In need of help/advice

[sangheilios]

I'm a late bloomer and didn't start dating until fairly recently, before then I had a lot of life issues that took massive priority over pursuit of women.

I'm 28, 6'4", naturally broad shouldered, in really good shape and an attractive white male. Women find me attractive but I've noticed that they never make it easy at all for me. I had a trend where literally every woman I met already had a boyfriend, but they would continue flirting with me after asking them out (putting a hand on my lap, letting me touch them, etc.). It would even get to the point of them asking me out indirectly "I'm free later what are you up to" only to get a reminder they were still seeing their bf. I had a woman at my gym initiate a conversation with me, huge flirtation and then mention she wanted to continue talking to me but then said she had to let me know she wasn't single.

Other times I seem to deal with a high degree of insecurity on their part, mostly in the form of drilling into me about how many women I've been with and asking overly detailed personal questions that I'd answer indirectly or just refuse to out right. Another more recent trend is meeting single women who seem to be extremely into me, then flake and disappear but then reappear and start flirting again, basically keeping me on the side without rejecting me and **** testing me. I don't know if it's me, but they seem to continue to lead me on because they find attention flattering and possibly want me as a side guy but not for a relationship. I'm actually a nice/likeable guy as well but this gets old really quickly. Granted, my issue, if you can even really call it that, is not a bad thing other than just feeling like I've been wasting my time.

 

[Glassguy]

I'm actually a nice/likeable guy as well

There lies the problem.

Most guys have the problem of not being attractive so they dont get the attention. Since you seem to have that biggest hurdle covered, its a seemingly easy fix.

1.) You need to be more direct. She is touching you and she has a boyfriend? Dude she isnt married. Tons of chicks monkey branch all the time. Be direct and tell her that you dont care if she has a bf, tell her that you just want to hook up with her. If she says no, kick her to the curb. Get to the d@mn point with chicks.

Another more recent trend is meeting single women who seem to be extremely into me, then flake and disappear but then reappear and start flirting again,

Again....get to the point. "Hey if you want to hook up/hang out, let me know your availability. If not, we dont need to waste each other's time".

Its. That. Simple.

Take the lead. Again, if they decline your request, they are just attention wh0ring and as a man we dont have time to feed their ego. We want to get laid.

It would even get to the point of them asking me out indirectly "I'm free later what are you up to" only to get a reminder they were still seeing their bf. I had a woman at my gym initiate a conversation with me, huge flirtation and then mention she wanted to continue talking to me but then said she had to let me know she wasn't single.

Easy fix. You tell these women "I am interested in hanging out with you. If you are not free to do so now, maybe we can try it again later on" and then ignore them. No more free attention.

 

[sangheilios]

There lies the problem.

Most guys have the problem of not being attractive so they dont get the attention. Since you seem to have that biggest hurdle covered, its a seemingly easy fix.

1.) You need to be more direct. She is touching you and she has a boyfriend? Dude she isnt married. Tons of chicks monkey branch all the time. Be direct and tell her that you dont care if she has a bf, tell her that you just want to hook up with her. If she says no, kick her to the curb. Get to the d@mn point with chicks.

Again....get to the point. "Hey if you want to hook up/hang out, let me know your availability. If not, we dont need to waste each other's time".

Its. That. Simple.

Take the lead. Again, if they decline your request, they are just attention wh0ring and as a man we dont have time to feed their ego. We want to get laid.

Easy fix. You tell these women "I am interested in hanging out with you. If you are not free to do so now, maybe we can try it again later on" and then ignore them. No more free attention.

I honestly have the mindset that I'm going to have a hard time finding a desirable female if I don't take her from another man. The problem I have with that though is the potential drama that comes with it, but as you said they should only be for a source of sex and not much more.

That line actually sounds pretty straight forward, so I'll probably use that. I've met women at my gym who seemed interested, but then when they pulled back I'd mention I'd be interested in going out and for them to let me know. Then they'd reapproach me but most often it seemed more so for attention, but as you said when they do something like that I should just make a move again and not wait so long.

I think my issue has been that I don't make a move at the right moments, more often they are a bit late, and I miss a lot of opportunities. This is all fairly new to me, didn't even start dating until about 2 years ago, with a lot of gaps throughout, but I'm slowing learning.

 

[Glassguy]

Then they'd reapproach me but most often it seemed more so for attention,

Thats exactly what it is. They are probably attracted to you, but consider this:

Sex is the same for men as attention is for women. Its a fact. Dont get me wrong, women like sex too. Men also like attention. But men crave sex and women crave attention.

So if you can bang a hot chick and NEVER go out with her, just keep banging her as much as you'd like, why would you go out and spend money on her when you get the sex for free?

So flip that around.....if she gets your attention and gets validated FOR FREE, why would she pursue going out with you?

If you DONT validate her attention request (just say hi and ignore her) she will either make it easy for you to get her out and then you can get what you want (sex). If she doesnt, she was only after attention anyway and wasnt really interested in more than being validated.

So cut that free attention off and she will either make herself available or she wont. No more wasted time.

If you can fvck them for free, you would. Same goes for women that WANT your attention but you have to withhold it and make her earn it.

 

[sangheilios]

Thats exactly what it is. They are probably attracted to you, but consider this:

Sex is the same for men as attention is for women. Its a fact. Dont get me wrong, women like sex too. Men also like attention. But men crave sex and women crave attention.

So if you can bang a hot chick and NEVER go out with her, just keep banging her as much as you'd like, why would you go out and spend money on her when you get the sex for free?

So flip that around.....if she gets your attention and gets validated FOR FREE, why would she pursue going out with you?

If you DONT validate her attention request (just say hi and ignore her) she will either make it easy for you to get her out and then you can get what you want (sex). If she doesnt, she was only after attention anyway and wasnt really interested in more than being validated.

So cut that free attention off and she will either make herself available or she wont. No more wasted time.

If you can fvck them for free, you would. Same goes for women that WANT your attention but you have to withhold it and make her earn it.

That makes sense. The women that I'm meeting and interacting with are all very attractive, 8s+, so they get tons of attention from men as it is. Most of these hotties I meet at the gym, being a tall, in shape and attractive guy in that environment I stand out.

- Hot Dominican girl I met there last summer, was approached by tons of guys but she shot them all down. I approach her and she is very open and warm towards me, but I find out she was seeing someone. Mention to her I'd be interested if she was single and would briefly say hi to her when I see her there. 2 months later she ends up asking me out later that evening after the gym saying she wanted to spend time with me but then mentioned she was still seeing her bf. I walked away from that one.

- Fall of last year I approached this big booty latina there, she wasn't very responsive during the conversation so I walked away. After that she'd do tons of stuff to get my attention but I honestly didn't feel like talking to her, to this day she still will check me out.

- Beginning of this year I notice this gorgeous brunette checking me out, didn't make a move because she was always there with her bf, who is a friend of a friend. Anyway, when he wasn't around she'd try starting conversations with me but I chose not to pursue it, to this day she still stares at me a lot there.

- Earlier this summer I approach this gorgeous Mexican/Colombian girl at my gym. We talk for a while, let her go back to her workout and end up getting her number a couple days later after she asks me out. She flakes on the date, reappears and continues flirting. Asks me out again, flakes again and then I back off by telling her to let me know when she wants to go out. Continued to stay friendly with her, a week later she starts approaching me again. This one was seeing multiple guys and was a player and also liked my attention.

- About a month ago I approach this beautiful light skinned black woman there, prior to that I had seen her checking me out hardcore. I asked for her number the first time we spoke but she mentions she couldn't because she had a boyfriend but wanted to talk to me more. When she sees me at the gym she approaches me, huge smile and all.

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