I screwed up and cheated on my LTR, what should I do?

[CornbreadFed]

Story:

I was on a bro’s trip to a certain country known for its beautiful women and we went to some bar to celebrate. I tried wing manning for my single friend by approaching this group of two hot women (early twenties, were in careers that typically hot women were in, long hair, and etc) sitting next to me. I approached one with the typical hello my friend is interested in you blah blah blah. However, he completely chickened out and left me with these two women talking to me while my other friends were talking to other women next to them. One of the women slipped out that she found me really sexually attractive and started touching me and getting closer to me. Eventually, these women told me they knew a better place and I was several shots in, so I we went with them. I didn’t have sex with them, but I made out with both of them throughout the night and did a lot of touching. In addition, I didn’t have a condom and I just couldn’t do that for personal reasons. They knew I was in a LTR too, so it was purely a one night thing.

Now, I want to keep my LTR because I did plan on proposing soon, so I’m not going to tell my partner anything. However, my friends could betray me out of spite and try and sabotage me LTR which is giving me anxiety. My planned defense is to simply deny any claim and hope there’s no visual evidence. Yes, tell me I am a pos, but I feel like 99% of men would slipped in this scenario. This is the last time I will go out to a bar with the boys because I don’t want to be put in this scenario ever again.

 

[Vanderdonck]

Bury it and move on. Don't beat yourself up. If your friends rat you out, deny like you said, and drop them for they are not friends if they do this.

 

[SW15]

Do nothing. There's no proof. You have the right idea about not telling your girlfriend anything.

I don't think your friends are going to sabotage you.

 

[Vending Machine Veteran]

You faced the world's strongest temptation (drunk and horny) and didn't cave

Listen to the guys above me.

 

[Vending Machine Veteran]

Don't feel guilty.

Your fiance probably gets dolled up to go to the grocery store.

She probably tells you it's because of other women.

She definitely enjoys the stares.

Welcome to the world, young buck

 

[Hamurabimbi]

When I was LTR with my Zoomer GF. I went to a convention. I happened to sit at a table next to an attractive young lady. We wound up having a few drinks & doing some light kissing & fondling. Later, as we went somewhere more private, she said ‘I have a boyfriend.’. I replied ‘I have a girlfriend’. We both agreed we shouldn’t take it further.
I called my GF the next morning & told her. She ranted on the phone at me for two hours, then forgave me. And we were fine after that.

 

[Westminster]

Never tell them anything. Deny everything you are ever accused of, even if you are caught red handed.

 

[Solomon]

Story:

I was on a bro’s trip to a certain country known for its beautiful women and we went to some bar to celebrate. I tried wing manning for my single friend by approaching this group of two hot women (early twenties, were in careers that typically hot women were in, long hair, and etc) sitting next to me. I approached one with the typical hello my friend is interested in you blah blah blah. However, he completely chickened out and left me with these two women talking to me while my other friends were talking to other women next to them. One of the women slipped out that she found me really sexually attractive and started touching me and getting closer to me. Eventually, these women told me they knew a better place and I was several shots in, so I we went with them. I didn’t have sex with them, but I made out with both of them throughout the night and did a lot of touching. In addition, I didn’t have a condom and I just couldn’t do that for personal reasons. They knew I was in a LTR too, so it was purely a one night thing.

Now, I want to keep my LTR because I did plan on proposing soon, so I’m not going to tell my partner anything. However, my friends could betray me out of spite and try and sabotage me LTR which is giving me anxiety. My planned defense is to simply deny any claim and hope there’s no visual evidence. Yes, tell me I am a pos, but I feel like 99% of men would slipped in this scenario. This is the last time I will go out to a bar with the boys because I don’t want to be put in this scenario ever again.

Thanks for the laugh OP, you're almost as good of a storyteller as JK rowling you almost had me with this one....lmfaoooo

 

[CornbreadFed]

Thanks for the feedback, I plan on not saying jack shvt and preying it doesn't slip randomly in front of her.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Now, I want to keep my LTR because I did plan on proposing soon, so I’m not going to tell my partner anything

A wise decision. Nonetheless, if you're already cheating before you've even proposed, married life might be a poorer fit for you than A Cup bras are on Sydney Sweeney

 

[SW15]

Now, I want to keep my LTR because I did plan on proposing soon, so I’m not going to tell my partner anything.

Why bother to propose marriage? There's a good chance you will have another affair in the future.

In the next affair, you may get caught and have to deal with the American family court system. I don't recommend that, even in a childless divorce,.

 

[CornbreadFed]

Why bother to propose marriage? There's a good chance you will have another affair in the future.

In the next affair, you may get caught and have to deal with the American family court system. I don't recommend that, even in a childless divorce,.

1). I’m at the point of no return

2). I’d rather deal with the potential consequences and goof up on softball pitches than live a lonely life chasing 304s rinse and repeat.

 

[Vanderdonck]

Why bother to propose marriage? There's a good chance you will have another affair in the future.

In the next affair, you may get caught and have to deal with the American family court system. I don't recommend that, even in a childless divorce,.

To me it sounds like a ONS and not an affair which is fine. Just a little slip up and he'll never see those girls again. If more men were smart and just did discreet one off's instead of getting sucked into affairs, they and their wives would probably stay happily married.

 

[SW15]

To me it sounds like a ONS and not an affair which is fine. Just a little slip up and he'll never see those girls again. If more men were smart and just did discreet one off's instead of getting sucked into affairs, they and their wives would probably stay happily married.

An out-of-town one night stand is still infidelity. If a relationship has a monogamous framework to it, then that's still a violation of monogamy.

Sexual fidelity is expected in monogamy and most relationships in Western cultures operate under the assumption of monogamy.

Most men don't have high enough SMV in order to do discreet one off's as compared to ongoing affairs. Ongoing affairs for men in LTRs/marriages are usually the result of proximity and extended exposure.

I think it is more common for a man to have sex outside of the primary relationship with someone like a former/current co-worker or a social connection (girlfriend/wife's friend/acquaintance) than it is to get random sex from a bar visit or from online game.

In the next affair, you may get caught and have to deal with the American family court system. I don't recommend that, even in a childless divorce,.

If there is no assets in common and no children, divorce is cheap and easy.

It's difficult to get both of those conditions.

Many childless couples have had an extended relationship. I know of a guy in a childless divorce who had to pay spousal support for a period after the end of the marriage. The house lived in during that marriage was acquired during that marriage. While the period of spousal support wasn't that long, it was long enough to be annoying.

Married couples with no assets in common and no children are often less than 1 year long. I know a guy who had a ~6 month marriage like that.

 

[Vanderdonck]

I think it is more common for a man to have sex outside of the primary relationship with someone like a former/current co-worker or a social connection (girlfriend/wife's friend/acquaintance) than it is to get random sex from a bar visit or from online game.

Agreed. That's why I'm saying men should avoid affairs and if they're going to get some strange, do it in a ONS context, as anonymous as possible.

I'm not worried about whether it's a violation of monogamy or not. It already happened but it's probably the best way it can happen. I don't see 100% sexual monogamy as realistic for men, or anybody, and this is a good example of that. Women generally aren't offended by a secret sexual pecadillo but they will take great offense to emotional-sexual competition from a rival, and lack of discretion (i.e. looking foolish).

 

[SW15]

That's why I'm saying men should avoid affairs and if they're going to get some strange, do it in a ONS context, as anonymous as possible.

Most men in non-marital LTRs and most married men wouldn't be able to get some new, strange pussie in an ONS context. They don't have the seduction skill to do that.

It's likely more common for these LTR/married men to pay for sex directly as compared to seducing a brand new woman after many years of not trying to actively seduce new women.

I'm not worried about whether it's a violation of monogamy or not. It already happened but it's probably the best way it can happen. I don't see 100% sexual monogamy as realistic for men, or anybody, and this is a good example of that. Women generally aren't offended by a secret sexual pecadillo but they will take great offense to emotional-sexual competition from a rival, and lack of discretion (i.e. looking foolish).

I think the specific sexual pecadillo would matter to women. I don't think most women in LTRs/marriages would like their LTR boyfriend/husband to be directly paying for sex. They would be less offended by a ONS stand from a swipe app or a bar approach.

Monogamy as a framework doesn't work well for either men or women over an extended period of time.

For men, there's a big desire to have sex with many women at almost any time. Men have the desire for many women but often lack the seduction skill to create the opportunity for that. A lot of men in monogamous relationships who aren't cheating are monogamous more by circumstance than anything. They lack the opportunity to break the monogamous framework.

For women, serial monogamy (X period of time monogamous) is a concept that works better for them. Lifelong monogamy is often a struggle for them. While women often have less of a desire for extrarelational/extramarital sex, they have far more opportunities for it. Even women not seeking opportunities for sex will get opportunities presented to them. If a woman finds that she's tired of her monogamous relationship/marriage (usually with a beta provider type and usually after the 5 year mark of the beginning of the relationship), she will be able to find it. She can find it online in her DMs and she can find it in the real world. In the real world, the ability for a woman in a relationship/marriage to find sex depends on her day-to-day routines, responsibilities, and age.

The previous two paragraphs are why I often say that long term monogamous relationships have a shelf life of goodness of around 5 years, regardless of how long they end up lasting.

Many 40 year old married women are bored with their beta provider husband who they've been with for more than 5 years. They likely don't have a good day-to-day routine. Most will have some child or children in elementary school. Their lives revolve around parenting stuff for their 1-2 elementary school aged children. That sort of stuff doesn't give them a lot of opportunities to meet men, unless they meet some single dad at some parenting function. If they work (which most do), they will meet men through their workplace duties and some will want sex with them. They have men in their Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn DMs. That might also be an option for sex. If they've been living in the same area for a while, they might be able to have sex with some ex-boyfriend from many years ago.

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@CornbreadFed is likely to be able to get away with having a one night stand while traveling. It won't be the reason that current relationship ends (if it ends_ and she's likely to never find out. I would advise against marrying because this is likely to happen again in a marriage and the consequences could be worse. It's less of a big deal to be caught having extrarelational sex in a non-marital relationship with no kids.

@CornbreadFed has better seduction skill than a lot of men. He participates in a seduction forum and has consumed seduction content via books and online sources. He will be able to get outside pussie in his current relationship if he keeps it or in a marriage.

Another path @CornbreadFed could take is breaking up with his current girlfriend and starting over with someone else. This could be a sign that he's not cut out well for monogamy (many men aren't because of the paragraph above) or this current monogamous situation isn't working well enough for him.

There are some men who have had options outside of their relationships/marriages and didn't choose to exercise them.

 

[Vanderdonck]

Most men in non-marital LTRs and most married men wouldn't be able to get some new, strange pussie in an ONS context. They don't have the seduction skill to do that.

It's likely more common for these LTR/married men to pay for sex directly as compared to seducing a brand new woman after many years of not trying to actively seduce new women.

True but this is Sosuave, it isn't most men. By virtue of seeking this site a man is already making more of an effort than 95% of men who ever lived, and their skills are going to be far above average.

Actually paying for it is probably the best path if a married guy gets the itch. A professional isn't going to catch feels or reveal your discretionary activity.

 

[CornbreadFed]

Actually paying for it is probably the best path if a married guy gets the itch. A professional isn't going to catch feels or reveal your discretionary activity.

This is why escorts and sex workers exist imho.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

1. Man up and never say a word about that to her, denie everything, allways
2. Cut off your "friends" if you cant trust them
3. read this:

The Myth of the Lonely Old Man

Is loneliness a disease that necessitates a cure? If men could be made to believe so, think of the potential profit to be made from, and the potential for manipulation of, men. The real test for a …

therationalmale.com