Friend zoned - can I turn this into a positive?

[bacchus]

I’ve been friend zoned by a solid HB 7.5-8 I work with. We hit things off at the work Christmas party a few months back, ended up ****ing that same night, and have hung out a number of times since then in addition to an abundance of texting. The only times we’ve escalated physically since then have been on a couple occasions where alcohol was involved, and she cut things off at making out.

I beta backslid with this one a little and showed some vulnerability. Predictably, she now sees me as a “good friend”, and I can tell the attraction for me isn’t there anymore (I’m objectively an 8, and regularly bang/date girls of equal and occasionally higher SMV).

Do I keep this one around for social proof, and to create a little jealousy in future girls I date? I don’t want to be the “gay best friend” or lose my self respect in the process either.

For context: I work in a large organization (approx. 2000 employees) - other men (and presumably women) likely assume we are ****ing when they see us interacting. It’s very flirtatious on the surface. We do not work directly together.

 

[Robert28]

If you’re constantly dating girls of higher value than her why would you need her for social proof? I wouldn’t worry about making future girls jealous, I also wouldn’t worry about being in her friend zone. If she thinks that’s where you are, fine. Don’t reaffirm in her eyes that you’re in it though. I wouldn’t really have much to do with her from this point forward unless I absolutely had to be around her and then I’d act like everything was fine.

 

[RickTheToad]

Dude, don't crap where you eat. You are only asking for trouble. As for your friendzone'd issue, what did you do that was so beta? Spill the beans so we can advise appropriately.

 

[bacchus]

Dude, don't crap where you eat. You are only asking for trouble. As for your friendzone'd issue, what did you do that was so beta? Spill the beans so we can advise appropriately.

I talked with her about struggling after being hurt in a previous relationship.

In my work environment, hookups are common and not really frowned upon. But the point is definitely valid, generally speaking.

 

[RickTheToad]

I talked with her about struggling after being hurt in a previous relationship.

In my work environment, hookups are common and not really frowned upon. But the point is definitely valid, generally speaking.

It's understandable to be hurt by a previous relationship. As long as you do not harp on it the damage is minimal. She prob. only saw you as FWB at that time and has changed what she's looking for. Don't sweat it and do not let it show to anyone that you give two craps. Though, again, you should crap where you eat. Just because other knuckleheads are doing something, doesn't mean you should jump in. If you were with a bunch of friends or colleagues, and they were doing lines of coke, would you do it to?

In the future, it's always best to say, I'd rather not live in the past and I prefer to focus on the present and future; then change the subject.

 

[Bullbearpig]

[QUOTE="RickTheToad, post: 2628155,] If you were with a bunch of friends or colleagues, and they were doing lines of coke, would you do it to?
[/QUOTE]
Of course.

 

[RickTheToad]

Of course.

Then, I am not sure what to tell you then.

 

[backseatjuan]

It's bad, because now she is going to talk to her female friends at other and they all will know you're a friend and you're not fcking her, then when it it comes time to fck you, they'll pass. Why would they want to fck you if she's not fcking you.

Are you dating hotter girls than her? If you can 'bling' at work around coworker females with a hotter girl than she is that is perfectly fine, especially if you can change them so it's new girl every now and then.

If not, friends is fine, so long as she comes over and gets drunk or whatever the setting, and you fck her.

 

[bacchus]

My gut has been telling me the same thing as backseatdonjuan.

Should I just put an ultimatum out there to her? I.e. “Are we gonna start hooking up or what? Because thats where I saw this going”. I don’t want other women at work to see me as the male girlfriend.

 

[backseatjuan]

No, because friendzone means she does not find you attractive, which is because she probably saw you as someone seeking a relationship, or perhaps a bad relationship material. Either way, beta. No ultimatums, it's just gonna confirm to her what you told her about your relationship red flag.

Leave it the way it is, distance, no messages, no phone calls, at work everything as usual, normal. When asked wtf you didn't call her or text her, or when there is going to rise an opportunity, invite, get her drunk, fck her. So long as this is not your goal to fck her.

 

[bacchus]

What about just texting “let’s hook up tonight” and leaving it at that. So there’s no ambiguity.

I have my targets on this particular one due to mainly to ego - I get that - but I want to see if I can turn this one back around.

Is there anything wrong with directly communicating my intentions?

 

[backseatjuan]

She has other options. Leave her be for a while.

 

[speed dawg]

Nope. You'll always now just be a playtoy. AND....if you mess up, you've now got an enemy at work.

Genius, pal.

 

[bacchus]

It seems the consensus is that there is no circumstance under which having attractive female platonic friends is beneficial to a man.

Has no one here ever used an attractive female friend to provoke jealousy in a new love interest in their life? Because I have, and it worked perfectly.

 

[Robert28]

It seems the consensus is that there is no circumstance under which having attractive female platonic friends is beneficial to a man.

Has no one here ever used an attractive female friend to provoke jealousy in a new love interest in their life? Because I have, and it worked perfectly.

No because most women I know can spot fake jealousy. Or if you’re trying to make them jealous and they find out she’s reallt just a friend and y’all planned it then you’re really in a world of ****. Women get jealous when you ignore them after they dumped you because you refuse to talk to them. You don’t need to purposely parade another woman around in front of them to get them jealous.

 

[bacchus]

So no salvaging this?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

No because most women I know can spot fake jealousy. Or if you’re trying to make them jealous and they find out she’s reallt just a friend and y’all planned it then you’re really in a world of ****. Women get jealous when you ignore them after they dumped you because you refuse to talk to them. You don’t need to purposely parade another woman around in front of them to get them jealous.

Shyt theyll get mad/jealous when you move on and have peace and happiness.

 

[Robert28]

Shyt theyll get mad/jealous when you move on and have peace and happiness.

And they know just the time to come back to. Right when you’re at about the 60/40 or 70/30 point of getting over them. They swoop in like nothing ever happened.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

And they know just the time to come back to. Right when you’re at about the 60/40 or 70/30 point of getting over them. They swoop in like nothing ever happened.

Get you "down" again and bounce again. Energy vampires.

 

[Robert28]

Get you "down" again and bounce again. Energy vampires.

Exactly. Luckily one of my strengths is I can get over someone quickly. And once I’m over you that’s it, you can look however you want and act however you want but I’ve lost all attraction and interest in you.