Responses to common sh!t-tests

[Cerwin Vega]

So today I was faced with a sh!t-test that I've had before, and I believe I handled it pretty well.

HB was considering joining a team of marathon runners.

These guys' bodies become nearly anorexic if they do it often enough for reasons beyond the scope of this post..anyway ---

I totally encouraged her to do so, and then said "oh wait, hold on. You'll lose that perfect round ass of yours, so you'd better not".

It got to the point where she asked me "so are you going to dump me if my looks change?" -- I said yeah, I won't date an obese or anorexic person.

She said "so do you only care about looks? what if I gained some weight?" and I realized this is not leading to a good place.

Me: "how much? kilos or pounds?"
HB: "10kgs"
Me: "that's fine. but not pounds though"
HB: "10kgs is like 22 pounds"
Me: "10kgs is fine, but not even a single pound"
HB: *confused uhh*
Me: "You can gain all the kilos you want, but the second you gain a single pound, you're out! I don't deal with bullsh!t american units"
HB: *laughing hard*
Me: *changing topic*

I've heard this sh!t-test a few times before from previous LTRs, and I think this is one of the best ways I've handled it.

---

So, fellow DJs, do you have other common sh!t-tests? How do you handle them properly?

I know about the whole ignore them or just ask her "why are you asking" but that's really unsustainable long-term and really a DLV imo. I'm here to read some witty responses.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

So today I was faced with a sh!t-test that I've had before, and I believe I handled it pretty well.

HB was considering joining a team of marathon runners.

These guys' bodies become nearly anorexic if they do it often enough for reasons beyond the scope of this post..anyway ---

I totally encouraged her to do so, and then said "oh wait, hold on. You'll lose that perfect round ass of yours, so you'd better not".

It got to the point where she asked me "so are you going to dump me if my looks change?" -- I said yeah, I won't date an obese or anorexic person.

She said "so do you only care about looks? what if I gained some weight?" and I realized this is not leading to a good place.

Me: "how much? kilos or pounds?"
HB: "10kgs"
Me: "that's fine. but not pounds though"
HB: "10kgs is like 22 pounds"
Me: "10kgs is fine, but not even a single pound"
HB: *confused uhh*
Me: "You can gain all the kilos you want, but the second you gain a single pound, you're out! I don't deal with bullsh!t american units"
HB: *laughing hard*
Me: *changing topic*

I've heard this sh!t-test a few times before from previous LTRs, and I think this is one of the best ways I've handled it.

---

So, fellow DJs, do you have other common sh!t-tests? How do you handle them properly?

I know about the whole ignore them or just ask her "why are you asking" but that's really unsustainable long-term and really a DLV imo. I'm here to read some witty responses.

You did good to make the conversation ridiculous and playful. The last thing you should do with a shiit test is take it seriously.

You complimented her and sexualized the talk out of the blue. Typically that's providing her validation, and typically she should have to earn it, especially an 8, but I don't know the full context.

If it's a cold approach personally I validate very subtly at first, and not sexually, just to see if she values it. I only escalate it if she does. There are of course women that enjoy a man that treats them like scum, but they're typically more trouble than they're worth.

Shiit tests roll off my shoulders and passing them is effortless. I'm more often giving shiit tests. Filtering for quality is fun, it can be entertaining to see what all a girl is willing to do for some attention.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

You complimented her and sexualized the talk out of the blue. Typically that's providing her validation, and typically she should have to earn it, especially an 8, but I don't know the full context.

She's someone I'm dating and already bedded. I insert sexuality to remind her that this is the nature of our relationship, and I'm not her friend.

 

[Scars]

You handled it from a place of sarcasm, which is the name of the game. I probably would have handled it differently, but the end result is the same.

I'm American, so dealing with thicker chicks is sometimes unavoidable. God forbid one of your GF's friends heard you in the middle of that sh!t test.. they would make it their life long mission to sabotage your relationship, even if everyone in the room knows you're joking.

What if I gain weight?

"If you gain weight, you better be carrying my twins."

"You won't, I can help you with cardio." *Makes sex motion with pointer finger and circle*

"I'm really not into the whole being crushed during sex thing babe."

Just a couple that came off the top of my head.. I really don't have anything rehearsed ever. Just try to think of something witty and don't take it too personal or serious.. that's when you fall into the trap.