Dating questions...and my recent experiences

[HankHill]

I'm no spring chicken but I still mess up or sometimes don't do the right thing. So a couple of questions. Say you've been chatting with someone, you might have even gone out on a first date and you sense there's interest (she touches your arms, or tells you would love to get together again etc). Bottomline you know there's some level of interest. You then get busy with life, dating etc. Several days go by...how do you start the conversation up again?

Experience 1:
So this 8/10 woman (way out of my league), very sweet, funny and classy but with a boob job, botox etc. was very interested in meeting up. We met up around 7pm, sat outside the restaurant after they closed and didn't leave until past midnight, she touched me on my arm. Even grabbed me on my shoulders to shake me playfully then we hugged, I gave her a kiss on the cheek. A couple of days go by, I reach out to her and I get a response the next morning that she was busy etc etc. So we exchanged a couple of texts and then I asked her when she was "free to get together again so we can pick up where we last left off"...two days later now and no response. It's not a huge deal or a loss, there are plenty of other freaks in the dating sea.

Experience 2:
Went out with this 6/10 girl. I think she was trying too hard...projecting herself as a big humanitarian which isn't a bad thing but she also came across as a bit needy, wanting validation etc. Anyways, at the end of the date, we hugged, she says 'we should do this again, if you're open to it'. I said 'sure, have a good night'. Two days later I texted her to see if she wants to get together last weekend. She says she has a friend coming into town and we'll have to schedule it for another time. I say 'sure let me know when you're free and enjoy your weekend'. Then throughout the weekend she sends me pics with her female friend...etc But then since Mon I heard nothing. I figured she might say something about her friend now gone and what her availability might be. At this point I too was struggling with how to break the ice again and ask her out. It just so happened that I run into another match online with a girl with the same name (and it's a very unique name, I'd never heard it before). So I think perfect I'll use that to break the ice. I sent her a screenshot (without the full face) saying 'so what are the chances of me running into another [name] in less than 2 weeks' - she responds with 'haha, lucky you, you should play the lottery lol' so far so good but this is where I messed up, I responded with 'lucky? oh not yet haha' - silence after that. I try to keep the sexual innuendos in texts to a min but at the time I felt it wasn't a big deal. I mean we're in our 40s! can't be that up tight about normal stuff like that. Anyway, I'm thinking I might let a couple of days go by and see if she's still interested (I hate double texting).

So how do you restart a conversation after a few or several days go by? Just a 'hey, what's up? how're you doing etc?' or something more interesting?

 

[HankHill]

That's what I was thinking too at the time...it's a man's job to escalate little by little but you never really know how it comes across at the other end (desperate, weirdo, serial dater or just a guy doing the guy thing etc).

So how long would you wait for them to respond? move on for good at this point unless I hear back from them i.e. no more reaching out from my end from here on out?

 

[Mazer]

“Hey, how is your day going? Want to meet me for a drink on Tuesday? If she has interest, she will accept or counter. I personally don’t even bother with bishes who don’t reach out to me first after a date. It shows she doesn’t have high interest.

 

[HankHill]

A new question...I know a lot of folks say to make a definitive date with a time and place and stick to it. However, sometimes situations arise where it's not so black and white. So this chick who was traveling to Europe for work (we only chatted through texts before) just texted me saying 'I survived my 3 week trip! Let me know if you're still interested in meeting up tomorrow afternoon for a coffee'. Cool. Problem is I have something to do right dab in the middle of the afternoon from 3-4p (work related). Now she's suggesting the afternoon likely because she's jet lagged, also obvious from the time she sent the text (6:20AM on a Sat). I don't know if she'll be open to later in the day but I'm thinking of saying "Hey, welcome back! tomorrow is cool, are you free after 5p? We can get drinks at [xyz] instead if it's too late for coffee on a Sun night"? She will either say 'let's reschedule' or she might suggest an alternate time, I'm good either way but just posting this here to see if I'm not handling this in a better way.

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

I'm no spring chicken but I still mess up or sometimes don't do the right thing. So a couple of questions. Say you've been chatting with someone, you might have even gone out on a first date and you sense there's interest (she touches your arms, or tells you would love to get together again etc). Bottomline you know there's some level of interest. You then get busy with life, dating etc. Several days go by...how do you start the conversation up again?

Experience 1:
So this 8/10 woman (way out of my league), very sweet, funny and classy but with a boob job, botox etc. was very interested in meeting up. We met up around 7pm, sat outside the restaurant after they closed and didn't leave until past midnight, she touched me on my arm. Even grabbed me on my shoulders to shake me playfully then we hugged, I gave her a kiss on the cheek. A couple of days go by, I reach out to her and I get a response the next morning that she was busy etc etc. So we exchanged a couple of texts and then I asked her when she was "free to get together again so we can pick up where we last left off"...two days later now and no response. It's not a huge deal or a loss, there are plenty of other freaks in the dating sea.

Experience 2:
Went out with this 6/10 girl. I think she was trying too hard...projecting herself as a big humanitarian which isn't a bad thing but she also came across as a bit needy, wanting validation etc. Anyways, at the end of the date, we hugged, she says 'we should do this again, if you're open to it'. I said 'sure, have a good night'. Two days later I texted her to see if she wants to get together last weekend. She says she has a friend coming into town and we'll have to schedule it for another time. I say 'sure let me know when you're free and enjoy your weekend'. Then throughout the weekend she sends me pics with her female friend...etc But then since Mon I heard nothing. I figured she might say something about her friend now gone and what her availability might be. At this point I too was struggling with how to break the ice again and ask her out. It just so happened that I run into another match online with a girl with the same name (and it's a very unique name, I'd never heard it before). So I think perfect I'll use that to break the ice. I sent her a screenshot (without the full face) saying 'so what are the chances of me running into another [name] in less than 2 weeks' - she responds with 'haha, lucky you, you should play the lottery lol' so far so good but this is where I messed up, I responded with 'lucky? oh not yet haha' - silence after that. I try to keep the sexual innuendos in texts to a min but at the time I felt it wasn't a big deal. I mean we're in our 40s! can't be that up tight about normal stuff like that. Anyway, I'm thinking I might let a couple of days go by and see if she's still interested (I hate double texting).

So how do you restart a conversation after a few or several days go by? Just a 'hey, what's up? how're you doing etc?' or something more interesting?

Dude, you’re 42 years old. You should definitely escalate and you should be banging them by the 3rd date.

A woman won’t go out with you unless she is interested. A woman wants a man to take the lead. You’ll be able to tell by how she responds physically to your advances if she is interested or not. If she’s not receptive or enthusiastic, move on to another woman.

Remember that women want to be fvcked. And they want to be fvcked by men who aren’t afraid to take the lead.

-Augustus-

 

[R.U.G.]

I'm no spring chicken but I still mess up or sometimes don't do the right thing. So a couple of questions. Say you've been chatting with someone, you might have even gone out on a first date and you sense there's interest (she touches your arms, or tells you would love to get together again etc). Bottomline you know there's some level of interest. You then get busy with life, dating etc. Several days go by...how do you start the conversation up again?

Experience 1:
So this 8/10 woman (way out of my league), very sweet, funny and classy but with a boob job, botox etc. was very interested in meeting up. We met up around 7pm, sat outside the restaurant after they closed and didn't leave until past midnight, she touched me on my arm. Even grabbed me on my shoulders to shake me playfully then we hugged, I gave her a kiss on the cheek. A couple of days go by, I reach out to her and I get a response the next morning that she was busy etc etc. So we exchanged a couple of texts and then I asked her when she was "free to get together again so we can pick up where we last left off"...two days later now and no response. It's not a huge deal or a loss, there are plenty of other freaks in the dating sea.

Experience 2:
Went out with this 6/10 girl. I think she was trying too hard...projecting herself as a big humanitarian which isn't a bad thing but she also came across as a bit needy, wanting validation etc. Anyways, at the end of the date, we hugged, she says 'we should do this again, if you're open to it'. I said 'sure, have a good night'. Two days later I texted her to see if she wants to get together last weekend. She says she has a friend coming into town and we'll have to schedule it for another time. I say 'sure let me know when you're free and enjoy your weekend'. Then throughout the weekend she sends me pics with her female friend...etc But then since Mon I heard nothing. I figured she might say something about her friend now gone and what her availability might be. At this point I too was struggling with how to break the ice again and ask her out. It just so happened that I run into another match online with a girl with the same name (and it's a very unique name, I'd never heard it before). So I think perfect I'll use that to break the ice. I sent her a screenshot (without the full face) saying 'so what are the chances of me running into another [name] in less than 2 weeks' - she responds with 'haha, lucky you, you should play the lottery lol' so far so good but this is where I messed up, I responded with 'lucky? oh not yet haha' - silence after that. I try to keep the sexual innuendos in texts to a min but at the time I felt it wasn't a big deal. I mean we're in our 40s! can't be that up tight about normal stuff like that. Anyway, I'm thinking I might let a couple of days go by and see if she's still interested (I hate double texting).

So how do you restart a conversation after a few or several days go by? Just a 'hey, what's up? how're you doing etc?' or something more interesting?

Bro, the first one may had been giving you choosing signs by the touching. Stayed too late for the first one and no one kisses on the cheek at our age. You should make your interest unknown to her at the end of the date. Give her a hug and wait a few days to call or text for another date.

The second one, stop with the useless chatter via text. You're entering the friend zone by doing this. She sends you pics, just reply a few hours later with a lol or looks cute. This one may be dead too. You can just reach out and say hey, what's going on? If/when she replies, say, I'd like to see you again, when are you free?

If you see her again, start by giving her a hug, hold it for a second or two. Then, place your hand on the small of her back and guide her to where ever you are going. You want to create a connection through touch. At the end, since this is a second date, you go in for the kiss. Not the cheek, not a peck on the lips. A KISS. If she turns or gives you a peck, no problem, she's done.

You need to work on your skills a bit. It seems on the first one, you talked yourself out of anything. One the second one, you friend zoned yourself; possibly. Unless, you're looking for a friend or penpal, then you are doing it wrong. No worries, it can be fixed with time and practice.

 

[HankHill]

Dude, you’re 42 years old. You should definitely escalate and you should be banging them by the 3rd date.

A woman won’t go out with you unless she is interested. A woman wants a man to take the lead. You’ll be able to tell by how she responds physically to your advances if she is interested or not. If she’s not receptive or enthusiastic, move on to another woman.

Remember that women want to be fvcked. And they want to be fvcked by men who aren’t afraid to take the lead.

-Augustus-

That was the intention! lol

Bro, the first one may had been giving you choosing signs by the touching. Stayed too late for the first one and no one kisses on the cheek at our age. You should make your interest unknown to her at the end of the date. Give her a hug and wait a few days to call or text for another date.

The second one, stop with the useless chatter via text. You're entering the friend zone by doing this. She sends you pics, just reply a few hours later with a lol or looks cute. This one may be dead too. You can just reach out and say hey, what's going on? If/when she replies, say, I'd like to see you again, when are you free?

If you see her again, start by giving her a hug, hold it for a second or two. Then, place your hand on the small of her back and guide her to where ever you are going. You want to create a connection through touch. At the end, since this is a second date, you go in for the kiss. Not the cheek, not a peck on the lips. A KISS. If she turns or gives you a peck, no problem, she's done.

You need to work on your skills a bit. It seems on the first one, you talked yourself out of anything. One the second one, you friend zoned yourself; possibly. Unless, you're looking for a friend or penpal, then you are doing it wrong. No worries, it can be fixed with time and practice.

Exactly, the first one the date went really well. It seemed like she didn't want to leave because when the restaurant closed at 10:30p she suggested we sit outside for a little while longer. I picked up on the signs (touching arm etc, I let her do most of the talking. We actually hugged twice, first when we first said goodbye then I looked around and it was dark and hardly anyone around so I told her I'd walk her to her car and she appreciated it. So when we reached her car we talked some more for another 15mins and then hugged. The second hug was longer and was when I gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, which just came naturally without thinking. So I thought I got all the right signs but then she ghosted me. She is a very classy, sophisticated type of a woman who's family owns several restaurant chains as it turned out. I guess I should've gone in for a real kiss on the first date but I don't usually do that until the second, depending on how things go. I also think that a woman who has a high interest level in you would be ok waiting for the 2nd or 3rd date for things to escalate.

The second one, I think if I reach out to her she'd be ok with going out again but I feel a little put off by her now because she went quiet after my joke which wasn't crass I don't think? So who needs someone that uptight pushing 40s.

The third date just confirmed drinks tomorrow evening, I don't know how to rate her in some pics she's a 7/10 in a couple of other pics she's a 5/10 (bad pose, outdoor lighting).

<rant start>
I'm so burnt out on first dates, I'm a one woman guy, always have been. I don't need them to be hot or perfect, just sincere...you know like women in my family who'd stick by their husbands or die trying no matter what. I get depressed when I think about all the games we have to play when things could/should be simple when people care about each other...and dare I say LOVE each other.</rant end>

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

That was the intention! lol



Exactly, the first one the date went really well. It seemed like she didn't want to leave because when the restaurant closed at 10:30p she suggested we sit outside for a little while longer. I picked up on the signs (touching arm etc, I let her do most of the talking. We actually hugged twice, first when we first said goodbye then I looked around and it was dark and hardly anyone around so I told her I'd walk her to her car and she appreciated it. So when we reached her car we talked some more for another 15mins and then hugged. The second hug was longer and was when I gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, which just came naturally without thinking. So I thought I got all the right signs but then she ghosted me. She is a very classy, sophisticated type of a woman who's family owns several restaurant chains as it turned out. I guess I should've gone in for a real kiss on the first date but I don't usually do that until the second, depending on how things go. I also think that a woman who has a high interest level in you would be ok waiting for the 2nd or 3rd date for things to escalate.

The second one, I think if I reach out to her she'd be ok with going out again but I feel a little put off by her now because she went quiet after my joke which wasn't crass I don't think? So who needs someone that uptight pushing 40s.

The third date just confirmed drinks tomorrow evening, I don't know how to rate her in some pics she's a 7/10 in a couple of other pics she's a 5/10 (bad pose, outdoor lighting).

<rant start>
I'm so burnt out on first dates, I'm a one woman guy, always have been. I don't need them to be hot or perfect, just sincere...you know like women in my family who'd stick by their husbands or die trying no matter what. I get depressed when I think about all the games we have to play when things could/should be simple when people care about each other...and dare I say LOVE each other.</rant end>

If you don’t already read Rollo, you need to. Start with his earlier stuff.

https://therationalmale.com/

-Augustus-

 

[ubercat]

Mate. Read the DJ Bible you ve got a bit of unplugging to do

 

[HankHill]

Actually I just finished reading 'The predatory female' by Lawrence Shannon http://www.revolucionantifeminista..../06/lawrence-shannon-the-predatory-female.pdf

Holy crap! I'm not sure I want to believe that every woman is like that but I could definitely relate to a lot of it with what I went through during my divorce. Unfortunately, the only alternative he suggests is prostitutes.

 

[HankHill]

Date #3:
So last night at 7p I met with the chick who just returned from her Europe trip. She's better looking in person than in the pics, also tall at 5-10 and very slim. I'm 6ft. Anyway, we had a good time chatting but she's not the touchy feely type. I touched her on her arms, shoulders etc and she didn't seem to mind at all. She leaned into my side to show me pics and stuff on her phone. I teased and picked on her a few times playfully, she laughed and giggled. We were at the bar so the seating isn't the best position for a good personal conversation. So after a while I suggested we go for a walk around the lake, so we walked side by side for a while just chatting away about stuff, interests, hobbies, her doing most of the talking. Anyway, at the end of the walk she says she's totally feeling the jet lag (9:30p) - it looked like she was. I said 'good timing as it's getting late for me too, hey it was good to finally meet you!'. She reached in for a hug and said 'Likewise, thank you for the drinks and...yeah'. "and...yeah"??? so I filled the weird ending with 'Have a good night!' and walked back to my car. She calls out 'you know your way back right? call me if you get lost haha'. I waved 'I think I'll be alright! haha'.

So what's your protocol after a date like that? wait for her to say something or wait a couple of days and then reach out to her for a 2nd date? or next her?

No new dates lined up at this point, this week will be pretty busy for me with my kid.

 

[HankHill]

I'm really bad at reading signs from women that's why I'm posting here lol I think there was definitely chemistry because we both seemed to be enjoying each other's company. There were a couple of red flags about her but nothing I care about unless this gets serious. Like the fact that she hasn't had a relationship longer than 4 months in the last 8-10yrs. She said she's just been really focused on her career and the guys she's met all wanted to start families and she doesn't want kids (perfect for me). I jokingly said 'I don't know...sounds like you have daddy issues?' she laughed out loud 'noooo...I don't have daddy issues' - she earlier told me she grew up with a good step-dad.

Well if it were me I'd wait a day or two at most and reach out to her (she's leaving for a trip again for 2 weeks, says this is not normal) and say 'hey I'd love to see you again, let me know when you're back from your trip'. But then from what I've read or heard from various internet gurus let her reach out and if she doesn't move on. Or some say wait a week and then reach out so not sure...

Would be great to have her come over for a second date but I think unless her attraction level is super high (which I don't think is the case) probably best to meet somewhere else, something with an activity and not just at bar/restaurant.

 

[HankHill]

Update:
So last night around 10:15pm (day after first date) I sent this txt to girl #3 above:
"Hey squeaky shoes (inside joke from the date)...before I go to bed I just wanted to tell you I had a really nice time with you last night "
She's a night owl and likes to wake up late. I'm the opposite.

This morning when I wake up at 8:20am (no work today so I slept in). I see a txt from her from 6am (clearly jet lagged).
"I beat you to bed last night lol-emoji lol-emoji"

I replied: "And I'm still in bed, trying to wake up..."

She replied 10mins later:

"What?! I've already put in 3 hrs of work! Something's not right here lol-emoji"

10 mins later I replied:

"Ha! see if you had stopped over with a coffee on your way to work we'd be having a very different conversation right about now lol-emjoi"

5hrs later now and no response...WTF? same thing happened with Girl#1. I try to escalate and they ghost on me. Which is actually better than leading me on while I spend money on buying them drinks and dinners when there's really not much in it for me in the end.

Is it their interest level low or am I doing something wrong with these text exchanges?

 

[switch7]

Update:
So last night around 10:15pm (day after first date) I sent this txt to girl #3 above:
"Hey squeaky shoes (inside joke from the date)...before I go to bed I just wanted to tell you I had a really nice time with you last night "
She's a night owl and likes to wake up late. I'm the opposite.

This morning when I wake up at 8:20am (no work today so I slept in). I see a txt from her from 6am (clearly jet lagged).
"I beat you to bed last night lol-emoji lol-emoji"

I replied: "And I'm still in bed, trying to wake up..."

She replied 10mins later:

"What?! I've already put in 3 hrs of work! Something's not right here lol-emoji"

10 mins later I replied:

"Ha! see if you had stopped over with a coffee on your way to work we'd be having a very different conversation right about now lol-emjoi"

5hrs later now and no response...WTF? same thing happened with Girl#1. I try to escalate and they ghost on me. Which is actually better than leading me on while I spend money on buying them drinks and dinners when there's really not much in it for me in the end.

Is it their interest level low or am I doing something wrong with these text exchanges?

Don't contact them unless its to make arrangements

 

[HankHill]

Don't contact them unless its to make arrangements

I totally agree and I do try to keep the chit chat to a minimal. The idea was to make arrangements for the second date but I had to start with some small talk. I was actually planning to ask her to come over to my place for the 2nd date - depending on how favorably she'd respond to the escalation. If she'd responded with anything other than a cold silence I might have gone ahead with that suggestion.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

For some reason I'm beyond taking to dinners. Unless we're already having sex . Taking to a drink or two is fine, so long as the situation is progressing

 

[BeExcellent]

You are blowing yourself out with creepy sexual suggestion before enough comfort is there.

Text does not have the non-verbal context that in person (voice plus body language) or even telephone (voice has).

I can tell a man is getting aroused by subtle changes in his voice, tone & delivery via telephone & obviously in person you have the added spectre of eye contact, breathing, positioning and other cues that I can respond to & play with.

You lose all those non-word driven cues in a text exchange. I think it is tougher to be suave through text for that reason. With the right non-verbal cues you can get away with much much more in person or on the phone.

Think about the words "You are sexy as hell" in the following contexts:

1. Delivered into her ear in a low tone only she can hear after you have invaded her personal space in a public venue....but while you continue to otherwise pay attention to your surroundings...

2. Delivered as part of playful banter on the phone during a conversation that has periods of 'get to know' & shared humor (laughter, relaxed vocal intonation) peppered with more suggestive playful talk (verbal push/pull)

3. Words delivered alone via text after a slight lull in an ongoing conversation with someone you have not met...or met but not kissed.

Number 3 has a very high potential for creep factor unless her interest is already extremely high...or unless there has already been some sort of sexual contact between you kissing/petting/sex etc.

Older women especially know the game well. They evaluate immediately for bumblers who awkwardly make veiled sexual suggestions.

Veiled sexual suggestion puts you in no man's land. Too much of a fraidy cat to be utterly & unapologetically direct...too much of a horn dog to keep it classy until things organically develop. Be hot or be cool. Lukewarm wishy washy will make you look desperate & appeasing & creepy. Which makes women run for the hills even if they were initially open to you.

 

[HankHill]

You are blowing yourself out with creepy sexual suggestion before enough comfort is there.

Text does not have the non-verbal context that in person (voice plus body language) or even telephone (voice has).

I can tell a man is getting aroused by subtle changes in his voice, tone & delivery via telephone & obviously in person you have the added spectre of eye contact, breathing, positioning and other cues that I can respond to & play with.

You lose all those non-word driven cues in a text exchange. I think it is tougher to be suave through text for that reason. With the right non-verbal cues you can get away with much much more in person or on the phone.

Think about the words "You are sexy as hell" in the following contexts:

1. Delivered into her ear in a low tone only she can hear after you have invaded her personal space in a public venue....but while you continue to otherwise pay attention to your surroundings...

2. Delivered as part of playful banter on the phone during a conversation that has periods of 'get to know' & shared humor (laughter, relaxed vocal intonation) peppered with more suggestive playful talk (verbal push/pull)

3. Words delivered alone via text after a slight lull in an ongoing conversation with someone you have not met...or met but not kissed.

Number 3 has a very high potential for creep factor unless her interest is already extremely high...or unless there has already been some sort of sexual contact between you kissing/petting/sex etc.

Older women especially know the game well. They evaluate immediately for bumblers who awkwardly make veiled sexual suggestions.

Veiled sexual suggestion puts you in no man's land. Too much of a fraidy cat to be utterly & unapologetically direct...too much of a horn dog to keep it classy until things organically develop. Be hot or be cool. Lukewarm wishy washy will make you look desperate & appeasing & creepy. Which makes women run for the hills even if they were initially open to you.

Hey BE! thanks for chiming in here. I totally get what you're saying but I want to clarify a few things so I'm clear in my understanding. You see the texts are AFTER the first date where I don't try to sneak or push for a kiss, I'm a true gentleman, I make sure she's safe (if we're walking around) as long as she's in my company, I make tons of playful jokes (it's my personality), most of the time they're going from blushing to giggling to laughing without me being out of line. So after that I feel I've already established that I'm not some creepy, desperate guy who just crawled out of his parents basement (we've also talk about careers, family etc). So to me the texts I've sent above aren't out of line or downright offensive...just slightly escalating towards a romantic date next time with a slight bit of humor. I would hope the older women pick up on the whole experience and not focus on one text and realize we're not out to make pen pals here and we're not getting any younger either lol

 

[BeExcellent]

Hey BE! thanks for chiming in here. I totally get what you're saying but I want to clarify a few things so I'm clear in my understanding. You see the texts are AFTER the first date where I don't try to sneak or push for a kiss, I'm a true gentleman, I make sure she's safe (if we're walking around) as long as she's in my company, I make tons of playful jokes (it's my personality), most of the time they're going from blushing to giggling to laughing without me being out of line. So after that I feel I've already established that I'm not some creepy, desperate guy who just crawled out of his parents basement (we've also talk about careers, family etc). So to me the texts I've sent above aren't out of line or downright offensive...just slightly escalating towards a romantic date next time with a slight bit of humor. I would hope the older women pick up on the whole experience and not focus on one text and realize we're not out to make pen pals here and we're not getting any younger either lol

Then the issue may be congruence, which somebody else mentioned above. If you were not coming from some sort of obviously sexy or sexual vibe on your date(s) and you suddenly throw in an attempt at lukewarm (or overt for that matter) sexual banter, you run the risk of:

A.) appearing incongruent in your behavior & intent compared to the date itself...and/or B.) it casts you as too timid to be more sexual on the date (or you would have been.)

Women hate timid and women hate lukewarm. Why? How many timid lukewarm leaders do you know?

@MoreThanSmooth notes that you don't have to be boldly overt in your sexual escalation, but you should be building sexual tension even if you are not bold move overt. Either strategy will work. But if you paint yourself as mister safe affable nice guy...you'll blow it up when you try to turn it sexual precisely because you didn't set yourself up that way in the beginning.

The first night I met my boyfriend he made it very clear that he was sexually interested. Here are some of the things he did. They are largely non verbal.

1. He broke the ice & approached me, asked a favor (take a photo with his phone of him & his wingman)...
2. He returned the favor (took a photo with my phone of my girlfriend and I)...
3. He came over and while chatting me up he took my hand. He knew that I was interested because I allowed him to hold my hand.
4. He invited me to join him at another venue where he was headed under the auspices of "I doubt you can really dance" (notice he's testing for effort & compliance on my part here. He also negged me by doubting my dancing ability).
5. Upon my arrival at the dance venue he waved me over (he was alone)
6. We did Latin dance (which we are both very good at), but he had me positioned while he sat in a tall bar stool with his legs open toward me in a "V" stance, and he insisted on me standing between his open legs all night...meanwhile he is obviously in my personal space & has brought me into his. He would talk low in my ear & blow on my neck gently. He would pull me in to kiss my forehead & brush lips.
7. He walked me to my car (to be sure I'm safe, uh huh), and got into the passenger seat without invitation. We did not kiss that evening but I knew exactly what he wanted & I knew he knew exactly what he was doing.

At that point I told him I found him devilishly sexy but that I wasn't taking him home with me because that "isn't how I roll". He was perfectly accepting of that. We chatted a short while and only then did he ask for my number. He then departed the car & went back to the venue. He texted me 20 minutes later to ask if I got home safe & tell me goodnight.

He then contacted me (I did not reach out except to say "Pleasure meeting you, goodnight" after his 'did you get home safe' text) first a few days later...hit me up for naughty photos (which I declined to send -I have never send such things-) and kept the conversation scintillating and suggestive but never crass or banal.

But he started off from the get go with a sensual & sexual vibe...he was never the safe guy or the nice guy or the fun guy. He was charming and engaging, yes. But I knew he was anything but safe. So all his conversational innuendo was congruent with his behavior & presentation following the initial meeting.

If you don't start off sexual in one way or other (not everyone is going to pull off my bf's tactics) then you make it very difficult to switch gears later on. It is the incongruence which is off putting.

Learning to calibrate & pick up the nuance of doing this naturally will take some time, whatever your style & personality, but experienced seducers are very efficient at it and expect success.

 

[HankHill]

I do quite a bit of that and more (just pointing out, not disagreeing). In my prior texting with the same woman I'd sent similarly suggestive texts and she responded just fine. So I'll have to chalk these up as low interest level overall where the first date's not a big deal but they don't want to go further than that...I think.

Edit: OK she texted about an hr ago (I just checked the phone). It just said:
"Enjoying a nice evening with a friend watching the exciting, wait for it...the Bachelorette. What an amazingly deep and thought provoking show lol-emoji. I can't believe I'm still awake and functioning [jet lag reference] but you really don't need your mind to function much in order to watch this show lol-emoji"