Double Standard on Aging in Men vs. Women

[BadBoy89]

Can you name a single gray-haired female CEO or member of Congress?

Debunking the Double Standard on Aging in Men vs. Women

Can you name a single gray-haired female CEO or member of Congress? Neither can we. Despite the fact that celebrities like Diane Keaton and Jamie Lee Curtis are widening our view of what it means to be a 'silver fox', there is still a massive double standard on how men and women age. We think...

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Neither can we.

Despite the fact that celebrities like Diane Keaton and Jamie Lee Curtis are widening our view of what it means to be a 'silver fox', there is still a massive double standard on how men and women age. We think it's time to change that.

Fine Wine vs. Glass of Milk

We don't know who originally coined the saying, "Men age like a fine wine, women age like a glass of milk", but we'd like to sit them down for a serious chat.

As women, we all know the frustration of not being able to shed a single pound, while our male counterparts seem to lose weight in their sleep. And while a single gray hair can spark an existential crisis for a woman, it's seen as a sexy mark of distinction in men.

We all know aging is a natural part of life, but accepting it is a whole other thing. The truth is, women suffer an impossible paradox — embrace your age, but stay beautiful in the eyes of society. Or, in the words of comedian, Tina Fey, "'You can have it all and be serious,’ but also, ‘It’s great to get Botox,’ and ‘You should be really skinny but don’t be, but don’t not be!'"

It's confusing to say the least.

What happens to men versus women as they age

Despite the giant rift in the way we view aging, and the harmful stigmas around menopause, the process itself is fundamentally the same for all human bodies. At the end of the day, we all age.

But even the World Health Organization (WHO) points out some important differences in the way men and women age — differences that reach beyond basic physiology. "Aging differs between men and women, through mind, body, and their emotional capacity. The aging pattern for each gender greatly depends on the society an individual was raised in and their personal smoking, alcohol abuse, infectious disease, nutrition, poverty, access to education, work conditions, violence, and health care," says the WHO.

For women, the mental and emotional aspects of aging can have a major impact on their lives. In fact, according to a study, most women begin to feel invisible by the time they're 51. The same study also found that 75% of women felt ignored by men when they walked into a room and 50% felt as if they’d been “left on a shelf” or judged negatively because of their age.

But the worst part? Only 15% of the women surveyed reported feeling confident in any area of their life.

How can we change the narrative?

The good news is change is underway.

In one leading example, Allure magazine recently announced it will no longer use the term “anti-aging”. “Whether we know it or not, [the term is] subtly reinforcing the message that aging is a condition we need to battle — think anti-anxiety meds, antivirus software, or antifungal spray. Repeat after me: Growing older is a wonderful thing because it means that we get a chance, every day, to live a full, happy life," says Allure Editor-in-Chief, Michelle Lee.

Michelle also recommends removing the qualifiers from our language when we talk about women over 40. For example, "She looks great...for her age". You might be surprised how small changes in the way we discuss taboo topics can make a big difference in the way we perceive them.

In another leading initiative, two aging advocacy groups in the US have joined forces to launch a project known as Reframing Aging. Their mission is to drive collective change in the way we think and speak about aging. Ironically, one of the key tricks to it is to not overthink it. The more we dwell on aging, the bigger an issue it becomes.

But let's be honest. Most of us are going to end up thinking about how we're aging, at least sometimes. In those instances, we recommend taking a page from Sue Ellen Cooper's book. Sue Ellen is the founder of the Red Hat Society, a playgroup celebrating women age 50 and over. "First impression doesn't tell you a thing," says Sue Ellen. "Some of these people have had incredible lives and careers and still have a great sense of humor and a lot of intellect, and the culture will write them off: 'Oh, she's an old lady...'".

These women – and you – deserve to not be written off. Who you are matters so much more than how old you are. Celebrate the confidence and wisdom you've acquired. Embrace your growth. BUT, if there are certain physical changes that shake your confidence, don’t allow you to enjoy certain activities or exercise, or take pleasure in intimate acts, know there are tools, like vFit, to help.

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Thoughts?

 

[SigmaEnigma]

Sorry but as much as you may want to fluff things, reality is just that...reality.

First of all, your assertion that gray hair doesn't cause an existential crisis for men is completely false lol. The difference between the genders here (and why women dye their gray hair while many men don't) is that women are attracted to older men, but men aren't attracted to older women (big generalization of course). But, mate preferences are, and always have been reversed.

It's not that a woman in her late 40's+ has no value whatsoever, it's just that younger women have far more value. And the reverse is true for men, it's just the way it is. A woman's appearance and her sexual and reproductive value are her biggest assets, I'm sorry but they just are. I know women really hate hearing this (obviously - the truth hurts), but their sexuality is their main value to men. Everything else matters of course, who she is as a person, intelligence, etc, but it's all secondary to her sexuality. Because without her sexual value, we would never get to know these other things about her.

Have you ever honestly asked yourself what your value is to a man? As in, why should a man even want to interact with me if not for the sexual/intimate (and reproductive) value that I provide? A good personality is great, but we have friends who cause us far less stress lol. If we take a woman's sexual/intimate and reproductive value out of the equation, then why would a man ever need (or even want) a woman? Can you answer that honestly to yourself? You could say companionship, her mind, etc, but as I pointed out, we have friends, and we would never get to the companionship stage without the woman's sexual value being the deciding factor to begin with.

I get that it's a tough pill to swallow, especially with a lifetime of feminist/gynocentric programming distorting our view of reality, but uncomfortable truths are still truths.

I'll sum that up again. If we take a woman's sexual/intimate and reproductive value out of the equation, then men do not need women. Seriously, think about it, without those factors, if men created artificial wombs/eggs, why would a man ever need a woman? Women on the other hand absolutely need men to survive. It's just the way it is, and it's not men's fault. I suppose women MIGHT be able to survive without men (synthetic sperm or something), but given the fact that men built and maintain the civilization that has given women so much runaway privilege, I doubt it lol. Anyways, the true point here is that, as hard as it might be to accept, a woman's first and foremost value to a man is her sexual/intimate and reproductive value, everything else is secondary, sorry.

And how I wonder could a man possibly evaluate a woman's sexual/reproductive value? Well, by her looks of course. It's not all vanity. An older woman's (40+) reproductive value is very low, and a 50+ woman's reproductive value is basically nil. And her sexual value is obviously orders of magnitude lower than a woman in her 20's. Again sorry but it's just the way it is, we know instinctively what women are more/less attractive, just as women do for men. Trying to delude ourselves accomplishes nothing except pandering.

And your idea that this is a double standard is funny, because women are the ones who enforce the standard of older men being preferable. You want it all, looks, resources, good genes, strength, security, etc, etc, and an older man (not old just older) is far more capable of checking off all of those boxes. Our provisioning value increases as we age (normally anyways), as does our knowledge/wisdom and ability to navigate the world. This directly equates to better security for the women WE choose (so many modern men have this ass backwards, she might say yes or no, but you ultimately have the true power of selection). And, as opposed to a woman's reproductive value, ours remains fairly constant for a very long time.

So for men, a visibly older woman signals a lower SMV. But for women, an older man signals a higher SMV. It's just the way it is, and playing word games and putting out propaganda akin to the body positivity "movement" will do nothing to change reality, it just feeds delusional fantasy land thinking.

I realize that this runs counter to the propaganda and programming you've been inundated with your entire life, but, men are the ones who decide a woman's value. You clearly want it both ways (not exactly surprising lol), and want women to decide men's value, but also decide their own value, but that's just not the way it works, sorry. Funny that you are trying to point out a double standard, but what I just pointed out is the true double standard haha (women want to decide both our value and their own).

And one last thing about word games. Saying that a woman "looks good for her age" is absolutely appropriate. SMV drops off very quickly for women as they age, so a woman in her 40's who is still quite attractive does deserve that distinction, because she surpasses her peers. The norm for 40+ women (especially in the west with our rampant obesity) is to be sexually undesirable (generally speaking, plenty of exceptions of course), or at least FAR less desireable than a woman in her 20's or even 30's. So when a woman has taken care of herself, and is still reasonably fit and attractive DESPITE her age then yeah, she "looks good for her age".

This is my first ever post on this forum, so I dont know if this post is bait or not, but I responded anyways.

In summary, I find your views on this to be ridiculous, I'm sorry but I just do. The "double standard", which is really just THE standard, exists for a reason, and it always will, no matter how much women complain about it. The thing is, these "invisible women" probably wouldn't feel this way if had they made better choices in their lives. But that's another topic altogether. The sources that you quote here are just typical reality denying crap.

 

[zekko]

Speaking as a man who went gray prematurely, I've never dyed my hair. Thought about it, but never really even came close to doing it. I've known other guys who had a little gray, but immediately covered it up. They're missing out on their "salt and pepper" stage though, which can be a good look. Anyway, I found that women (and some gay men) actually liked gray hair. I don't even pretend to understand it, but it's a key difference.

Generally speaking, guys are not attracted to women with gray hair (and I include myself in this), so they will usually dye it. Their concession to age is to cut their hair shorter - to no longer have the long, luxurious tresses of their youth. But they will dye it.

 

[Identikit_Radiohead]

51yo women who feel invisible to men now know what every healthy weight average guy experiences throughout his entire ****ing life. Welcome to the World of the Non-Chad man! A 51yo woman who is thin or otherwise healthy weighted won't be invisible to 60+yo male divorcees or bachelors, in fact she'll be seen as quite a good catch if she's not bitter. What they mean is they feel invisible to handsome or wealthy men in their 40's and 50's.

Tough ****, deal with it. These women - when they were young - most likely passed up good, average men in their teens and 20's...30's even. And at some point they were probably complaining about getting TOO MUCH ATTENTION from men. Its all crocodile tears to me. I feel zero empathy.

 

[Hal9000]

The same propagandists who told us all obesity was beautiful for years are now on their high horse about women getting old? Spare us. Women at literally any age are treated much better than similarly aged men.

Sure the societal expectation is that women dye their hair moreso than it is for men but to then attempt to extrapolate much of anything beyond that about how unfair life is for women over 50, or whatever, is absurd.

I'm sure women over 50 do receive less attention from men than they did when they were 20, but to pretend men over 50 are babe magnets because all women love their grey hair reeks of the same kind of nonsense we hear on this site all the time.

 

[Mike32ct]

I think the silver fox thing is overblown. There are definitely some handsome gray guys, but it’s a small percentage. It’s a very specific niche. It requires full hair, good face, and the right skin tone. Or perhaps height and/or money to compensate.

If had a dollar for every time a woman has said “I like gray hair / salt and pepper” and then introduces me to her non-gray regular hair color (or dyed hair) boyfriend or husband, I could retire lol.

 

[Doctor Europeo]

Femin@zi cope article. I have been saying this for years: (When it comes to men and women) Its not a double standard, its a different standard because we are different.

 

[Slowhandluke]

Femin@zi cope article. I have been saying this for years: (When it comes to men and women) Its not a double standard, its a different standard because we are different.

men and women are NOT the same.. Women become grandmother's, and moms.. as they get older, they cannot continue to be sex objects - basically the incubators of childern.. they have to make room for younger women - that is mother nature talking... everyone's roles changes as we age... for good or for bad, that is the way it is...