Why does it seem that marriage actually kills the LTR?

[RickTheToad]

That thought came into my mind after hearing that Jason Momoa

Jason Momoa and Lisa Bonet split after 16 years together

Jason Momoa and Lisa Bonet are splitting after four years of marriage.

news.yahoo.com

16 years together, married for 5. Yea, he fvcked up by marrying a female 12 years older than him, so maybe that was it? Her pus was no longer wet? Usually, when the sex stops, the marriage falls apart.

 

[wifehunter]

Because marriage has become a government run, institution.

aka 'not good'

 

[IKO69]

Some pack it in once they get married, they see the whole thing as over. You stop trying, let yourself go etc.

I've known a few married couples this is not the case. Usually the former. The one's in the latter are really lucky.

 

[Mike32ct]

Yeah it seems that, sex and relationship wise, it’s better to have a girlfriend than a wife.

 

[PRW63]

Why does it seem that marriage actually kills the LTR?

It isn't the marriage,...it is the people in the marriage.
In addition, marriages have a poor track record when they were proceeded by a very long LTR. So by that logic the LTR kills the marriage. The fact that an LTR goes for a long time before the marraige is indicative of problems in the relationship that cause the people to hesitate moving it up into a marriage. But if the preceeding LTR was short (say less than 2 years) then the subsequent marriage tends to do better. We live in a society consisting of a huge number of hedonistic people who are semi-dysfunctional in some form or another. In generations past people were far more emotionally and mentally stable.

 

[EyeBRollin]

He will be fine. She’s old and used.

 

[corrector]

Blame it on the inlaws and the wife"s siblings and friends convincing her that you dont measure up and she should trade up or divorce you and hold out for someone better. Marriage tends to attract more public and social scrutiny. Look at princess Diana. Not everyone can hande all that publicity. My marriage crumbled apart because too many people got involved that has no business undermining me and the marriage like that.

 

[AAAgent]

I'm married going on a few years and just had a kid. For me, the excitement and thrill are gone with marriage. Wife adores me and i've had some mistakes via flings that eventually came to light. To me, after the last time i was caught, i realized it wasn't worth all the drama of splitting with my wife who is great for me, great mother, etc. for a short term sexual desire.

its a cost benefit analysis. I'm trading the sexual excitement for stability.

I never bought her a ring or had a fancy marriage and i make plenty of money and have nice things. I told her that she wouldn't get those things and she was fine with that.

My wife is 7 years younger but still, any relationship that you know you can get sex whenever you want, will make a man appreciate and value sex with that person a lot less.

I haven't packed it in though. I still keep myself in shape, and am attracted to other women and sometimes flirt. If things happen, they happen but my marriage and wife and family will always come first.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

That thought came into my mind after hearing that Jason Momoa

Jason Momoa and Lisa Bonet split after 16 years together

Jason Momoa and Lisa Bonet are splitting after four years of marriage.

news.yahoo.com

16 years together, married for 5. Yea, he fvcked up by marrying a female 12 years older than him, so maybe that was it? Her pus was no longer wet? Usually, when the sex stops, the marriage falls apart.

Mainly because the "Institution of marriage" is unrealistic and idealistic.


Modern Man Advice

 

[metalwater]

It isn't the marriage,...it is the people in the marriage.
In addition, marriages have a poor track record when they were proceeded by a very long LTR. So by that logic the LTR kills the marriage. The fact that an LTR goes for a long time before the marraige is indicative of problems in the relationship that cause the people to hesitate moving it up into a marriage. But if the preceeding LTR was short (say less than 2 years) then the subsequent marriage tends to do better. We live in a society consisting of a huge number of hedonistic people who are semi-dysfunctional in some form or another. In generations past people were far more emotionally and mentally stable.

interesting. seems like a valid idea. what was different in the past?

 

[Speculator E]

interesting. seems like a valid idea. what was different in the past?

In there was a strong Christian culture that promotes family and strong marriages
Today feminism has taken over all parts of society destroy that foundation

 

[metalwater]

In there was a strong Christian culture that promotes family and strong marriages
Today feminism has taken over all parts of society destroy that foundation

yep; what happened to the Christian culture?

 

[SW15]

Why does it seem that marriage actually kills the LTR?

I don't think it is marriage that kills the LTR in most cases. It's more of the passage of the time. There's a school of thought that "all relationships are transient". 10 years is a long time for a relationship. It doesn't matter if the couple married or didn't marry during that 10 year period.

People tend to think marriage kills the LTR because of the milestones that typically happen with the passage of time. About 2-4 years into the relationship is when the wedding happens. The first baby will typically happen 2-3 years later. In another 2-3 years, there will be baby #2. By the time baby #2 is 5-7 years old and the oldest is 9-10, the relationship will be so starved of passion and the couple will have grown tired of each other.

The marriage that fail tend to fail between 5-15 years. They usually last longer than most of their friends/family/acquaintances expect it to last. When a 5-15 year long marriage fails, that's typically 7-18 years of total relationship time. 7-18 years is a long time. Among my friends/family/acquaintances, the ones I know who are divorced had their marriages end around 11-13 years of total relationship time.

It isn't the marriage,...it is the people in the marriage.
In addition, marriages have a poor track record when they were proceeded by a very long LTR. So by that logic the LTR kills the marriage. The fact that an LTR goes for a long time before the marraige is indicative of problems in the relationship that cause the people to hesitate moving it up into a marriage.

Do you have any statistics surrounding increased divorce when the relational time before marriage was longer? I happen to believe you but haven't done the research myself.

But if the preceeding LTR was short (say less than 2 years) then the subsequent marriage tends to do better.

The people who tend to get married after less than 2 years are religious people who don't do pre-marital sex or couples who don't live together before marriage. Those groups tend to have better outcomes.

We live in a society consisting of a huge number of hedonistic people who are semi-dysfunctional in some form or another. In generations past people were far more emotionally and mentally stable.

So true.

 

[Speculator E]

yep; what happened to the Christian culture?

I suggest you take a look at the red pill forum. The reasons are very complex and widespread.
https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/ge79vq

 

[metalwater]

I suggest you take a look at the red pill forum. The reasons are very complex and widespread.
https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/ge79vq

that's a decent post. it doesn't have much to do with the Christian culture and everything to do with the fundamentals of being a man.

spot-on, hardcore but in the right way.

good summary of the topic from the same forum.
" When she knows the only thing that stands between you staying or walking away is how well she meets your desires, she derives her sense of self from meeting those desires. Assuming you're worth a ****, of course. "
https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/ge79vq/_/fpo3bi3

 

[BadBoy89]

Why does it seem that marriage actually kills the LTR?

Generally in marriage, you have to have children quickly or there is not much holding the husband and wife together.

I think it's 3 things:

- familiarity
- living together
- aging wife.

- familiarity: the brain needs novelty to survive and thrive. If a man is stuck with the same person every day, his brain will naturally seek other experiences and people.

- living together: A therapist said those couples who survive do this one thing. They make their partner "unknowable".

- aging wife: any man would love to stay married, as long as he had a 20-year old mistress on the side.

If a womans' face and body remained 25 years old forever, and a man only lived with her 4/7 days each week, and they had children, wouldn't he stay with her forever?

 

[Speculator E]

that's a decent post. it doesn't have much to do with the Christian culture and everything to do with the fundamentals of being a man.

spot-on, hardcore but in the right way.
good summary of the topic from the same forum.

What the post and red pill is really trying to say is that feminism has grown into a beast system that promotes the persecution of men.
Feminism today is so powerful that it has corrupted all part of society.
You only have to pay attention to what on your movies, tv shows, your news articles, etc to see what they promotes are feminism topics.

This is a problem because feminism has strong lobbying power to change laws.
It has done that by promoting various laws that give women power over men.
It has done that by corrupting the divorce system that makes it unfair to men while give women more benefits.
Men in the end get screw over in divorce.

Men do not want to marry today because the divorce system has become so bias and unfair to them.

 

[PRW63]

yep; what happened to the Christian culture?

Atheism, Wokeness, Leftist Ideology, and Feminism. Most all of it "inserted" into the minds of the young via the School System,...then they grow up and start running things. Christians were just one enemy and were considered the weakest. Natural Gender Roles/Dynamics, Political Conservatism, Social Conservatism, Rational Thought, Nationalism, Freedom-instead-of-Tyranny, along with Christianity (which "contains" all of those).....all have the same enemy, and that enemy is Atheism, Wokeness, Leftist Ideology, and Feminism. Over time Atheism has faded a bit and some have even changed sides at least on the Socio-Political aspect of it so now there are a lot of conservative atheists who find themselves having more common ground with Christians than they expected as they don't want their kids wrecked by the Wokeness any more than the Christians do.

 

[metalwater]

Wokeness

What is Wokeness?

 

[SW15]

Generally in marriage, you have to have children quickly or there is not much holding the husband and wife together.

How quickly? 3 years? 5 years?

aging wife

Most men are betas who tolerate an aging wife. They might not be happy about it, but they're not ditching their wives when the wives turn 40 or 50. Simply put, most married men would have few options if things ended with their wives.