Mid Life crisis and I need help with what ive done

[WayTooReal]

I moved this to the Mature Man forum because I thought maybe I might get advice from other people who might have dealt with or are dealing with similar things.

I posted a bit about the situation I find myself in here:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/i-screwed-everything-up-and-dont-know-what-to-do.248604/

Basically what has happened is I met a person who is the love of my life and i of hers, one who wants to marry me and has made me feel more loved, cared for, respected and admired than anyone I ever met. She talked about marrying me and spending our lives together but the issue is I am married with kids. I've been seeing her for 15 months and in that time she has never been to my house or met my family. Now its at the point where she wants to move forward or she feels like I am toying with her. I am not at all...i love her woth all my being I just dont know how to get out of the situation I've put us in. I am caring for my sick Mom which has been the reason im using as an excuse and she has accpeted it begrudgingly for several months...we had a few talks about this previously and she told me she is not happy with this but she will stay...now its at the point where i think she cant be happy anymore with this and she cant see a way to move forward so she is seemingly going to give up on me...although she loves me and wants to marry me still...

I think its like some midlife crisis im having thats behind this. Like im not happy with the life im living completely and want more and i found it with her but now I'm trapped because I cant have it ultimately without her finding out the truth eventually if i leave. And that isnt an option because I still love my wife and kids too. I literally want both options but i know i cant have them.

Guys I need help on how to deal with this. I ultimately want to be happy in life and I'm sort of happy but not as happy as i want to be. But i dont knoe of that is because of the current situation im in or just becauee im going through this midlife crisis I seem to be in...

Any help would be appreciated...please no "scumbag" comments. I know what i have done isnt right but it was never supposed to get this far.

 

[Poonstra]

You're gonna have to choose.

 

[Billtx49]

You're gonna have to choose.

Yes. The affair girl gets tired and leaves or the wifey finds out. Either option will happen given enough time and 15 months is getting there. If you do nothing a woman will make the decision for you eventually. It’s decision time…
Weigh the risks and choose.

 

[MrWood]

take responsibility and stop acting like a woman

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Break off the affair block her number never talk to her again and go home and love your family .


The only alternative is your wife takes on lovers and you do your thing, but it's not her idea and won't work out.

Take your lumps and go home. Trust me it feels better than the alternative of being WEAK and leaving your family for another woman.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Leaving your family will be several YEARS of pain and agony .

Leaving the girlfriend will be several months of discomfort, but you will feel better by the day.

 

[Desdinova]

now its at the point where i think she cant be happy anymore with this and she cant see a way to move forward so she is seemingly going to give up on me...

Then let her walk. She is the extra-curricular woman; the one who is supposed to be meeting the needs that your wife is not. You are already married. You already have a family. She has no purpose in these areas. She is now becoming a pain in your ass instead of a fun pastime. It's time to cut her loose, just like any other woman who becomes a pain in your ass. She (not your wife) is becoming a source of frustration and unhappiness. Get rid of her. If you want another mistress, in time you can get another one.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Leaving your family will be several YEARS of pain and agony .

Leaving the girlfriend will be several months of discomfort, but you will feel better by the day.

Leaving the family is also selfish and WEAK. You know it and your ego knows it. Trust me, you take quite a hit as a man when you allowed yourself to be that weak...

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Then let her walk. She is the extra-curricular woman; the one who is supposed to be meeting the needs that your wife is not. You are already married. You already have a family. She has no purpose in these areas. She is now becoming a pain in your ass instead of a fun pastime. It's time to cut her loose, just like any other woman who becomes a pain in your ass. She (not your wife) is becoming a source of frustration and unhappiness. Get rid of her. If you want another mistress, in time you can get another one.

Agree. If you are going to play that game it's family first. Those side pieces are just that. Entertainment only. Toss when they become a pain in the azz.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

take responsibility and stop acting like a woman

+1

She loves but is giving up on you.

I love it. The amount of nonsense people talk themselves into. Op mom is sick and done how a western women manage to make themselves a victim.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear OP,
Hard to elaborate on Desdinovas post...I would add that it is not just your needs but those of your kids whose lives could well be seriously damaged...I would elaborate on Des' comments suggesting there will be other "Affairs"there will be,the Guy that strays rarely just does it the once!...As the song goes"Surely tomorrow You'll be blue,then for you a love that's new...Take care.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Dear OP,
Hard to elaborate on Desdinovas post...I would add that it is not just your needs but those of your kids whose lives could well be seriously damaged...I would elaborate on Des' comments suggesting there will be other "Affairs"there will be,the Guy that strays rarely just does it the once!...As the song goes"Surely tomorrow You'll be blue,then for you a love that's new...Take care.

I'll third this. When you are living dual lives, you are living more deeply in one than the other. With the affair I guarantee that your kids and your wife are missing out on a quality of your attention of you being fully engaged with them. These situations also almost always end badly. So I was pointing that out to show you can be abusing or neglecting your family, even though you pay the bills and even though you don't get caught.

But we also covered that in your current lifestyle choice, if a "side" becomes problemsome or is on the way to damaging your life you have to cut them loose.