“I need to take some time”

[ShyBandit]

Here’s a new one for me. Went out on 1 date. It went well I think. We went to dinner and back to my place after for a little bit. Kisses and hugs, nothing more, but good sexy energy. She had been in a car accident 3 weeks ago and her eye was a little wonky, nothing major. We make plans for a second date. 2 days before the 2nd date she texts me this:
“This girls had a tough go again. Infection is a problem, but beyond that doc says I’m going to need a surgery because turns out I detached a muscle So I’m down for the count for…a bit…prob 4-6 weeks all in. I think you’re great, but I’m putting myself on ice for a little bit to just focus on healing so I can get thru to fully better ‍ Okay if I text you next month and see where you are and if you wanna hang again? I’d like that if you would too.”

What is actually happening here ? I’m trying to craft the perfect response , need a little help. If she’s gone, she’s gone that’s fine. But my response may be the last word, I want it to be well thought out and placed.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Probably exactly what she said.

The fact that she made it known she would like to see you again makes it unlikely she is BSing. She has no need to say that in this situation. If she just didn't want to see you, she would have sent the first part minus the asking if it's OK for her to text you when she is better part.

If you are interested in seeing her again just respond something like

"I'm sorry to hear you are having such a rough go of things lately. Hope you have a speedy recovery!

Sure thing, get back to me when you are doing better and we can figure it out."

Then it's on her to get back to you. My money is that she will.

 

[Clockwerk50]

Girl is probably telling the truth. She must take care of herself before she can bring in someone else into her life.

 

[CornbreadFed]

She’s not your girl. Date other girls and if she pops back up reconnect.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

She’s not your girl. Date other girls and if she pops back up reconnect.

This also...don't be waiting around for her to text you.

Work on building pipelines of women and if she comes back add her to the pipeline.

 

[Chow Mein]

Simply put her on the back burner and send random, interesting pics/texts on what you’re doing with your life. Keep that fire warm, give her some reasons to want to hang out with you again.

 

[The Duke]

Every bit of the advice above is spot on perfect.

Just tweak your mindset a little, don't take girls so serious. No need to worry about the "perfect response".

 

[Solomon]

I would give her the benefit of the doubt as others have mentioned she didn't have to go into detail also I'm assuming she is older and some older women do have class when it comes to dating. Most likely she is telling the truth

I would keep her on the backburner and get back out there. NO need to sit and twiddle your thumbs for a month or two for another date especially with Vday coming up where you may a few women who are desperate for a mans company heh

 

[sevbucmash]

Are you 56?

 

[BadBoy89]

“This girls had a tough go again. Infection is a problem, but beyond that doc says I’m going to need a surgery because turns out I detached a muscle So I’m down for the count for…a bit…prob 4-6 weeks all in. I think you’re great, but I’m putting myself on ice for a little bit to just focus on healing so I can get thru to fully better ‍ Okay if I text you next month and see where you are and if you wanna hang again? I’d like that if you would too.”

"It's OK. Hope the surgery goes well."

 

[BackInTheGame78]

"It's OK. Hope the surgery goes well."

The response if you aren't interested in seeing her again.

 

[pipeman84]

Considering OP is 56, my educated guess is that the woman in question is +45yrs old. 1. Why is she calling herself 'girl' in the text message?
2. Why date at all when you've gone through a car accident and have health issues that keep you out of the game for 4-6 weeks?

 

[BadBoy89]

The response if you aren't interested in seeing her again.

The response is if you are interested in seeing her again.

 

[BeExcellent]

Concur with the guys that a kind and understanding response is the right tone. I'd send this:

"Appreciate your openess about all that and hope the surgery & recovery goes well. You are welcome to reach out in the meantime if you feel like it but take the time you need to heal."

The tone of the text above is mature/warm/understanding. It also has zero expectation attached, which is important in this situation. She is probably feeling a bit insecure about how the accident is physically affecting her; she is uncertain about future outcomes and so forth, and she doesn't want a new man who she likes to be in the middle of all that. Perfectly reasonable and mature on her part.

 

[BadBoy89]

Concur with the guys that a kind and understanding response is the right tone. I'd send this:

"Appreciate your openess about all that and hope the surgery & recovery goes well. You are welcome to reach out in the meantime if you feel like it but take the time you need to heal."

The tone of the text above is mature/warm/understanding.

And she shows the above text to the guy she is sleeping with, laughing at him.

Be very careful what you put in writing, any type of empathy will be used against you in the future. Empathy can be demonstrated through actions, but never through words or in writing.

 

[Sega Genesis]

Okay if I text you next month and see where you are and if you wanna hang again? I’d like that if you would too.

"Of course, hope the surgery goes well."

She sounds like a potential keeper to me.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

And she shows the above text to the guy she is sleeping with, laughing at him.

Be very careful what you put in writing, any type of empathy will be used against you in the future. Empathy can be demonstrated through actions, but never through words or in writing.

You must live one lonely life.

 

[BeExcellent]

And she shows the above text to the guy she is sleeping with, laughing at him.

Be very careful what you put in writing, any type of empathy will be used against you in the future. Empathy can be demonstrated through actions, but never through words or in writing.

Really dude? One of my friends who married her college sweetheart finally got away from the ass hole 30 years later, after dealing with his cheating and caustic personality until the kids were grown. Most of my friends are happily married, this gal was not & she probably should have never married her husband....

She is still very petite and pretty in her early 50s. I wondered how she would do in dating since she had very little experience in her youth, just a high school sweetheart she wished in time she hadn't broken up with, and her ex husband, her college sweetheart.

Well her neighbors in her social circle set her up with a man who is equivalently attractive, and he's a successful single father. They are getting along beautifully, and the thing my friend has most appreciated about him is his kind nature. She finds him "lovely" and there is a brightness in her voice I have not heard for decades.

So don't underestimate the power of kindness. Real kindness always comes from strength of character.

 

[pipeman84]

Really dude? One of my friends who married her college sweetheart finally got away from the ass hole 30 years later, after dealing with his cheating and caustic personality until the kids were grown. Most of my friends are happily married, this gal was not & she probably should have never married her husband....

She is still very petite and pretty in her early 50s. I wondered how she would do in dating since she had very little experience in her youth, just a high school sweetheart she wished in time she hadn't broken up with, and her ex husband, her college sweetheart.

Well her neighbors in her social circle set her up with a man who is equivalently attractive, and he's a successful single father. They are getting along beautifully, and the thing my friend has most appreciated about him is his kind nature. She finds him "lovely" and there is a brightness in her voice I have not heard for decades.

So don't underestimate the power of kindness. Real kindness always comes from strength of character.

You paint your friend as a victim who finally got the brightness in her voice back when in her early 50s. But she decided to break up with the high school sweetheart. She decided to marry the ass hole with caustic personality that she met in college. She decided to have kids (plural) with him.
So whatever she says about the new guy has to be taken with a big grain of salt.

 

[BeExcellent]

You paint your friend as a victim who finally got the brightness in her voice back when in her early 50s. But she decided to break up with the high school sweetheart. She decided to marry the ass hole with caustic personality that she met in college. She decided to have kids (plural) with him.
So whatever she says about the new guy has to be taken with a big grain of salt.

I agree with you. She should never have married the ex husband. She broke things off with the high school sweetheart because he lied to her. At 18 she didn't have the life experience to forgive him (he had lied about being a virgin and later it came out that he wasn't although she had been. He didn't cheat or anything, but she found that lie very hurtful so she dropped him.)

You cannot always look at decisions a teen makes with more experienced eyes and pass judgement. She was chaste and inexperienced. So she thought it was a much bigger deal than it was. Then she picked the ass hole. But she married for life. She left because he was cheating more so than his behavior.

At 50 something with only two partners? Pretty and attractive? Many a man would welcome an opportunity with her.

But you find fault with everyone.