Handling the 'what are we?' conversation

[p_1337]

Starting a thread to discuss strategies regarding how to manage the inevitable 'what are we?' conversation.

Some context: I'm mid 30's and have been spinning plates over the last few months. I won't be initiating the dreaded convo - but I want to be ready when one of the girls does. Three of them are getting very attached (one 18, the other 25 + another one who is 25 but lives abroad) and I don't want to get wrangled into another monogamous, LTR just because I'm afraid for the girl to fall off. This is how I fell into my last LTR which turned into an absolute nightmare.

It might sound infeasible: but my ideal situation would be one where the relationship is open on my end (plus the ability to invite other girls to join for threesomes). In my experience: most girls get jealous and want to be the unicorn. To set the tone: I'm always upfront with my kink-tendencies and the girls are all varying levels of submissive.

This is likely easier to implement if you don't care if the girl walks (I'd rather that happen - will mean less pain for both of us ultimately). How would you frame it? This approach might be worth trying first on a couple of the girls I'm less interested in as a trial run.

 

[Velasco]

This is likely easier to implement if you don't care if the girl walks

i just preempt sh1t w i don’t want to hurt anybody so right now i prefer to keep my distance. talk ab my past relationships and how ive hurt them when things got serious. of course this doesn’t stop girls from trying to see me but if i’m done with them i just ghost.

 

[BadBoy89]

It might sound infeasible: but my ideal situation would be one where the relationship is open on my end (plus the ability to invite other girls to join for threesomes). In my experience: most girls get jealous and want to be the unicorn.

You have threesomes with hot 18 year old and 25 year old girls?

Man bro, you don't need Sosuave.

 

[Desdinova]

Handle it however you want to handle it. If you're fine with being in a LTR with her, then tell her. If you want to keep spinning plates, just tell her you still want to see how things go over the next while. I've found that it doesn't really matter who makes the decision. If you're taking the lead in the relationship, she's most likely going to wait for you to make the decision.

 

[Clockwerk50]

The Talk basically leaves you with three options:

1. You want a relationship with her: the premise here is that you genuinely want the same thing, so there’s no need to negotiate desire. You can simply say, “I’m glad you mentioned that. I’m happy we’re on the same page.”

2. Stall and keep spinning her: in this scenario, you don’t want to commit but you also don’t necessarily want to end things. Keep the relationship ambiguous and avoid commitment behavior or promises about the future. If the Talk happens, you could say, “I like what we have and I’m enjoying spending time with you. I’m not really thinking about labels or where this is going right now. I’d rather just keep enjoying it and see what happens.”

3. Tell her you don’t want to waste her time: if you already know you don’t see her as a long-term option, be upfront about it. For example: “I really enjoy spending time with you, but I don’t see this becoming a serious relationship. I don’t want to waste your time or give you the impression that I’m heading toward something I don’t want.” Then let her decide whether she still wants to continue.

Your response should depend on what you actually want instead of treating her request as an obligation you have to fulfill.

 

[BaronOfHair]

When all else fails, cannot is worth a whirl:

If you have no desire to go exclusive at the moment, it's rather cruel to allow someone who is in the market for such a thing to go on believing that your union is so. If you're A-OK with being exclusive at the moment though, don't hesitate to verbalize such sentiments