Pierce Manhammer
Moderator
You care about this woman and you are pushing on speculation not facts. Your gut feeling about this is rooted in your fears that she has had sex with another man.
Imagine it was something related to your penis, how would you feel if you liked a gal and she was complaining about some aspect of your penis and having sex with you - something you do not really have any control over?
She has a feminine issue it’s very closely linked to her identity: her vagina, like your penis it is part of a persons core identity, sex is obviously important to both of you. Imagine being told that something at the core of your identity was deemed unacceptable by someone you want to accept you.
Just a thought. Her crying is not suspect, you are attacking her personally and casting aspersions that are rooted in your own insecurities. All without facts to base it on.
Our ways of approaching this issue are markedly different. Is it unpleasant? Yes, we agree on that. My approach if she was someone I cared about, would be “can you see a doctor and get this handled?” You may not realize it but your drilling her about this is eroding whatever you’ve shared, which I imagine is important to you, otherwise you wouldn’t be posting about it.
My suggestion is above take it or leave it. If you cannot center yourself in the facts about what you’re experiencing and rather go with your gut, then maybe it is best (as you said), to let her be. She will resolve the issue and go on to sharing herself with someone else. It’s as simple as that.
But do understand that you’re hurting her, deeply. To me, that matters. It may not to you.
Either way, I hope this issue resolves with the least hurt to either of you. Be gentle.
p.s. my ex-wife, who I definitely know was not having sex with anyone other than me had recurring candidiasis and uti’s, usually it was related to us having vigorous sex. It was just something metabolic, it was exacerbated by her being a low libido person so it made our sex life untenable, so I do have personal experience with this.
p.p.s. I always use lube during sex, even when the woman lubricates like an oil slick. I use raw, unrefined, organic cooking grade coconut oil for sex. It’s antiviral, antibacterial and anti fungal and it’s feel is incomparable to anything man made, it smells good and tastes good and because it’s hydrophobic as most oils are, it doesn’t dry out and makes things much more comfortable for both parties, it will not harm things either, if anything it helps keep things under control as trauma to the tissues of vaginal canal (inevitable to some extent depending on you and her’s dimensions mostly) can promote infections. My experience is most women have never used it, and they love the feel and smell and that it can help. It makes them feel even sexier and may help on deep penetration if she even hints at discomfort when it occurs.
Imagine it was something related to your penis, how would you feel if you liked a gal and she was complaining about some aspect of your penis and having sex with you - something you do not really have any control over?
She has a feminine issue it’s very closely linked to her identity: her vagina, like your penis it is part of a persons core identity, sex is obviously important to both of you. Imagine being told that something at the core of your identity was deemed unacceptable by someone you want to accept you.
Just a thought. Her crying is not suspect, you are attacking her personally and casting aspersions that are rooted in your own insecurities. All without facts to base it on.
Our ways of approaching this issue are markedly different. Is it unpleasant? Yes, we agree on that. My approach if she was someone I cared about, would be “can you see a doctor and get this handled?” You may not realize it but your drilling her about this is eroding whatever you’ve shared, which I imagine is important to you, otherwise you wouldn’t be posting about it.
My suggestion is above take it or leave it. If you cannot center yourself in the facts about what you’re experiencing and rather go with your gut, then maybe it is best (as you said), to let her be. She will resolve the issue and go on to sharing herself with someone else. It’s as simple as that.
But do understand that you’re hurting her, deeply. To me, that matters. It may not to you.
Either way, I hope this issue resolves with the least hurt to either of you. Be gentle.
p.s. my ex-wife, who I definitely know was not having sex with anyone other than me had recurring candidiasis and uti’s, usually it was related to us having vigorous sex. It was just something metabolic, it was exacerbated by her being a low libido person so it made our sex life untenable, so I do have personal experience with this.
p.p.s. I always use lube during sex, even when the woman lubricates like an oil slick. I use raw, unrefined, organic cooking grade coconut oil for sex. It’s antiviral, antibacterial and anti fungal and it’s feel is incomparable to anything man made, it smells good and tastes good and because it’s hydrophobic as most oils are, it doesn’t dry out and makes things much more comfortable for both parties, it will not harm things either, if anything it helps keep things under control as trauma to the tissues of vaginal canal (inevitable to some extent depending on you and her’s dimensions mostly) can promote infections. My experience is most women have never used it, and they love the feel and smell and that it can help. It makes them feel even sexier and may help on deep penetration if she even hints at discomfort when it occurs.
