Keys to "long" marriage

[jhonny9546]

Many scientific studies suggest that certain attitudes and traits contribute significantly to the long-term stability of a marriage. These include:

- Religiosity and spirituality
- Commitment and loyalty to the relationship
- Mutual trust and empathy
- Patience, support, and forgiveness
- Self-acceptance and acceptance of others
- Stable personality traits that promote cooperation and resilience in difficult times

Taken together, these characteristics highlight the central role of forgiveness. Open communication and a willingness to forgive are often presented as keys to lasting relationships and enduring marriages.
However, this perspective raises a difficult question: does it mean that, for a marriage to succeed, one must accept and forgive acts of disrespect, dismissing them as "temporary phases" or “transition periods” in the relationship?

One of the most debated points is how to respond when a partner shows disrespect.
Many divorced men here explain that they initially chose forgiveness, but later became more cynical and less generous toward women as a result of repeated disappointments. So they learnt that what they were losing was their frame.
Once a man it's in his frame, He is not willing to accept those "temporary phases" and forgive.

But experts often argue that being willing to talk about problems, show vulnerability, and work toward solutions is the path to a stable marriage.
This just sounds to be a male with only the beta traits.

 

[Manure Spherian]

This just sounds to be a male with only the beta traits.

What’s an alternative to diplomacy? Granted marriage is supposed to come with male authority, but difficulties requiring arbitration arise in households.

Do you want to get married?

 

[BaronOfHair]

Don't spend too much time around each other, keep it light and fun when you do:

Lots of not only modern marriages, but relationships between human beings more generally, end up in the f-c-ing meat grinder, when we mistake them for a shrink's office or/and a confessional booth

 

[Sega Genesis]

Don't spend too much time around each other, keep it light and fun when you do...

Lots of not only modern marriages, but relationships between human beings more generally, end up in the f-c-ing meat grinder, when we mistake them for a shrink's office or/and a confessional booth

^^100%.

The problem in many marriages and LTRs is that in time 'familiarity breeds boredom' and couples lose their desire for each other.

Many therapists and marriage counselors advocate for "togetherness" and "communication," however in my experience there's too much togetherness and communication!

Which ultimately results in a great big YAWN for many couples, sadly.

The most successful couples know how balance togetherness and distance to avoid the yawns from happening and keep the fire burning hot and their desire for each other strong!

Not sure if any of you are familiar with psychologist and relationship guru Esther Perel, I know @BeExcellent is...

She sums it up beautifully!

It's how my boyfriend and I conduct our relationship (thankfully we're on the same wavelength) and hopefully will continue on that same positive path!

Anyway.....

See below from Esther Perel (the condensed version). It's worth a read and she has an excellent video discussing this as well.

>>"The secret to desire in a long-term relationship or marriage is finding the right balance between our need for security, predictability and intimacy and our equally strong need for novelty, adventure and surprise.

She argues that the elements that create the "home" of a relationship—safety and dependability—can also stifle desire, while the "forbidden" or unknown can be highly erotic.

To sustain desire, couples must learn to cultivate this essential tension by incorporating elements of unpredictability, fun, and individual exploration into their shared lives, rather than expecting one partner to be both a best friend and an erotic partner."

 

[BaronOfHair]

^^100%.

The problem in many marriages and LTRs is that in time 'familiarity breeds boredom' and couples lose their desire for each other.

Many therapists and marriage counselors advocate for "togetherness" and "communication," however in my experience there's too much togetherness and communication!

Which ultimately results in a great big YAWN for many couples, sadly.

The most successful couples know how balance togetherness and distance to avoid the yawns from happening and keep the fire burning hot and their desire for each other strong!

Not sure if any of you are familiar with psychologist and relationship guru Esther Perel, I know @BeExcellent is...

She sums it up beautifully!

It's how my boyfriend and I conduct our relationship (thankfully we're on the same wavelength) and hopefully will continue on that same positive path!

Anyway.....

See below from Esther Perel (the condensed version). It's worth a read and she has an excellent video discussing this as well.

>>"The secret to desire in a long-term relationship or marriage is finding the right balance between our need for security, predictability and intimacy and our equally strong need for novelty, adventure and surprise.

She argues that the elements that create the "home" of a relationship—safety and dependability—can also stifle desire, while the "forbidden" or unknown can be highly erotic.

To sustain desire, couples must learn to cultivate this essential tension by incorporating elements of unpredictability, fun, and individual exploration into their shared lives, rather than expecting one partner to be both a best friend and an erotic partner."

Yep. It's not a fluke that the following https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ActionDad stands out so sharply, on the rare occasions we see it on film... In RL, most men cease the activities that made them virile and magnetic to begin with(IF they engaged in such things much at all), start spending most of their time playing it safe with the missus in suburbia