Do you ever fully move on from the first girl you loved?

[FlexpertHamilton]

I was a late bloomer. Invisible to most women in high school. Had a couple GFs in high school, but they were sexless, dumb relationships. Also had a brief thing with my high school crush when she asked me out after high school, but that didn't pan out either and I got over it pretty easily.

However, a few years after high school, I started my first serious relationship, which was only the 2nd girl I ever had sex with (she was 19, I was 22). She had just gotten out of a very long term relationship and in hindsight, I was probably just a rebound who she wanted to use to fvck the pain away (which isn't a bad thing by any means).

Within the first week of meeting her, I was staying over at her place multiple nights a week, raw dogging and busting inside every time (she was on BC). We would smoke a J (which I had never done before meeting her), fvck, play video games, rinse repeat, then go to parties and get shvtfaced almost every weekend. We also travelled a lot with extremely memorable trips. She introduced me to a lot of things that I still enjoy to this day. We had a lot of similar interests, sense of humor, and shared a lot of my odd quirks and takes on life.

Even after we broke up, the next several months or so continued to be the greatest and most transformative period of my life, and while I don't think it was all from her, I do think I was riding off the tailwinds of the relationship high. Thing is, after the breakup, I completely ghosted her and blocked her on everything, threw out all her shvt at my place, including gifts she gave me. Never talked to her again.

Here I am, 10 years later and I still think about it. Not just her, but that whole period of my life, how transformative and meaningful it was. I know all the tropes, I'm not pedestalizing her or anything about the relationship, nor do I miss the "idea" of her. I know better. But I also know my imagination isn't betraying me, not only because I have great episodic memory, but because I am largely immune and disgusted by nostalgia and sentimentality in general. I have been hoping to experience a fraction that feeling again only to always fall short and part of me thinks that's impossible.

Did anyone else experience anything like this?

 

[Mertz09]

Yes I have. But before I go there I have a few questions. You said "She had just gotten out of a very long term relationship" and she was only 19. Just wondering how long it was since she was only 19. ???
Secondly, "after the breakup, I completely ghosted her and blocked her on everything" The reason I ask is on your profile you say you are 69. I am an older guy and I can say that we never ghosted anyone or anything back then because there was no internet and no social media of course. We did not know what "ghosting" was.
So something doesn't add up. ????

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

Yes I have. But before I go there I have a few questions. You said "She had just gotten out of a very long term relationship" and she was only 19. Just wondering how long it was since she was only 19. ???
Secondly, "after the breakup, I completely ghosted her and blocked her on everything" The reason I ask is on your profile you say you are 69. I am an older guy and I can say that we never ghosted anyone or anything back then because there was no internet and no social media of course. We did not know what "ghosting" was.
So something doesn't add up. ????

I think it was a high school sweeetheart sort of thing.

I am not 69.

I never loved a woman (outside of family), I loved the moments.

I don’t think people understand the true meaning of love. They (especially women) think they love a man, but in reality they love the thought of “love”. It’s all a movie.

I’ve had some very cool moments that I loved. I thought it was the women I was loving, but it was the moments.

Men love romantically and unconditionally, women love opportunistically and conditionally.

 

[Masculinity]

I was probably just a rebound who she wanted to use to fvck the pain away.

Within the first week of meeting her, I was staying over at her place multiple nights a week, raw dogging and busting inside every time (she was on BC). We would smoke a J (which I had never done before meeting her), fvck, play video games, rinse repeat, then go to parties and get shvtfaced almost every weekend.

She does not sound like a quality girl to me.

But to answer your question, yes, I continued with my life after my first girl. Do not get caught up in The Trap of Living in the Past.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

There is no such thing as unconditional love unless it is the love parent gives a child. And even in that case it is Unidirectional.

 

[manfrombelow]

I'm a late boomer too, and let me tell you: There was this one woman that crushed me mentally and drove me to the edge of insanity the day she broke up with me, which contributed greatly to me finding this website and forced myself to learrn & unlearn everything about life and relationships and women in general.

I actually thought I loved her so much, but now? I don't even remember her fvcking birthday, and I have no feelings whatsoever thinking about her image now.

So yeah, as cliché and corny as it sounds, but time does heal everything, and I mean everything.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

She does not sound like a quality girl to me.

But to answer your question, yes, I continued with my life after my first girl. Do not get caught up in The Trap of Living in the Past.

Oh, she wasn't, but it doesn't mean I didn't enjoy my time with her. I actually abhor nostalgia and fixation on the past in any way shape or form, but, that entire period of my life holds great significance regardless.

There is no such thing as unconditional love unless it is the love parent gives a child. And even in that case it is Unidirectional.

Well, I agree, I don't believe in it either, but men do tend to love women unconditionally (not saying they should).

 

[Doctor Europeo]

Do you ever fully move on from the first girl you loved?

Yes, when/if you find someone better for you

 

[EyeBRollin]

Yes. I remember the first girl. I don’t think about her at all.

However, I do remember the five best bangs in my life. I’d fvck all of them again.

 

[Millard Fillmore]

Men love romantically and unconditionally, women love opportunistically and conditionally.

All people love opportunistically and conditionally. Each gender just likes to flatter itself.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

bumping this as this got very few replies and this remains relevant to me

before anyone gives a knee-jerk NPC response: this is not nosalgia, limerance, onetis, pedestalizing, or "missing the idea of her" - save me the cliches.

 

[Gamisch]

1. Every man gets to only love once. Or let's say once every 15 years.

2. Its the bitchazz inside if you that can't let go of the fairytale. Part of being and becoming a man is getting your heart shattered. If anything, it might give you the edge needed to make future encounters more successful.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

2. Its the bitchazz inside if you that can't let go of the fairytale.

its truly not man - please emphatically understand that i cannot overstate this. let me elaborate. first off, I initiated the breakup! We had that sort of "final fight" one morning where you know deep in your gut it's just over. after the fight that morning, we went to work, and afterwards i went home and grabbed all her shvt and put it all in a bag, then picked her up and we talked in my car for a while and it became a true mutual breakup. we both cried silently as we said goodbye and held each other; the kind of cry you'd have when mourning the death of a loved one. because that's what it was - the irrevocable fact that the relationship was truly dead. we hugged and briefly kissed with snot running down both our noses, then I walked away and never looked back. It was the sort of emotionally heavy and meaningful experience that defines the human experience and is something no man or woman would ever forget.

shortly after the breakup, I completeled deleted her from my life , threw out her stuff (including gifts), deleted our pics, unfriended her on socials, etc then never talked to her again. nowadays, i regularly go several months without even thinking about her. I never once had a "what if" moment or even a tinge of regret. the whole relationship was a hot mess, i was flawed, she was flawed, and it was doomed from the start. i knew this then, and i know this now with the same level of absolute certainty. i genuinely, not even metaphorically, feel like I "came online" shortly after i started seeing her. and like i said i rode the infinite, oceanic high of the relationship tailwinds for months AFTER the breakup and continued to have life changing experiences that were just as meaningful. this has never happened with anything else in my life to this extent. i've had meaningful experiences with a few other women, friends, and family since then, but nowhere near that level of intensity.

its actually not even her so much as it was that period of my life in general. i will remember the events of that period of my life in great detail even on my deathbed. and let me be perfectly clear, this is NOT nostalgia or any sort of wistful sentimental foolishness; i feel the same way now that i did 13 years ago when this happened. i literally do not experience nostalgia and i despise ruminating about the past; i could write an entire essay in detail about why it's a mistake to live in the past and why the present is all that matters. but i simply cannot deny how much of an impact she and that general period of my life had on me. my life was an actual movie, a movie of ethereal significance and profundity that lasted for an entire a year and a half, for every single moment of every single day. some unfortunate people may not be so lucky as to experience this once let alone a timeline of this scale. in fact it meant so much to me that i could die now and feel satisfied that i've already lived my life to its fullest due to the rich, vivid, and meaningful life changing experiences that had back then. it's not romanticizing, it's not a fairytale, it's the palpable, objective truth. i know this because it permanently rewired my brain and positively altered the course of my entire life and its future. it's as much a part of who i am as the color of my eyes or hair - in fact, it's more real than that. it was the realest, deepest part of the human experience.

 

[Velasco]

yes. there will be girls, although rare, that are a better fit for you than the girl you thought was the love of your life. just have to keep going.

 

[Jor-El]

Its no surprise is it..the things that shape your life are the things you remember,and sometimes pine for

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

yes. there will be girls, although rare, that are a better fit for you than the girl you thought was the love of your life. just have to keep going.

It's not logical or rational. The heart wants what it wants. I know it's sappy, but it's the truth. I've had very healthy relationships with good girls who were WAY better fit, but it was never the same.

 

[Gamisch]

its truly not man - please emphatically understand that i cannot overstate this. let me elaborate. first off, I initiated the breakup! We had that sort of "final fight" one morning where you know deep in your gut it's just over. after the fight that morning, we went to work, and afterwards i went home and grabbed all her shvt and put it all a bag, then picked her up and we talked to her in my car for a while and it became a true mutual breakup. we both cried silently then as we said goodbye, the kind of cry you'd have mourning a death. we hugged and briefly kissed with snot running down both our noses, then I walked away and never looked back. we both knew it was over. shortly after, I completeled deleted her from my life , threw out her stuff (including gifts), deleted our pics, unfriended her on socials, etc then never talked to her again.

Nowadays, i regularly go several months without even thinking about her. I've never once had a "what if" moment or an ounce of regret. the whole relationship was a hot mess, i was flawed, she was flawed, and it was doomed from the start i'm just being objective. i genuinely, not even metaphorically, feel like I "came online" shortly after i started seeing her. and like i said i rode the high of the relationship tailwinds for months even after the breakup. this has never happened with anything else in my life to this extent. i've had similar experiences with a few other women since then, but nowhere near that level of intensity.

its actually not even her so much as it was that period of my life in general. i will remember the events of that period of my life in great detail even on my deathbed. and its NOT nostalgia or anything either. i literally do not experience nostalgia and i despise ruminating about the past. but i simply cannot deny how much of an impact she and that general period of my life had on me. my life felt like a movie for literally a year and a half. in fact it meant so much to me that i could already die now and feel satisfied that i've lived my life to its fullest due to the rich, vivid, and meaningful sort experiences i had. it's not romanticizing, it's not a fairytale, it's a palpable, objective truth. i know this because as i said i abhor nostalgia and i do not value the past. but it permanently rewired my brain and it's as much a part of who i am as the color of my eyes or hair.

Sometimes I'm kinda cut throat bro. Don't take it personal. It's also the bitchazz inside ME and all of us that keeps reminiscing about exes and What Ifs. Every time when I do that I slap myself for being a weakling.

What I meant to say is we all have one or two women that were our absolute best love. But if you look back in all honesty, things weren't that great...and if you look at it soberder up and realistic, it wouldn't last forever anyway.

And yes all experiences shape us. Thats why I believe all experiences are good experiences even the bad ones....

It seems like you need some harsh words to regain composure. That's why I used the word fairytale. That's my style of dealing with such things, and by no means I say its the best way to do it. Believe me bro..she moved on LONG time ago!

It's time to move on. Don't linger in the past, but instead focus on the future! There are 4 billion women roaming this planet. Get a new muse.

 

[Velasco]

I've had very healthy relationships with good girls who were WAY better fit, but it was never the same

i can only speak from my experience. because i too had this girl that would be on my mind no matter how many girls i slept with. by better i don’t mean good girls. i mean better in ALL categories. better looking. better sexual fit. more aligned vibe wise/sense of humor. and higher status. soon as i met a girl like that. the previous girl i spend a lot of time thinking about became a distance (although fun and filled with good times) memory.

oh yeah forgot younger/less experienced and less ran thru than the previous girl lol

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

Sometimes I'm kinda cut throat bro. Don't take it personal. It's also the bitchazz inside ME and all of us that keeps reminiscing about exes and What Ifs. Every time when I do that I slap myself for being a weakling.

It seems like you need some harsh words to regain composure. That's why I used the word fairytale. That's my style of dealing with such things, and by no means I say its the best way to do it.

No worries I wasn't insulted or anything, I get what you meant. i just did not articulate this well enough in my original post.

It's time to move on. Don't linger in the past, but instead focus on the future! There are 4 billion women roaming this planet. Get a new muse.

I've told myself I moved on 100x. And by all definitions, I did. But now I've realized you don't move on by insisting to yourself that you've moved on. It's like trauma. You cannot "fix" trauma. The moment you think you've "defeated" your trauma, you've already lost the plot. You accept it for what is it, and accept that there is nothing you can do about it. You move on by accepting that you cannot move on. It's a double bind, it's like trying to desire desirelessness. This is some Zen/Taoist shvt.

But if you look back in all honesty, things weren't that great...and if you look at it soberder up and realistic, it wouldn't last forever anyway.

I know this. It was actually an extremely volatile and toxic relationship and she was a walking red flag (and I was a fvcking mess too). It's kind of in a similar camp to that whole "trauma bond" thing - not that it was "abusive" or "traumatic" but in the spirit of that sort of idea. The intense highs gave way to the most intense lows. These experiences are not healthy or "good" in any capacity, but they are undoubtedly the experiences we remember more than anything and shape who we are.

Believe me bro..she moved on LONG time ago!

This goes without saying. She will never reach out to me. We will never talk to each other again. She probably pretends I never existed. It's all become a sort of a banished memory for me.

 

[BaronOfHair]

There's a scar on my left shoulder, left by a butcher's knife wielded by the first gal I loved, after her sentiments towards me clearly changed fairly substantially

Thus, I'd say that I've gotten over her attraction-wise, despite the fact that I'll always remember her, whenever I look at that area of my anatomy