Friend zone

[Poonstra]

I've recently broke up with my girlfriend, about two weeks ago. Wasting no time I already asked a couple of girls out.
Including this one woman. We've kissed about a year ago, initiated by her. She knew I had a girlfriend. A couple of days later I texted her but she pulled back.

So about a week ago I send another text, mentioned me being single, asked her out. This time, it is her who is taken, so she declined. She did say she liked the times we hung out, and felt a connection. She offered friendship.

I, of course, said no.

Looking back, I feel this was badly calibrated on my part. I want to try and avoid OLD this time. Our circles semi overlap, and when they do it's Friday/Saturday evening/night, so I'm pretty sure I'll run into her eventually. The last thing I need now is someone talking sh!t behind my back to ruin opportunities, even tho I don't thinks she's the type to do so.

Furthermore, one never knows what opportunities having her in my inner circle might bring.

I can always create distance if I don't like where things are going. Even tho I do like her, there are no feelings on my part, and I fine with her dating someone else.

Any one of you have experience with this? Do you keep women around whom can benefit you socially?

 

[Clockwerk50]

Kind of. In your situation, I would not initiate any texting with her. However, if she messages you first, I’d still keep it polite and friendly. In person, I’d do the same thing. What you’ll probably find is that the two of you may still flirt without progressing any further due to boundaries in place, unless things change with her new partner.

The last thing you want is to hold a grudge or create unnecessary animosity with someone who is still part of your social circle. From what you described, neither of you really did anything with bad intent. You made a move when you were single, she declined because she is currently seeing someone, and that’s pretty much it.

Just leave the door open without trying to force anything and talk to more girls.

 

[crowolf]

Just tell her you don't need to put things in frame, hang out and let it unfold, no pressure. Then vibe and have fun. No need to flirt hard with her, especially when she is not currently available.

So about a week ago I send another text, mentioned me being single, asked her out.

And don't sound needy like that.

 

[zekko]

Personally, I would have taken her up on her offer of friendship. Not only do you gain social proof, but it also keeps her in contact in case she breaks up with her boyfriend. This isn't an orbiting type of situation, because you know you have some sexual chemistry.

 

[BadBoy89]

Do you keep women around whom can benefit you socially?

If they are hot and on the younger side.

I ain’t keeping single mothers or older women around.

 

[Wizard66]

Personally, I would have taken her up on her offer of friendship. Not only do you gain social proof, but it also keeps her in contact in case she breaks up with her boyfriend. This isn't an orbiting type of situation, because you know you have some sexual chemistry.

It is more attractive to decline the friendship politely but leave the door open to change her mind if she becomes available later on. Accepting friendship can put you in the "he is just a friend" in her mind and once there, there is little escape.

 

[Prepostereax]

You don't have to do anything special here

We've kissed about a year ago, initiated by her. She knew I had a girlfriend

This is a chick who initiated on you, knowing that you had a gf at the time.

She may very well come onto you again when her current relationship is on the rocks give it some months.

Since your circles overlap, just "be normal"

But pursue other women in the meantime

 

[BackInTheGame78]

In this case, I think you probably could have taken her from whoever she is with.

A woman who finds you attractive and has a connection doesn't offer to hangout with you unless she wants something to happen, IMO

 

[Divorced w 3]

Personally, I would have taken her up on her offer of friendship. Not only do you gain social proof, but it also keeps her in contact in case she breaks up with her boyfriend. This isn't an orbiting type of situation, because you know you have some sexual chemistry.

I agree. Let her come to you and keep it low key. The boyfriend is going to hate it but that is their problem. It’s not really friendship. She is looking for an opportunity to monkey branch but she doesn’t want to say that part out loud. Just keep dating and she will see that and likely advance the situation herself.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I agree. Let her come to you and keep it low key. The boyfriend is going to hate it but that is their problem. It’s not really friendship. She is looking for an opportunity to monkey branch but she doesn’t want to say that part out loud. Just keep dating and she will see that and likely advance the situation herself.

Yeah this isn't the typical "friend zone" situation.

She is already interested in OP and he holds a lot more cards than in a normal friendzoned situation.

 

[Poonstra]

I'll give you guys an update.

A week after I posted this threat I send her another text, back paddling my no, explaining me being to rigid.
She said she was pleasantly surprised and did not expected this. She asked if we could meet.

In earlier communications I told her I was doing some renovating, so asked if she wanted to come over and look at my work and have some tea afterwards. She agreed.

On the day itself she cancels, told me she had to go see a doctor. I of course did not make a fuss, and expressed my hopes it wasn't to serious.

Eight days later she texts back, had an acute stomach infection, followed by her birthday. She asks if I have time the upcoming weekend.
I unfortunately did not, but offed the next weekend.

She said she wanted to have a stroll in the nearby woods. I said sure, why not, and also suggested we alternate who picks the activity.
So next time it's my turn to think of something.

That last text was seven days ago, so I'm waiting to hear something back from her. I consider this a neediness test.


In the mean time my ex came crawling back, so I smashed her a couple of times. And there's this cute 23-something cashier in my local supermarket, think I'll ask her for a drink this weekend.

edit: typo

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I'll give you guys an update.

A week after I posted this threat I send her another text, pack paddling my no, explaining me being to rigid.
She said she was pleasantly surprised and did not expected this. She asked if we could meet.

In earlier communications I told her I was doing some renovating, so asked if she wanted to come over and look at my work and have some tea afterwards. She agreed.

On the day itself she cancels, told me she had to go see a doctor. I of course did not make a fuss, and expressed my hopes it wasn't to serious.

Eight days later she texts back, had an acute stomach infection, followed by her birthday. She asks if I have time the upcoming weekend.
I unfortunately did not, but offed the next weekend.

She said she wanted to have a stroll in the nearby woods. I said sure, why not, and also suggested we alternate who picks the activity.
So next time it's my turn to think of something.

That last text was seven days ago, so I'm waiting to hear something back from her. I consider this a neediness test.


In the mean time my ex came crawling back, so I smashed her a couple of times. And there's this cute 23-something cashier in my local supermarket, think I'll ask her for a drink this weekend.

That's how you do it...you leave the door open and continue on your way...eventually she will walk through it once she situates things in her mind, she gets in a fight with her BF or she is just done with him.

Leave the ball in her court just like you have and don't text her again.

 

[Divorced w 3]

I'll give you guys an update.

A week after I posted this threat I send her another text, back paddling my no, explaining me being to rigid.
She said she was pleasantly surprised and did not expected this. She asked if we could meet.

In earlier communications I told her I was doing some renovating, so asked if she wanted to come over and look at my work and have some tea afterwards. She agreed.

On the day itself she cancels, told me she had to go see a doctor. I of course did not make a fuss, and expressed my hopes it wasn't to serious.

Eight days later she texts back, had an acute stomach infection, followed by her birthday. She asks if I have time the upcoming weekend.
I unfortunately did not, but offed the next weekend.

She said she wanted to have a stroll in the nearby woods. I said sure, why not, and also suggested we alternate who picks the activity.
So next time it's my turn to think of something.

That last text was seven days ago, so I'm waiting to hear something back from her. I consider this a neediness test.


In the mean time my ex came crawling back, so I smashed her a couple of times. And there's this cute 23-something cashier in my local supermarket, think I'll ask her for a drink this weekend.

edit: typo

Very smooth bro. Good work.

 

[sevbucmash]

Look man, when you have girlfriend or better yet married, you are valuable. Much more valuable than single. This value naturally attracts women. When you told her you were single, you removed all appeal she had for you. There is nothing you can do at this point. It's not recoverable.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Look man, when you have girlfriend or better yet married, you are valuable. Much more valuable than single. This value naturally attracts women. When you told her you were single, you removed all appeal she had for you. There is nothing you can do at this point. It's not recoverable.

Seems like a pretty silly take. If this was true, nobody would ever date anyone because most people are single when they meet each other.

 

[BaronOfHair]

@Poonstra "Do you keep women around whom can benefit you socially?"

Keep around everyone who can benefit you in some way

 

[BadBoy89]

Look man, when you have girlfriend or better yet married, you are valuable. Much more valuable than single. This value naturally attracts women.

True. Financially, Morally, Legally, and Socially committing to ONE forever, being her bodyguard, being her bank,, having sex on her schedule, not being able to sex with any other women, and giving her a cheque for 51% of your assets if she wants out makes a man more valuable than being free and living on his own terms.

When you told her you were single, you removed all appeal she had for you. There is nothing you can do at this point. It's not recoverable.

Again true. If a man wants to attract a young women, he should tell her he has a wife. That will turn her on.