How should a cold approach look?

[tksniper]

Most cold approaches that end in success are actually warm approaches. The woman was already attracted to you and she just wanted you to break the ice.

This is why most cold approach advice doesn’t translate from one guy to the next. The guy who has the successful cold approach has no idea the woman was already attracted to his presence.

In actual reality, if a woman wasn’t already attracted to your presence, you would repel her 90% of the time with your approach. And if she was already attracted to your presence, 90% of the things you thought you did “right” was completely irrelevant.

In other words, there’s almost no such thing as a “cold approach.” Most people are aware of your presence even before you ever decided to engage with them.

In other words, a cold approach should always look like a warm approach. Grok this and you shall grok the entire totality of pickup.

And don’t take my word for it. Go out and touch grass. Look at people hooking up. They all look like they already liked each other even before the initial approach.

99% of the time, there’s no such thing as an absolute cold approach. One party was already sending signals to the other party that there was mutual attraction.

 

[BPH]

@Velasco @tksniper just gonna tag you both since you guys are saying the same thing, and to prevent a massive quote wall.

Here's the thing...

I've had so many great experiences, including same-night lays, from approaching women who didn't even know I was there before coming up to say hi.

Off the top of my head, both women I slept with during my week in Ocean City last year were hanging out with their girlfriends, watching the band perform in a crowded nightclub.

The girl I met in Philly last May or June was while passing her on the way to the bathroom.

These were not women who were eye-f***ing me from across the bar, or twirling their hair, or giving me eye contact and smiling - they didn't know I was there until I came up to them.

Ask @nicksaiz65 . In the time we spent working together, he slept with 3 different women within a month and a half. He wasn't "pre-selected" - most times, he was going out completely solo. He wasn't being thrown a bunch of obvious IOIs.

How did he do it? By cold approaching.

And yeah, you could argue that approaches are "warm" because she might've already decided you're attractive, or there's very little you could say wrong...BUT YOU STILL HAVE TO APPROACH HER.

She will not do it. That is the entirety of what I'm advocating for here...

 

[Velasco]

I've had so many great experiences, including same-night lays, from approaching women who didn't even know I was there before coming up to say hi.

Off the top of my head, both women I slept with during my week in Ocean City last year were hanging out with their girlfriends, watching the band perform in a crowded nightclub

i don’t think you understood what i was saying. i said if we had this conversation 5 years ago. i would have agreed with you. because i did all that. i was that guy that a lot of the time it wasn’t until i approached a girl that i got on her radar and then she’s happy like “oh wow there’s a cute guy here! how did i not see him before!” and then i’d bang them. i’m saying today that’s not possible. because as soon as i walk into a bar or walk my way to use the restroom, i will be on just about every girls radar.

YOU STILL HAVE TO APPROACH HER.

and yeah duh lol. but not always because

She will not do it

a lot of them do. the better looking you are the better looking the ones that do. because the ugly ones know better. at best make a throw away comment about how good looking you are and then walk away.

 

[BPH]

i don’t think you understood what i was saying. i said if we had this conversation 5 years ago. i would have agreed with you. because i did all that. i was that guy that a lot of the time it wasn’t until i approached a girl that i got on her radar and then she’s happy like “oh wow there’s a cute guy here! how did i not see him before!” and then i’d bang them. i’m saying today that’s not possible. because as soon as i walk into a bar or walk my way to use the restroom, i will be on just about every girls radar.

Ahh ok, you're saying that you've reached a level where you're good-looking enough that you're on every girl's radar.

Have you ever shared a picture of yourself on the forum? Curious what level that happens at.

Because...

a lot of them do. the better looking you are the better looking the ones that do. because the ugly ones know better. at best make a throw away comment about how good looking you are and then walk away.

I consider myself quite attractive, but I also have high standards when it comes to women. Very rarely am I approached by somebody I also want. Usually, it's somebody cute-ish who got drunk enough to YOLO, or had her friend make the introduction for her.

 

[Velasco]

Very rarely am I approached by somebody I also want. Usually, it's somebody cute-ish who got drunk enough to YOLO, or had her friend make the introduction for her.

if it’s rare then ur in the handsome/cute guy tier

 

[BPH]

if it’s rare then ur in the handsome/cute guy tier

Well what's why I ask:

Have you ever shared a picture of yourself on the forum? Curious what level that happens at.

 

[Lauel]

How do you meet new women?

A genuine question from my side too. I am about to pass out college, and I have no idea how do you approach or find new women? I don't drink, smoke or do any kinds of drugs. Never went to a club either.

 

[BPH]

A genuine question from my side too. I am about to pass out college, and I have no idea how do you approach or find new women? I don't drink, smoke or do any kinds of drugs. Never went to a club either.

Have you tried going to a club? Or a party? Or a bar?

You don't HAVE to drink, but these are places people go on weekends, after work, to be social. Everybody is literally there to be around other people.

As for the alcohol bit, do what you want, but I'm surprised by how many people abstain from something so mainstream and such a good social lubricant. You don't have to get wasted, and you don't have to be an alcoholic, but this clip comes to mind:

 

[Lauel]

Have you tried going to a club? Or a party? Or a bar?

I haven't ever. Call it a cultural thing, or a religious simple family. I don't know what people do there, or how does it even work. Like do you pay etc. I might someday maybe.

 

[Cheeky_James]

For a day time street approach I’d have to be in a very good state. A high mojo state. Probably already getting laid tbh and have my ‘swagger’ on.

I’m not really sure why, but when I’m in this state …it’s like I’m putting out a signal and women pick it up. (( this guy is in heat, he’s getting some action= sexy )) it’s all very relaxed , I’m positive, easy going, laid back and can open and talk easily via witty observations. And can lean forward and say more intimate things also. Like I already know them. A very sexy state/ feeling like a sexy guy and believing more pickups are possible and easy.

I’m less in my head and more in my body is the only way I can describe it, with a lower down grounded sexy energy.

maybe it’s the relaxed way I’m moving and behaving. Idk…I get way more eye signals from women, when I’m already getting laid, it’s a ‘snowball effect’ thing imo, somehow,

preselection effects I guess…

It’s hard to switch it on tho, when I’m in a dry spell it needs a lot of psyche up to get that swagger on then. I would recommend trying to get into that state , and having sexual interest on your mind OP, it comes out in your behaviours then. My 2c

 

[pipeman84]

Why is this not a contradiction? Leading is having her make the first move?

If I approach a woman nonchalantly and tell her that I think she's pretty and want to get to know her, that's desperation?

The courting process is supposed to be initiated by the woman, but it's done in a subtle, plausible deniability sort of way (IOIs) ... then the guy makes the first overt move by asking her out on a date.

Yeah, I think it's desperation and only desperate/mentally unstable women would engage with that kind of approach. Even if she's single and on apps and going to night clubs (where she might have an ONS with @BPH ) it's highly unlikely she'll consider you if you approach her on the street or in the grocery store with that line.

It's desperation because a man is supposed to have seen it all, been there, done that as far as women are concerned. Especially when he's 40yrs old and in this day and age. A man is supposed to have developed standards and not go only by surface appearance, like a horny teenager. He qualifies women before he interacts with them and compliments them.

 

[Plinco]

The courting process is supposed to be initiated by the woman, but it's done in a subtle, plausible deniability sort of way (IOIs) ... then the guy makes the first overt move by asking her out on a date.

Yeah, I think it's desperation and only desperate/mentally unstable women would engage with that kind of approach. Even if she's single and on apps and going to night clubs (where she might have an ONS with @BPH ) it's highly unlikely she'll consider you if you approach her on the street or in the grocery store with that line.

It's desperation because a man is supposed to have seen it all, been there, done that as far as women are concerned. Especially when he's 40yrs old and in this day and age. A man is supposed to have developed standards and not go only by surface appearance, like a horny teenager. He qualifies women before he interacts with them and compliments them.

I take it that you're operating on concept > observations, or in other words, theory over experience.

 

[pipeman84]

I take it that you're operating on concept > observations, or in other words, theory over experience.

Researchers have found that, contrary to popular beliefs, courtship is normally triggered and controlled by women,[21][22][23][24][25] driven mainly by non-verbal behaviours, to which men respond.
Cold approaching is not courting, that's the point I was trying to make.

 

[characternote]

Most cold approaches that end in success are actually warm approaches. The woman was already attracted to you and she just wanted you to break the ice.

This is why most cold approach advice doesn’t translate from one guy to the next. The guy who has the successful cold approach has no idea the woman was already attracted to his presence.

In actual reality, if a woman wasn’t already attracted to your presence, you would repel her 90% of the time with your approach. And if she was already attracted to your presence, 90% of the things you thought you did “right” was completely irrelevant.

In other words, there’s almost no such thing as a “cold approach.” Most people are aware of your presence even before you ever decided to engage with them.

In other words, a cold approach should always look like a warm approach. Grok this and you shall grok the entire totality of pickup.

And don’t take my word for it. Go out and touch grass. Look at people hooking up. They all look like they already liked each other even before the initial approach.

99% of the time, there’s no such thing as an absolute cold approach. One party was already sending signals to the other party that there was mutual attraction.

bingo

 

[BPH]

I haven't ever. Call it a cultural thing, or a religious simple family. I don't know what people do there, or how does it even work. Like do you pay etc. I might someday maybe.

Well then, there's a first time for everything.

You want to meet women? That's where they are.

The courting process is supposed to be initiated by the woman, but it's done in a subtle, plausible deniability sort of way (IOIs) ... then the guy makes the first overt move by asking her out on a date.

Yeah, I think it's desperation and only desperate/mentally unstable women would engage with that kind of approach. Even if she's single and on apps and going to night clubs (where she might have an ONS with @BPH ) it's highly unlikely she'll consider you if you approach her on the street or in the grocery store with that line.

It's desperation because a man is supposed to have seen it all, been there, done that as far as women are concerned. Especially when he's 40yrs old and in this day and age. A man is supposed to have developed standards and not go only by surface appearance, like a horny teenager. He qualifies women before he interacts with them and compliments them.

I asked earlier in this thread, but I seriously want to know how this is working out for you. What's your metric for success, and are you reaching it?

I'm pretty transparent about my experiences with my lay reports, and have a long-spanning journal showing progression over years and years. I really want to know how your dating life is going if you're completely disregarding one of the best ways to meet new women.

 

[Rocky_Hendrix]

@BPH just mogged everyone. Love your ideas!

 

[pipeman84]

I asked earlier in this thread, but I seriously want to know how this is working out for you. What's your metric for success, and are you reaching it?

I'm pretty transparent about my experiences with my lay reports, and have a long-spanning journal showing progression over years and years. I really want to know how your dating life is going if you're completely disregarding one of the best ways to meet new women.

What I'm looking for is a woman worthy of marriage ... a soulmate. That's what I see as the final destination for a Don Juan. And it's not something that you can do, as in create a simple 5-step plan and you'll reach your goal. This is the kind of thing that is up to God, the universe, however you want to call it.
I'm past the 'accumulating notches' phase and for guys who are in that phase I'd much more recommend to simply pay for it ... it's done on your terms and your schedule, it's cheaper, faster, more honest than cold approaching.

 

[Plinco]

Researchers have found that, contrary to popular beliefs, courtship is normally triggered and controlled by women,[21][22][23][24][25] driven mainly by non-verbal behaviours, to which men respond.
Cold approaching is not courting, that's the point I was trying to make.

That's a good perspective and something that I've observed repeatedly. With that said, it doesn't mean that cold approaching doesn't work.

 

[BPH]

What I'm looking for is a woman worthy of marriage ... a soulmate. That's what I see as the final destination for a Don Juan. And it's not something that you can do, as in create a simple 5-step plan and you'll reach your goal. This is the kind of thing that is up to God, the universe, however you want to call it.

Ok, so your goal requires you to be more discerning, and you believe the women you'd meet out in the bars or on the street would not measure up to the caliber of woman you want. That is fine.

Still, like @Plinco said above, just because it doesn't work for YOU, considering YOUR GOALS, does not mean it doesn't work, period.

I'm past the 'accumulating notches' phase and for guys who are in that phase I'd much more recommend to simply pay for it ... it's done on your terms and your schedule, it's cheaper, faster, more honest than cold approaching.

That said, this is one of the wildest takes I've seen on a seduction forum...

 

[crowolf]

I feel the need to say a few words, since I am an active cold approacher myself, and I can see how great this thing could be, yet some of you talk against it.

The main thing for many guys is to conquer their fear of talking to a unknown woman that they find attractive. It took me years to get over it. But then, when I finally started taking real action, I became so much more confident and free. It's like you grow wings.

This act of going in, starting a conversation, and being honest about your intent, I believe, is the right thing to do. It's natural, "manly", feels good, spikes up your dopamine, adrenaline, testosterone, mood, etc.

So one of the main goals of cold approaching is to be able to go up to a woman and know how to start a conversation without being a creep or weirdo about it.

If done right, this usually makes the day for the woman, she feels great and flattered about it, and for you - actually it can change your life, since you are able to meet any women at any place.

Not to mention that these type of social skills transfer to other fields, and can also help you network and meet important people (especially if you are introverted by nature, which I believe most of the cold approachers actually are).

Of course there is a dark side to this game. Your ego gets crushed - well, this is actually a good thing, and needed for any real personal growth. You can suck at it, and feel worthless. Most guys probably try it out for a little bit, and then give up after a few rejections.

But besides that, when you understand the power that this skill has, and the amazing opportunities and life moments that it can create, I think there is something very beautiful about it.

And about the main question of this thread - "How should it look?" - well, you find what works for you. Check out Sasha Daygame, check out RSD Tyler's stuff, check out The London Daygame Model (Tom Torero, Nick Krauser), check out TheNaturalLifestyles (although James' game recently has been very weak from what I saw on the videos). All of these guys have infields on the internet.

Go out and try stuff. Find your way. Or just go and say "hello, I thought you look nice, so I came to meet you". Simple as that. Deliver it without rushing your words, by keeping your eye contact, and having a slight smirk / smiling with your eyes. This can do wonders, if the energy (vibe) behind it is right, and you look well-kept.