Having to put in far too much groundwork with women - where am I going wrong?

[Jay Bigz]

So I'm gonna use my work place as an example for this situation....

I work in a large office, with lots of women and find myself engaging in lots of casual flirting throughout each day, with an array of coworkers, to pass the time. My game is pretty strong and male competition is extremely weak in my workplace. I'm literally the only guy who takes good care of my body and skin and have been training as a non-competitive bodybuilder for 4 years, to achieve that aesthetic fitness model type of physique. I've been referred to as 'eye candy' on multiple occasions, but as good as this all sounds, I'm actually finding it quite draining to have to put in so much work to maintain my 'flirty' encounters with many of these women and the BS that goes with it....

As a confident guy, who genuinely enjoys talking with women, I started to realise that I was the initiator of almost all conversations. I took a step back and started to wonder what would happen if I stopped making so much effort with these girls and if they'd seek me out instead. When my effort became minimal, to non existent, many of them just accepted it and made equally low effort to engage with me. Some would eventually give in and seek me out, but only after weeks of no interaction. A small minority will actually visit me at my desk for a catch up - it's always vice versa. What is undeniable, though, is the enjoyment these ladies seem to display when I give them attention. There is rarely any sign of them wanting the conversation to end and even shy girls will totally open up to me and lead the conversations. Sexual chemistry is there, but I have to put in the work and keep the charm rolling to maintain the relationships.

However, I've noticed another guy in the office, who these same girls seem to gravitate towards. He's extremely skinny, infact - one of the skinniest guys I've ever seen. He has mild acne, plain looks but dresses very well and displays confidence. As a guy, I find him to have a very annoying personality and not a lot of men in the office like him. He has indeed one upped me though, in the fact that I've observed a lot of approaches from women to him, yet barely see him over at their desks. I'll give credit where credit is due, he's doing his thing.

Where am I going wrong though? As the 'office hotty' or 'top draw' (as labelled by others) shouldn't the women be pouncing on me and not the other way round? Just for clarification - none of these women are super hot either - we're talking like 5/10's to 7/10's in range.

As you can probably tell from my post, I''m a slight bit insecure too, due to former relationships and bad experiences, therefore my confidence can easily take temporary nose dives if I don't get the attention I'm used to, or feel my game is not working.

 

[EyeBRollin]

As you can probably tell from my post, I''m a slight bit insecure too, due to former relationships and bad experiences, therefore my confidence can easily take temporary nose dives if I don't get the attention I'm used to, or feel my game is not working.

You pretty much summed it up right here. The other guy has confidence. Confidence is the #2 quality women look for in a man. (Humor is #1)

Lighten up, make them laugh, and the chicks will come. Looks only get you so far.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

You notice how the other guy is barely at their desks and their I to them?

You on contrast hand deliver their candy and they don't have to phuck you.

Alpha Male Strategies would call you those females "entertainer" .

Things will flip when you stop delivering candy and when you bone one of them you will be able to bone several .

Do not "hate" the skinny guy whose more successful than you, it's not constructive .

 

[Jay Bigz]

You pretty much summed it up right here. The other guy has confidence. Confidence is the #2 quality women look for in a man. (Humor is #1)

Lighten up, make them laugh, and the chicks will come. Looks only get you so far.

Oh I do - humour is my thing too. Not in a stand up comedy type of way - but I'm quick witted, playful and there's a whole heap of laughter in these conversations. I'm always displaying unbreakable levels of confidence with the ladies and the stuff I posted about being a tad insecure, is me being totally honest about the reality of my inner thoughts. I work hard to maintain an image of utter confidence to the rest of the world and they seem to buy it. Sometimes I buy it too, but as mentioned - minor set backs can cause me to start questioning my game. I feel as though I always have to be number one, for some reason and I'm competitive by nature. It has its pros and cons, but maybe I need to learn to chill out a bit and just take each day as it comes.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Also always keep at least one "starter ho3" around. This is someone you fvck whenever you want. When you already have pvssy on demand confidence will stay peaked even in rejection.

 

[Jay Bigz]

You notice how the other guy is barely at their desks and their I to them?

You on contrast hand deliver their candy and they don't have to phuck you.

Alpha Male Strategies would call you those females "entertainer" .

Things will flip when you stop delivering candy and when you bone one of them you will be able to bone several .

Do not "hate" the skinny guy whose more successful than you, it's not constructive .

This is food for thought. I always thought making them feel special and lots of attention is the key to building attraction? They absolutely love the attention, but seem less inclined to put in the groundwork in return. They definitely seem to get butt hurt and sulk, when I randomly stop bringing the attention on tap, but instead of actually putting in some effort to bring it back, they just leave th ball in my court and wait for me to finally approach - and only then will they start making an effort to encourage me to continue.

As said, credit where credit is due to the other guy - but I wouldn't say he's more successful than me...My game and charm is strong in general and we're two totally opposite personalities. He's very straight laced, hard working and clean cut, whereas I'm more controversial, rebellious and edgy, yet still seemed to be loved by senior management with a somewhat halo effect.

 

[ohrein]

I always thought making them feel special and lots of attention is the key to building attraction? They absolutely love the attention, but seem less inclined to put in the groundwork in return.

This is prime feminine conditioning. Attention is not the key to building attraction, at all. You've observed exactly that. The skinny dude sits back and isn't interested, he's aloof and displaying high value. The covert message is none of these women are worthy of my attention and so women are vying for his attention. You on the other hand are the "entertainer", as @mrgoodstuff said. You're trying to buy value. The covert message is, he's trying to get any attention from any woman, he must not have many sexual choices. Now, this is obviously overly simplistic and only one factor, but being aloof is useful two-fold. Firstly, it automatically filters for high interest. You set the bait with your initial interactions and only women with interest will chase. Secondly, it demonstrates covertly that you are higher value than her.

With that said, I don't think your problem is going to be solved by just being more distant. It sounds like your game is entirely rooted in beta (feminine) conditioning. You should read The Rational Male blogs (or books), read the bible and start to unplug. If you're as high in LMS as you claim, then your weakness must be from within. You seeking attention for validation is a clear indication that you have not internalized an abundance mindset, for example. The need for validation will also likely lead to oneitis because you will not want to let go of a woman who is feeding your ego.

 

[Igetit!]

I have a question....if you don't mind.....

What is the point of all this? Like,what's the purpose of it all.......what are you trying to make happen?

You say you work in an office with lots of women there...and also say that the male competition is extremely weak.

Ok,uhhh.....competition for WHAT? Also,something in your thread kinda stood out...

I work in a large office, with lots of women and find myself engaging in lots of casual flirting throughout each day, with an array of coworkers, to pass the time.

Here,you said you find yourself doing a lot of flirting with different workers...."TO PASS THE TIME".

So all this "flirting" you do with all these women,and all the flirty relationships you're trying to maintain,the SOLE PURPOSE of them is simply to entertain yourself and make time pass by,correct? None of the flirting is because you'd like to take things past the work place,and possibly lead to a date or sex with any of these women.......right?

My game is pretty strong and male competition is extremely weak in my workplace.

Your "game" is strong. Ok,ummm......does it lead to anything? You know......like dating and/or sexwise?

Or is it just there til 5pm rolls around when it's time for everybody to go home?

I'm actually finding it quite draining to have to put in so much work to maintain my 'flirty' encounters with many of these women and the BS that goes with it....

I just wonder what the purpose of them are. Cause if it's just for fun and you have no interest in seriously trying to date any of them,then fine.

If it was because you were hoping for a date or sex with one of them......you put yourself at a disadvantage. In fact,if this has been going on for a while,like weeks or months even,you probably killed off any potential interest.....with ALL of them....or at least,the ones you'd been interacting with.

I started to realise that I was the initiator of almost all conversations. I took a step back and started to wonder what would happen if I stopped making so much effort with these girls and if they'd seek me out instead. When my effort became minimal, to non existent, many of them just accepted it and made equally low effort to engage with me.

Well of course....why would they? Not like there's a point or purpose to it all. If it's only to pass the time,they can do that chatting with each other,or playing around on their phones.

Sexual chemistry is there, but I have to put in the work and keep the charm rolling to maintain the relationships.

Are you SURE bout the "sexual chemistry" being there? You do know what the point of "gaming" a woman is,don't you? It's simply to prepare a woman to say yes when you ask her out...that's it. The WHOLE POINT of gaming a woman,is simply to get her to say yes when you ask her out.

Seems to me you have no plans to make anything go beyond the workplace. So if you have no plans to ask any of them out,what difference does it make if sexual chemistry is there or not?

However, I've noticed another guy in the office, who these same girls seem to gravitate towards. He's extremely skinny, infact - one of the skinniest guys I've ever seen. He has mild acne, plain looks but dresses very well and displays confidence. As a guy, I find him to have a very annoying personality and not a lot of men in the office like him. He has indeed one upped me though, in the fact that I've observed a lot of approaches from women to him, yet barely see him over at their desks. I'll give credit where credit is due, he's doing his thing.

Where am I going wrong though? As the 'office hotty' or 'top draw' (as labelled by others) shouldn't the women be pouncing on me and not the other way round?

Dude....who cares? You say you've been deemed the "office hotty" and that the women should be pouncing on you.....and not the other way around.

So what...is this all just about EGO? Not dating,not sex.....you just want all the chicks to gravitate toward you,and likely feel some jealousy cause the skinny,acne-faced dude is getting all the female attention...while you,the "office hotty" has to struggle and strain just to get minimal attention back.

As you can probably tell from my post, I''m a slight bit insecure too, due to former relationships and bad experiences, therefore my confidence can easily take temporary nose dives if I don't get the attention I'm used to, or feel my game is not working.

So your confidence can "EASILY NOSEDIVE" if you don't get the attention you're "used to". Well...there you go. You may physically be a "hotty",but mentally and emotionally......you're NEEDY. AND DON'T THINK the women you work,interact with,and hang around at work all day can't tell.


That should let guys know how important confidence is....when an acne-faced skinny guy with confidence has women seeking him out,while a bodybuilder with good skin and excellent physique has to struggle just to get a minimal amount of the same attention from the SAME women.

 

[ohrein]

^ Couldn't buy advice this good. ^