Those who really believe all women all go for the Top 10% have never seen the "Are We Dating the Same Guy Facebook groups"

[Solomon]

If you spend any time in certain corners of the internet, you’ve heard the blackpill/incel gospel: “Women only date the top 5-10% of men. Everyone else is invisible. It’s over.”

Bro… have you actually opened one of the giant “Are We Dating the Same Guy” Facebook groups?

These groups (there are dozens across every major city) are where women post screenshots of the guys they’re talking to or dating so other women can share “tea.” And Glorious poop, the pattern is the exact opposite of the doomer narrative. It truly opened my eyes after one of my platonic girlfriends let me browse for 2 hours during a platonic dinner date I gladly paid for

Here’s what you actually see:

1. Subpar men absolutely get rotations/harems. Not Instagram-model harems, but still multiple women at once. You’ll see the same average-looking dude (dad bod, basic job, nothing special) posted by 3–5 different women in the same week. He’s telling each one “We’re exclusive” while juggling them like a part-time job. The women aren’t 9s and 10s(usually 3s-5.5s at best), but they’re real women who are sleeping with him and catching feelings. So yes even “mid” or below-average men can build a rotation when they put in minimal effort.
2. Most women don’t even qualify for the “Top 10% man.” Because of their own filters: age, race, height (half the women on apps set 6'0), weight, education, income, location, etc. The “Top 10%” guy isn’t swiping on 40-year-old single moms with three kids in a flyover state. He’s not chasing the 5'2" woman who’s 50 lbs overweight either. Supply and demand cuts both ways. Does this mean top tier guys don't bang subpar women? all the time but a subpar woman for a top tier guy is a 6/7 for most guys that would be their looksmatch
3. Some women genuinely love dusty men… because they’re dusty themselves. Birds of a feather. I recognized some girls I knew from High school or girls I dated in the past who let themselves go. If you knew the women personally, it makes sense why they are in the group they tend to be drama-queens, vapid, shallow just insufferable individuals that no high-quality man would want even for a bang. A lower-tier guy will put up with bad behavior, usually moreso in hopes of getting some MEOW
4. These groups completely shatter the “women only want Chad” narrative. The comment sections are flooded with single mothers, women over 35, disabled women, young girls just starting out, overweight women, etc. all sharing screenshots of the same low-to-mid value guys. If women truly only chased the top 10%, these groups would be empty. Instead they’re proof that the dating market is way more assortative (people pairing roughly with their own level) than the doomers want to admit.

I truly believe Incels and normal guys want a model or IG thot and are mad they can't get one the truth is if you want a girl who is hot and works out then yeah you can't be angry if she expects the same it's just common sense

Thoughts?

 

[Slowhandluke]

If you spend any time in certain corners of the internet, you’ve heard the blackpill/incel gospel: “Women only date the top 5-10% of men. Everyone else is invisible. It’s over.”

Bro… have you actually opened one of the giant “Are We Dating the Same Guy” Facebook groups?

These groups (there are dozens across every major city) are where women post screenshots of the guys they’re talking to or dating so other women can share “tea.” And Glorious poop, the pattern is the exact opposite of the doomer narrative. It truly opened my eyes after one of my platonic girlfriends let me browse for 2 hours during a platonic dinner date I gladly paid for

Here’s what you actually see:

1. Subpar men absolutely get rotations/harems. Not Instagram-model harems, but still multiple women at once. You’ll see the same average-looking dude (dad bod, basic job, nothing special) posted by 3–5 different women in the same week. He’s telling each one “We’re exclusive” while juggling them like a part-time job. The women aren’t 9s and 10s(usually 3s-5.5s at best), but they’re real women who are sleeping with him and catching feelings. So yes even “mid” or below-average men can build a rotation when they put in minimal effort.
2. Most women don’t even qualify for the “Top 10% man.” Because of their own filters: age, race, height (half the women on apps set 6'0), weight, education, income, location, etc. The “Top 10%” guy isn’t swiping on 40-year-old single moms with three kids in a flyover state. He’s not chasing the 5'2" woman who’s 50 lbs overweight either. Supply and demand cuts both ways. Does this mean top tier guys don't bang subpar women? all the time but a subpar woman for a top tier guy is a 6/7 for most guys that would be their looksmatch
3. Some women genuinely love dusty men… because they’re dusty themselves. Birds of a feather. I recognized some girls I knew from High school or girls I dated in the past who let themselves go. If you knew the women personally, it makes sense why they are in the group they tend to be drama-queens, vapid, shallow just insufferable individuals that no high-quality man would want even for a bang. A lower-tier guy will put up with bad behavior, usually moreso in hopes of getting some MEOW
4. These groups completely shatter the “women only want Chad” narrative. The comment sections are flooded with single mothers, women over 35, disabled women, young girls just starting out, overweight women, etc. all sharing screenshots of the same low-to-mid value guys. If women truly only chased the top 10%, these groups would be empty. Instead they’re proof that the dating market is way more assortative (people pairing roughly with their own level) than the doomers want to admit.

I truly believe Incels and normal guys want a model or IG thot and are mad they can't get one the truth is if you want a girl who is hot and works out then yeah you can't be angry if she expects the same it's just common sense

Thoughts?

there will always be edge cases... if you are trying to say, men of all types get women. - sure, I agree with your, so what?

I think most people would agree; on average, attractive people get the most dates and partners. there have been numerous studies on this.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

That actual data that leads to the "women only go for top X% of guys" is actually misinterpreted.

The data comes from dudes that ladies "swipe right" on. Express interest in within an online dating scenario.

No dudes that they actually date.

In reality, women are mostly desperate and will date any dude who gives her the time of day.

If anybody would actually get off the internet, social media, online dating and get out into the real world, they'd see the dating market is pretty much mid quality people dating other mid quality people.

And because most mid quality women will hook up relatively easily with a mid quality guy who pretends he's potentially interested in something long term, it's not so difficult to date plenty of women at the same time.

But because most guys have not only unrealistic standards but subpar social skills, they'll live inside a black pill delusion forever.

 

[Slowhandluke]

But because most guys have not only unrealistic standards but subpar social skills, they'll live inside a black pill delusion forever.

depends... do women want a husband/relationship more then men? If so, women will need to improve...

if women are fine with not having kids, living alone, etc... yes this black pill delusion will continue... UNTIL a crop of NEW women appear and are given the same choice. The older women will become "invisible" - a common complaint by older women and their opinions will not be worth that much to men.

It's a Mexican standoff, who will blink first? Men have a longer time period and they can "do this all day"... well, perhaps not all day, but their "beauty" doesn't fade as quickly as womens'.

 

[Clockwerk50]

I’ve mentioned multiple times that one of the girls I’m seeing is in one of those groups. Even though I don’t have access or visibility into it, she sometimes tells me what’s going on there. Here are a few things she’s mentioned recently that I can remember:

1. She said the number of men in there is “disgusting” because many of them are cheaters, some with wives, girlfriends, or other partners.
   
   
2. She’s also mentioned that some men lack emotional and social awareness. For example, one woman posted about a good-looking guy who tried to make out with her immediately in his car and ended up ejaculating in his pants. In another case, a guy tried to make out right away when the girl wasn’t ready. There were also screenshots of texts where a guy became extremely sexual too quickly. Another story involved a “nerdy” guy who was vetted over a video chat but gave off creepy vibes, so the woman decided not to go out with him.
   
   
3. A lot of women complain that many men in those groups are time-wasters or “serial daters” who don’t have any intention of settling down. They’re frustrated and upset about it.

 

[Velasco]

The women aren’t 9s and 10s(usually 3s-5.5s at best

obviously. therefore irrelevant

 

[Slowhandluke]

I’ve mentioned multiple times that one of the girls I’m seeing is in one of those groups. Even though I don’t have access or visibility into it, she sometimes tells me what’s going on there. Here are a few things she’s mentioned recently that I can remember:

1. She said the number of men in there is “disgusting” because many of them are cheaters, some with wives, girlfriends, or other partners.
   
   
2. She’s also mentioned that some men lack emotional and social awareness. For example, one woman posted about a good-looking guy who tried to make out with her immediately in his car and ended up ejaculating in his pants. In another case, a guy tried to make out right away when the girl wasn’t ready. There were also screenshots of texts where a guy became extremely sexual too quickly. Another story involved a “nerdy” guy who was vetted over a video chat but gave off creepy vibes, so the woman decided not to go out with him.
   
   
3. A lot of women complain that many men in those groups are time-wasters or “serial daters” who don’t have any intention of settling down. They’re frustrated and upset about it.

1st mistake: listening to women without verification. something about "why listen to the fish for advise on how to catch fish instead of asking a fisherman"... somthing like that i think...

Dude, idc... according to your female friend, guys are the problem. And guys need to shape up... Great thanks for the insight.

 

[Mike32ct]

I think it’s a cope or attempted explanation because we don’t really know for sure how most “normies” (and lower lol) end up dating.

They tend to keep it REALLY quiet for multiple reasons (or just lie about how they met). Maybe they met online but don’t want to admit it. Maybe they were coworkers secretly banging after work for a year before officially “dating” and don’t want to talk about it lol. Maybe he stole her from another guy when their relationship was on the rocks.

As I mentioned in another thread, in a social circle, you’ll find out who is dating who, but you may never know HOW exactly they got together.

In the absence of meaningful intel, it’s more interesting and juicy gossip to assume they are all just secretly banging Chad/Tyrone.

 

[Solomon]

I think it’s a cope or attempted explanation because we don’t really know for sure how most “normies” (and lower lol) end up dating.

They tend to keep it REALLY quiet for multiple reasons (or just lie about how they met). Maybe they met online but don’t want to admit it. Maybe they were coworkers secretly banging after work for a year before officially “dating” and don’t want to talk about it lol. Maybe he stole her from another guy when their relationship was on the rocks.

As I mentioned in another thread, in a social circle, you’ll find out who is dating who, but you may never know HOW exactly they got together.

In the absence of meaningful intel, it’s more interesting and juicy gossip to assume they are all just secretly banging Chad/Tyrone.

Cope? as another poster mentioned when you go outside, you see all sorts of couples ugly men with ugly women, pretty women with ugly men etc. The reality is it's easy to get inside a bubble but honestly when I gout with my chad/Tyrone friends to the bar they are not hunting 4s and 5s

 

[Bokanovsky]

Thoughts?

I have to scratch my head when I hear the 10/90 or 20/80 argument (i.e. top 10-20% of men having sex with 80-90% of women). The idea that "chads" go out into the world and alpha widow hundreds of 3's and 4's is so preposterous you have to wonder about the mental sanity of people who propagate this nonsense.

 

[Mike32ct]

Cope? as another poster mentioned when you go outside, you see all sorts of couples ugly men with ugly women, pretty women with ugly men etc. The reality is it's easy to get inside a bubble but honestly when I gout with my chad/Tyrone friends to the bar they are not hunting 4s and 5s

I was agreeing with you. I meant 90/10 was cope of sorts. I probably didn’t make that clear.

 

[Snag87]

All women would like to go for the top 10% of men. Many (definitely not all) women are able to make a reasonably accurate assessment of their SMV and act accordingly.

 

[Clockwerk50]

1st mistake: listening to women without verification. something about "why listen to the fish for advise on how to catch fish instead of asking a fisherman"... somthing like that i think...

Dude, idc... according to your female friend, guys are the problem. And guys need to shape up... Great thanks for the insight.

I’m not entirely sure what you’re trying to get at here, and to be fair, I probably don’t have a fully objective picture of dating dynamics either. But like I said before, third-wave feminism and the manosphere often mirror the same extremes. Both sides tend to frame themselves as victims, blame society for their problems instead of emphasizing personal accountability, create an “enemy,” and reinforce those beliefs through echo chambers, whether that’s Facebook groups such as these or online forums.

The funny thing is that the same women who say “all men are the same” because they can’t find a relationship aren’t that different from the guys who claim they’re invisible because “women only want the top 10%.”. No one wants to touch them with a 10 foot pole, and that is due to a lot of factors like attitude, behavior, attractiveness, or unrealistic expectations.

Either way, at the end of the day, I’m just sharing what an actual woman told me about what’s being discussed in those groups.

 

[Slowhandluke]

I’m not entirely sure what you’re trying to get at here, and to be fair, I probably don’t have a fully objective picture of dating dynamics either.

it's easy to understand. There are widely agreed upon facts. one of which is that the majority of men are NOT dating.. another is that a good majority of men in their 20s are still virgins while the opposite is true for women. This is agreed by just about everyone.

Now the deduction is where people disagree. Most feminists will say men just suck... or men are not sociable, etc.. etc.. however, given that at any one time there is an equal number of women born and an equal number of men born; why is there a dating imbalance (more women say they are dating as compared to men; even though in general everyone is dating less)?

also, how can most women not be virgins when a lot of men are, given that the population of men and women. are about equal? who are these women losing their virginities too?

its like saying in a room of 50 women and 50 men. 40 women have lost their virginity, but yet only 20 men. how can this is possible? I only see one general explanation.

oh well.. whatever...

 

[plumber]

it is much easier to accept being not Chad then it is to try to be bold.

 

[Solomon]

I have to scratch my head when I hear the 10/90 or 20/80 argument (i.e. top 10-20% of men having sex with 80-90% of women). The idea that "chads" go out into the world and alpha widow hundreds of 3's and 4's is so preposterous you have to wonder about the mental sanity of people who propagate this nonsense.

Indeed bro, as someone like yourself who has seen how the dating market has evolved in the last decade or two, I've noticed in the last 5-10 years that social media has become a "Super eco-chamber" espeically in red pill/manosphere spaces I mean it's always been but at least 15 years ago you had guys who actually went out to talk/meet/hook up with girls so the intel and posting where more based on reality and not just pseudio-stat's or stat's that get misinterpted I would reckon we are at a place now where 80-90% of guys who talk about game, women, female nature don't even go outside to meet women. I remember when 45% of Gen never approached a woman, which went viral about a year and half ago. Or that over 33% of men ages 18-30 haven't had sex in a year (wouldn't be shocked if it's higher) etc. Now you see a dengerate who admits to using steroids and meth like Claviciular become popular, and within a year he gets the cover of GQ. It lets me know that dating dynamics are deteriorating at an accelerated pace

I was agreeing with you. I meant 90/10 was cope of sorts. I probably didn’t make that clear.

'
I must have misread my bad, good to know you didn't take it personally!!! good to see you around still as well

All women would like to go for the top 10% of men. Many (definitely not all) women are able to make a reasonably accurate assessment of their SMV and act accordingly.

I totally agree with the first sentence, but not so much with the second.

20 years ago, a chubby chick(for example)knew her SMV. She may have had a ONS or two with a Chad in college or at the club, but she knew that wasn’t the guy who would marry her and dated accordingly, eventually snagging a hubby. Now, a chubby chick can bang a Chad on Tinder and suddenly think it’s her MMV.

One reason you see so many women crying on TikTok about being in “situationships” (and not all of them are chubby some are actually hot) is that they’re shooting for men way out of their league. They’ve lost the ability to accurately assess their own value.

I think it’s the “Pandora’s Box effect”: That's why dating nowadays is tough for average men because so many average women now have the same standards that top-tier women have.

 

[Hal9000]

I don't think it should be a huge revelation that if a guy's willing to bang homely/damaged women he will get more action than if hes focusing only on Instagram models. The trailer parks are full of unattractive people getting it on with each other. In the land of the blind the one eyed man is king.

 

[Clockwerk50]

it's easy to understand. There are widely agreed upon facts. one of which is that the majority of men are NOT dating.. another is that a good majority of men in their 20s are still virgins while the opposite is true for women. This is agreed by just about everyone.

Now the deduction is where people disagree. Most feminists will say men just suck... or men are not sociable, etc.. etc.. however, given that at any one time there is an equal number of women born and an equal number of men born; why is there a dating imbalance (more women say they are dating as compared to men; even though in general everyone is dating less)?

also, how can most women not be virgins when a lot of men are, given that the population of men and women. are about equal? who are these women losing their virginities too?

its like saying in a room of 50 women and 50 men. 40 women have lost their virginity, but yet only 20 men. how can this is possible? I only see one general explanation.

oh well.. whatever...

@Solomon is describing what’s happening in the real world where average guys dating multiple women, while women complain about their behavior, lack of social awareness, etc. The Facebook groups are just being used as evidence. The main point that “Chad takes all the women” isn’t really accurate since average guys are clearly still getting dates and even juggling multiple women.

As for your point, there’s nothing desirable about having no options, and no one is choosing the bottom if they have better choices. Most people are simply going for the best they can get within the tier they realistically have access to. Men tend to date within their level or down, while women tend to date within their level or up.

The reality is that people are pairing up based on what they can get, while still complaining when those options don’t meet their expectations in terms of behavior or intent.

I don't think it should be a huge revelation that if a guy's willing to bang homely/damaged women he will get more action than if hes focusing only on Instagram models. The trailer parks are full of unattractive people getting it on with each other. In the land of the blind the one eyed man is king.

So in conclusion, both men and women need to be realistic about their dating pool and be willing to adjust their standards and expectations if they want a relationship or sex.

 

[Bokanovsky]

@Solomon is describing what’s happening in the real world where average guys dating multiple women, while women complain about their behavior, lack of social awareness, etc. The Facebook groups are just being used as evidence. The main point that “Chad takes all the women” isn’t really accurate since average guys are clearly still getting dates and even juggling multiple women.

What I've learned over the years, both in my personal and professional life, is that many people have a strong propensity for black-and-white thinking. They will take something that has a kernel of truth and stretch it to the point of absurdity.

Are "chads" having more sex than average men? Naturally. Does that make it more difficult for average guys to get with attractive women? Yes, to some extent. Are there instances of "chads" occasionally dumpster-diving? Sure. But to take those facts and somehow extrapolate that 10% of men have sex with 90% to women would be a gross exaggeration.

 

[Slowhandluke]

So in conclusion, both men and women need to be realistic about their dating pool and be willing to adjust their standards and expectations if they want a relationship or sex.

average men can have relationships with women. It's called the "friend zone". its quite popular among women. Average men can also get escorts...

I feel the ball is more on the women's side. Also, its the women who complained the loudest and the most about not finding anyone suitable. The men only "complain" when they are asked. But on the most part, men just do their own thing... a little sadder, but being men, they keep marching forward enjoying life as it is, not how they would like it to be..