First Approach in 10 Years - Success

[CheekyMonkey101]

Hello.

For the last 10 years I have relied solely on online dating and haven't bothered to approach a girl IRL since August 2013. I often psyche myself out and I haven't seen much of a point if I do well on online dating.

The other week I was at the gym and there was a girl who my friend has been telling me that has been checking me out a few times, although I never noticed it (I'm pretty oblivious to these things).

I caught her this time looking a bit at me and we maintained eye contact for 1-2 seconds and she smiled at me. I don't smile at people I don't know (and I don't really like smiling in general) so I didn't reciprocate it, so I just walked over to her and then introduced myself and asked how she is finding her current training regime.

She seemed very interested through body language (smiling, brushed my arm at one point, open and relaxed demeanour). So after about two or three minutes I said that I don't have much time as I need to finish my workout and go to a family event later, but I suggested that we meet up sometime outside of the gym. She was very happy with the suggestion (or seemed to be) so we arranged to meet on Wednesday at a local place in the evening.

I guess I've been overthinking it a bit too much in the past, if they give me signs I suppose I should just go for it.

I do feel good for finally overcoming my fear, so I think I'll do it in future. It's best to broaden your horizons and apply both online and IRL.

 

[bat soup]

Hello.

For the last 10 years I have relied solely on online dating and haven't bothered to approach a girl IRL since August 2013. I often psyche myself out and I haven't seen much of a point if I do well on online dating.

The other week I was at the gym and there was a girl who my friend has been telling me that has been checking me out a few times, although I never noticed it (I'm pretty oblivious to these things).

I caught her this time looking a bit at me and we maintained eye contact for 1-2 seconds and she smiled at me. I don't smile at people I don't know (and I don't really like smiling in general) so I didn't reciprocate it, so I just walked over to her and then introduced myself and asked how she is finding her current training regime.

She seemed very interested through body language (smiling, brushed my arm at one point, open and relaxed demeanour). So after about two or three minutes I said that I don't have much time as I need to finish my workout and go to a family event later, but I suggested that we meet up sometime outside of the gym. She was very happy with the suggestion (or seemed to be) so we arranged to meet on Wednesday at a local place in the evening.

I guess I've been overthinking it a bit too much in the past, if they give me signs I suppose I should just go for it.

I do feel good for finally overcoming my fear, so I think I'll do it in future. It's best to broaden your horizons and apply both online and IRL.

Well done. At this rate by the time you're 70 you'll have at least one date.

 

[CheekyMonkey101]

Well done. At this rate by the time you're 70 you'll have at least one date.

I've had loads of dates, although I'd say 95% of them have been from online dating.

 

[ManlyMan]

Often times the only person stopping them is themselves.

 

[inquisitor]

Hello.

For the last 10 years I have relied solely on online dating and haven't bothered to approach a girl IRL since August 2013. I often psyche myself out and I haven't seen much of a point if I do well on online dating.

The other week I was at the gym and there was a girl who my friend has been telling me that has been checking me out a few times, although I never noticed it (I'm pretty oblivious to these things).

I caught her this time looking a bit at me and we maintained eye contact for 1-2 seconds and she smiled at me. I don't smile at people I don't know (and I don't really like smiling in general) so I didn't reciprocate it, so I just walked over to her and then introduced myself and asked how she is finding her current training regime.

She seemed very interested through body language (smiling, brushed my arm at one point, open and relaxed demeanour). So after about two or three minutes I said that I don't have much time as I need to finish my workout and go to a family event later, but I suggested that we meet up sometime outside of the gym. She was very happy with the suggestion (or seemed to be) so we arranged to meet on Wednesday at a local place in the evening.

I guess I've been overthinking it a bit too much in the past, if they give me signs I suppose I should just go for it.

I do feel good for finally overcoming my fear, so I think I'll do it in future. It's best to broaden your horizons and apply both online and IRL.

How did the date go?

 

[Learning Curve]

Well done. At this rate by the time you're 70 you'll have at least one date.

hahahaha

 

[SW15]

It's possible to go 10+ years without doing an approach. In most of those cases, it's a guy in a LTR/married guy. I know many guys in their 30s who haven't done approaches in ~10 years because of their LTR/marriage.

I think there are more and more guys out there like @CheekyMonkey101 who are becoming app swipers and totally dependent upon the apps. That's not good.

 

[CheekyMonkey101]

It's possible to go 10+ years without doing an approach. In most of those cases, it's a guy in a LTR/married guy. I know many guys in their 30s who haven't done approaches in ~10 years because of their LTR/marriage.

I think there are more and more guys out there like @CheekyMonkey101 who are becoming app swipers and totally dependent upon the apps. That's not good.

You are right. It's good to mix it up.

I'll need to work on my approach.

I'm decent looking and ripped, so it should be easier.

 

[SW15]

I'm decent looking and ripped, so it should be easier.

If you're ripped, that's probably why you've gotten laid off of swipe apps. For certain elite level looking men, swipe apps are more efficient and effective than approaching strangers. That's often the Top 5-10%.

 

[CheekyMonkey101]

If you're ripped, that's probably why you've gotten laid off of swipe apps. For certain elite level looking men, swipe apps are more efficient and effective than approaching strangers. That's often the Top 5-10%.

Yeah, tbh I'm quite lazy and don't like going out. Arranging lots of dates/lays from the comfort of my living room is so much easier than just going out and approaching.

Although, you have to really maximise both areas (online and irl) to see best results.

 

[CheekyMonkey101]

How did the date go?

It went well. She came back to mine at the end.

 

[SW15]

I'm quite lazy and don't like going out. Arranging lots of dates/lays from the comfort of my living room is so much easier than just going out and approaching.

You might be introverted. At age 29, you're in the Millennial generation, which is generally is more antisocial due to the tech advances of the 2000s like social media, smartphones, and the de-stigmatization of online dating.

you have to really maximise both areas (online and irl) to see best results.

That can happen, though easier said than done. Most men are better off focusing on one form of game and mastering it.

The top tier guys are better off on swipe apps than with any real life approaching if they are looking for quantity of sex. If a top tier guy is looking for an extended relationship with a top tier woman, he's better off doing something in the real world.

Let's take the example of a man who is an 8.5. A man is who an 8.5 will have women in the 5-6.5 range actively pursuing him. A man who is an 8.5 doesn't have to put in much effort to have sex with a 6. Plenty of men who are 8.5s are swiping on 6s on Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge. An 8.5 can have sex with a 6 on a first or second date from a swipe app. It's quite easy, and there's a near endless amount of 5s and 6s that can be smashed from the swipe apps with minimal effort.

If an 8.5 doesn't want to use swipe apps, he can pick up a 6 at a bar for a one night stand or short term casual sex arrangement nearly as easily. He won't have as much abundance from solely doing bar pickups as swipe apps, but he'll be able to do well enough on quantity.

It would take more effort for an 8.5 male to get an 8-9 woman even for one night, let alone some sort of extended relationship.

An 8.5 male is likely to be a guy who is 6'0"+ with a good physique. This is a guy who could do well meeting attractive women playing sand volleyball, either in random pickup games or in an organized co-ed league. For the 6'0"+ guy with a good physique, I don't think that sand volleyball is any more efficient than swipe apps or random approaching at bars. That type of guy is going to have success in all formats. It's a matter of how much screen time he wants to put in on his smartphone vs. how much real life approaching he wants to do and what his goals are. Doing something like trying to meet a top level volleyball playing woman (likely to be a 7.5+ in looks) will take more attraction-seduction effort.

I think it would be more fun for a 6'0"+ guy with sand volleyball skill to pick up women through volleyball than to sit on Tinder/Bumble/Hinge and swipe. It'd be a better use of time for that guy to play volleyball in terms of getting longer term relationships. That'd be the use case where I'd recommend volleyball over the swipe apps. It's a realistic scenario for a 6'2" guy to a get a 5'9"-6'0" volleyball playing girlfriend and that scenario has a better chance of lasting longer than flings with Tinderellas, most of whom are 5'6" and under.

It went well. She came back to mine at the end.

First date sex?

 

[Bingo-Player]

So the the first girl you approach IRL in 10 years , after 3 mins of conversation agrees to a date and then proceeds to smash you ?

I need some of that kinda luck

 

[CheekyMonkey101]

So the the first girl you approach IRL in 10 years , after 3 mins of conversation agrees to a date and then proceeds to smash you ?

I need some of that kinda luck

It does depend on her and how attractive she finds you overall.

 

[BeExcellent]

Hello.

For the last 10 years I have relied solely on online dating and haven't bothered to approach a girl IRL since August 2013. I often psyche myself out and I haven't seen much of a point if I do well on online dating.

The other week I was at the gym and there was a girl who my friend has been telling me that has been checking me out a few times, although I never noticed it (I'm pretty oblivious to these things).

I caught her this time looking a bit at me and we maintained eye contact for 1-2 seconds and she smiled at me. I don't smile at people I don't know (and I don't really like smiling in general) so I didn't reciprocate it, so I just walked over to her and then introduced myself and asked how she is finding her current training regime.

She seemed very interested through body language (smiling, brushed my arm at one point, open and relaxed demeanour). So after about two or three minutes I said that I don't have much time as I need to finish my workout and go to a family event later, but I suggested that we meet up sometime outside of the gym. She was very happy with the suggestion (or seemed to be) so we arranged to meet on Wednesday at a local place in the evening.

I guess I've been overthinking it a bit too much in the past, if they give me signs I suppose I should just go for it.

I do feel good for finally overcoming my fear, so I think I'll do it in future. It's best to broaden your horizons and apply both online and IRL.

Good for you! Hope others follow suit.

 

[bat soup]

It's possible to go 10+ years without doing an approach. In most of those cases, it's a guy in a LTR/married guy. I know many guys in their 30s who haven't done approaches in ~10 years because of their LTR/marriage.

I think there are more and more guys out there like @CheekyMonkey101 who are becoming app swipers and totally dependent upon the apps. That's not good.

Agreed. It creates a dependency and you never know when these apps will stop working or you will get blocked for saying that you don't like trannies.