Don’t know what to do

[mrgoodstuff]

@mrgoodstuff I know that comment wasn't intended for me to answer but I feel the need too.. I sure as hell didn't lol I ran far away and blocked her attempts to contact me.

How did that situation go? How long did it go on for? When did you decide to bail?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Yeah I completely reversed frame and she became my FWB when she saw me with other women. I even disgnosed her and she admitted it and showed me her PMs with like 10 guys. The issue with them though is they have to escalate to get a reaction out of you, sh1t got too crazy even as casual fwb. Not worth it. A decade later shes begging to eat my azz and I couldn't be bothered lol

How long did it take to reverse frame? I have to imagine you wasnt in contact. What is it about her thats effed?

Oh so after she gets you shell escalate some bs to disrupt you and try to get control?

 

[niceguytoalphamale]

@mrgoodstuff it went great lol exactly like I envisioned I now live and have a good life.. I'm never broke anymore always eat delicious foods and enjoy my life it was the best decision I've ever made ha

 

[mrgoodstuff]

@mrgoodstuff it went great lol exactly like I envisioned I now live and have a good life.. I'm never broke anymore always eat delicious foods and enjoy my life it was the best decision I've ever made ha

How was the situation before with the girl? They have bs They do to hold you down and elevate at your expense. Did you fvck witg her after getting your game together?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Contact dropped off bc I moved but I was in town a few times a month. She was Histrionic, diagnosed Narcissist. Horrible parents, heroin addicts. I had no clue about anything.

Wow. For the situations i call her man her "personal jesus" . we will be nailed to the cross and flogged constantly.

 

[niceguytoalphamale]

@mrgoodstuff she was a filthy putrid creature of a thing. Physical emotionally mentally financially abusive, I just dropped her and went ghost for 3 years. I never saw her again lol

 

[mrgoodstuff]

@mrgoodstuff she was a filthy putrid creature of a thing. Physical emotionally mentally financially abusive, I just dropped her and went ghost for 3 years. I never saw her again lol

Your confidence was sky high without her. She was cheating you the whole time huh?

 

[niceguytoalphamale]

@mrgoodstuff I actually got my old life back when I left her lol

 

[mrgoodstuff]

@mrgoodstuff I actually got my old life back when I left her lol

Them bytches probably know by blocking you that they take it and you lose it.

 

[niceguytoalphamale]

@mrgoodstuff they never blocked me

 

[Mazer]

She's gone. The very fact that she is seemingly unaware that it is inappropriate to be dating other men (why on earth does he have to explain it to her?) while in a relationship disqualifies her for a quality man.

OP, you've got a worthless AW on your hands. Time to get your power back and deal.

This. A woman should know what’s appropriate and what’s not. If she needs to be told then you have already lost. Its not my job to tell her what’s accepted and what isn’t, she should already know. I would just ghost her for disrespecting and wasting your time.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

@mrgoodstuff they never blocked me

So she didnt have you focused on bullshyt and your life and influence decreased while with her?

 

[Spaz]

I feel like I’m being put in a weird spot with the woman I’m still seeing. After a young woman from my class wanted to hangout - Chloe - we agreed that one on ones with new people isn’t the best and doesn’t have a place in a relationship. So we won’t do that anymore.

-fast forward 1 month-


Lately, she’s had some guys from her past reach out asking her to grab a coffee or lunch. She met with one last Friday for a lunch (David).
And now another guy (George) reached out to her early this week and they chatted. He asked her to get together for a coffee for Wednesday but they rescheduled for saturday morning (today)
Throughout the conversation there were lots of these faces and exclamation marks on both sides. She brought up that she was doing this and showed me the text conversation; so she was forthcoming about it. She went out with George twice before last summer but was not interested in him and they never kissed.

She has told me about both incidents prior to the meetings; she met both over online dating. Didn’t kiss or do anything with either of them but assumes they both liked or maybe still like her in some sense.
And with David she said she was aware of some attraction feelings on both her and his side last Friday at lunch. But says just friends but doesn’t know if they will meet up anytime soon again..

It’s odd to me, because it feels like they are legit dates, because why else would a guy reach out to a woman? And she’s just choosing to entertain them but pretend to be oblivious that it is one. And her telling me about them beforehand alleviates the guilt of her still maybe exploring options, even if they are older to see how she feels with other guys one on one. Because in this recent messsge she never even mentioned that she was seeing someone. So I bet George is under the impression it is a date.
Because why go spend time one on one with guys who she legit hasn’t seen since end of last summer or early October? They aren’t real friends, and she must clearly know this

Does this not seem sketch? She assured me she doesn’t want anything romantically with anyone else but me in a text last night. But also has stated she has her ‘reservations’ about her and I in previous talks, which is fine because we’ve only been exclusive for 2 months. But I just don’t get why take the route of going one on ones with guys from her past. When I know damn well she would be irate if the situation were reversed.

I’m trying to not be controlling, understanding and all of that which is needed in relationships, but this feels nauseating and disrespectful. Because if she’s doing it because she’s unsure of me and her, and one of those guys is on point in one of these get togethers it simply puts more doubt in her mind. It’s like a form of sabotage

She sent me this message last night without any promoting. So clearly I believe she knows that what she’s doing is a game..
“I just want to say, because maybe I would want to be reassured also, that I’m not going on a date tomorrow. I am seeing a sweet friend, whom I care about as a friend. I am not keeping options open, nor do I want to date anyone else at present. I have robust swatting away capabilities. I hope that works for you.”

Thoughts?

This wouldn't have reached this stage had you been assertive with maintaining a manly frame in the beginning (actively maintaining boundaries).

In every thread you're opened abt her is in essence abt her emasculating you and it's getting progressively worse.

There's no turning back or negotiations or discussions or trying to be understanding with any attempts of emasculation by a girlfriend or any women for that matter.

Time to grab back ur shrivelled balls from the palm of her puny hands and man the fvck up.

Dump her fast.

 

[flowtheory]

Thanks everyone for the responses. I’ve gained some insight from them.

I told her how it made me feel and she was quite receptive. I don’t feel she is on her way out at all.

She often talks about the future together and even invited me to Croatia for August. And always wants to spend weekends together. We have sex 4-5 times each weekend. She’s affectionate, often splits bills or picks up the tabs. Thoughtful. There’s many many good signs. Often asks for plans and wants my weekends. Last night she suggested I meet her friends.
Told me she really cares about me and it scares the heck out of her because she’s never had a truly supportive relationship.

In terms of the coffee dates.. one guy is another lawyer who she’s known for four years who she said she probably won’t see again. and the other was a wreck who just broke up with his gf and they talked about that the whole time. She has been very transparent about it all and even her doubts about her and I.

Yes there have been a few flags. But I don’t know if she’s been used to dating someone who is an actually good person before and she is scared. Her words.

During our talk about her weird dates she even said “during the dates I guess I realized that it’s good to know I’ll be okay and still wanted if it didn’t work out between us”. So yes, maybe it was a date and she was shopping, but she’s doing it because she’s scared.

She stated she would never ever cheat on me and I believe her. But given all her actions put together I can tell she feels heavily for me but is scared. And that part where she’s acting from scarcity or fear is still living. However it is only 2 months in..

I will go for another month and see what new circumstances present themselves.

I have met her at a weird time in her life given she was still in to her ex when we first met, however that quickly subsided. And now all at once she has been getting attention, and given that I’m quite full on it probably scares her a bit, so she’s simply trying to make a decision of what’s best for her.

At the end, if she was on her way out, we wouldn’t be having so much sex, or she wouldn’t be picking up full $100 dinners/drinks, planning dates, suggesting I meet her friends, inviting me to her hometown, or wishing to sleep over two nights in a row.

Open to having all this challenged.

 

[LiveYourDream]

SMH

Are you going to continue to be "understanding," when she tells you that she realizes because she got out of a LTR she still needs to "experience" more variety (aka: shop/sleep around), before she can "really" commit to you?

Are you going to continue be "understanding" then too? Where will you draw the line? Will you listen to the details of those dates and even the sex she has too?

Wake Up. @flowtheory

 

[jaymbrs]

During our talk about her weird dates she even said “during the dates I guess I realized that it’s good to know I’ll be okay and still wanted if it didn’t work out between us”. So yes, maybe it was a date and she was shopping, but she’s doing it because she’s scared.

Things that are absolutely wrong here:

1. She did this AFTER you 2 agreed to be exclusive.

2. She's admitting she knew they were dates. She was testing the waters and you're cool with that. I bet she respects the hell out of you for that.

3. You're making excuses for her on why she did that. What's next? She cheats on you and you're going to blame yourself for it?

Dude you're the definition of a cuck.

 

[LiveYourDream]

In my view...
You think you are gaining meaningful points with her by being soooooo understanding. You think those points and all that "understanding" will add up in a meaningful way, as an investment to build a solid LTR on. What you are missing is that, NONE of that matters, when YOUR own actions, or lack of, is causing her to lose respect for you.

You think you are building her desire for you. I think she is losing respect for you faster than you have any idea. Before you know it she will be on her way out, because she just doesn't "feel it" like she used to.

 

[flowtheory]

Things that are absolutely wrong here:

1. She did this AFTER you 2 agreed to be exclusive.

2. She's admitting she knew they were dates. She was testing the waters and you're cool with that. I bet she respects the hell out of you for that.

3. You're making excuses for her on why she did that. What's next? She cheats on you and you're going to blame yourself for it?

Dude you're the definition of a cuck.

She didn’t say they were dates. She was forthcoming about both outings. That has to say and count for something, no? She said she had that realization ON the lunch/breakfast.

She also stated she has absolutely no intention of pursuing anyone else romantically since me and her had become exclusive.

 

[LiveYourDream]

Women appreciate when men are understanding. Women do NOT respect men that are pushovers. Never sacrifice your self-respect be "understanding."

 

[flowtheory]

In my view, you think you are gaining meaningful points with her by being soooooo understanding. I see it. You think those points and all that "understanding" will add up in a meaningful way, as an investment to build a solid LTR on. What you are missing is that, NONE of that matters, when YOUR own actions, or lack of, is causing her to lose respect for you.

You think you are building her desire for you. I think she is losing respect for you faster than you have any idea. She'll be on her way out, because she just doesn't "feel it" like she used to.

I don’t believe in owning anyone. I told her how it makes me feel since she’s went out and it’s up to her to do with it what she pleases. And I do believe understanding goes quite far. Saying this and that CANNOT happen makes people caged and potentially feel resentment.

If she had such lack of respect she wouldn’t be footing bills or talking about a future, spending the nights or having sex with me, or getting jealous/territorial when other women looked or chatted at me.

Yes going out with those two guys are flags. They’ve now been addressed and she knows
my stance. But should that crumble a relationship that has many other good aspects?
It’s been 2 months. It’s fine for a person to feel doubts. Especially given her history with her dad. She wants to ensure she’s making the best move with her heart

I’m not attempting to justify poor behaviour, but rather be understanding of what she’s dealing with. Because a true fact is we have NO IDEA what is going on in her head.