Online game: Feel like I'm just interviewing them (minimal reciprocity) this normal?

[Solomon]

Mostly those are the time wasters...there are some portion of women who aren't looking to actually meet up, just chat with guys.

Totally agree, and it's up to OP to spot those timewasters and women who are not serious. I set up dates within the first several messages. I don't waste my time on women who are to "busy" to meet within a week. Heck I even had a woman drive 3.5 hours recently another one is driving 90 minutes. I say this not to brag but if you really are engaging with a woman and you hit it off they will make effort to spend time with you.

 

[SpartanWarrior77]

"You don't talk much do you?" or something cheeky like that, you can't force a woman to invest if she doesn't know you or doesn't know if it's worht it

Really it's a situational thing, personally for me, I do not waste much time on women who are not showing high interest or are not intelligent enough to have a conversation.I get bored very easily, luckily

In OP's defense, there are a lot of women, who on OLD that hardly try, and it's like pulling teeth, what I found works for me is women who are from a certain niche(big booty nerdy anime girls) they tend to fit my communication and compatibility style better. One thing that's seldom talked about on sosuave is that a lot of women you match or even date via OLD you're not going to be compatible with at all and that includes communication style. The older I get the more it makes sense as OLD is about communication. Not saying OP may not be dry, but what works on one chick doesn't always work with the next and so forth etc.

I'm about to give up on international OLD, unless you're going there within 2-3 months, it's just not worth the brutal slog of contacting hundreds of women and having dry boring convos with 99.999% I was contemplating doing it for upto 6 months before I left which just seems like terrible ROI! if someone is that committed to finding someone abroad, might as well go there and meet these girls in person. That's where the real chemistry lies.

Plus, it kind of sucks that by the time u meet them, u already know everything about them but u found it out through chat rather than the magic of in-person bonding.

Cuz even if u meet someone amazing and talk to them for several months, you could see them in person finally and be totally turned off for many different reasons from their smell to their in-person quirks.

 

[Solomon]

I'm about to give up on international OLD, unless you're going there within 2-3 months, it's just not worth the brutal slog of contacting hundreds of women and having dry boring convos with 99.999% I was contemplating doing it for up to 6 months before I left which just seems like terrible ROI! if someone is that committed to finding someone abroad, might as well go there and meet these girls in person. That's where the real chemistry lies.

Plus, it kind of sucks that by the time u meet them, u already know everything about them but u found it out through chat rather than the magic of in-person bonding.

Cuz even if u meet someone amazing and talk to them for several months, you could see them in person finally and be totally turned off for many different reasons from their smell to their in-person quirks.

Yreah OP you're wasting your time, women have tons of options, why would they wait 2-3 months for you?
If you planning on traveling i would wait a week or two(max) and then start pipelining, I use to do this, and some places worked better than others but MOST women aren't going to wait 2-3 months for a guy to visit their country and even if it's a sure thing, they most likely are entertiaing other men

 

[Gamisch]

Yreah OP you're wasting your time, women have tons of options, why would they wait 2-3 months for you?
If you planning on traveling i would wait a week or two(max) and then start pipelining, I use to do this, and some places worked better than others but MOST women aren't going to wait 2-3 months for a guy to visit their country and even if it's a sure thing, they most likely are entertiaing other men

You say it's not his mistake, and I get that .

But..imo his mistake is one most men make: having a low bar/ standards. If you talk with any person , and they don't match your energy it should be an automatic turn off.

But most men only know lukewarm interest and thus think it's normal. It's not. Most go their entire life without ever knowing real interest, aka soaking wet p00sy. Especially when you date a woman so the outside world will give you compliments

*So you gotta boss the F up. Become more desirable to women in general so you'll experience REAL female lust.
*perhaps date down for a while
*eject as soon as it becomes yet another interview because as we see it chips away from your self-esteem

To add to the first point; a woman who likes you will be night and day from one whois like mweh about a man. A woman will be EXTREMELY direct with her interest towards you.

 

[Solomon]

You say it's not his mistake, and I get that .

But..imo his mistake is one most men make: having a low bar/ standards. If you talk with any person , and they don't match your energy it should be an automatic turn off.

But most men only know lukewarm interest and thus think it's normal. It's not. Most go their entire life without ever knowing real interest, aka soaking wet p00sy. Especially when you date a woman so the outside world will give you compliments

*So you gotta boss the F up. Become more desirable to women in general so you'll experience REAL female lust.
*perhaps date down for a while
*eject as soon as it becomes yet another interview because as we see it chips away from your self-esteem

To add to the first point; a woman who likes you will be night and day from one whois like mweh about a man. A woman will be EXTREMELY direct with her interest towards you.

I mean, once OP posted more contex,t you saw me give more of a tailored answer I do not disagree with you
However you're quoting the part after OP gave more intel, so yeah OP's mistake is simple, he's pipelining 2-3 months ahead which is a dummy mission and thus he's getting "Mid" interest chicks at best.

I do not disagree with you at all on the lukewarm interest part I do not waste my time with low interest women. I had a woman drive 3.5 hours in September to get cracked. I have another one lined up this weekend that is driving 90 minutes and the following week another that is driving 3 hours. These are women I never met before via OLD, most guys can't get a girl to drive 20 minutes to meet them somewhere. I don't say this to brag, but I know guys who are driving 8 hours just to get shut down on a date.

The last 4 months the longest I have driven is 15 minutes...and that was to crack a girl on site

 

[SpartanWarrior77]

As a heavy player with thousands of approaches and hundreds of pulls, I know the difference between super high interest and low interest. That's precisely what is killing my patience when it comes to OLD. However, I'm going for very high quality now 8+ chicks and I'm trying to avoid throwing things out bc I'm getting lukewarm engagement. Deep down, I think there's something about OLD that guys need to adapt to which is when u go for high-quality LTR type chicks, it's a different game. You gotta build up the rapport. Why would they just be immediately super interested (given the context/distance). It needs to be built up...

 

[Solomon]

As a heavy player with thousands of approaches and hundreds of pulls, I know the difference between super high interest and low interest. That's precisely what is killing my patience when it comes to OLD. However, I'm going for very high quality now 8+ chicks and I'm trying to avoid throwing things out bc I'm getting lukewarm engagement. Deep down, I think there's something about OLD that guys need to adapt to which is when u go for high-quality LTR type chicks, it's a different game. You gotta build up the rapport. Why would they just be immediately super interested (given the context/distance). It needs to be built up...

LTR type chicks, high quality and Online dating

 

[SpartanWarrior77]

LTR type chicks, high quality and Online dating

Haha, I'm not using dating apps for this like I originally said. I'm using a non-dating app for other endeavors that has the option for dating (unsaid and soft reality) of the app.

 

[Cheeky_James]

deleted

 

[Manure Spherian]

My two friends met their second wives from OLD. My cousin met her husband on Tinder. I met my wife on POF. Male cousin met his on E harmony.

My brother is routinely taking women from OLD on tizzy tours.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Typically if it feels that way, these are time wasters who aren't that into you.

Women who are actually into you will make the conversation easy...but then you have to actually know how to pique their interest and not be boring.

It should be far easier to be a good conversationalist through messages initially because you have plenty of time to think about what you want to say and how to phrase things whereas in person you have to process and respond much quicker.

 

[Bingo-Player]

As men we severely underestimate just how much women are able to read into and anaylse things

Most women are complete masters of PR and you better believe they will Disect every available piece of information to them

The game is too let you talk yourself into revealing what your all about and guess what the Questions your asking will reveal more than the answers she is giving

From the word go she is assessing your value and wether other women would want you

Unfortunately giving generic questions to a woman will automatically signal that your an amateur with women

Stuff like how was your day , what did you do on the weekend , what's your favourite colour

Women know that guys who communicate like this don't get much pu$$y

Because any guy that does get Pu$$y doesn't communicate like this

There are some women that will play along but in the back of their minds they still already know you are not particularly valuable so therefore theres going to be little competition for you and little need to be engaged with you

WOMEN ARE GROUP THINKERS

A woman will only be engaged if she thinks theres a threat another woman might get you first everything you present and do IRL or ONLINE

Must signal to her that your a valuable option and there are other women snapping at your heels

Your photos must be intriguing , your prompts must be mysterious , your conversation must be unusual

 

[Cheeky_James]

As men we severely underestimate just how much women are able to read into and anaylse things

Most women are complete masters of PR and you better believe they will Disect every available piece of information to them

The game is too let you talk yourself into revealing what your all about and guess what the Questions your asking will reveal more than the answers she is giving

From the word go she is assessing your value and wether other women would want you

Unfortunately giving generic questions to a woman will automatically signal that your an amateur with women

Stuff like how was your day , what did you do on the weekend , what's your favourite colour

Women know that guys who communicate like this don't get much pu$$y

Because any guy that does get Pu$$y doesn't communicate like this

There are some women that will play along but in the back of their minds they still already know you are not particularly valuable so therefore theres going to be little competition for you and little need to be engaged with you

WOMEN ARE GROUP THINKERS

A woman will only be engaged if she thinks theres a threat another woman might get you first everything you present and do IRL or ONLINE

Must signal to her that your a valuable option and there are other women snapping at your heels

Your photos must be intriguing , your prompts must be mysterious , your conversation must be unusual

110% correct. Well said.
Critical stuff to keep in mind especially re Online dating chats.

How do you play it online Bingo..?

 

[tksniper]

I use the question -> reward -> relate structure.

Question #1 “What do you like to do for fun?”

Her: “I like to do blah blah blah…hang out with friends, hiking, the gym, karaoke, hang out with family. ”

Reward: “That’s cool. Not just are you sexy but you also seem like the type that (compliment her on her unique qualities based on her reply).” “I like that.”

Relate: As for myself, I really like to be active. Hiking is pretty fun during the summer. During the winter I like to go skiing up in the poconos.

Repeat steps 1, 2, and 3.

Question #2: “So what are you looking for on here? “

At this point I can usually tell if we are looking for the same things. I like conversations with intention and not just fluff talk. Keep in mind the second question only comes up if she isn’t asking me questions herself. Also, while the reward is important because it encourages her to open up, I can’t reward her if she gives 1 word replies. That means I’m playing tennis by myself. A conversation is a two way street.

This is just a general guideline if you are a novice at getting women to engage. Obviously conversations can go off structure. But it helps to have a baseline structure to fall back on.

This structure works very well on Tinder because people are quick to the point. Not sure if it’s effective for an overseas type of conversation. Although Ive gotten a few women to visit me from another city, or agreed to meet me at their city while using this basic structure.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

Don't ask questions, make statements and commands.

 

[Bingo-Player]

I use the question -> reward -> relate structure.


Question #2: “So what are you looking for on here? “

Never ask a woman what she is looking for , You're placing yourself into a weak position to allow her to start dictating terms

Not only that a woman will change her intentions depending on how she perceives you

If she perceives you as valuable she will mould to be whatever it is you want her to be.

Asking her is like saying " I have no clue what I'm doing here and I'm hoping you will suggest something sexual that I can latch onto"

 

[Bingo-Player]

How do you play it online Bingo..?

I have a long term girlfriend atm so I am out of the field I wasn't using apps much even when I was single because I felt the ROI was too low and the male height obsessions on these apps had kind of gotten to an almost hysteria point

I do know guys that are cleaning up on Hinge but they've done a lot of work on their profiles like photos with hidden clues for chicks to pick up on , very clever and well shot photos , witty and deep prompts

Some of the things these guys have women messaging them would really make you re-evaluate just how naughty & sexual a lot of women will be if they feel the guy is a catch

I think if you want to be successful on these apps you need to really understand the female gaze its not physical like the male

Women really like to fantasise so you have to kind of craft a dating profile that almost feels like it could be a character in a romcom or a romance novel

You want her spending a lot of time analysing your profile and thinking about you as a person , naturally a lot of guys just select 6 random photos from their camera roll and 3 prompts that have been done 100,000 times before and then shoot a message like

" hi your cute / beautiful / sexy

Women aren't stimulated by these types of profiles and therefore tend to be very unresponsive

 

[tksniper]

Never ask a woman what she is looking for , You're placing yourself into a weak position to allow her to start dictating terms

Not only that a woman will change her intentions depending on how she perceives you

If she perceives you as valuable she will mould to be whatever it is you want her to be.

Asking her is like saying " I have no clue what I'm doing here and I'm hoping you will suggest something sexual that I can latch onto"

I actually see what frame you’re coming from. I appreciate your game playa.

 

[Captain Redbeard]

Never ask a woman what she is looking for , You're placing yourself into a weak position to allow her to start dictating terms

Not only that a woman will change her intentions depending on how she perceives you

If she perceives you as valuable she will mould to be whatever it is you want her to be.

Asking her is like saying " I have no clue what I'm doing here and I'm hoping you will suggest something sexual that I can latch onto"

100%.

Lead the interaction, don't let her dictate the frame. Plus, any woman who's been on an app for 5 minutes has had 10 guys ask her this same "so what are you looking for on here?" question. Stand out from the pack, lest you be lumped in with guys that conduct an interview to nowhere and having nothing to offer.

As I've said before, the bar is low. It doesn't take that much to separate yourself from the have-nots.

 

[Solomon]

As men we severely underestimate just how much women are able to read into and anaylse things

Most women are complete masters of PR and you better believe they will Disect every available piece of information to them

The game is too let you talk yourself into revealing what your all about and guess what the Questions your asking will reveal more than the answers she is giving

From the word go she is assessing your value and wether other women would want you

Unfortunately giving generic questions to a woman will automatically signal that your an amateur with women

Stuff like how was your day , what did you do on the weekend , what's your favourite colour

Women know that guys who communicate like this don't get much pu$$y

Because any guy that does get Pu$$y doesn't communicate like this

There are some women that will play along but in the back of their minds they still already know you are not particularly valuable so therefore theres going to be little competition for you and little need to be engaged with you

WOMEN ARE GROUP THINKERS

A woman will only be engaged if she thinks theres a threat another woman might get you first everything you present and do IRL or ONLINE

Must signal to her that your a valuable option and there are other women snapping at your heels

Your photos must be intriguing , your prompts must be mysterious , your conversation must be unusual

I agree with this, but I disagree. Let me dive deep (pause) that men who get laid know how to communicate in a cheeky, flirty, bantering way, etc Is true

However you underestimate that there are a lot of women who are burned out on these apps and thus look for anything to disqualify a guy even if the guy is harmlessely flirting and 2nd some women, while they are tired of the "how was your weekend" type questions, would rather get that then a guy asking right away "do you wanna ****?" It's basically up to you to decide which route to go. I have an opener that I use online dating for years which lets me know of the bat how a woman response if she has a sense of humor or not by how she responds. It's a miniqualifier and the older I get 1. Most women are to dumb to get it. 2. The ones who have ADHD and try to gloss over it. 3. The women who find it lame-Those are the ones I unmatch with. 4. The ones who laugh and get it. The opener allows me to vet not just for humor but if a woman is socially initlligent etc.

“Hypothetical: We are both stuck in an elevator for an hour. How do we survive without killing each other or falling asleep? I need your survival strategy.”

^^The Opener, yes it's a bit cheesy but you'd be surprised how it works because most men aren't asking a question like this

Personally, I like to keep things flirty, fun initally which brings me to my 3rd point some women are awkward communicators especially via text or messaging or not in a mental capacity etc. Regardless of the issue there is more than one way to skin a cat.