Women raise their male child to be nice, when the model of masculinity they chooses to live with is the opposite?

[jhonny9546]

I’ve noticed a strange duality in how women, especially mothers, relate to men versus their sons.
With sons, they constantly repeat “be good, be nice, treat girls well,” raising them to be gentle and loving.
Yet, at the same time, these women stay in relationships with men who are passive, aggressive, angry, with a pissed off attidude.


I saw this in my own family.
My mother treated me with love and sweetness (she was hysterical at times), but with my father, it was constant criticism, no matter what he did, she found a way to nag or accuse him.
My dad, in turn, would bottle things up and get pissed off.


It feels like, once a son is born, a mother pours all her love into him instead of her partner.
She no longer strive "to find" a man who loves her. That "thing" is fullfilled by the love for her male child.

And there will be times when these women get together at family parties and then you'll come to the table and they'll say "Oh, here he comes, how handsome and good you are, come and give me a kiss. You're a good child" and all the women will agree. It always happened when we were kids... And then if you stayed there, you were delighted with the conversations about their husbands and how they were lazy or *******s or had done something wrong.



Why women raise a child to be kind, respectful, nice, friendly, when the model of masculinity they chooses to live with is the opposite?

 

[Mike32ct]

They want a well behaved respectful child that is easy to raise.

She doesn’t care about your masculinity or whether you will be attractive or not later on.

Not all parents are the same, but my mom never cared about my dating life. She just wanted me to be a good guy at school and work.

 

[SW15]

They want a well behaved respectful child that is easy to raise.

She doesn’t care about your masculinity or whether you will be attractive or not later on.

Mothers do the majority of the parenting. Most are not thinking about the long term. Yes, it is true that they want a well behaved, respectful child.

This wasn't a problem for a long time. Well behaved, respectful children that became well behaved, respectful adults didn't get penalized in the mating market for that. This started to change around the 1960s-early 1980s, when being a man with good personal qualities was no longer rewarded in the mating market. Baby Boomers were the last generation where being a man with good personal qualities could be rewarded in young adulthood.

When Generation X reached young adulthood in the 1980s-1990s, the model of the man with good attributes being attractive to similarly aged woman was no longer valid. Generation X was a smaller generation so the effects of this were limited until Generation Y/Millennials reached the mating market circa 2000. Millennials were a much larger generation due to being the children of the larger Boomer group.

Not all parents are the same, but my mom never cared about my dating life. She just wanted me to be a good guy at school and work.

I don't think my mom cared either. My mom raised me as a blue pill, beta male nice guy. Once I saw that women around my age didn't respond to that, I had to change. It took a long time to break down my identity as a blue pill man and re-form as a red pill man.

 

[plumber]

most of the women do not ever consider the happiness and joy of the boy. they mostly are about how the boy makes them appear to others. interesting topic.... if the boy is going to have a good start its really up to the father.

 

[SW15]

if the boy is going to have a good start its really up to the father.

When I think about Boomer parenting of Millennial sons, both absentee and present fathers have generally done a poor job.

I don't think I need to explain anything about absentee fatherhood. I think there are degrees of absentee fatherhood though. Parents can remain married but fathers can be mostly absentee due to excessive working hours.

Present fathers haven't done a good job in recent generation as most Boomer and Gen X fathers are blue pill ideology, beta males in mediocre to subpar relationships with the mother. That's even if the parents stay together. There's been a good amount of divorce where a present father co-parents with the mother, but doesn't see their son as frequently due to living apart from the mother.

 

[plumber]

When I think about Boomer parenting of Millennial sons, both absentee and present fathers have generally done a poor job.

I don't think I need to explain anything about absentee fatherhood. I think there are degrees of absentee fatherhood though. Parents can remain married but fathers can be mostly absentee due to excessive working hours.

Present fathers haven't done a good job in recent generation as most Boomer and Gen X fathers are blue pill ideology, beta males in mediocre to subpar relationships with the mother. That's even if the parents stay together. There's been a good amount of divorce where a present father co-parents with the mother, but doesn't see their son as frequently due to living apart from the mother.

i agree with you and my comment is still true.