Ex contacting me after break-up

[andreihaha]

I was in a pretty serious relationship with this girl, everything was going well, so I fvcked up and kinda betrayed her trust. So we broke up.
Now she keeps contacting me on a daily basis and if we talk a little bit it eventually gets to the point where she's telling me she's in pain and stuff like this.
Now she's probably the most quality girl I met so far but I'm having a hard time imagining that we're still gonna end up together.
Things get tough when you really care about someone...What do you think? Should I stop responding and let her heal? What would you do?

 

[oldmanofthesea]

What do you want from her? What do you want for yourself? What would be the ideal outcome for you?

 

[lamath]

I was in a pretty serious relationship with this girl, everything was going well, so I fvcked up and kinda betrayed her trust. So we broke up.
Now she keeps contacting me on a daily basis and if we talk a little bit it eventually gets to the point where she's telling me she's in pain and stuff like this.
Now she's probably the most quality girl I met so far but I'm having a hard time imagining that we're still gonna end up together.
Things get tough when you really care about someone...What do you think? Should I stop responding and let her heal? What would you do?

Too bad man, hope its not too bad.

Who broke things off?


If she is the one that broke things off she will do this to keep you around for safety, you cut the safety net and make it clear it was her choice so she should leave you alone.


If you did its probably because she is not over you, you could probably get her back imo

 

[andreihaha]

What do you want from her? What do you want for yourself? What would be the ideal outcome for you?

Nothing from her, I'd just want her to be ok and not to have trust issues in the future. For myself I want to focus on other things than women for a little while. She was pretty close to an ideal woman for me and I know it's gonna take some time to find someone better.
Not sure any outcome would be ideal.

Too bad man, hope its not too bad.

Who broke things off?


If she is the one that broke things off she will do this to keep you around for safety, you cut the safety net and make it clear it was her choice so she should leave you alone.


If you did its probably because she is not over you, you could probably get her back imo

Kinda tough to answer.
The thing is, I had a pretty bad gambling loosing streak, told her about it and I think she might have had experiences with this before.
She told me she can't trust me or anyone right now, yet I know we loved each other a lot.
So I guess the right answer would be that I made her break up with me.
I'm really done with any gambling after this...

 

[oldmanofthesea]

She obviously has feelings for you still and is torn between getting back with you, and her aversion to your gambling issue. I agree with Lamath that you could probably get her back if you wanted, but my experience has been that women carry a real chip on their shoulder once you've done something that really triggers their distrust or uncertainty of you - the closest thing I can relate to is when I've dumped girls for crossing my boundaries. They are so traumatized by my dumping them that they will randomly and repeatedly bring it up days, weeks, months later, their main point being, "I don't understand how you could just drop me like that - so quickly." So if you DO get back with her, prepare to be dealing with that and the potential that she may eject.

But having said that, if you want what is best for her and feel the two of you can't or shouldn't be together, I would stop communicating with her and let her heal on her own - it's the only way. You can't help her heal. Only time and your absence can do that.

 

[lamath]

She obviously has feelings for you still and is torn between getting back with you, and her aversion to your gambling issue. I agree with Lamath that you could probably get her back if you wanted, but my experience has been that women carry a real chip on their shoulder once you've done something that really triggers their distrust or uncertainty of you - the closest thing I can relate to is when I've dumped girls for crossing my boundaries. They are so traumatized by my dumping them that they will randomly and repeatedly bring it up days, weeks, months later, their main point being, "I don't understand how you could just drop me like that - so quickly." So if you DO get back with her, prepare to be dealing with that and the potential that she may eject.

But having said that, if you want what is best for her and feel the two of you can't or shouldn't be together, I would stop communicating with her and let her heal on her own - it's the only way. You can't help her heal. Only time and your absence can do that.

I agree with the chip on shoulder but i think it can go away but it takes time, happened to me when i broke up over txt and she came back asking me for a 2nd chance.
She brought it up a few time but in the end, thing settle down




I would give her space and time to digest things, go nc for awhile.
It have only benefits , will help with getting over things and it will also help you get over her if things dont fix themselves up

 

[oldmanofthesea]

I agree with the chip on shoulder but i think it can go away but it takes time, happened to me when i broke up over txt and she came back asking me for a 2nd chance.
She brought it up a few time but in the end, thing settle down

I agree - I've dumped the current girl I'm with a couple times (always over crossing my boundaries). Once I blocked her on multiple social media platforms because she kept trying to reach me through them. She always comes back and begs forgiveness - we are still together but she does still bring it up - she can't let it go. But time will tell.

 

[Alvafe]

I don't get it, why dump and then get back? the isue is still there, there was no reason to return, she will not learn, she at max will behave for a time then it all over again

 

[andreihaha]

Thanks guys, that's pretty much what I was thinking. I was just curious if someone has a different opinion and why.
I'll try to stay away for some time.