"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

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The archetypes of new SS members

oldmanofthesea

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I've noticed a pattern with new members asking for advice here. The person comes here, asks advice, advice is given and then one of three things occurs:
  1. They ask questions about the advice. They respond to specific points people make. They respond to questions. They truly process the information and you can tell this based on their replies and followup questions. They agree with some of it, disagree with some of it, evaluate the input, and make their decision.
  2. They argue with any advice contrary to what they DESIRE to believe, addressing specific points people make that demonstrate they are at least reading and understanding it, even if they are only here to try to confirm their bias. Their strategy is, "If I can successfully shoot down the arguments of the people who disagree with what I want to be true, then what I want to be true will manifest into reality." Their opinions and plan remain the same by the end of the thread.
  3. They reply to the advice without so much as addressing any of the advice or the points made and ignoring any questions that are asked, as if they didn't even read the reply. These people also appear to copy/paste their same reply over and over again. A hypothetical example is: "I met this awesome girl and we texted a bit but then she stopped responding. Should I ask her out on a date?" and you say, "Don't double text by going directly into a date-offer. Do not ask her out unless she replies. What do you like about this girl?" and their response is, "I really want to ask this girl out. I think she likes me and is just playing hard to get." There is no indication they even read or comprehended the reply, and their reply is just a re-statement of their previous statement. This will go on for multiple pages.
I feel like we need to name archetype #2 and #3 in order to communicate with each other in the threads not to waste our collective time trying to help someone who can't be helped. I am also curious, especially for #3, if there is some specific named psychological condition responsible for it? I feel like it is beyond just being "hard-headed." I say this not to be insulting or condemning, but to actually better understand who/what we are dealing with in these cases so it's easier to have compassion and understanding for them (though don't confuse that statement with my believing we or anyone else can help them).
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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Kotaix

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#3 is either called 'being a troll' or 'having severe mental problems'. There are some users here who will never answer direct challenges to their questions, they just repeat it to rile people up and post nothing but inflamatory content for that purpose. Others live in what could be described as an alternate reality.

#2 is the Dunning-Kruger effect at work.
 

Ohso-Phresh

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#1 leader (ask q’s)
#2 challenger (challenges a’s)
#3 non-confronter (non-confronts a’s)
#4 control problem (troll)
#5 supporter (supports q’s with a’s)
 

Alvafe

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I've noticed a pattern with new members asking for advice here. The person comes here, asks advice, advice is given and then one of three things occurs:
  1. They ask questions about the advice. They respond to specific points people make. They respond to questions. They truly process the information and you can tell this based on their replies and followup questions. They agree with some of it, disagree with some of it, evaluate the input, and make their decision.
  2. They argue with any advice contrary to what they DESIRE to believe, addressing specific points people make that demonstrate they are at least reading and understanding it, even if they are only here to try to confirm their bias. Their strategy is, "If I can successfully shoot down the arguments of the people who disagree with what I want to be true, then what I want to be true will manifest into reality." Their opinions and plan remain the same by the end of the thread.
  3. They reply to the advice without so much as addressing any of the advice or the points made and ignoring any questions that are asked, as if they didn't even read the reply. These people also appear to copy/paste their same reply over and over again. A hypothetical example is: "I met this awesome girl and we texted a bit but then she stopped responding. Should I ask her out on a date?" and you say, "Don't double text by going directly into a date-offer. Do not ask her out unless she replies. What do you like about this girl?" and their response is, "I really want to ask this girl out. I think she likes me and is just playing hard to get." There is no indication they even read or comprehended the reply, and their reply is just a re-statement of their previous statement. This will go on for multiple pages.
I feel like we need to name archetype #2 and #3 in order to communicate with each other in the threads not to waste our collective time trying to help someone who can't be helped. I am also curious, especially for #3, if there is some specific named psychological condition responsible for it? I feel like it is beyond just being "hard-headed." I say this not to be insulting or condemning, but to actually better understand who/what we are dealing with in these cases so it's easier to have compassion and understanding for them (though don't confuse that statement with my believing we or anyone else can help them).
you pretty much describe everyone in this world.

not much to do then leave then be
 

derby1

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these people have been around for years, Males in the UK are the biggest bunch of fools.....Sterling moss could tell them how to heel and toe, and they would still ask 10 people down the pub(Pre-internet days) ,

Sterling moss : "you do this with your heel"

Person needing advice: "But my mate dave said......................................"
 

"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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oldmanofthesea

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you pretty much describe everyone in this world.
That was intended. #1 describes most normal, reasonable, sane people. #2 and #3 are the other two specific types that have very specific patterns in behavior.

#3 is either called 'being a troll' or 'having severe mental problems'. There are some users here who will never answer direct challenges to their questions, they just repeat it to rile people up and post nothing but inflamatory content for that purpose. Others live in what could be described as an alternate reality.
Yes, I have spent some time now pondering how many of these people are trolls. For some reason I doubt there are that many but I could be wrong. And for the ones with severe mental problems, I wonder what those problems are - only because they manifest themselves here in VERY specific, common behaviors.
 

Visionist

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Number 3 should be called a Biggoal.

Sorry Biggoal, all the best to you.
 
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