I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.
The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.
Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.
Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."
You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.
She's been waiting forty minutes.
Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.
Without sounding like a broken record, you should always use text as an introductory tool only and to build just enough comfort to get them out asap.
Lol this is nonsense. You can definitely build attraction/interest via text, just don't overdo it by giving her validation or constant back and forth. A few light texts per week is all you need for a plate.
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
Trying to raise attraction with texting is pure damage control. You should have raised the attraction when getting her number. If you have to depend on texting to get the job done you already lost the first battle.
Keep things light and fun. Don't try and build too much report by telling her too much about yourself. Treat texts as a sort of trailer of what it would be like for her to be on a date with you. Let her get curious so she wants to see the movie that this trailer is all about (= see you in person). If the trailer shows the entire movie and you can already guess how it will end... would you really wanna see that movie? I'm guessing no. It's the same with women. If they already know the ending they lose their interest. So give yourself bit by bit and don't pour the entire
I think having some texting in between times you see your plates can actually work to your advantage. I do agree with keeping it all very light-hearted though and not divulging any major details about yourself. It should essentially just be for flirting/building some tension for the next meetup.
It does not work to your advantage unless she is initiating. Women have to miss you for their feelings to intensify. The only time you should be initiating contact with a woman is to ask her out for the next date.
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
I agree for the most part. But I do think you can initiate with something light-hearted every once in awhile. I like the 3/1 rule on this (even though I just stated rules are overrated ha). For every three times she initiates you can initiate once. I think it lets them know you are invested in keeping them around (even if it is just to be a plate).
Attraction wasn't the right word...I'd say intrigue or hamster spinning is better. Also I would say another reason not to overdo your "text game" is because it might not live up to your wit and humor in person.
No. I don’t know why you guys feel the need to chit chat it up with women. That is feminine behavior.
I think if you act that aloof you will lose some that you could otherwise keep if you’re essentially never reaching out even once. I think it’s more about content and keeping it light.
no he's rite. except about the phone call thing
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
You care too much about losing her. The ones with high interest... they don’t want to lose you!
You are competing for her attention ultimately. She's just your turn. Even if she's chasing...you can lose place in her spotlight at any moment by a new guy she talks to even if he's lower value. The texting thing isn't about "building rapport" or getting to know them or any of that BS, it's just keeping some sort of presence in her mind. You have to account for their incredibly low attention spans, they will chase whatever is right in front of them and forget the rest in a heartbeat.
Here’s my thing - so I just banged the HB 7.5 I spoke about in the other thread (to which I thank you for your advice!). Since we banged, she has been texting almost nonstop with very high interest. Due to our schedules we couldn’t see each other for 9 days (down to 7 now). If I essentially ignored these texts and told her I would call her once within 9 days until I see her next I think there’s a much higher likelihood I get a flake for the 3rd date than if I’m in constant, light hearted banter with her via text here and there.
No. That’s backwards. She thinks more about the guy that isn’t blowing up her phone.
So if she is texting you every day do you really tell her “hey I will call you sometime before our next date” and then go dark until you make the phone call?
Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."
You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.
She's been waiting forty minutes.
Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.