Women in abusive relationships

[CopperHead]

Last night I had a rather lengthy conversation with a 32 year old woman I have a lot of history with. We had fallen out of touch the last few years.

She informed me that earlier in the day she got a retraining order against her husband. To my surprise, her husband has been mentally and physically abusive to her for years. She said she thought it would get better when they got married. It got worse. She said she thought it would get better when they bought a house. It got worse. She tried to get pregnant for 2 years with him. She is 7 weeks pregnant with his baby. Her husband is now shacked up with a 22 year old woman that he works with.

I had no idea this was going on. I was in their wedding. I couldn't help but think, how could you let this go on for so long. Why did you marry him? Why did you buy a house with him? What the fvck is wrong with you? Her therapist has been trying to convince her to leave. Apparently she told my grandmother, who tried to convince her to leave. Her husband left her for a 22 year old and she is complaining that he abandoned her.

I know its not uncommon for women to stick through an abusive relationship. I don't understand why. Is it that they just like riding the emotional roller coaster? Here I am getting pissed off that someone would abuse some like this. Meanwhile he is running off fvcking a 22 year old and I am not. It just seems completely back words to me.

 

[Georgepithyou]

All primitive instinct, a guy who is aggressive and abusive gives off a protective vibe.

If he is strong its good, shows that he can protect her.

She needs the abuse in order to stir up drama and make her life “exciting”. Without the abuse, her life would be boring. Now granted, no-one actually wants to be abused, per se, but for those who thrive on social drama, being abused can bring a lot of attention onto them. And women just love attention of any kind.

Plus, the abuse itself is an alpha trait, just like how many feminists are uncontrollably attracted to murderers and violent thugs. As such, even though it is directed at her and not someone else, being beaten up is validating her attraction to him.

So in the end it is positive reinforcement from two different directions, not just one or none. She ends up being lodged into a set of crosshairs from which she is loath to extricate herself from, regardless of how much she complains.

 

[AttackFormation]

I know its not uncommon for women to stick through an abusive relationship. I don't understand why.

https://www.returnofkings.com/74207/3-reasons-women-stay-with-abusive-men/comment-page-2

 

[Lynx nkaf]

All primitive instinct, a guy who is aggressive and abusive gives off a protective vibe.

If he is strong its good, shows that he can protect her.

She needs the abuse in order to stir up drama and make her life “exciting”. Without the abuse, her life would be boring. Now granted, no-one actually wants to be abused, per se, but for those who thrive on social drama, being abused can bring a lot of attention onto them. And women just love attention of any kind.

Plus, the abuse itself is an alpha trait, just like how many feminists are uncontrollably attracted to murderers and violent thugs. As such, even though it is directed at her and not someone else, being beaten up is validating her attraction to him.

So in the end it is positive reinforcement from two different directions, not just one or none. She ends up being lodged into a set of crosshairs from which she is loath to extricate herself from, regardless of how much she complains.

holy , that was deep George. I bet you're exactly right.
Reads like you're a psychologist.

 

[CopperHead]

So it sounds like she is turned on by the violence and the volatility of his emotions / actions. That explains why she kept fvcking him.

The thing is. I never knew this guy as violent. I would have never imagined he would be that way. He is 6'4" and weighs about 160 lbs. I know I could snap him like a twig if he ever tried anything with me. So he is picking on people smaller and weaker than him. As an outside perspective it seems so messed up. I know women aren't known for thinking logically, but he isn't going to protect anyone from anything.

 

[NSX-R]

Stockholm Syndrom at it’s full effect. But honestly i can’t agree more with the post.

Got 2 personal experiences recently. When I broke up with my ex ,i was verbally abusive(the first time cause she was provocative and made me really mad but i didn’t care) and i wasn’t holding back my words .I was expecting her to let go off me and leave me alone . Instead she was texting me every other day and asking to try again or she was sweet with me . I was still verbally abusing her though and she would still come back . As soon as i softened up a bit , she was gone .

Another example , recently i was talking with a plate and she just came out of a 3 year ltr . She told me the first 2-3 months were perfect . Then the rest her bf was verbally abusing her all the time .She even moved in with him in the last 4 months and things were no different. I was laughing with her how stupid she was and telling her that her ex bf was a kid because of such behavior. She was denying it and she was telling me he wasn’t a kid even though everything that she told me was what a kid would usually do.

I guess being abusive is another form to fuel a woman’s drama and fullfill her life every day . It’s just unbelievable. Thank God I found this place and taught me when to walk away .

 

[Alvafe]

Stockholm Syndrom at it’s full effect. But honestly i can’t agree more with the post.

Got 2 personal experiences recently. When I broke up with my ex ,i was verbally abusive(the first time cause she was provocative and made me really mad but i didn’t care) and i wasn’t holding back my words .I was expecting her to let go off me and leave me alone . Instead she was texting me every other day and asking to try again or she was sweet with me . I was still verbally abusing her though and she would still come back . As soon as i softened up a bit , she was gone .

Another example , recently i was talking with a plate and she just came out of a 3 year ltr . She told me the first 2-3 months were perfect . Then the rest her bf was verbally abusing her all the time .She even moved in with him in the last 4 months and things were no different. I was laughing with her how stupid she was and telling her that her ex bf was a kid because of such behavior. She was denying it and she was telling me he wasn’t a kid even though everything that she told me was what a kid would usually do.

I guess being abusive is another form to fuel a woman’s drama and fullfill her life every day . It’s just unbelievable. Thank God I found this place and taught me when to walk away .

wait you have a fight with a ex you lash out and its verbally abusive? ****ing hell then all woman are verbally abusive I don't know ONE who are not lashing out every once in a while.


btw you guys really shouldn't belive everything people tells you, everytime its others who are evil/villain and then are alwyas the victim/hero

 

[Robert28]

Women that enjoy that stuff are the types I avoid like the plague. They usually have a touch of narcissism in them and they’re broken beyond wasting any time on. I just laugh at them now if they start telling me about “my abusive ex”. I just say “you’re a moron to allow yourself to be treated like that”. I save my sympathy for stuff worth being sympathetic over.

 

[Robert28]

So it sounds like she is turned on by the violence and the volatility of his emotions / actions. That explains why she kept fvcking him.

The thing is. I never knew this guy as violent. I would have never imagined he would be that way. He is 6'4" and weighs about 160 lbs. I know I could snap him like a twig if he ever tried anything with me. So he is picking on people smaller and weaker than him. As an outside perspective it seems so messed up. I know women aren't known for thinking logically, but he isn't going to protect anyone from anything.

Good Lord what a bean pole. That’s why I never understood the whole height thing with women. They don’t look at the whole picture. I bet she runs around telling everyone “he’s so tall!” but what she leaves out is he looks malnourished as hell. I’m sorry but a 6’4 160lb guy ain’t gonna protect your from sh!t.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

Good Lord what a bean pole. That’s why I never understood the whole height thing with women. They don’t look at the whole picture. I bet she runs around telling everyone “he’s so tall!” but what she leaves out is he looks malnourished as hell. I’m sorry but a 6’4 160lb guy ain’t gonna protect your from sh!t.

My ex's stats. It's true.

 

[Baibars]

Often these stories are onesided. My parents had always fights and my mom was a master in triggering my dad.
Of course he couldve been more calm but she knew how to make him angry and she insulted him so much even when she knew that he would beat her. Its wrong to hit a woman but if a man cant control himself he is blamed by everyone.
We know that women are usually wired not to be physical ( because its their weakness ) but verbal and they are good in it.

 

[CopperHead]

Often these stories are onesided. My parents had always fights and my mom was a master in triggering my dad.
Of course he couldve been more calm but she knew how to make him angry and she insulted him so much even when she knew that he would beat her. Its wrong to hit a woman but if a man cant control himself he is blamed by everyone.
We know that women are usually wired not to be physical ( because its their weakness ) but verbal and they are good in it.

This is a very good point. I don't know the whole story. Frankly, it is on her to get the fvck out of the relationship. That's what is messed up to me. If it was so bad that she had to get a restraining order, why was she fvcking him still? Why didn't she turn to her family for help? I feel protective over this woman. She was my brother's fiance before he passed away, and I consider her like a sister in a way. Be honest, is this white knight / beta behavior?

 

[Robert28]

This is a very good point. I don't know the whole story. Frankly, it is on her to get the fvck out of the relationship. That's what is messed up to me. If it was so bad that she had to get a restraining order, why was she fvcking him still? Why didn't she turn to her family for help? I feel protective over this woman. She was my brother's fiance before he passed away, and I consider her like a sister in a way. Be honest, is this white knight / beta behavior?

If you help her then it is. Giving advice isn’t though. She’s a grown ass woman, she can make her own decisions for herself.

 

[Baibars]

This is a very good point. I don't know the whole story. Frankly, it is on her to get the fvck out of the relationship. That's what is messed up to me. If it was so bad that she had to get a restraining order, why was she fvcking him still? Why didn't she turn to her family for help? I feel protective over this woman. She was my brother's fiance before he passed away, and I consider her like a sister in a way. Be honest, is this white knight / beta behavior?

She will never tell you the whole Story. I think she tells you all that because she wants your emotional help. Being objective isnt in her interest. She just wants your emotional closeness and that you tell her how bad he is and how good she is so she can feel better about herself.

 

[NSX-R]

wait you have a fight with a ex you lash out and its verbally abusive? ****ing hell then all woman are verbally abusive I don't know ONE who are not lashing out every once in a while.


btw you guys really shouldn't belive everything people tells you, everytime its others who are evil/villain and then are alwyas the victim/hero

I said “recently” . Other than that i can’t count the times I’ve heard or seen similar cases . Many others would agree with it aswell . Women love that cause it adds drama in their lives .

As for your last comment i agree . There is usually fire where there is smoke.