Advice from the old lady:
Often around here I have said that men need to be the hunters in a relationship, a relationship needs to be the man's idea.
And some of you guys are like 'No! The man is the prize! I want her to chase me, I want her to initiate!
But that is masculine energy. I've asked in some threads what are you going to do when you get a girl who does that and she is in masculine energy and it turns you off? You can't just expect her to become all feminine & demure (warm and responsive feminine energy) all of a sudden. You've selected for a ball buster assertive/masculine chick & lo & behold it turns you off....
(not directed at
@BPH by the way, but this is a good example of this phenomena).
Masculine men desire the polarity of feminine women. If a woman has had to learn to be tough, aggressive, masculine energy to survive (as I figure this girl has had to do in her life), it is very difficult to unlearn that. Ask me how I know, lol.
I am supposing this is what is bothering
@BPH at the core of things. It is cognitive dissonance. And in addition there is some resentment building because there is a sense of entitlement in her. Her money feels somehow more important in her mind than OPs, or at the very least she is quite stingy with her money, yet she feels entitled to OP spending his money on her, despite the fact that she likely out earns him.
What that suggests to me is that she has learned to be very transactional in dealing with men. Money spent equates to value and validation in her mind. And frankly being a bottle service girl reinforces that belief system inside her.....But she is acting like the man in the interaction as regards time & attention. She is giving OP lots of time & attention but it comes with unstated expectations attached, like the expectation that she meet OP's parents, like the expectation that he spend last Friday with her, like the expectation that she monopolize OP's time.
Boundaries are a must with this girl. You are NOT her boyfriend. Do not do boyfriend stuff, have boundaries. No more driving at the expense of your time & gas to help her out. You have a generous spirit, but she not only hasn't earned that yet, she did not reward you (make you dinner at her expense, pick up your gas, etc) for doing a rather big favor for her.
In early September my husband came and helped me deal with an extremely overgrown yard at my ex-husband's house. I still own the house, and my ex husband lives there for cost of his utilities (deal we agreed upon during the divorce) but he's let the yard devour the house (English ivy, Boston ivy, poison ivy, grape vines, weeds, junk trees, gutters full of dirt/weeds etc.). Unreal mess. We worked like hell for an entire weekend (and ex did too) to reel all the overgrowth in. My husband has no dog in that hunt. The equity in that house will belong to my ex upon sale....but you have to maintain the house to obtain/retain/gain equity.....so it was nothing but work for my husband all weekend and he worked A LOT.
My ex husband would not let him pay for anything while we were there, and neither would I. Next week I'm taking him to Hawaii as a thank you and I'm not letting him pay for much there either. He went above & beyond to do something that helps me, and helps my ex. And I have made sure he knows how much I appreciate it. He could have done nothing.
So this girl does not appear to be appreciative of the amount of effort you are making OP, so stop. If she is not appreciative or grateful for your efforts, withdraw your efforts. Hold a boundary.
The problem might also be that she doesn't know what healthy boundaries are. The interaction might serve to educate her, but that is going to be bumpy if you have to directly talk with her about it....and you might have to.
Keep your boundaries. You are not obligated to answer if she calls, you are not obligated to be on the phone for an hour, etc.
