Dream Girl Reeling Back, looking for some advice

[Avidus]

Hey fam. So I have spent the last year drastically improving my game. I have come along ways and I feel confident to say I know what Im looking for in terms of when a girl is actually special and when she is just another basic chick that I'm looking to ****. I say that, because my feelings toward this girl is that she is someone I could actually date to marry. I feel confident she isn't just another basic chick, just from my experience.

Anyways, We have been on 4 dates, last date we were studying, ended up alone, and then had sex. We talked about how much we like each other, and she made it apparent she is head over heals for me. So, I start calling her babe, my girl, whatever. And honestly, it was against my intuition. After that last date, I mentioned to her she should come over and spend the night. She ends up telling me no and says she needs to get sleep. Next day, I say some **** word for word: "Also, I hope you don't have a problem with me calling you "babe" or "my girl" consistently. Its kinda my thing ". I attached the next couple messages between us.

Anyways after this, I cant help but feel she is telling me to chill a bit. Slow it down. So first of all, do you think I am right? Second of all, lets say I am right? How do I best bounce back? Whats a good message to respond with?

A part of how I even got this girl was by just focusing on me. Making me and my goals #1. Barely texting her back, only hitting her up for dates, whatever. Now we are kinda just talking about **** day to day. Honestly I dont love it. I can tell my guard is coming down and my losing focus...

Also, this girl isn't just some slut or whatever. She is very religious and doesn't do hook ups (supposedly). Only sex in relationships, but just typing that I feel like its bull****. But whatever. thanks for the help. Much love

 

[BaronOfHair]

"I say that, because my feelings toward this girl is that she is someone I could actually date to marry...

Anyways, We have been on 4 dates..."

You've decided she's long-term/possible marriage material, after 4 dates?

 

[Bingo-Player]

Just a classic case of too much too fast

She has to fall for you whilst thinking you could leave her at any time

It cannot be equal & logical " I like you / you like me "........ female mind doesn't operate like this

Females are brilliant at reading between the lines and analysing the subtext of your messages this is why so many guys get ghosted

Your messages and frame are weak

You need to go ghost immediately , she will message you at some stage do not reply

She will think somethings wrong or you've met someone else ( hamster will start spinning )

after 2nd or 3rd message you can reply but very very to the point absolutely zero emotion

I've seen this scenario play out a million times on a. million guys , it doesnt feel right as men are generally loyal but trust me when I tell you its your only play

 

[kleathe1]

You know you need to back off and let her come to you...the question is are you strong enough to do it? Slow things down....stop chatting every day.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

Hey fam. So I have spent the last year drastically improving my game. I have come along ways and I feel confident to say I know what Im looking for in terms of when a girl is actually special and when she is just another basic chick that I'm looking to ****. I say that, because my feelings toward this girl is that she is someone I could actually date to marry. I feel confident she isn't just another basic chick, just from my experience.

Anyways, We have been on 4 dates, last date we were studying, ended up alone, and then had sex. We talked about how much we like each other, and she made it apparent she is head over heals for me. So, I start calling her babe, my girl, whatever. And honestly, it was against my intuition. After that last date, I mentioned to her she should come over and spend the night. She ends up telling me no and says she needs to get sleep. Next day, I say some **** word for word: "Also, I hope you don't have a problem with me calling you "babe" or "my girl" consistently. Its kinda my thing ". I attached the next couple messages between us.

Anyways after this, I cant help but feel she is telling me to chill a bit. Slow it down. So first of all, do you think I am right? Second of all, lets say I am right? How do I best bounce back? Whats a good message to respond with?

A part of how I even got this girl was by just focusing on me. Making me and my goals #1. Barely texting her back, only hitting her up for dates, whatever. Now we are kinda just talking about **** day to day. Honestly I dont love it. I can tell my guard is coming down and my losing focus...

Also, this girl isn't just some slut or whatever. She is very religious and doesn't do hook ups (supposedly). Only sex in relationships, but just typing that I feel like its bull****. But whatever. thanks for the help. Much love

What you're asking is what exact steps you can take to get her to be exactly what you want. The truth is what she does is entirely out of your control, and you simply need to be ok with any outcome. She may lose interest, she may breadcrumb you, she may go crazy for you, but none of those things define you.

Dive into your hobbies and things you love to do. Find life satisfaction in things other than women, and once you feel fulfilled and satisfied you'll understand that your attention and time are valuable. You'll naturally filter women based on how much they respect your time and attention.

You'll naturally feel aversion towards women that take you for granted or aren't interested, and you'll feel drawn towards women that treat you like the king you know you are.

Build the king frame in your mind, brick by brick, through discipline and consistency. Practice charm with women and explore yourself through them, just make sure to maintain the castle in your mind.

In this case introspect on what made you fall so hard so fast, and how much was based in reality. I'd say no useless texts, only logistics with light teasing. Simply pitch a date if you're feeling it and practice having fun and being charming on that date. If she declines without a counter then leave the ball in her court and focus on other women. Options will help you stay grounded.

 

[Black Widow Void]

I think that your situation is salvageable, but if you continue down your current path, it won't be for long.

Indirectly (and likely unbeknownst to her) your girl has provided you with a pathway to her heart. It's really pop female psychology. I'll explain.

When you show too many cards too soon, it's really no different than watching a movie and having someone interrupt your viewing. It gets even worse if they tell you the ending before you've finished the movie. And with a woman...when you show your cards too soon, you're actually interrupting her emotions and giving her nothing to get excited, anxious or curious about.

I get it. You probably feel that explaining yourself will allow her to understand you better. You may also believe that this will remove any misunderstandings that she may have about you. You might also believe that sharing your feelings will let her know that you're open, transparent, reliable and "not like the other guy's." Unfortunately, women (even those that fall under the "yeah, but this girl is different" category) are all the same.

Despite what they all might say, their actions dictate a different story. They all crave a certain degree of drama, uncertainty, anxiety, mystery and curiosity. If you rob them of these emotions, you also rob yourself of a potential opportunity.

Your girl is indirectly saying... "don't interrupt while I'm enjoying the movie" and "don't tell me how the movie ends, I want to experience this first hand."

You do not want to immediately change over night. If you suddenly start acting differently, she'll either be turned off or feel blindsided. Instead, you want to be gradual. Bottom line: you mentioned that when you were focused on other things, she was focused on you. And it appears that when you focus on her.... her focus seems to stray. Though indirectly, she's practically providing you with a "roadmap" on how to achieve the best outcome.

 

[Avidus]

I think that your situation is salvageable, but if you continue down your current path, it won't be for long.

Indirectly (and likely unbeknownst to her) your girl has provided you with a pathway to her heart. It's really pop female psychology. I'll explain.

When you show too many cards too soon, it's really no different than watching a movie and having someone interrupt your viewing. It gets even worse if they tell you the ending before you've finished the movie. And with a woman...when you show your cards too soon, you're actually interrupting her emotions and giving her nothing to get excited, anxious or curious about.

I get it. You probably feel that explaining yourself will allow her to understand you better. You may also believe that this will remove any misunderstandings that she may have about you. You might also believe that sharing your feelings will let her know that you're open, transparent, reliable and "not like the other guy's." Unfortunately, women (even those that fall under the "yeah, but this girl is different" category) are all the same.

Despite what they all might say, their actions dictate a different story. They all crave a certain degree of drama, uncertainty, anxiety, mystery and curiosity. If you rob them of these emotions, you also rob yourself of a potential opportunity.

Your girl is indirectly saying... "don't interrupt while I'm enjoying the movie" and "don't tell me how the movie ends, I want to experience this first hand."

You do not want to immediately change over night. If you suddenly start acting differently, she'll either be turned off or feel blindsided. Instead, you want to be gradual. Bottom line: you mentioned that when you were focused on other things, she was focused on you. And it appears that when you focus on her.... her focus seems to stray. Though indirectly, she's practically providing you with a "roadmap" on how to achieve the best outcome.

I like this response man. I like all the responses above. I think there is a good balance to strike. I know what to do. And, I think I have always known what to do, I've just been letting myself fall into the trap of breaking frame and putting my satisfaction in her and not my own goals and personal fullfillment. Its good to hear this from someone else. Im gonna get my **** together

Also, I appreciate the metaphor. Im gonna refer to that going forward

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

If you start out by calling her your 'Dream Girl', you're already pedestaling her, making her the prize.
You should make yourself to be the prize and not be too eager or too much in a hurry to lock her down. It shows a scarcity mindset right from the get-go.

 

[self_is_an_illusion]

Hey fam. So I have spent the last year drastically improving my game. I have come along ways and I feel confident to say I know what Im looking for in terms of when a girl is actually special and when she is just another basic chick that I'm looking to ****. I say that, because my feelings toward this girl is that she is someone I could actually date to marry. I feel confident she isn't just another basic chick, just from my experience.

Anyways, We have been on 4 dates, last date we were studying, ended up alone, and then had sex. We talked about how much we like each other, and she made it apparent she is head over heals for me. So, I start calling her babe, my girl, whatever. And honestly, it was against my intuition. After that last date, I mentioned to her she should come over and spend the night. She ends up telling me no and says she needs to get sleep. Next day, I say some **** word for word: "Also, I hope you don't have a problem with me calling you "babe" or "my girl" consistently. Its kinda my thing ". I attached the next couple messages between us.

Anyways after this, I cant help but feel she is telling me to chill a bit. Slow it down. So first of all, do you think I am right? Second of all, lets say I am right? How do I best bounce back? Whats a good message to respond with?

A part of how I even got this girl was by just focusing on me. Making me and my goals #1. Barely texting her back, only hitting her up for dates, whatever. Now we are kinda just talking about **** day to day. Honestly I dont love it. I can tell my guard is coming down and my losing focus...

Also, this girl isn't just some slut or whatever. She is very religious and doesn't do hook ups (supposedly). Only sex in relationships, but just typing that I feel like its bull****. But whatever. thanks for the help. Much love

Apologizing for a lack of Game isn’t Game.

Sorry,..

Apologizing for a lack of Game isn’t Game. One disservice I think most men tend to overlook is an attitude of self-depreciation that they’ll resort to as a means of engendering interest…

therationalmale.com

 

[Desdinova]

Dream Girl Reeling Back
she is someone I could actually date to marry.
We have been on 4 dates

Boy, you haven't stuck your d1ck in nearly enough women. If you had, you'd be saying "God I fvcking hate the first 9 months". Her personality hasn't even begun to come out of it's hiding spot. She's going to be on her best behavior for the time being. When you get to five years, then maybe consider her for marriage.

"Also, I hope you don't have a problem with me calling you "babe" or "my girl" consistently. Its kinda my thing "
Anyways after this, I cant help but feel she is telling me to chill a bit.

Of course she's cooling down. You've elevated her up onto a pedestal. It's her job to be obsessed with you, not the other way around. Instead of calling her "babe", "honey" or "poochie-kins", tell her to stop thinking about you while she's at work before she gets fired. When you feel like barfing out your emotions onto her lap, do yourself a favor and make a comment that makes her look like the desperate one.

 

[Mertz09]

I think that your situation is salvageable, but if you continue down your current path, it won't be for long.

Indirectly (and likely unbeknownst to her) your girl has provided you with a pathway to her heart. It's really pop female psychology. I'll explain.

When you show too many cards too soon, it's really no different than watching a movie and having someone interrupt your viewing. It gets even worse if they tell you the ending before you've finished the movie. And with a woman...when you show your cards too soon, you're actually interrupting her emotions and giving her nothing to get excited, anxious or curious about.

I get it. You probably feel that explaining yourself will allow her to understand you better. You may also believe that this will remove any misunderstandings that she may have about you. You might also believe that sharing your feelings will let her know that you're open, transparent, reliable and "not like the other guy's." Unfortunately, women (even those that fall under the "yeah, but this girl is different" category) are all the same.

Despite what they all might say, their actions dictate a different story. They all crave a certain degree of drama, uncertainty, anxiety, mystery and curiosity. If you rob them of these emotions, you also rob yourself of a potential opportunity.

Your girl is indirectly saying... "don't interrupt while I'm enjoying the movie" and "don't tell me how the movie ends, I want to experience this first hand."

You do not want to immediately change over night. If you suddenly start acting differently, she'll either be turned off or feel blindsided. Instead, you want to be gradual. Bottom line: you mentioned that when you were focused on other things, she was focused on you. And it appears that when you focus on her.... her focus seems to stray. Though indirectly, she's practically providing you with a "roadmap" on how to achieve the best outcome.

Outstanding synopsis!!!

 

[Mertz09]

If you start out by calling her your 'Dream Girl', you're already pedestaling her, making her the prize.
You should make yourself to be the prize and not be too eager or too much in a hurry to lock her down. It shows a scarcity mindset right from the get-go.

Just call her by her name.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Just call her by her name.

That approach resulted in buggery between Chalamet and Hammer, last time anyone tried it

 

[Learning Curve]

Hey fam. So I have spent the last year drastically improving my game. I have come along ways and I feel confident to say I know what Im looking for in terms of when a girl is actually special and when she is just another basic chick that I'm looking to ****. I say that, because my feelings toward this girl is that she is someone I could actually date to marry. I feel confident she isn't just another basic chick, just from my experience.

Anyways, We have been on 4 dates, last date we were studying, ended up alone, and then had sex. We talked about how much we like each other, and she made it apparent she is head over heals for me. So, I start calling her babe, my girl, whatever. And honestly, it was against my intuition. After that last date, I mentioned to her she should come over and spend the night. She ends up telling me no and says she needs to get sleep. Next day, I say some **** word for word: "Also, I hope you don't have a problem with me calling you "babe" or "my girl" consistently. Its kinda my thing ". I attached the next couple messages between us.

Anyways after this, I cant help but feel she is telling me to chill a bit. Slow it down. So first of all, do you think I am right? Second of all, lets say I am right? How do I best bounce back? Whats a good message to respond with?

A part of how I even got this girl was by just focusing on me. Making me and my goals #1. Barely texting her back, only hitting her up for dates, whatever. Now we are kinda just talking about **** day to day. Honestly I dont love it. I can tell my guard is coming down and my losing focus...

Also, this girl isn't just some slut or whatever. She is very religious and doesn't do hook ups (supposedly). Only sex in relationships, but just typing that I feel like its bull****. But whatever. thanks for the help. Much love

You are acting like a desperate little monkey that got a banana and it's flapping it's d1ick all over the place from pure happiness as this was a first time event and it never happened before.

You got 4 dates, a-bit of attraction from a girl and signals she is into you and you decided to turn your behaviour to a needy and insecure guy who becomes creepy.

Here is a tip for you. A woman should always be thinking if you want her or not. She always should seek your attention no the other way around.

You acting this ways shows you are not experienced.

Back-off, let her chase, set a date once a week, bang-rinse-repeat.

To the point where she is chasing you non-stop daily. Until that happens you do nothing besides texting her once a week, and setting a date.

If you are desperate and want to see her more then find a meaning in your life and focus on your purpose as for now it seems you are trying to shape your life around a woman.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You are showing you are desperate and needy and about to make this girl run for the hills.

SHE should be the one calling YOU that. Stop falling in love with the first woman that has sex with you and start learning how to screen properly.

You have no ability to screen right now because you think this girl is the reincarnation of the Goddess Aphrodite.

Word to the wise...she isn't. The sooner you come to grips with that and de-pedastalize her, the better this will go for you.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

My take is a little more balanced approach. I agree she is pulling back because you are over extended and gushing too much.

Think of your interaction literally like a game of tug o' war. How do you play tug o' war? Well the opposing sides pull a rope in different directions and this creates the tension on the rope, each side is seeking to win not lose, and digs in to try and pull the other side over.

At no point does one side run toward the other. That would release the rension in the rope, dump the other side in the mud, be a surrender on the side who quit playing the game properly.

Yet that is exactly what you are doing here. You are running toward her. Stop it. What do people want to do when someone runs at them? Well. Run away of course. Just stop.

Male/Female polarity is the tension on the rope. Your role is to maintain that tension while she slowly falls into your frame.

I think you are best to have a "Reset." But I disagree that you should expect her to start chasing you. That is very unlikely to happen right now as you have set things up.

I agree you need to revert back to focus on yourself and on doing your individual activities independent of her. Don't suddenly stop texting altogether (that would be weird) but text much less and exit the convos first. Do not text her without a specific purpose & respond in a cool way if she reaches out to you.

My advice would be to invite her along to join you at something you would be doing anyway. If you play a sport, invite her to come watch a game; if you are a musician invite her to see you play, if you are a student, invite her to study with you (and actually study -rather than chat to her the whole time.) If you like to go to see sports, invite her, if you like to surf or hike or ski, invite her. You get the idea.

You say "Hey. Thursday I'm going to do (whatever it is), you should join me...."

And you see how she responds. If she likes you she will say yes or she will counter offer if she truly cannot. If she declines with no counter simply give her text a "thumbs up" so she knows you saw it, and do NOT text her back or otherwise for no reason.

Wait a few more days to a week and invite her to something else that you are doing anyway. See how she responds.

A girl who likes you will say "Yes". She will make it easy for you. You are not her girlfriend. Do not spend time just texting back and forth without purpose.

 

[BadBoy89]

- my feelings toward this girl is that she is someone I could actually date to marry.
- We have been on 4 dates, last date we were studying, ended up alone, and then had sex.
- she made it apparent she is head over heals for me.
- She is very religious and doesn't do hook ups (supposedly). Only sex in relationships,
- Also, this girl isn't just some slut or whatever.

Good story bro.

But as soon as you said “or whatever”, the whole story collapsed.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

This is a great analogy, and quite true.

Advice from the old lady:

My take is a little more balanced approach. I agree she is pulling back because you are over extended and gushing too much.

Think of your interaction literally like a game of tug o' war. How do you play tug o' war? Well the opposing sides pull a rope in different directions and this creates the tension on the rope, each side is seeking to win not lose, and digs in to try and pull the other side over.

At no point does one side run toward the other. That would release the rension in the rope, dump the other side in the mud, be a surrender on the side who quit playing the game properly.

Yet that is exactly what you are doing here. You are running toward her. Stop it. What do people want to do when someone runs at them? Well. Run away of course. Just stop.

Male/Female polarity is the tension on the rope. Your role is to maintain that tension while she slowly falls into your frame.

I think you are best to have a "Reset." But I disagree that you should expect her to start chasing you. That is very unlikely to happen right now as you have set things up.

I agree you need to revert back to focus on yourself and on doing your individual activities independent of her. Don't suddenly stop texting altogether (that would be weird) but text much less and exit the convos first. Do not text her without a specific purpose & respond in a cool way if she reaches out to you.

My advice would be to invite her along to join you at something you would be doing anyway. If you play a sport, invite her to come watch a game; if you are a musician invite her to see you play, if you are a student, invite her to study with you (and actually study -rather than chat to her the whole time.) If you like to go to see sports, invite her, if you like to surf or hike or ski, invite her. You get the idea.

You say "Hey. Thursday I'm going to do (whatever it is), you should join me...."

And you see how she responds. If she likes you she will say yes or she will counter offer if she truly cannot. If she declines with no counter simply give her text a "thumbs up" so she knows you saw it, and do NOT text her back or otherwise for no reason.

Wait a few more days to a week and invite her to something else that you are doing anyway. See how she responds.

A girl who likes you will say "Yes". She will make it easy for you. You are not her girlfriend. Do not spend time just texting back and forth without purpose.

 

[All_Kindz_Of_Gainz]

doesn't do hook ups

Only sex in relationships

We have been on 4 dates

ended up alone, and then had sex

Don't you read any incongruency in those statements.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Also, this girl isn't just some slut or whatever. She is very religious and doesn't do hook ups (supposedly). Only sex in relationships, but just typing that I feel like its bull****. But whatever. thanks for the help. Much love

Anytime you say those things you need to add "WITH ME" to the end of them.

She doesn't do hook ups...with me.
Only sex in relationships...with me.

Also you have no idea what she is. You don't even know her. You went on 4 dates. That's nowhere near enough time to know her behavior patterns and how she will act on a consistent basis. Also she is still likely on her best behavior around you at this time.