgive her. Let it all go. Though she drove me to suicidal attempts that she is unaware of.

To have a co-worker say “There is a reason his wife left him” got me thinking. And maybe I shouldn’t care but I wonder if people from the outset think that there must be something wrong with me.

I never laid a hand on her or my kids. I made good money then and now and provided a good home and had fun with my family. I worked out all the time so sex wasn’t an issue. The divorce was a surprise not only to me but our friends and both sides of our family, except for her parents, who were in on it, unknown to me.

After reading Rollo’s books, I choose not to have a relationship or LTR with any woman. I pump and dump quite often. I am forthcoming about my standing in no LTR.

I guess I don’t know if I’m doing thing right anymore. I know I shouldn’t care what other people think but sometimes when people look in from the outset, the picture is clearer, if that makes sense.

I have my kids half the time and we have so much fun. They don’t want to leave. I do like my alone time and have a lot of good friends.

I’m not sure where I’m going with this but I wonder if there’s something wrong with me? My ex tells my kids that I haven’t moved on because I don’t have a girlfriend. My kids never see my plate spinning activities so they think I’m alone all of the time.

I guess my question is, is there something broken in me? Is there something I did wrong in my marriage? Do people and prospects see me as I must’ve done something wrong to be a divorced, single dad? And have any of you been down these lines of thinking? And if so, what guidance might you have?

First, self-reflection is a VERY powerful thing, but you must make sure to channel it properly. As you think through these questions recognize where your emotions are driving you versus where logic is driving you.

The key to this is the following....

1. People will believe things because they want them to be true.
2. People will believe things because they are afraid it is true.

Now, that is a lot to chew on. However I get the sense you are drifting into reason number two.

At the end of the day you need to recognize that some people will never be happy, and it sounds like your ex is one of them.

The important thing you need to do right now is recognize that where you are is an ok place to be. You said it yourself, good kids, good job, decent shape, and your kids love spending time with you.

Once you accept that you are in a pretty good place, then you can work on you and your future.

But your future, and happiness, is based on YOUR values, not the values of others. This is where things get tricky and self-doubt will creep in.

Do yourself a favor and peruse a book called "Superself" by Charles Givens. It is an older book but there is a fantastic chapter on aligning your Values to your Dreams. It can be a life changer if you really sit down to think about these two things. It will at the least give you confidence in your own value system.

Good luck.
 

sazc

Master Don Juan
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#14
It's extremely TELLING that she needs to insert herself into your life by passing the judgement that you haven't moved on, simply because you haven't paraded around a new female.... You get that right?

A woman with a true IDGAF attitude about her ex would not concern herself with such comments. Low self esteem? Second guessing her choices? Realizing the grass isn't greener?

I believe that you know in your gut the reason why she left you. I don't know why, no one here does, only you do.

I will say t he at, if she blindsided you with the split, she is the one with the bulk of the issues (if not all of the issues). Healthy ppl try to make things work with their spouse, not tear a family apart for revenge.

As well, who gives a fvk what anyone thinks? Ppl Steve going to think and judge. Let them. They are absolutely projecting their own fear and/or baggage into you. Don't let them affect you.

Happiness is the best "revenge". Do you and go be happy
 

evan12

Master Don Juan
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#15
To have a co-worker say “There is a reason his wife left him”
Most of the time , because the partner think they can do better. At that point your wife was thinking she can do better, maybe she was in contact with some men that she thought she can get one of them to marry her for sure. These days it is the attention and the ego that a wife think with herself "if all these men after me at least one of them is ready to marry me", most women think if the man have desire to them then he most likely ready for commitment.
Some times it is just the appeal of singlehood push the man or woman for breakup or devoirce
 
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Mike8

Don Juan
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#16
There's nothing wrong with you. I also have a son, whom I get to see a few days out of the month. It took 11 months and 9k of legal back-and-forth to make it happen, but it worked out in the end. It's really hard to completely let go of the mother of your child (because screw biological bonds), but it's doable.

You said "I made good money then" do you still? If not, get on it. If so, get more. That's the reality of the game for mature men. Don't ever think suicidal because it's not just about you - you would create a ripple of devastation for your children and your parents - one which they will NEVER recover from.
 

fastlife

Master Don Juan
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#17
2 Scenarios: From what you say, you're the top dog. She sensed a chance to crack your frame a little & took it. And it worked, because here you are thinking about it later. The moment you genuinely stop caring what other people think is the moment they stop trying to influence you & start falling into your frame.

The other possibility is that she's attracted to you & trying to rationalize things in such a way that you not approaching her isn't as much of a rejection as it is Oh, there much be something wrong with HIM. Just like how girls will say a hot guy who isn't into them is gay or whatever.

But the bigger issues I'm seeing here, is you need to accept the past: What happened, happened. Nothing you can do to change that. Your exwife, for whatever reason, did what she did--and you pinpointing the cause (and she probably can't either) is a waste of energy and won't help you better navigate the current moment.

And you need to accept yourself. Yeah, you're a divorced dude who gets a little something on the side. Who cares lol? Own it. If anyone accuses you of being a lonely old man just smirk or agree and amplify: Totally. I haven't bused a nut since Bush was in office. Just own it.
 

FMCSMT

Don Juan
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#18
@fastlife my closest friend said the same exact thing in regard to wasting energy.

I like the owning it aspect. I’ll have to put my spin on that when in the moment and work on that.
 

fastlife

Master Don Juan
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#19
@fastlife my closest friend said the same exact thing in regard to wasting energy.

I like the owning it aspect. I’ll have to put my spin on that when in the moment and work on that.
Yeah, it won’t be easy. Definitely not minimizing the emotional impact of going through something like that--and letting go of something that you invested that much time & emotion into is not going to be easy. And I don’t have that point of reference; a divorce with kids and stuff isn’t something I’ve gone through personally, so I can’t give you that perspective. But at this point, what choice do you have, ya know?

You have the rest of your life to live. And in the grand scheme of things, 11 years is only a chapter. It’ll definitely be part of your story, but it doesn’t have to be the defining moment.
 

BeExcellent

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#20
Advice from the old lady:

Of course there’s a reason the wife left. However irrational and nonsensical it may have been at the time. So what? That reason has less to do with you and your “stuff” and more to do with her and her “stuff”.

What you have issue with is the insinuation that you were at fault. That is what you projected onto this coworkers comment. Think about that. THAT is why her comment bugs you. If you weren’t already grappling with this fault assignment in the recesses of your own psyche you’d simply have said direct to your coworker:

“Sure there was a reason. Doesn’t mean it was a good reason or a sensible reason. There’s always a reason or justification for most anything people do. Don’t you agree?” And then you shrug your shoulders & go about your day no matter how agape your coworkers mouth...

But that isn’t how you reacted. Why?

Why does an uninformed stranger’s comment bug you this much? Is the comment resonating with some sense of fault inside you? Even if you’re now better off & she is revealed as an opportunist? Find why this bugs you. Get to the root of that for your own sake.

I’ve had the divorce, with minor children and assets I earned hanging in the balance. Not easy. I’ve not looked back nor regretted the divorce. It was still a time of emotional upheaval but I’m 5 years hence now and moving in a forward motion sans regret. I’m curious why this bothers you 4 years out. What does that say about you?

Ignorant people will say idiotic things about situations where they have no knowledge. Flush those opinions because they are garbage.

Why is the comment so bothersome? That’s the bigger question for you.
 
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