The dark side of being a playa'

[Manure Spherian]

I just make sure there are no traces of females at my place and seems to be enough to keep their mind off it when they are with me.

In many cases such traces will make them want you even more.

 

[Doctor Europeo]

This thread made me think about my older cousin

My older cousin

This thread made me think about my cousin: https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/the-dark-side-of-being-a-playa.283670/ I have a female older cousin. She spent her prime years in a relationship with a guy who would be heir to a succesfull business. Im assuming that after years of banging...

www.sosuave.net

 

[jhonny9546]

In many cases such traces will make them want you even more.

Wanting your man to have another woman, to do things with her, is so exciting, but it is not healthy.
So "in many cases" is referred to the cases in which you're in a realtionship with a damaged woman or a healthy one?

 

[Manure Spherian]

Wanting your man to have another woman, to do things with her, is so exciting, but it is not healthy.
So "in many cases" is referred to the cases in which you're in a realtionship with a damaged woman or a healthy one?

Women do not WANT their men cheating on them or with other women, yet many put up
with it and cling to men who do so.

And yes, this goes for some healthy women.

Lol at health. Isn’t this a seduction forum?

 

[Chow Mein]

In many cases such traces will make them want you even more.

I’d rather not deal with the drama

 

[Manure Spherian]

I’d rather not deal with the drama

You can have threesomes if you want.

 

[The Duke]

Why? Are you scared of something? Are you scared of her finding out and don't want you anymore? Hummm you better be careful.... this is a sign of walking on eggshells, no bueno.

Nothing to do about walking on eggshells. Its about avoiding unnecessary drama that always derails a nice evening when she finds another girls hair tie, hair, ear ring, etc.

 

[justaroundthecorner]

Totally legit, but this particular woman is damaged.
What does she want to prove to her man, and what does she want to prove to herself by behaving this way?

I can only assume that he behaved in a way that hurt her feelings at some point. Things I know about were:
- he did not want to have child with her when she was younger (because they were struggling financially and lived in a rented apartment - she didn't care at that point about it but he did and said no to that idea)
- he did not want to have child with her later on

I can only assume that he cheated on her at some point but she was "above" telling me that.

How did you knew?

She wanted to arrange a meeting with me at their apartment for me to meet her boyfriend as a "colleague" of her from her work. Now, my work is far from stewardess work therefore chance that he would believe in it was near 0. Also, there was nothing I would or her boyfriend would gain from such meeting. She could gain leverage as well as easily could drop some crazy one-liner like "btw. he phucked me yesterday just when you called me" so my imagination was already processing images of that guy going atomic on me with some of his black belt moves. I respectfully declined an offer and simultaneously at that point knew that she is (and never was) serious about me. I was just an expendable tool for her.

 

[Clockwerk50]

If you made it clear in the beginning, that’s on them.
I just stick with ‘eventually’ I would like to settle, I’m still keeping plates strong for almost 2 years. Sometimes they are bring up that they no longer want to be an option, but they stick around. It’s their internal monologue that they have to rationalize themselves.

I just make sure there are no traces of females at my place and seems to be enough to keep their mind off it when they are with me. We just enjoy each other’s company without any ‘future’ plans.

Unfortunately, it's not so cut and dry for me. One of the things that differentiates human beings from wildlife is our capacity for compassion; animals wouldn't think twice about killing one of their own if it meant survival, whereas humans have a deeper emotional and moral complexity that makes us consider the consequences of our actions-especially when they affect others.

With that said, you do have future plans with your plates, even if they're short-term.You both arrange schedules to meet up, maintain a certain level of emotional and logistical investment, and create an ongoing dynamic that keeps the connection alive. If that structure disappeared, the relationship-sexual or otherwise-would likely fade. And that's the thing-there is an investment being made, whether we acknowledge it or not.

That's why I find it cruel and almost torturous to play around with relationship beggars-people who pour themselves into something that will never become what they hope for, even if it is for our own benefit. Women may toy with ***** beggars, but I doubt men would toy with relationship beggars unless there are narcissistic qualities involved.

Just thinking out loud.

 

[BadBoy89]

OK, fair point. A man shouldn't pump and dump.

As long as:

- the women is under 25
- the woman is hot
- the woman gets married
- the woman looks after the house (cooks, cleans)
- the woman gets pregnant quickly, delivers healthy baby
- the woman can't divorce
- the woman can't take half
- the man is allowed to have one hot mistress on the weekends, preferably South Korean

You give a man that, he will NEVER mess with a woman's purity.

 

[BaronOfHair]

- it may affect your overall reputation in

Yeah: Being a f--boy or manslut(as opposed to a man who genuinely enjoys and is attractive to women)tends to be costly

 

[Hamurabimbi]

I was always upfront that I was not looking for anything serious when I was a ‘playa’.
Didn’t matter. Girls would still pressure me to commit. Eventually. I gave in.

 

[BeExcellent]

I was always upfront that I was not looking for anything serious when I was a ‘playa’.
Didn’t matter. Girls would still pressure me to commit. Eventually. I gave in.

Advice from the old lady:

Ah the players and the playboys. My specialty, lol. These are men who are great with women precisely because they love women and have an expert understanding of female psychology. They are masters of IDGAF, and amused mastery.

However......nearly all players and playboys have an Achilles heel somewhere. There is often a wound or flaw or lack or emotional reason these men hone their seduction skills so thoroughly. Often they need external validation or ego massage (and the player is the perfect chameleon to embody and charm women and elicit the desired response.....) this gives the player the appearance of assurance, but appearances can be deceiving. These are men who are often flawed and seek attention and variety to keep emotional pain from something else at bay; often these can be charming narcissits or dark triad men.

Such men are ripe for a woman who loves and adores men and is herself difficult to possess. Every man I have had a relationship with is, was, or has been this archetype to a greater or lessor (but usually greater) degree. Many of my platonic (yes its possible) male friends are this archetype as well. All except one had deep emotional issues they were using the conquest to compensate for...the one who didn't was such a thrill of the hunt guy that he'd say or do outlandish things to get into women's pants, and he was not especially handsome but he was charming and spontaneous as hell.

I introduced him to his wife, lol. He's so in love its awesome. And she adores him. You see at some point the player finds out that hedonistic pursuits are meaningless pursuits. His ego has had enough massage, he wants something more meaningful. Enter an intriguing woman who is beautful and who offers so much more?

As I said, ripe for the picking....

But a woman cannot be insecure at all and must have a certain self assured aloofness about her.

They fall hard every time.

 

[Sega Genesis]

I was always upfront that I was not looking for anything serious when I was a ‘playa’.
Didn’t matter. Girls would still pressure me to commit. Eventually. I gave in.

^This is interesting @Hamurabimbi
and curious to know why you "gave in." Did you change your mind and realize you did want commitment with that particular woman?

Nothing wrong with that if you did as per @BeExcellent enlightening post.

Anyway, what happened with those relationships? Were they short lived or long term?

Apologies for the questions I'm just curious given your wording - you "gave in."

Thanks!

 

[Hamurabimbi]

^This is interesting @Hamurabimbi
and curious to know why you "gave in." Did you change your mind and realize you did want commitment with that particular woman?

Nothing wrong with that if you did as per @BeExcellent enlightening post.

Anyway, what happened with those relationships? Were they short lived or long term?

Apologies for the questions I'm just curious given your wording - you "gave in."

Thanks!

I don’t know if I had a particular thought process as to why I have in. It just seemed right. The last one of these resulted in a LTR.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

^This is interesting @Hamurabimbi
and curious to know why you "gave in." Did you change your mind and realize you did want commitment with that particular woman?

Nothing wrong with that if you did as per @BeExcellent enlightening post.

Anyway, what happened with those relationships? Were they short lived or long term?

Apologies for the questions I'm just curious given your wording - you "gave in."

Thanks!

A little more context. I had just gotten divorced after over a decade of marriage. I started dating women decades younger & cleaning up on Tinder. I was like a kid in a candy store. This was just before Covid. Maybe if I weren’t middle aged I could have held out longer.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

Advice from the old lady:

Ah the players and the playboys. My specialty, lol. These are men who are great with women precisely because they love women and have an expert understanding of female psychology. They are masters of IDGAF, and amused mastery.

However......nearly all players and playboys have an Achilles heel somewhere. There is often a wound or flaw or lack or emotional reason these men hone their seduction skills so thoroughly. Often they need external validation or ego massage (and the player is the perfect chameleon to embody and charm women and elicit the desired response.....) this gives the player the appearance of assurance, but appearances can be deceiving. These are men who are often flawed and seek attention and variety to keep emotional pain from something else at bay; often these can be charming narcissits or dark triad men.

Such men are ripe for a woman who loves and adores men and is herself difficult to possess. Every man I have had a relationship with is, was, or has been this archetype to a greater or lessor (but usually greater) degree. Many of my platonic (yes its possible) male friends are this archetype as well. All except one had deep emotional issues they were using the conquest to compensate for...the one who didn't was such a thrill of the hunt guy that he'd say or do outlandish things to get into women's pants, and he was not especially handsome but he was charming and spontaneous as hell.

I introduced him to his wife, lol. He's so in love its awesome. And she adores him. You see at some point the player finds out that hedonistic pursuits are meaningless pursuits. His ego has had enough massage, he wants something more meaningful. Enter an intriguing woman who is beautful and who offers so much more?

As I said, ripe for the picking....

But a woman cannot be insecure at all and must have a certain self assured aloofness about her.

They fall hard every time.

Not sure I agree. Being a ‘playa’ can be just taking advantage of opportunities that present themselves. I love women, but I don’t have any understanding of them. My ‘seduction skills’ are a nice face. I’m a nerdy dork. However, I can be witty and charming. My job requires that of me. I am addicted to the dopamine rush of female validation. I suppose it is moot now as I am (mostly) a good boy in a LTR & I’ll probably marry her.

 

[BeExcellent]

Not sure I agree. Being a ‘playa’ can be just taking advantage of opportunities that present themselves. I love women, but I don’t have any understanding of them. My ‘seduction skills’ are a nice face. I’m a nerdy dork. However, I can be witty and charming. My job requires that of me. I am addicted to the dopamine rush of female validation. I suppose it is moot now as I am (mostly) a good boy in a LTR & I’ll probably marry her.

Kid in a candy store post divorce is kinda along the lines I'm talking about. Less the calculated player & more the opportunist/playboy. Those are the better quality men of the archetype honestly.

My husband is/was similar to you. Very handsome; LA rocker look. Stylish. Women approached him constantly so why not right? And my husband is an engineering/programming/gamer dude too. Spectrum but still knew how to flirt as he has been approached by girls all his life. So he took advantage of the opportunities but also came to understand about some serious clingers and crazies too. He ultimately got tired of crazy women. So he wanted beautiful but sane (well, more sane, lol).

 

[Sophisticator]

What is a bigger win - a high count but always being on the high/low while chasing silly pleasures, or having a really quality woman besides you, and living like a Man with purpose?

Is that genuinely the question? Who do you have a notch count for? Bragging to the bros?

Chasing skirts is a shallow pursuit.

 

[Solomon]

Chasing skirts is a shallow pursuit.

It is very shallow and I agree, even in my own pursuit of a partner I never cared for casual sex even though I have done it many times
Not saying this to be proud
But it's harder to keep a woman than get one