my struggles with the ladies go way beyond mere social awkwardness

[BaronOfHair]

If you travel. When you don't travel...

He claims he returned from a trip just recently

 

[GoodMan32]

I was thinking about replying to this, but I think if you ask questions this ignorant, no answer will satisfy.


Not likely.


If you travel. When you don't travel...

You appear to be doubting my claim that the kinkster group is mostly couples.

It really is mostly couples. Even a lot of those who didn't bring a partner to the brunch at least mentioned having a partner.

The 2 other single men at the brunch told me they hadn't had any luck in that kinkster group.

 

[GoodMan32]

He claims he returned from a trip just recently

Where? The supermarket?

Out of state.

I suppose BaronOfHair is right (if I enjoy traveling, then that's a hobby)

Unfortunately, I'm unable to travel as often as I'd like (only having so much time off from work, financial constraints, etc). For that matter, if it weren't for the fact I partially rely on parents financially, I wouldn't be able to travel at all (Then again, I'd be dead if it weren't for my parents)

And no, my parents didn't pay for my trip. I paid for my trip using the money I save from partially relying on parents.

 

[BaronOfHair]

I suppose BaronOfHair is right (if I enjoy traveling, then that's a hobby)

Unfortunately...

"Yes but..."ing everything is savaging your prospects for success, worse than a Commanche raid on a frontier settlement, filled with nothing but blonde Anglo girls ages 18 and below

You enjoy traveling, so start thinking of ways to do so more often. Bus tickets for weekend visits to places out of town are economical

 

[GoodMan32]

No, doofus, I doubted that you were rejected because you were single/alone.

The fact the 2 other single men at the meetups (who had been attending that group's meetups for a lot longer than me) told me they hadn't had any luck either would suggest my single status was why I had no luck (especially when you take into account a lot of the couples flat out admitted they were looking for other couples to experiment with)

 

[SW15]

the kinkster group is mostly couples.

I know nothing about this kinkster group. It's not at all surprising that it is mostly couples.

Swingers clubs are open to all. Swingers clubs are mostly couples. Single men who show up at swingers clubs generally find it to be a waste of time. Single women rarely ever show up at swingers clubs, which is why they are called unicorns.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Oh, yes, I forgot. You take people at their word.

He's hardly alone https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threa...ring-homicide-rate.282454/page-6#post-3125340

 

[saige]

@GoodMan32 This might sound odd to ask as I know you said that being socially awkward might be a problem but do you have a history of social anxiety? I feel like some of your issues stem from having anxiety from not being on the same level as your age peers socially. Have you tried therapy for building up your confidence? I know its expensive but there are some options online for that.

I might "only" have just turned 20 but I feel the exact same as you sometimes, comparing myself to teenagers that I still feel have a couple years ahead of them to plan out their future. I'm trying to get out of the habit, because I know when I'm 25 or 30, I'll look back and think to myself what a waste it was to never try anything new during that time because of my doubts. People of every age have struggled with feeling too old. The sooner you start tackling this problem the better.

Just start small with hobbies, you mentioned traveling, why not start as someone mentioned in this thread like buying cheap tickets to places out of town? That's a start, and you can work your way up from there. Working out is also one of the best habits you can have in your life, so I'd suggest you do that or continue to go to the gym if you already do.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Sounds like you're saying you'd kill yourself if you had to become me.

I've long said my critics couldn't make it one day in my position without committing suicide.

Rejoice in the following fact... What each of us(Yourself included, GM) considers a "lousy day" is tantamount to an all expenses paid month in Tahiti, compared to what little Adam here https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/ar...Adam-Torso-Thames-boy-finally-identified.html undoubtedly deemed the worst day of HIS life

 

[corrector]

I see you're 20. At your age (especially in 2024), it isn't taboo at all to at least partially rely on parents financially.

I'm 33. Do I personally think there's anything wrong with the fact I partially rely on parents financially? Absolutely not (as I have my reasons of why I partially rely on parents financially). I'm aware, however, society in general judges a man my age for relying on parents at all (even only partially).

There's a reason I say a man my age. It's practically unheard of for a woman my age to rely on parents even partially (as even a Plain Jane woman can find a man willing to take her in if she has a low income). If you think about it, it's pretty rare for a woman above 30 to get any assistance from parents (and even if it's not the norm for a man over 30 to get assistance from parents, it's more common for a man than for a woman)

Hell, even at 24, I remember getting judged for partially relying on parents financially.

I attended 2 meetups for a local kinkster group this summer (per my counselor's recommendation). Even though I'm glad I went (as I could discuss my fetish without getting judged), it turned out the kinkster group was mostly couples looking for other couples to experiment with. Singles are welcome but not embraced.

I don't really have hobbies per se (just like I'm too drained to go out and meet a partner after work, I'm also too drained for hobbies after work). But I like to travel (I just got back from a trip for that matter). I have an adventurous side like that.

Having a low paying full time job sucks. You really have just enough energy for coworkers. If your folks did not support you then you could not travel or visit escorts. Most of your salary would go on rent and food. Likewise my folks help out too but they are not wealthy. But saving money on rent/mortgage goes a long way esp if you are travelling and escortcelling.

 

[GoodMan32]

@GoodMan32 This might sound odd to ask as I know you said that being socially awkward might be a problem but do you have a history of social anxiety? I feel like some of your issues stem from having anxiety from not being on the same level as your age peers socially. Have you tried therapy for building up your confidence? I know its expensive but there are some options online for that.

I might "only" have just turned 20 but I feel the exact same as you sometimes, comparing myself to teenagers that I still feel have a couple years ahead of them to plan out their future. I'm trying to get out of the habit, because I know when I'm 25 or 30, I'll look back and think to myself what a waste it was to never try anything new during that time because of my doubts. People of every age have struggled with feeling too old. The sooner you start tackling this problem the better.

Just start small with hobbies, you mentioned traveling, why not start as someone mentioned in this thread like buying cheap tickets to places out of town? That's a start, and you can work your way up from there. Working out is also one of the best habits you can have in your life, so I'd suggest you do that or continue to go to the gym if you already do.

Yeah, I've mentioned on this forum that I suffer from social phobia.

I know what you mean. When I was around your age, I remember feeling like I was behind some of my younger brother's classmates (which was humiliating). He was 3 grades behind me.

Fast forward to today, I'm behind a lot of folks a decade younger than me.

I've done therapy, yeah.

I've used the gym in the building where I live before. I even shared a possible IOI story on the forum about a neighbor at the gym.

I could look into finding cheap tickets to travel some more.

 

[GoodMan32]

Having a low paying full time job sucks. You really have just enough energy for coworkers. If your folks did not support you then you could not travel or visit escorts. Most of your salary would go on rent and food. Likewise my folks help out too but they are not wealthy. But saving money on rent/mortgage goes a long way esp if you are travelling and escortcelling.

I couldn't live period if it werent for my parents. I'd have to live in a slum with roommates. No roommate would tolerate my mental illness.

 

[H8CourtshipWithAPassion]

I couldn't live period if it werent for my parents. I'd have to live in a slum with roommates. No roommate would tolerate my mental illness.

what is your living situation at the moment?

 

[GoodMan32]

what is your living situation at the moment?

I live by myself (in a place I couldn't afford if it weren't for parents)

 

[needimprovement250]

That’s one way to do it. I don’t suggest lying.

How old are you? Are you average or handsome or homely? What kind of social life do you have? What do you do for work (if you don’t mind stating that here)?

Yeah I don't think lying is the best way to go about handling this situation of being older and inexperienced. Actions can speak louder than words, so she'll be able to figure out that you're inexperienced if you make obvious mistakes and can't pick up on non verbal cues or seem unsure of what to do in certain situations that most men would know what you're supposed to do. Also if you're dealing with a woman you would want to keep seeing long term, she'll find out eventually one way or the other and will not like that you lied about this since she could see this as a red flag for dishonesty and untrustworthiness on your part.

I'm 31 and as far as looks go, I can't really say for sure. I had women be very forward with me when I was younger and one even asked me out and initiated sex (that's how I lost my virginity at 21) but when you're this old and inexperienced, you will always question your looks since that's just a natural response to being in this situation. I don't have any social life, I haven't even hung out with a friend since April 2023. Me and a friend who moved away are gonna go to Vegas together next month and that will be my first social outing with a friend since then. As for work, I do a series of temporary seasonal jobs at this event center in my area. I work the full event season and stay employed 9 months out of the year by doing that. Then I do DoorDash for the remaining 3 months when there's no events to work. However this is not sustainable since these seasonal jobs only pay minimum wage with the exception of one of them. I also work 6-7 days a week at times with less than a handful of days off a month, but yet I'm still legally considered low income and qualify for government assistance. When the work season was about to start up earlier this year, I gave myself an ultimatum to either not return for the upcoming season and get a regular 9-5 or work the season and also go back to school for a certification since these seasonal jobs provide the flexibility to do both. I chose the latter, and the current seasonal job I'm doing is a ride operator at a pumpkin patch and I am in school for 2 classes. I've been very busy with juggling both, that's why it has taken me this long to respond to this.

 

[needimprovement250]

My brother served three years for drug dealing, with part of that in a jail rappers boast about being in. He was never womanless. Most drug dealers never are.

Women usually come easily to them because they have the danger and excitement that women like, in addition to women assuming they'll get high for free by being with him

 

[BaronOfHair]

I'd have to live in a slum with roommates

Which might both sharpen your social acuity AND put you in a situation where continuously manufacturing rationalizations for not acting isn't as optional

 

[needimprovement250]

Part of why I got into dealing in doobie in high school was to attract women. Plus it got me invited to every party.

Women was the reason why for me getting into it too. But where we differ is that I truly believed that getting a woman would never happen for me, so I turned to that to try and numb all of the loneliness and depression. Where did that get me? Still have never gotten a woman at 31 and getting more stoned than ever before to numb myself from an even worse and more difficult situation of being this way at an older age.

 

[GoodMan32]

Yeah I don't think lying is the best way to go about handling this situation of being older and inexperienced. Actions can speak louder than words, so she'll be able to figure out that you're inexperienced if you make obvious mistakes and can't pick up on non verbal cues or seem unsure of what to do in certain situations that most men would know what you're supposed to do. Also if you're dealing with a woman you would want to keep seeing long term, she'll find out eventually one way or the other and will not like that you lied about this since she could see this as a red flag for dishonesty and untrustworthiness on your part.

I'm 31 and as far as looks go, I can't really say for sure. I had women be very forward with me when I was younger and one even asked me out and initiated sex (that's how I lost my virginity at 21) but when you're this old and inexperienced, you will always question your looks since that's just a natural response to being in this situation. I don't have any social life, I haven't even hung out with a friend since April 2023. Me and a friend who moved away are gonna go to Vegas together next month and that will be my first social outing with a friend since then. As for work, I do a series of temporary seasonal jobs at this event center in my area. I work the full event season and stay employed 9 months out of the year by doing that. Then I do DoorDash for the remaining 3 months when there's no events to work. However this is not sustainable since these seasonal jobs only pay minimum wage with the exception of one of them. I also work 6-7 days a week at times with less than a handful of days off a month, but yet I'm still legally considered low income and qualify for government assistance. When the work season was about to start up earlier this year, I gave myself an ultimatum to either not return for the upcoming season and get a regular 9-5 or work the season and also go back to school for a certification since these seasonal jobs provide the flexibility to do both. I chose the latter, and the current seasonal job I'm doing is a ride operator at a pumpkin patch and I am in school for 2 classes. I've been very busy with juggling both, that's why it has taken me this long to respond to this.

I got more attention in my younger days too (compared to now).

You mentioned DoorDash. Have you looked into becoming a full time Uber or Lyft driver? I imagine that'd pay better than the seasonal jobs you're doing.

 

[GoodMan32]

Women usually come easily to them because they have the danger and excitement that women like, in addition to women assuming they'll get high for free by being with him

I never even thought of the free marijuana aspect (for why a broad would get with a drug dealer). You make a fascinating point.