“I can pencil you in”

[BJP1991]

Just got this in response from a girl I met at the store today. We figured out an evening she was free, so I suggested a time and location and got back “I can pencil you in”.

Would you take this as a maybe response? Seems like it’s leaving the door open for a flake.

What’s an appropriate response, if any?

Her texts leading up to this told me she was free every night of the week and would be “down to meet anywhere”. So she seemed open to basically whatever I suggested - so I picked a bar close by my place.


This is for a date next week (1week +1day from today).

 

[AttackFormation]

I don't consider whether a woman is likely to flake or not. I simply treat every date as if they will flake, which is half of the reason why I try to only set plans to go to places I would want to go anyway, and am always mentally prepared to drop or change my plans. I would recommend not concerning yourself with whether they flake, and just set up an automated system that works as if there is no date by default. After a while in the game, you just want to risk the minimum of time and energy on them until they stand out from the static noise.

I would just respond "all right", "great" or "cool", and put my mental gear into what I described above.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

Whether she says 'pencils you in' or 'pens you in' doesn't really matter. you're simply gauging her interest and having fun with it. say what you feel like saying. you don't draw her interest out directly by saying 'haha why not pen?' you draw her interest out indirectly by calling her bluff. 'sweet see you then'. you're qualifying HER, not the other way around. you want to be thinking 'i dare you not to show up.' see if she shows up and what SHE has to offer as the night goes on. you know you're hot shiit, so you got nothing to worry about and nothing to prove. if she's not impressed that's not your problem.

remember this should be enjoyable. don't be outcome focused. focus on having fun in the moment. if you're not having fun then quit wasting your time with her.

 

[Spaz]

We figured out an evening she was free, so I suggested a time and location and got back “I can pencil you in”.


What’s an appropriate response, if any?

The appropriate response is to respond with an equivalent of a "fvck you", choose something that's more appropriate for polite society.

Then dismiss her.

 

[backseatjuan]

so I picked a bar close by my place.

Excellent!

That girl whether on purpose or by accident said what we know about them already. Their plans are written in pencil. lol

I disagree with @Spaz cuz a) she's too available by saying she is free every night, and b) it's at a bar near you, you are in position of power somewhat.

Every date for her is a chance to dismiss your ass, it's not about drinks, it's to sht test you and see if she can cross you out with her pen. So given that she don't flake, you gotta knock her socks off, provide her with appropriate experience, so she wants more. I highly doubt she is going to flake, but there might be availability trap, something like let's do later. Not available, got sht to do later. You're not loosing anything at a bar near you. I go to bar near me for the funk of it every once in a while. If she pulls availability trap, drinks on her next time, if there is next time. And no, it's not a fck you, until she flakes..

Go for it.

 

[BJP1991]

Thanks.

At this point, I’m not going to change the date. I know 8 days is a long time, but I’ve done it before. I feel like changing the plans would be a loss of my frame and I’m moving into her frame instead. I do know she is free this Sunday, as she told me so already. I, however, will possibly be hungover as a rat in the Jack Daniels distillery on Sunday, so it may not be in my best interest.

Usually when I make a date for a week out, I’ll set the date in the initial text interaction. Then I’ll hit them up 3-4 days before the date, saying something like asking them if they like bar games (darts/pool/etc) and use their response to challenge them in a teasing way to some bar games on the night of the date. In the past, this worked well to either (1) keep the girl on the hook, and (2) find out early on if she’s going to flake so I can make new plans if necessary. It’s like a call-to-confirm, but I’m initiating it and reminding the girl why they should want to go on a date with me.

Thoughts on that strategy for when dates are more than 3-4 days out? Otherwise I’ve found it can go cold over that time, which is understandable.

 

[BJP1991]

Upon initially reading, I immediately sensed a red flag in this passage but I chose not to mention it, thinking you had secured a date.

Nothing to "figure out." Never ask them when they're free. Be a man and take the lead and tell them SPECIFICALLY when and where you want them to meet you. The ones who want to meet will readily accept, or they will readily counteroffer.

I don’t always agree with this. A lot of women I’ve found can sense you’re strong arming them and in our day in-age, it can be a turnoff. Just my experience with trying this method. It only works for me if I know they’ll be free on the day I choose

 

[sosousage]

reply "i can rubber you out"

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

I failed to see this upon my first read.

In my opinion you have no date.

This is also my personal opinion:

I never accept meetups longer than 3 days out.

Strictly my opinion here: Your accepting a date 8 days out is "beta" in a desparate kind of way, and also in my opinion there's a 1% chance that you'll actually end up meeting her in 8 days.

Never do that again. You lose every time. I realize there are exceptions but exceptions don't change the rules much. If they're willing to wait that long to see you then assume you are being merely toyed with.

Think of all the time that will go by between now and next week. Do you really think she's that excited about meeting you? You knew in your gut that 8 days is too long.

Now I get why you're doubtful and why you started this thread.

And you should be doubtful. Accepting a date more than 3 days out is almost always a lose-lose situation for the guy (NOT the girl).

Here is what I would do:

Call her tomorrow evening. If she answers ask how her day went. Listen 80% speak 20%. After 2-3 minutes of smalltalk (about her not you) say this:

"Good to hear. Well I called because I want to change our plans. I don't want to wait another week to see you. Will you meet me this SUN at _________?" Be SPECIFIC with the day time and place and in this case opt for a SUN aft meetup over a drink or coffee. Do NOT bend over backwards trying to impress her with a fancy date. A drink or coffee at a local bar or Starbucks is absolutely fine. Keep the agenda specific but simple and local and cheap. The key is to convey that you want to see her THIS WEEKEND.

If she doesn't answer the phone do NOT leave a VM. immediately follow up via text: "Hi there I just tried calling you. Call me back when/if you'd like."

If you get no call back then obviously you know there's no date. If she says she's too busy, etc. to meet this weekend then I would say this: "I understand no worries. I'm gonna pass on our date for next week. I just feel like it's a long time to see you and that you'll find someone else to meet." Then politely end the phone conversation by wishing her a good night.

I make dates a week plus out all the time. I'm a busy guy and women understand. Saying 'i just feel like youll find someone else to meet' is extremely weak behavior. You're literally telling her you're scared of the competition. You shouldn't care about the competition. If she meets someone else that doesn't mean she won't meet you. A woman will explore her options. Why try to tie her down before the first date? Remember YOU are qualifying/disqualifying her. If she flakes she flakes, big deal, there's millions of women that won't.

 

[Spaz]

Every single one of you that posted here sounds like a bunch of noobs.

Makes me wonder if any of you boys actually fvck regularly.

"I'll pencil you in" implies it can be erased.

"I'll pen you in" implies it's confirmed since it's "inked".

Which part of it do you guys don't understand?

OP, my earlier post suggest a dismissal.

Why?

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

@Spaz @stringpuller why are you two so scared of a little rejection? If she doesn't show what's the harm? OP will never get better without some rejection. Do you expect her to say 'ill tattoo that date on my body, you have my word!' ? What is the risk here? Why is the assumption instantly that she won't show?

OP when I'm getting ready to meet up I text something like 'finishing some things up and I'll probably be there a couple min early.' A girl that's gonna show will say something like 'me too just leaving the house ' but some girls send a simple 'k', it varies. This also gives her a chance to make up if she forgot. If you get nothing then she's probably flaking but it's still worth going out.

It's a qualifier text, it gives me more info about how she's showing up. Usually a day or two before the girl will send a confirmation text, which is a great sign. I've had great dates and a great time with girls that I initially thought wouldn't show. You'll be surprised at what you can pull.

A date is set, have a fun night, it really doesn't matter if she shows, you'll learn something either way. Your gut is telling you she might be a no show, so calibrate for that. Back up plan with the boys or a show you want to see. Best case scenario you're pleasantly surprised. Worst case you go out and have fun anyway.

@Spaz pencil means if something comes up it'll be moved or cancelled, it doesn't mean it's not on. A lot of women don't even understand these expressions and use them incorrectly.

 

[Epic Days]

LMAO. Sounds like her line “pencil you in” worked.

Good frame grab.

“Oh, so you DO know how to write words.” Might of got your frame on top.

 

[AttackFormation]

Laughable. You missed the mark. Its not about showing. Its about frame and not putting yours into her reality. No one is afraid. Ive walked through the rejection fire. Refined like gold. My frame is built from iron workers.
Not sure if your male or female but you sound like a girl.
OP got a rejection. Ill pencil you in is flake city. Some of you around here need to go back to square 1 and learn how to read womens language. All the masters wrote and taught this and its suprising that guys will ignore it. I took heed of it and its dividends are huge. The rest of what you said was like charlie browns teacher and im not wasting my time.

Thinking back, I dont think ive met up a single time with a woman who said something that boils down to "maybe". Even a yes is a flake.

Thats why i advise, until you are actually face to face with her, to think and behave as if they will flake by default and there is no date. Saves a lot of mental energy. Then just put your mind at ease and let whatever happens happen, No games or overthinking at all. I dunno what the big deal is with this topic, its really simple.

 

[BJP1991]

@Spaz pencil means if something comes up it'll be moved or cancelled, it doesn't mean it's not on. A lot of women don't even understand these expressions and use them incorrectly.

I legitimately believe a ton of people (not even women) use phrases like this without even considering what it actually means. I think it’s just a saying...or a colloquialism of sorts.

I just sent her “Sweet, see you then” and she replied wishing me a good day, saying it will be fun to get out.


Stringpuller - I know you say “OP got a rejection” but I don’t think it’s a rejection at this point

Regarding making plans sooner, I definitely would, but my weekend is already consumed by (1) another date, (2) a night with my friends to celebrate my new job, and (3) my personal hobby/interest I am committing to on Sunday. I simply won’t change my weekend plans for a girl I’ve barely even met. Why would a man do this...total loss of center for a woman I dont even know yet.

 

[jaymbrs]

She's just not trying to seem too eager. I say this all the time.

 

[Spaz]

@Spaz @stringpuller why are you two so scared of a little rejection? If she doesn't show what's the harm? OP will never get better without some rejection. Do you expect her to say 'ill tattoo that date on my body, you have my word!' ? What is the risk here? Why is the assumption instantly that she won't show?

OP when I'm getting ready to meet up I text something like 'finishing some things up and I'll probably be there a couple min early.' A girl that's gonna show will say something like 'me too just leaving the house ' but some girls send a simple 'k', it varies. This also gives her a chance to make up if she forgot. If you get nothing then she's probably flaking but it's still worth going out.

It's a qualifier text, it gives me more info about how she's showing up. Usually a day or two before the girl will send a confirmation text, which is a great sign. I've had great dates and a great time with girls that I initially thought wouldn't show. You'll be surprised at what you can pull.

A date is set, have a fun night, it really doesn't matter if she shows, you'll learn something either way. Your gut is telling you she might be a no show, so calibrate for that. Back up plan with the boys or a show you want to see. Best case scenario you're pleasantly surprised. Worst case you go out and have fun anyway.

@Spaz pencil means if something comes up it'll be moved or cancelled, it doesn't mean it's not on. A lot of women don't even understand these expressions and use them incorrectly.

Seems that you think I don't fvck on a weekly basis.

And it seems you think I don't have at least a minimum of 3 plates in rotation.

But somehow it seems we have neglected to train you properly.

 

[Spaz]

I legitimately believe a ton of people (not even women) use phrases like this without even considering what it actually means. I think it’s just a saying...or a colloquialism of sorts.

I just sent her “Sweet, see you then” and she replied wishing me a good day, saying it will be fun to get out.


Stringpuller - I know you say “OP got a rejection” but I don’t think it’s a rejection at this point

Regarding making plans sooner, I definitely would, but my weekend is already consumed by (1) another date, (2) a night with my friends to celebrate my new job, and (3) my personal hobby/interest I am committing to on Sunday. I simply won’t change my weekend plans for a girl I’ve barely even met. Why would a man do this...total loss of center for a woman I dont even know yet.

The phrase is commonly used in professional settings.

It's like when my PA schedules my appointments, she'll ask for my confirmation and I'll either say pencil or pen it in.

If its important like an MD that owns 600 units of heavy vehicles who wants to meet 2 weeks from now, then I'll say pen it in and she'll convey the message to him. (Note that this MD has influence/power over my response/decision).

If its an MD that owns only 3 units of heavy vehicles, I'll say pencil it in and she'll convey accordingly - in this case, if nothing more important comes along, I'll meet, but if someone else thats more important appears then I'll reschedule (Note that this MD has little influence/power over my response/decision).

Likewise in ur case, u r not "important" for her to fully commit on the date.

Note that she has all the influence/power and you none.

A man must project a position of power when he goes on a date.

Next time, just set a date and time, then ask her (or any women) to join you.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

Laughable. You missed the mark. Its not about showing. Its about frame and not putting yours into her reality. No one is afraid. Ive walked through the rejection fire. Refined like gold. My frame is built from iron workers.
Not sure if your male or female but you sound like a girl.
OP got a rejection. Ill pencil you in is flake city. Some of you around here need to go back to square 1 and learn how to read womens language. All the masters wrote and taught this and its suprising that guys will ignore it. I took heed of it and its dividends are huge. The rest of what you said was like charlie browns teacher and im not wasting my time.

You're projecting your own insecurities. OP has a date and time set. You're reading too far into what she said.

Seems that you think I don't fvck on a weekly basis.

And it seems you think I don't have at least a minimum of 3 plates in rotation.

But somehow it seems we have neglected to train you properly.

Weird flex but ok. Your plates could be women I'd never touch. Bringing up your count is irrelevant to this thread.

The phrase is commonly used in professional settings.

It's like when my PA schedules my appointments, she'll ask for my confirmation and I'll either say pencil or pen it in.

If its important like an MD that owns 600 units of heavy vehicles who wants to meet 2 weeks from now, then I'll say pen it in and she'll convey the message to him. (Note that this MD has influence/power over my response/decision).

If its an MD that owns only 3 units of heavy vehicles, I'll say pencil it in and she'll convey accordingly - in this case, if nothing more important comes along, I'll meet, but if someone else thats more important appears then I'll reschedule (Note that this MD has little influence/power over my response/decision).

Likewise in ur case, u r not "important" for her to fully commit on the date.

Note that she has all the influence/power and you none.

A man must project a position of power when he goes on a date.

Next time, just set a date and time, then ask her (or any women) to join you.

And if she doesn't know the proper use of the phrase all this goes out the window. Relax.

 

[BJP1991]

I don’t see her choice of words as a rejection, nor do I take it as her thinking I’m “not important enough” for the date...originally she told me she was open all weekend this weekend (Friday, Saturday, and Sunday)...I feel like a girl who isn’t that interested wouldn’t literally tell you they’re free for a date with you, all weekend long. Matter of fact is I’m not free this weekend - plain and simple.

I mean, she responded to my last text, saying it will be fun to go out. Pencil vs pen you-in is literally splitting hairs for the sake of splitting hairs at this point. What’s done is done, and that’s all over.


Sunday evening I happen to be more available. Perhaps I’ll hit her up tomorrow or Saturday and invite her to join me at a bar I like, which happens to be closer to where she lives at. This would be proposing a specific date/place/time on my terms/schedule, and not asking what hers is like. All else, I have a date planned for next Friday, and I’m still trying to meet and date other women, so whatever

 

[Spaz]

You're projecting your own insecurities. OP has a date and time set. You're reading too far into what she said.



Weird flex but ok. Your plates could be women I'd never touch. Bringing up your count is irrelevant to this thread.



And if she doesn't know the proper use of the phrase all this goes out the window. Relax.

Dude, I'm teaching the OP.

I'm not teaching you here.

If you and OP wishes to continue that path, it's fine by me.

I lose nothing.