Dealing with toxicity/passive aggressiveness with friends

[FlexpertHamilton]

This is something I've thought about more recently. Sometimes it's too subtle to call them out, and other times it's hard to tell if it's a playful (if slightly insulting jab), or if it's some passive aggressive BS to bring you down into their own toxicity. I tend to be a bit sensitive to criticism and jokes at my expense (even if they're harmless) so sometimes I may misinterpret intentions. Does anyone else struggle with this? Lately I am thinking it's better to just nip it in the bud and call them out if you think it's passive aggressive or disrespectful even if it's an overreaction.

 

[IKO69]

We all have friends who rip on us for a good laugh and it is harmless. The answer to your question really depends on what the subject matter is about. If you got say a new job and they start doing that to you when they typically don't, yeah you have to call them out on that bull****. They are low key jealous / being haters. Be wary of these people.

 

[Gamisch]

With friends I have zero limitations in whatI say. Could go any given way. I might be screaming , crying ,laughing anything. No holding back. I am king, they can be kings along with me,like tge three wise men from Nazareth.

Thats why I have like 2 real real friends at max though..I am also my
trying to be my own best friend most of the time though.

 

[Redwood]

It depends on how often they've done it.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

I’ve always found that self-deprecation and being a good sport is an amazing antidote to things like this.

When I was in the boardroom I was known for airing my own shortcomings before anyone else could. It is disarming as hell for anyone to try to come at you, it also makes you known as a man that owns his own shyte, holds himself accountable and knows himself - all qualities of a great leader. Most men hide their mistakes, some air them it makes you more approachable, accesible and humanizes you.

Furthermore we all know that women love a man that can control the narrative and is a leader of men.

Loyalty is the consequence of leadership. And leadership is a touchstone of competence.

 

[CornbreadFed]

I just ghosted two of my good friends from college, one that could be argued as my best man. We did get along fine, they did not have my best interest at heart. No, I am not talking about being supportive like toxic women complain about, they actively wanted my life to be a living hell because of their beliefs. At this point in my life, I am the only one responsible for putting food on the table and if you want to make that harder for me then bye bye. That’s not a friend to me.

To your point OP. I kind of do what you are saying and there have points where I have gone too far tbh. I have lost good friends from my playful bullying personality, and I have learned to tame it down whenever possible. However, I am always there to help out my friends in any situation and I see myself as a realist. If your friends aren’t countering their negatives with anything positive then axe them. You cannot grow in life with constant negativity in your life. Also, quit telling people your shvt because it’s natural for humans to get jealous and push back.

 

[Solomon]

This is something I've thought about more recently. Sometimes it's too subtle to call them out, and other times it's hard to tell if it's a playful (if slightly insulting jab), or if it's some passive aggressive BS to bring you down into their own toxicity. I tend to be a bit sensitive to criticism and jokes at my expense (even if they're harmless) so sometimes I may misinterpret intentions. Does anyone else struggle with this? Lately I am thinking it's better to just nip it in the bud and call them out if you think it's passive aggressive or disrespectful even if it's an overreaction.

I cut people like this off
A lot of people once you past college are not really "Friends' but "aquistances"
Hevck even my former best friend in college things changed once we got to the real world etc

I have no proble with cristiscim but I do have a problem with female like passive-aggressive behavior

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Chances are your BFF in college banged all your gf’s and you did the same in reverse. College is like a different dimension.