Is approaching directly ridiculous or better?

[nelysses]

When I see a girl (in real life, maybe in a cafe or library etc.) is it better to be direct or indirect?

So if there is nothing I can talk about, should I just see her and say that I like her and try my luck? Or would that be ridiculous? Also, if I do this in a small circle, there is a chance that my name will come out.

Sometimes I have no other choice with girls that I can only see once, but for example if we work at the same place or if I can see her once a week, should I approach indirectly? If I see someone on social media, I start conversation by responding to their story. My question here is for real life.

 

[corrector]

I am making an effort to connect with women out there. I'd focus on women like cashiers, working around a place, and try to push the envelope in a social way so that it's not completely business and gives her a chance to say something "out of script" if she wants to, etc....

You have to test a girl's energy first. I'm taking baby steps. I spoke to like six lady cashiers yesterday and two of them responded nicely and one of the two had a great response that I could have made something more of it, if I had the bandwith to go further.

Mind you..I'm low energy and don't feel like doing anything. I've tried staying away from self-check out aisles and just focusing on talking to as many woman that are working at a store as possible (within bounds of what I'm intending to do there of course).

My assumption is that because I'm talking to a woman in the first place, then interest is already communicated.

I've spoken to women from social media as well. Normally they are just short chats as I don't have much bandwith to go further.

The first question is how much bandwith do you have with your studies to get serious with this? I'm assuming you must have more than I do since you are younger and don't have as many life obligations to worry about as your age. So you should get good at this faster.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

If there is nothing you can talk about you need to work on your social skills first and foremost.

Learn how to carry on a conversation with anyone at anytime about anything.

That's the first thing you should start working on.

 

[BPH]

Holy f*** dude, how have you still learned nothing?

 

[Travel memoir21]

Nelyses, Go to ChatGPT and ask it to design a personal 8 Week Social skills bootcamp for yourself. Like for example you can ask it from Week 1 you say hi to any strangers you approach, then week 2 you say hi and then how are you doing?, then week 3 you say hi how are you doing and give a compliment you like about that person etc. I suggest you do a personal social skills bootcamp for yourself pronto

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

Holy f*** dude, how have you still learned nothing?

I was gonna ask you the same question, lil fella.

 

[BPH]

I was gonna ask you the same question, lil fella.

I've got Alzheimer's, just like your target audience.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

When I see a girl (in real life, in maybe in a cafe or library etc.) is it better to be direct or indirect?

So if there is nothing I can talk about, should I just see her and say that I like her and try my luck? Or would that be ridiculous? Also, if I do this in a small circle, there is a chance that my name will come out.

Sometimes I have no other choice with girls that I can only see once, but for example if we work at the same place or if I can see her once a week, should I approach indirectly? If I see someone on social media, I start conversation by responding to their story. My question here is for real life.

Direct

 

[Clockwerk50]

I've got Alzheimer's, just like your target audience.

@We_ArE_VeNOM is always getting his penis wet.
l

 

[corrector]

Nelyses, Go to ChatGPT and ask it to design a personal 8 Week Social skills bootcamp for yourself. Like for example you can ask it from Week 1 you say hi to any strangers you approach, then week 2 you say hi and then how are you doing?, then week 3 you say hi how are you doing and give a compliment you like about that person etc. I suggest you do a personal social skills bootcamp for yourself pronto

This. In my previous post I also used ChatGPT and it has basically directed me for what it calls a tier 1, tier 2 and tier 3 social movements.

I'm working on tier 1 but have seen a little improvment, but still get tonge-tied and hesitant on tier 1s. (ie that's where you are trying to get the work-mode or the thing that makes you not want to talk to girls and stay in the comfort-zone shell, and say something to match the energy you are feeling but strong enough to test the other girl's energy) If the girl has a strong energy or response then you can take it to another level.

This approach is a bit more subtle than a bootcamp and is designed to worm it's way into someone's daily interactions in general without having to go out of the way to cold approach anyone. The demand is that while you are going about your day to day tasks, get face to face with more women.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Depends heavily upon the nature of your approach, hombre. Employing tactics along THESE LINES

Will likely have you bunking and mating with Danny Masterson or Wayne Williams, rather than Miss Universe

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

@We_ArE_VeNOM is always getting his penis wet.
View attachment 14240 l

It was what it was .

 

[nelysses]

If there is nothing you can talk about you need to work on your social skills first and foremost.

Learn how to carry on a conversation with anyone at anytime about anything.

That's the first thing you should start working on.

Yes, this is actually the real problem. This is not just about the girl, it is a problem in general.

I only open my mouth when I am very comfortable, and they say I can talk a lot.

Apart from that, I have a hard time in general.

Nelyses, Go to ChatGPT and ask it to design a personal 8 Week Social skills bootcamp for yourself. Like for example you can ask it from Week 1 you say hi to any strangers you approach, then week 2 you say hi and then how are you doing?, then week 3 you say hi how are you doing and give a compliment you like about that person etc. I suggest you do a personal social skills bootcamp for yourself pronto

I can do that things. I have a problem with starting and continue conversation. Because there is not an topic. So there's nothing I must to say.
I can be a speaker at a presentation attended by a few hundred people because those people come to listen to me. But I can't speak to random people because they are there spontaneously at that moment.

Holy f*** dude, how have you still learned nothing?

My Friend, please read this long message.
You don't know who I am, where I live or what I experience.
When I tried what I saw on this site before, I was also thought to be a harasser. But the "fear of your sexuality" ideas on this site helped me lose my virginity.

I am 22 years old. I am learning it late. Also, the main problem is not girls but my sociality. I can't go and start a conversation with someone. If it is a very close friend, I talk a lot, if not, I can't talk at all.

For these reasons, people started not taking me seriously.

It looks ridiculous and very lame, doesn't it? But a while ago, I was a speaker at a medical conference with hundreds of people. So rest assured, I am more than the lame person you think. I just write the negative things in my mind on this site and seek help. And almost all of these are related to sociality.

Because I repeat, I grew up with computers for years and my sociality is not good.

As for the girl from last year. I no longer have the chance to see her face to face. I don't write on social media, but how will I see her, do you think? Yes, I won't. So sometimes I think I need to change your mind because these days these things are going on social media. Especially if you are in a place like me.

I am always in the same hospital. When I talk to 3 people face to face from the hospital, I get the impression that he is "trying to talk to every girl". And none of the girls like the result.

This happened 2 years ago. I don't want it to happen again. And I am asking my questions here.

I am grateful for you trying to help me. I also really want to hear your ideas. Because I realized that as a man I need to get rid of my passivity and cowardice.
But if I can't bench press 150 kg tomorrow, you can't expect me to be perfect all of a sudden.

So I am asking you, if you are not going to help, please don't sabotage my process.
So if you have a suggestion, I want to hear it, but I have to shape it according to where I live and myself. Different dynamics..
There are situations like when he told me to go out and talk to girls and I learned that there were only 2 streets where I lived and 2 of the last 5 people I talked to were friends. D
So I can't do everything at once. For example, I can't go and find a pub. Because there isn't one.

By the way, doctors really thought I was autistic when I was little I don't know but I'm still laughing too.

 

[BPH]

My Friend, please read this long message.

No, I won't, because you're just coming up with excuses.

You look for every possible way to avoid direct contact with women. Message on Instagram, texting, responding to their stories, etc.

You're only 22 - none of your failures today matter, and you are the only one who will care about them.

Stop being such a damn pu**y and hit on the girls you like, and see what happens, then adjust from there. Stop wondering "what if" because you'd rather send a message on Instagram than tell a girl you think she's cute.

Reading your posts legitimately pisses me off sometimes because you are making the same mistakes and asking the same questions every time:

"How do I get this girl without talking to this girl"

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Yes, this is actually the real problem. This is not just about the girl, it is a problem in general.

I only open my mouth when I am very comfortable, and they say I can talk a lot.

Apart from that, I have a hard time in general.

I can do that things. I have a problem with starting and continue conversation. Because there is not an topic. So there's nothing I must to say.
I can be a speaker at a presentation attended by a few hundred people because those people come to listen to me. But I can't speak to random people because they are there spontaneously at that moment.

My Friend, please read this long message.
You don't know who I am, where I live or what I experience.
When I tried what I saw on this site before, I was also thought to be a harasser. But the "fear of your sexuality" ideas on this site helped me lose my virginity.

I am 22 years old. I am learning it late. Also, the main problem is not girls but my sociality. I can't go and start a conversation with someone. If it is a very close friend, I talk a lot, if not, I can't talk at all.

For these reasons, people started not taking me seriously.

It looks ridiculous and very lame, doesn't it? But a while ago, I was a speaker at a medical conference with hundreds of people. So rest assured, I am more than the lame person you think. I just write the negative things in my mind on this site and seek help. And almost all of these are related to sociality.

Because I repeat, I grew up with computers for years and my sociality is not good.

As for the girl from last year. I no longer have the chance to see her face to face. I don't write on social media, but how will I see her, do you think? Yes, I won't. So sometimes I think I need to change your mind because these days these things are going on social media. Especially if you are in a place like me.

I am always in the same hospital. When I talk to 3 people face to face from the hospital, I get the impression that he is "trying to talk to every girl". And none of the girls like the result.

This happened 2 years ago. I don't want it to happen again. And I am asking my questions here.

I am grateful for you trying to help me. I also really want to hear your ideas. Because I realized that as a man I need to get rid of my passivity and cowardice.
But if I can't bench press 150 kg tomorrow, you can't expect me to be perfect all of a sudden.

So I am asking you, if you are not going to help, please don't sabotage my process.
So if you have a suggestion, I want to hear it, but I have to shape it according to where I live and myself. Different dynamics..
There are situations like when he told me to go out and talk to girls and I learned that there were only 2 streets where I lived and 2 of the last 5 people I talked to were friends. D
So I can't do everything at once. For example, I can't go and find a pub. Because there isn't one.

By the way, doctors really thought I was autistic when I was little I don't know but I'm still laughing too.

This is a learned skill. I used to be similar to you where I wouldn't say anything unless I was comfortable in the environment as I am an introvert.

However, this is something you can work on and improve. I ended up having a job in sales and I had to learn how to talk to people or I didn't eat. So I learned pretty quickly and also read various books like Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People" which helped tremendously at getting good at little things that made big differences.

Eventually I got to the point that I can start up conversations with anyone, anywhere about anything. And the goal of these interactions should be to always leave someone in a better place than they were that day before you spoke to them.

Most people live fairly mundane lives and quite a few are miserable in their life. They seek out those who make them feel better about themselves. It doesn't cost anything to be kind to someone other than a few minutes of your time.

 

[nelysses]

No, I won't, because you're just coming up with excuses.

You look for every possible way to avoid direct contact with women. Message on Instagram, texting, responding to their stories, etc.

You're only 22 - none of your failures today matter, and you are the only one who will care about them.

Stop being such a damn pu**y and hit on the girls you like, and see what happens, then adjust from there. Stop wondering "what if" because you'd rather send a message on Instagram than tell a girl you think she's cute.

Reading your posts legitimately pisses me off sometimes because you are making the same mistakes and asking the same questions every time:

"How do I get this girl without talking to this girl"

First of all, I apologize if I said something wrong. I used Google Translate for this.

I did this before. And I'll say it again. "he tries to talk to everyone" is a name that I got. And for the past 2 years everyone looked at me like I had the plague.

Now when I figured it out you're telling me that I have to go and talk to girls again. I'm in the hospital all day because of school. If I do this in the hospital, I get a name. But when I go out of the hospital at the evenings, there are only cafes. That's why I opened this thread. Because it feels weird to go and say hello to a girl sitting in a cafe with a few friends.

Also, I can't keep the conversation going. Being direct is very easy for me. But I can't have indirect conversations. Because I can't open topics. As I wrote above, if it is clear what I need to say, I can go and say it. But if I am going to separate that issue, I remain silent.
I invited a girl for a drink at the library before. She said she had a boyfriend and that was it. In the end, it was clear what I had to say and I did it. But when I speak directly, I feel like I'll be rejected.

The real problem is not girls, is my socializing. Even my friends say that I'm very talkative in messages but colder in person.

 

[nelysses]

This is a learned skill. I used to be similar to you where I wouldn't say anything unless I was comfortable in the environment as I am an introvert.

However, this is something you can work on and improve. I ended up having a job in sales and I had to learn how to talk to people or I didn't eat. So I learned pretty quickly and also read various books like Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People" which helped tremendously at getting good at little things that made big differences.

Eventually I got to the point that I can start up conversations with anyone, anywhere about anything. And the goal of these interactions should be to always leave someone in a better place than they were that day before you spoke to them.

Most people live fairly mundane lives and quite a few are miserable in their life. They seek out those who make them feel better about themselves. It doesn't cost anything to be kind to someone other than a few minutes of your time.

At this point, I was actually curious about something. I read the book you mentioned. I used to be an angry person with many red lines. After reading this book, I started to approach people very openly, praise them, etc. Now I get along better with people but sometimes I feel like a people pleaser. And people don't pay attention to me as much as they used to. Have you ever experienced something similar?

By the way I will be talk with books for 2 years Still studying med.

 

[BPH]

First of all, I apologize if I said something wrong. I used Google Translate for this.

I did this before. And I'll say it again. "he tries to talk to everyone" is a name that I got. And for the past 2 years everyone looked at me like I had the plague.

Now when I figured it out you're telling me that I have to go and talk to girls again. I'm in the hospital all day because of school. If I do this in the hospital, I get a name. But when I go out of the hospital at the evenings, there are only cafes. That's why I opened this thread. Because it feels weird to go and say hello to a girl sitting in a cafe with a few friends.

Also, I can't keep the conversation going. Being direct is very easy for me. But I can't have indirect conversations. Because I can't open topics. As I wrote above, if it is clear what I need to say, I can go and say it. But if I am going to separate that issue, I remain silent.
I invited a girl for a drink at the library before. She said she had a boyfriend and that was it. In the end, it was clear what I had to say and I did it. But when I speak directly, I feel like I'll be rejected.

The real problem is not girls, is my socializing. Even my friends say that I'm very talkative in messages but colder in person.

The answer to all your problems is to just talk to more girls.

At work, at the gym, at the beach, at the bar, wherever.

Talk to more girls, you'll find more girls who will like you, and you won't care about the ones who don't.

It's really that simple.