Your Take On Friendships?

[crowolf]

This thread is not about women.

But it's about something as important.

It's quite well-known that the quality of the relationships we have with people around us is essential for our well-being, health, mental health, and our overall experience of enjoying life.

And a lot is being talked in the recent years about male loneliness. Covid surely had an effect on that, too.

My question is the following: What is your experience with having stable friendships? Where/how did they form? Is it anything you can plan and build, or it just happens when you go through your life (of course, "your life" including enough socializing)?

I've had periods of extreme self-isolation. It helped me get to know myself, build skills, learn stuff, etc. Yet there always was a void, that only other people could fill. However, in the past 3 years I have been very social and outgoing. Now I can feel even more when I need human contact.

And lately I've been disappointed by my friendships. I've became more cynical because I saw that the people I saw as friends, were more egoistical than I thought. It seems like everyone is purely chasing their own interest, and even if you have been loyal and valuable, once they achieve their goal, you are no longer needed, and quickly discarded.

One other thing I notice - there have been so many envious guys around me. I don't brag, and I am rather humble by nature, yet there is always envy around me. Probably has to do with shadow work. I am curious if anyone also has this experience.

What is your take on friendships? Is everything nowadays really about value exchange?

(I hope this thread belongs to this subforum.)

 

[Mike32ct]

I always met friends from work. Two women and one dude. But they were friendships that “just happened.” They came after me. I don’t really know how to make more friends myself organically.

Here are two observations on friends I made:

1. Avoid “second hand friends” (someone you only know through a mutual friend). They are only nice to you out of respect to your mutual friend. They are ok as acquaintances, but they typically don’t give a shyte about you personally. You need your own primary friends that would hang out with you one on one (and not depend on a third party).

2. While a lot of guy friends have good intentions as far as hanging out, in my experience, making specific, actionable plans with them can feel like pulling teeth. They want to debate it to death. They want to discuss schedules, cost, how busy or slow the venue or destination might be, how many star rating(s) it has, and then they want to think about it more and text you next week to “finalize” the plans. Then it’s crickets.

2a. My experience with women friends is “Mike, you wanna meet at xyz on Thursday at 7pm?” I say yes, and it’s a done deal. No debates or wishy washy-ness at all. We don’t need to discuss it again. Her car is pulling into the parking lot at 6:55 pm.

 

[Gamisch]

Welcome to the journey of becoming a BOSS.

Friends are an illusion, just like Disney love is. There can definitely be acquaintances, legal or non legal . Because a lotta men dream about having big army like alliances, but those exist with strict rules and harsh punishments.

As über muppet Ye said in his hit song with maroon5 , "everything happens for a reason, and people in life will be like seasons ( or something like that).

Friends are seasons. A friend today can dissappear tomorrow for any reason. Thats why you gotta build your castle solo, brick by brick and be both the king and the guard.

Be your own best friend dont count on anyone to be trustworthy.

 

[Gamisch]

And to add to my previous post( you know I'm typing with a brush in my hand after the regular 7 to 4 job right?)

A friend , or even a family member can be a weakness in your armor. Thats why I've learned to keep people at armslenght ,only allowing them closer when its called upon and always incrementally.

I used to be in al kinds of " blood brother " type bs alliances. Eventually most ended up crazy, dead or in jail or beta'd iut completely by buying women overseas...nah I'm good. My days are spent either on growing and grinding, or taking care of my family.

Women dont even care..most women also have no real friends, and even then, a weak friend will also diminish your presence when it comes to women. You can literally wake up everyday selling a new dream to a new woman.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

My best friend is someone from my hood that I have been best friends with since I was 12-13 years old.

I don't see or talk to him in person a lot due to our busy lives and him being all over the place with his kids sports teams pretty much year round, but we still hang out here and there and text a few times a week at least.

But we both know if anything is ever needed both of us would be there no questions asked for the other and we both had situations that required it in the past...I let him stay with me a few nights while him and his wife were patching things up and we talked for hours about what the plan was and what he wanted (they worked things out and it made sense based on what was going on, so I judged him in that direction).

I also sought his advice on some issues with a girlfriend a few times and he gave me a lot of useful things to think about that I wasn't seeing.

Best thing is, we have known each other for so long that neither of us pulls punches. If the other person says something dumb we just call them out and then laugh about it.

That's what being a great friend is...it doesn't mean you see them a lot, but it means when you need them they are there and you know you can count on them.

 

[Scaramouche]

Hi Gamish,
"I'm typing with a brush in my hand",How you keep your phone clean amazes me LOL

 

[jhonny9546]

Friends are seasons. A friend today can dissappear tomorrow for any reason. Thats why you gotta build your castle solo, brick by brick and be both the king and the guard.

I do not agree.
If you're a unique man, in your moral and values, you will find out most people are garbage, but also that 2 or 3 of them you might call brothers for life.

That's what real friends are.

 

[Gamisch]

I do not agree.
If you're a unique man, in your moral and values, you will find out most people are garbage, but also that 2 or 3 of them you might call brothers for life.

That's what real friends are.

At any given moment a "friend for life " can meet a woman on the other side of town, the country or even the world and as a "real friend " you ought to celebrate such a move. Thats leaves you with one...

The other one can simply change as people seldom remain the same person ober decades. He can both outgrow you or deteriorate as a person

You can still call them brothers, but your interests dont align anymore. Thats why HUGE part of becoming the best version of yourself exists out of becoming SELF SUFFICIENT, also for your emotional well-being.

You'll see ... .

 

[jhonny9546]

At any given moment a "friend for life " can meet a woman on the other side of town, the country or even the world and as a "real friend " you ought to celebrate such a move. Thats leaves you with one...

The other one can simply change as people seldom remain the same person ober decades. He can both outgrow you or deteriorate as a person

You can still call them brothers, but your interests dont align anymore. Thats why HUGE part of becoming the best version of yourself exists out of becoming SELF SUFFICIENT, also for your emotional well-being.

You'll see ... .

I'm with you mate, don't get me wrong.

BUt for sure there are people who you can call friends.

 

[BaronOfHair]

@crowolf "What is your take on friendships?"

High quality ones necessitate that we do more than dance around in a f-cking fountain while insipid pop music plays in the background

 

[KevinRyman22]

I've had many friend groups in my life.. at different times and seasons of my life, and always made new friends..

So I understand its not that hard to make new friends-- its just hard to make new friends who are also like-minded and to keep them--especially when they are not likeminded or not the same age.

I think having good friends is more valuable than money, women, and everything else besides family and health.. Our ability to socialize and having a good friend circle is our #1 predicator of happiness.

 

[BadBoy89]

If you're a unique man, in your moral and values, you will find out most people are garbage, but also that 2 or 3 of them you might call brothers for life.

That's what real friends are.

What do having morals and values have to do with friendship? You equate things that have nothing to do with each other.

 

[jhonny9546]

What do having morals and values have to do with friendship? You equate things that have nothing to do with each other.

Relationship is just a term.
You can either have friend or romantic one.