Allowing her to “miss” you

[BJP1991]

Been seeing a lady for a month or so. Roughly 1-2 times weekly and usually lots of sex when together.

Between dates she often texts me throughout the day and she initiates at least 75% of the time. I don’t text tooo much, just enough to not be cold and I make plans for next dates, etc.

One thing I’m wondering, is when you’re in the early stages (hanging out/early dating/having fun/hooking up), what does it mean to let her “miss you”? I already rarely initiate, sometimes a nice text now and then, but as I mentioned she does that the overwhelming majority of the time.

Just go a day or so without initiating at all? I do this frequently already, as she commonly hits me up randomly during the day - sometimes saying sweet things (I miss you/can’t wait to see you, etc). I reciprocate, but rarely would say that in my initiations unless she already said it (I.e. miss you too, simple stuff nothing heavy).

I want to keep a healthy text balance - I think I’m doing it right so far. But want to know what it really means to allow her to “miss you” when I already let her initiate most the time?

thoughts? Thanks!

 

[synecdoche]

It depends.

First 1-2 months don't see her more than once a week and sometimes skip a week.

After sex she should start doing the pursuing, which she does according to your post so that is good.

If you want to give her the gift of missing you, skip a week. If she asks to meet up say you'd love to but can't because your busy that weekend.

Sounds like you guys are young.

I would be careful with women who are already head over heels after a month of you. They can lose their IL as fast as they got it, and they like new things and get bored easily.

 

[BJP1991]

I would be careful with women who are already head over heels after a month of you. They can lose their IL as fast as they got it, and they like new things and get bored easily.

I try to be aware of this. How does one ensure that IL does not get lost as fast as they got it?

 

[Atom Smasher]

It's always a delicate balance. I would try to disappear for considerably longer than usual and see what her reaction is. You want to find the area where you're not playing games, but rather managing your relationship.

 

[BJP1991]

It's always a delicate balance. I would try to disappear for considerably longer than usual and see what her reaction is. You want to find the area where you're not playing games, but rather managing your relationship.

I agree, was thinking something along these lines. We do have plans for later this week already, and I’d prefer not to cancel without reason just for this purpose. Thoughts? I’d like to keep the date I setup already rather than flake just to try to be “more unavailable”.

 

[Atom Smasher]

I'm not a big believer in canceling dates. When I say "disappear", I mean more in the texting department.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Moving forward, if you feel that you are seeing each other too much, maybe be "busy" one week. Just be careful to stay in "relationship management" mode and avoid playing games with her. I like to think of it as "throttling" my availability.

 

[BJP1991]

Moving forward, if you feel that you are seeing each other too much, maybe be "busy" one week. Just be careful to stay in "relationship management" mode and avoid playing games with her. I like to think of it as "throttling" my availability.

I like that term - throttling the availability. How does one do that in respect to texting, however? For example a lot of the texts she initiates are random statements/things about her day, etc. Just allow an hour or two before replying and keep it short/sweet? I don’t want to fall into a trap of endless texting back and forth about (basically) nothing. I get it that her initiating is just a way of wanting to feel my presence/etc, which I like that she does.

 

[synecdoche]

I like that term - throttling the availability. How does one do that in respect to texting, however? For example a lot of the texts she initiates are random statements/things about her day, etc. Just allow an hour or two before replying and keep it short/sweet? I don’t want to fall into a trap of endless texting back and forth about (basically) nothing. I get it that her initiating is just a way of wanting to feel my presence/etc, which I like that she does.

It also depends on how you have behaving until now, if you have been texting back a lot and you can't just stop now. I think it's important to set the standard at the start of the dating/LTR, if she nags how you take a lot of time to responds or the fact that you never send her goodnight you can just say that's you and you never do it. She can't argue with that. However if you start doing this now she might get anxious.

I now stay away from girls who text me too often with useless **** and expect me to be in contact with them 24/7.

 

[BJP1991]

You're already doing just fine

Thanks for the kind words - I agree that things seem to be going fine and we both enjoy one another so I feel good about it. I just don’t want to get complacent or lose touch with the good info I’ve learned over the years.

Appreciate it - just trying to keep the momentum going (in terms of what’s working so far).

 

[djreez88]

Just take it day by day. Step by step. That's the essence of game. Adaptation

 

[mikey2012]

Don’t get too invested. Your post says to me that you are . That’s when you get in trouble. Don’t overthink things. Get on with your life. If you are busy getting on with your life rather than thinking about how to game her she will automatically miss you.

 

[Visionist]

Spin other plates.