“I can pencil you in”

[BJP1991]

Dude, I'm teaching the OP.

I'm not teaching you here.

If you and OP wishes to continue that path, it's fine by me.

I lose nothing.

Appreciate the advice, from both of you, actually.


So I know she said she’s free this weekend. With a date planned for next Friday, would it be cool to try to invite her to join me at XYZ place Sunday afternoon also?

I figure that way I can get ahead of the ball and maybe establish some more frame. Then Friday would be the second date, which is close to my place, and would give me better odds at getting her back home since it’s date #2 vs date #1

 

[BJP1991]

To each his own. We will see. Personally i don't bend these days at all. Not with frame on the onset of meeting someone new. When you see this enough times. Its better to excercise patience and see if her attraction builds. If not oh well.

By exercise patience and see if attraction builds, how would you mean it in this case? Just go no contact leading up to the date?


Any thoughts on proposing an earlier meeting, like I mentioned in my most recent reply?

 

[Visionist]

Flakes can happen at any time. One girl texted "I'll definitely be there!" and flaked on the night. No text, no call, nothing.

"I'll pencil you in" is an attempt at wittily maintaining frame. Maybe she likes word games, maybe she isn't a complete bore to talk to (imagine that!).

 

[Trump]

Just got this in response from a girl I met at the store today. We figured out an evening she was free, so I suggested a time and location and got back “I can pencil you in”.

Her texts leading up to this told me she was free every night of the week and would be “down to meet anywhere”. So she seemed open to basically whatever I suggested - so I picked a bar close by my place.

This is for a date next week (1week +1day from today).

You cold approached a girl at a store. She told you:

- she was single and available,
- she was free in the evening to go on a 1 on 1 single date with you
- she was free every night of the week
- she would down to meet anywhere

What girl, in their right mind, would tell a guy she just met in a store, “I’m free EVERY night this week and am down to meet ANYWHERE?”
Even high class prostitutes getting paid $25,000 a night don’t say that. But a girl you just met a store does?

Sounds suspicious.

 

[Visionist]

I met a 7 when working, she was a customer, who after two minutes of me bullsh!tting her about some cake we sold or whatever, gladly gave me her number and came round my house the very next day. Me being inexperienced as fūck I didn't bang her or even kiss her, even when she was leaning into me whilst we were watching a movie (Hard Boiled, awesome movie). My family was in the house but that's no excuse, we could have bounced to wherever.

The next day I found out she had a boyfriend, and never saw her again.

So a girl might be into you instantly, for her own reasons.

 

[BJP1991]

No dude. Reread what i wrote. I would have counter declined at "ill pencil you in" but that's me and how i do things. I look for more excitement and interest.

I see now. I don’t think her response was grounds for dismissal or revoking my date offer. Perhaps more context is necessary for a full understanding or explanation, but no big deal.

I texted her back this morning, “Sweet - see you then” - nothing more

She replied minutes later, wishing me a good day, saying that sounds great, and should be a fun time.

 

[BJP1991]

You cold approached a girl at a store. She told you:

- she was single and available,
- she was free in the evening to go on a 1 on 1 single date with you
- she was free every night of the week
- she would down to meet anywhere

What girl, in their right mind, would tell a guy she just met in a store, “I’m free EVERY night this week and am down to meet ANYWHERE?”
Even high class prostitutes getting paid $25,000 a night don’t say that. But a girl you just met a store does?

Sounds suspicious.

I mean, she’s good looking and I am too. Perhaps she just has high interest. Who knows

 

[Trump]

I mean, she’s good looking and I am too. Perhaps she just has high interest. Who knows

Obviously you are good looking.

Cold approaching a good looking girl in a store, getting her name, number, status, availability, is no problem for you

Yet 5 words such as ‘I can pencil you in” makes you extremely confused and puts into meltdown.

But of course, who knows.

 

[BJP1991]

And you should be doubtful. Accepting a date more than 3 days out is almost always a lose-lose situation for the guy (NOT the girl).

Here is what I would do:

Call her tomorrow evening. If she answers ask how her day went. Listen 80% speak 20%. After 2-3 minutes of smalltalk (about her not you) say this:

"Good to hear. Well I called because I want to change our plans. I don't want to wait another week to see you. Will you meet me this SUN at _________?" Be SPECIFIC with the day time and place and in this case opt for a SUN aft meetup over a drink or coffee. Do NOT bend over backwards trying to impress her with a fancy date. A drink or coffee at a local bar or Starbucks is absolutely fine.

Thinking about maybe doing this. I know she’s free all weekend this weekend, and my Sunday is a bit more free and flexible.

There’s a super legit bar I love that’s in her neighborhood. Maybe considering hitting her up Friday afternoon or Saturday midday, something like “Hey - I’m headed to XYZ bar tomorrow evening for a beer and to watch the game, if you’d like to join!”


Either that, or hit her up Monday/Tuesday to tease her about beating her in bar games on the date Friday. That strategy has worked in the past for me when I have many days in between dates.

Thoughts?

 

[BJP1991]

Obviously you are good looking.

Cold approaching a good looking girl in a store, getting her name, number, status, availability, is no problem for you

Yet 5 words such as ‘I can pencil you in” makes you extremely confused and puts into meltdown.

But of course, who knows.

I guess I don’t mean to come off like I’m totally lost here. I’m always trying to learn and I do find that posting here is a good way to reflect/learn/prepare for the future date, more than try to go into “damage control” mode or “omg what do I do next-mode”.

Sometimes when a girl is really attractive and seems into me, I have a hard time keeping the rails on the track (mentally), and posting here to reflect honestly helps me to do that. I figure that sitting, stewing, or even worse, asking her “what that means” vs just posting here and seeing what the DJs think would be far far worse for me on every level.

Just trying to get better, that’s all! In one year, I went from a total AFC who got cheated out of a 4 year relationship, to being able to pickup women easily and successfully get numbers and dates. My lifetime lay-count has tripled after my last relationship ended, and I legitimately believe a lot of what I’ve learned and a foundation for my confidence/success with women comes from reading/posting/reviewing feedback, reading self help or datingbooks, etc to improve my game. Doesn’t hurt to keep practicing and improving - that’s all it is

 

[BJP1991]

My thought:

Invite now. Thursday is the best day for a weekend invite.

Ahh....see I just don’t feel comfortable with it quite yet. I hate coming across as wishy-washy with women - I think they can sense something is up when that happens.

I literally told her via text yesterday my weekend was all booked up, which is mostly true. Wouldn’t telling her now that I’m actually free Sunday and want her to join me out, come across in the wrong fashion?

I’m seriously considering doing it, but need to do it in a clear/concise manner when I ask. I also don’t want it to backfire and ruin my chance with the date in Friday next week by coming off as too needy. How does one ask in a way that is ideal?

 

[BJP1991]

This whole vibe of contemplation and dancing around is feeding right in to her controlling your frame.
I wish you the best in closing this but this is the reason Spaz and i said what we said about the pencil comment. Sometimes they dont mean it as a flakey response but look where it has put 5he frame. Your next 10 days are going to be dancing around this girl.
The right frame would be her hitting you up around the 1 week +1 day and seeing if you were available after saying. Maybe next time when your schedule frees up. That's the difference. Already chasing her

I see what you’re saying. I do think, though, that using that type of response on her would have shut her down entirely. The vibe of the text convo (in our 2-3 exchanged messages leading up to that point) was teasy/friendly. Going cold on her probably would have sounded like I was butthurt over her response

 

[Barrister]

I feel like some of you are reading too far into the "pencil you in" comment that was made by this chick to OP. My guess is she absentmindedly said this in response to making the plan in the first place. Regardless, sitting around and worrying about what it might or might not mean is silly in and of itself.

OP, I would keep the same date you had made the first time and not attempt to change it to a time that is sooner at this juncture. If she doesn't understand you have a busy schedule and flakes then that is on her. I would text to confirm the night before unless she reaches out before then build up a rapport if you can prior. Don't lose any more sleep over this.

Good luck.

 

[BeExcellent]

Thinking about maybe doing this. I know she’s free all weekend this weekend, and my Sunday is a bit more free and flexible.

There’s a super legit bar I love that’s in her neighborhood. Maybe considering hitting her up Friday afternoon or Saturday midday, something like “Hey - I’m headed to XYZ bar tomorrow evening for a beer and to watch the game, if you’d like to join!”


Either that, or hit her up Monday/Tuesday to tease her about beating her in bar games on the date Friday. That strategy has worked in the past for me when I have many days in between dates.

Thoughts?

This is a good, chill, laid back strategy. It conveys that you are out with or without her, it is low/no pressure, and it also means you might meet some other chick who is at the venue. Don’t communicate at all until Sunday midday. She gets to wonder what you are up to this weekend (and if she likes you she WILL wonder), and wonder why you went quiet. You’re busy, thats why, lol.

Then toss her that line you stated above & see if she shows up.

Simple.

 

[redskinsfan92]

Pencil you in?
F that!

 

[Barrister]

Nobody is that goddam busy. Stop pretending to be super-busy. I also advise you to ignore the posters who claim that they invite women to meet a week out. All bullshiat in my opinion.

You're uncomfortable following my advice? GOOD.

Do the things that the vets suggest. I trust that you know who is for real and who is not. If you value my opinion, then do what I suggest. It works.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Espi, it is not difficult at all to be busy a week out. I am not sure what you do for a living, your family ties, or social life, but I can easily say I have to schedule 5-8 days out most times for social functions (not just dating) - sometimes longer depending on my schedule. I don't think OP scheduling out that far is unreasonable at all. Will it increase the chances of a flake? Maybe. If so then he can just move on. No big deal.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

Pencil you in literally means. "Maybe but yes but ill see what's going on"
To agree to this especially to a women you saw face to face already is giving yourself into her frame. "The moment, having fun, your the prize, rah rah rah" is not only rosey bs at this point its not a good start by my take and many other "brighter" minds then both of us put together. Confidence in cancelling and icing the situation is confident behavior.
Frame is everything, top priority. Could it work out? Sure there's exceptions but i dont fck with anything but a solid yes.

For the third and final time, lots of women use expressions incorrectly. When I first heard that expression I only knew the pencil version. A while later I realized there's a pen version. Her interest is high from what I've heard so far.

You cold approached a girl at a store. She told you:

- she was single and available,
- she was free in the evening to go on a 1 on 1 single date with you
- she was free every night of the week
- she would down to meet anywhere

What girl, in their right mind, would tell a guy she just met in a store, “I’m free EVERY night this week and am down to meet ANYWHERE?”
Even high class prostitutes getting paid $25,000 a night don’t say that. But a girl you just met a store does?

Sounds suspicious.

A girl with high interest.

@BJP1991 I would just chill and do my own thing til the date, but that's just me. Hitting her up before that can come off impatient or desperate, especially since you're contemplating this so deeply like she's the only woman on earth and analyzing 5 words she said as if it's life or death. You might hit it off on the date, mention that pencil thing caught you off guard, and she may confess to not understanding the expression or maybe she'll say that's her test to see if guys come unglued. It's something to laugh at either way.

@Espi unless the connection is crazy I'm planning my dates out at least 4 or 5 days out cuz I make plans with friends and go on trips, set aside me time, etc.

 

[wifehunter]

'Pencil you in' = 'wait in line' = hoe

 

[guru1000]

Context is missing.

A girl can have amazingly high IL in you and when you ask for the date, it's more of a "<It's about time you asked!> Ya ... I think I can pencil you in."

Or it could just be that with low interest, "Hmm, ok ... I'll pencil you in."

Or "I hardly know you, I need more comfort, so ... I'll pencil you in."

The give away really is your uncertainty which prompted the thread to begin with. Follow that feeling as it's often correct. If she is interested, the context will rarely make you second-guess.

What would I do? I wouldn't do anything. But I'm lazy when it comes to women. Even a thought (for me) is too much effort lol

What I would recommend for you, then, is double- or triple-book a few dates for that night. If you cannot get dates, make other plans for the night and let the chips fall where they may. If she reaches out before then, build rapport. If she does not, that's fine too.

 

[Kotaix]

Just got this in response from a girl I met at the store today. We figured out an evening she was free, so I suggested a time and location and got back “I can pencil you in”.

Would you take this as a maybe response? Seems like it’s leaving the door open for a flake.

What’s an appropriate response, if any?

Her texts leading up to this told me she was free every night of the week and would be “down to meet anywhere”. So she seemed open to basically whatever I suggested - so I picked a bar close by my place.


This is for a date next week (1week +1day from today).

Tell her to draw you like one of her french boys. seriously.