Not Ready

[Xclemz]

There's a girl I wanted to date a few months ago. When I told her that I wanted her, she gave me the "I'm not ready for a relationship" rejection. A few days later she asked me if I was mad at her since I had gone silent. My reply was that I wasn't mad. It's been a few months and I can't seem to get her out of my head.

Recently I started reading The Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi and I've gone throught the plate theory,but I don't know how to begin.

 

[jhonny9546]

Look like she is playing some game with you.

Ask her out again, to have some time togheter to relax.


If she turn that down again, post what she said here, and what she does too.

 

[The Duke]

I would never recommend telling a woman you want to date her, be in a relationship, be her boyfriend, etc. Your job is always to seduce her and have sex. If you seduce her properly then she will drop all sorts of hints that she wants a relationship with you and might even be straight forward about it. Seeking a realtionship is her job, not yours.

When you push for the relationship you come across as needy and not masculine and give all your power away.

 

[Clockwerk50]

She just was not into you. Maybe she was asking if you were ok since she did not want to hurt your feelings, maybe felt guilty or responsible. You have to remember, women are conflict-avoidant.

Either way, you are still thinking about her due to a lack of abundance, which can cause oneitis, which you may have. Oneitis is basically brainwashing yourself into thinking that there aren't other girls like her.

Nonetheless, the best way to have an abundance mentality is to have an abundance of options. You can start by getting out of your comfort zone and interacting with more women. You need to experience rejection for yourself and realize that it is not the end of the world, and that there are always more women and opportunities out there.

 

[Sega Genesis]

There's a girl I wanted to date a few months ago. When I told her that I wanted her, she gave me the "I'm not ready for a relationship" rejection. A few days later she asked me if I was mad at her since I had gone silent. My reply was that I wasn't mad. It's been a few months and I can't seem to get her out of my head.

Recently I started reading The Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi and I've gone throught the plate theory,but I don't know how to begin.

What do you mean you told her that "you wanted her"? What did you say? Did you actually tell her you wanted a relationship before ever even having a date with her? If so, stop doing that.

Assuming you never actually dated her and only wanted to as your post stated, her response "not ready for a relationship" could mean anything, women say all sorts of things in the moment and when taken by surprise by what a man says.

Try to not take everything a girl says so seriously or give too much meaning/value to it.

Some things yes, but not this, not yet. You had never even had a date with her unless there is some additional context you haven't shared. Is there?

Anyway....

Instead of taking her response as rejection, you could've had some fun with it and confidently said "not looking for a relationship, how about a drink"? Lol Said in a playful or even c0cky way? It's all in the delivery.

Anytime you can make a new girl smile or laugh, be c0cky/funny in a playful way, you score points.

Start there.

$.02

 

[Xclemz]

@Sega Genesis I actually knew her from a club we're part of. I actually realize my mistake because the day I told I wanted her was the first "real date" I had with her. So, yeah, maybe I was just too desperate. At the time I'm sure I was an AFC but now I'm in the process of unplugging.

 

[Xclemz]

@Sega Genesis I actually knew her from a club we're part of. I actually realize my mistake because the day I told I wanted her was the first "real date" I had with her. So, yeah, maybe I was just too desperate. At the time I'm sure I was an AFC but now I'm in the process of unplugging.

Let me give the full context of the rejection. After stating my intentions she was caught off guard. At first she said "the timing is off". Then she asked me if I would date someone I don't know, to which I replied that it doesn't make sense to do so (I took it as literally not knowing someone). She told me that I don't know how she reacts when she's angry and all that stuff. Then she said that since her bestie is in the club too, and if the girl's response was yes, at some point she would tell her bestie about our involvement, and she also didn't want other club members finding out, that's when she ended up with the "not ready". I'm still a part of that club but not actively.
@Clockwerk50 @The Duke @jhonny9546

 

[zekko]

I would never recommend telling a woman you want to date her, be in a relationship, be her boyfriend, etc. Your job is always to seduce her and have sex. If you seduce her properly then she will drop all sorts of hints that she wants a relationship with you and might even be straight forward about it. Seeking a realtionship is her job, not yours.

I've been coming around to the idea that the one thing a girl won't forgive is if you love her. Unless she decides she loves you first, of course.

 

[CornbreadFed]

Have y’all fvcked? It no then move on. If yes then pull back and give her space. However, you spilled your feelings so it’s most likely over.

 

[BPH]

First of all, @The Duke already posted the right answer.

"I'm not ready for a relationship"

Second, when a woman gives you a rejection like this, assume she doesn't want these things with YOU. Because if she were interested enough, she wouldn't have an excuse.

That said, what's your goal here? Are you asking how to get started spinning plates, or do you want some sort of outcome with this woman?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

This is what happens when you have no options.

 

[BaronOfHair]

@Xclemz "My reply was that I wasn't mad. It's been a few months and I can't seem to get her out of my head"

Head for the jungles of Peru, give ayahuasca a whirl

 

[Xclemz]

First of all, @The Duke already posted the right answer.



Second, when a woman gives you a rejection like this, assume she doesn't want these things with YOU. Because if she were interested enough, she wouldn't have an excuse.

That said, what's your goal here? Are you asking how to get started spinning plates, or do you want some sort of outcome with this woman?

I want to know how to start spinning plates.

 

[BPH]

I want to know how to start spinning plates.

Go to the gym. Get on the dating apps. Go out late at night on the weekends to popular bars/clubs near you. Then start approaching women.

 

[Sega Genesis]

I want to know how to start spinning plates.

OP, I assume you mean you'd appreciate some pointers on how to get from point A (the approach) to point B (a date) to point C (seduction) to point D (sex)?

Should be easy enough for an experienced guy to answer, I'm female and gave my opinion earlier.

P.S. Watch some videos from reputable coaches, there are a couple of threads now that include some good ones.

AG Hayden is a good one imo. You can also find him on YouTube as well as others.

Good luck man...

 

[BPH]

P.S. Watch some videos from reputable coaches, there are a couple of threads now that include some good ones.

AG Hayden is a good one imo. You can also find him on YouTube as well as others.

Good luck man...

I would suggest against this, for reasons pointed out in this thread: https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/good-conversational-skills-flirting-on-video.286625/

Just go out, suck for a little while, then come back here once you figure out why you suck, so we can help you suck less.

 

[Sega Genesis]

I would suggest against this, for reasons pointed out in this thread: https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/good-conversational-skills-flirting-on-video.286625/

Just go out, suck for a little while, then come back here once you figure out why you suck, so we can help you suck less.

@Cheeky_James modified his opinion on that since his initial post. After @nicksaiz65 recommended and uploaded a good one and CJ found some others on his own.

We just had a conversation about two different coaches/videos. One good, one not so good in both of our opinions.

To be used as a guide not followed to the letter.

I personally think exposing oneself to all the source material you can - books, videos, online material (Pook, Anti-Dump) perhaps even what you coach in your videos BPH - is helpful.

As a woman I did, different source material geared towards women and found some of it helpful and some of it garbage. I used as a guide while having real life experiences.

What you just suggested is fine too. Experiment with different aporoaches/styles, make mistakes and learn from such mistakes and experiences, get out there and try again.

 

[plumber]

I actually knew her from a club we're part of.

Do you socially hang out with the guys from this club sometimes ? If not is it possible to do ? If not, join another club.

there is roughly two catagory of learning.

1. how to generally get along with and socialise with anyone (men/women/all).

2. how to escalate with women.

#2 it is much easier after knowing how to #1. do you need help with #1 also or only #2 ?

 

[Clockwerk50]

Let me give the full context of the rejection. After stating my intentions she was caught off guard. At first she said "the timing is off". Then she asked me if I would date someone I don't know, to which I replied that it doesn't make sense to do so (I took it as literally not knowing someone). She told me that I don't know how she reacts when she's angry and all that stuff. Then she said that since her bestie is in the club too, and if the girl's response was yes, at some point she would tell her bestie about our involvement, and she also didn't want other club members finding out, that's when she ended up with the "not ready". I'm still a part of that club but not actively.
@Clockwerk50 @The Duke @jhonny9546

I am going to be frank, I did not understand anything that you just wrote. Regardless, as I wrote in my original post, women can be conflict-avoidant, and her giving you all these explanations is simply her rationalizing her decision, absolving herself of any guilt, and changing her perception of the situation to make herself feel more innocent about not wanting to go out with you. In other words, this is a prime example of what is commonly referred to as “hamstering.” At the end of the day, it is someone else's fault.

Look at it this way. If you were the most desirable bachelor in your group and all the women wanted your attention, it would be a privilege for her to go out with you, and she would probably find a way to make it happen despite the circumstances. You would become her trophy and something to brag about. Since that is not the case, you are not creating that same sense of desirability in her mind, and she has no reason to see you as an opportunity she might miss out on.

 

[SpartanWarrior77]

I would never recommend telling a woman you want to date her, be in a relationship, be her boyfriend, etc. Your job is always to seduce her and have sex. If you seduce her properly then she will drop all sorts of hints that she wants a relationship with you and might even be straight forward about it. Seeking a realtionship is her job, not yours.

When you push for the relationship you come across as needy and not masculine and give all your power away.

trying this now in a more traditional society, im a hardcore player and i agree with ur mentality when in the US, and some parts of europe but here, it doesn't work. The higher value/more attractive women do not "play" much, i have to date them exclusively before they put out, but in the end, it kind of comes down to the same thing cuz im not putting a ring on it before marriage, but it is more GF/BF