The "Common Enemy" Effect

[Nick Truman]

There is an old saying: “The enemy of my enemy is my friend.”

In the psychology of attraction, this takes on a profound meaning. When you position yourself as an ally against a common external frustration, whether it’s a difficult boss, a stressful social situation, or a misunderstood perspective, you create instant complicity.

This complicity builds a rare form of emotional safety. You aren’t just another man trying to impress her; you are the one person who truly "gets" it.

By offering empathy, support, and validation, you occupy a unique role somewhere between a confidant and an accomplice. This is where deep, powerful intimacy is born.

This intimate connection then has a good chance of leading to something else...

Have you ever developed a romantic relationship with a woman by initially playing the role of her ally? Share your experience.

 

[The Duke]

I prefer to build connections from positive associations, not negative. But yes both can connect two people thru common ground. The results are the same. Every single date I've been on I have done what you mentioned. Its why I have great success with 1st dates.

 

[Clockwerk50]

Arguing, which I assume you’re using here to be opposite to emotional safety, is a terrible way to build connection or attraction. Even if you “win,” the other person just ends up feeling defensive and resentful. You have much more influence when you stay calm and use humour. This is why, in the red pill, they suggest using agree and amplify, STFU, amused mastery, and others that I’m forgetting. People only open up when they don’t feel like they’re being attacked. This is also why a good psychologist rarely argues, and instead, they ask questions, guiding the person to reach their own conclusions.

Also, I wrote before that people are really stubborn, and they form a shell with their own tastes, opinions, and experience to prevent any foreign influences from obstructing their own ideas. In order to break down their walls and draw them out, you must conform, adapt, and validate people’s moods, beliefs, and values. This way, they won’t feel threatened by someone else’s strangeness or different habits, and people naturally love seeing their ideas reflected in others. Once they are open to you, you will be able to infect them with your mood whatever your goal is.

How "game" screwed me up (FR)

As you mentioned, none of us were there to assess the dynamic and energy between both of you, nor can we analyze every detail of what was said to make a better assessment. Nonetheless, I’m throwing this out there, and hopefully, some of it resonates with you: 1. People are really stubborn, and...

www.sosuave.net

 

[zekko]

I prefer to build connections from positive associations, not negative. But yes both can connect two people thru common ground. The results are the same. Every single date I've been on I have done what you mentioned. Its why I have great success with 1st dates.

I'm not proud of it, but I admit I have worked some gossipy bashing of a certain person into my flirtations if I picked up that the girl has an issue with that person. It certainly can work. I try to do it in a joking, light hearted manner though.