Is this plate interested or not?

[oldmanofthesea]

It was very apologetic - she apologized two or three times in the message, but didn't mention getting together another time or wanting to see me or suggesting an alternate date.

Part of why I didn't hard-next on this was that I felt I made a mistake. When I set the second date, we had a plan for what we were doing and roughly what time and on what day, but I didn't lock-in the logistics of if we'd meet there or if I'd pick her up or whatever. I ALWAYS lock in the logistics and am not sure why I didn't do it this time - my bad - I know better. I think my not doing that is part of what caused her to flake because in her text to me when she cancelled, one of the things she said was, "I hope it's ok since we didn't finalize plans," which I took as "You set the date five days ago and it's now one day before the date and I still don't know where we are meeting". So that is a big part of why I responded to her when she reached back out again, because I felt I had some responsibility in what happened.

As for your comment about rapport/connection, we only had the one date so couldn't establish too much - though the date was good. Plus I don't use text or phone to continue building rapport - only do it in person.

 

[Glassguy]

Just curious to see how some of you would handle this. It feels on the border of disinterest.

Had first date 5 weeks ago. Went well and she texted me a bunch the following week (I responded but didn't get into long text convos) but then she cancelled our next date a day in advance without suggesting an alternate date. I told her to reach out if she'd like to get together another time and then I moved on to my other plates.

5 weeks later, she reached out "Hey what's new? blah blah blah" etc. I assumed she wanted to see me so after a couple humorous texts, I said we should get together at my place this Sunday at 5pm. She said sounds great but wasn't sure if she could get a sitter for her kid that early and to "stay tuned." Meh. She sent me a couple more messages that day and I responded briefly.

No more communication. After 5 days, I text her something funny and when she responded, she also voluntarily told me that she got a sitter but they couldn't get her until 2pm.

I said 5pm, she's saying sitter at 2pm, so WTF is the issue and why not just explain it to me? So I have to ask her if 5pm still works and she responds saying 5 is too early because she needs to go to the gym between.

Now I have to ask her what time she CAN come over. She could easily have told me that. This is annoying and feels fishy but maybe she's just a space-cadet? I'm considering just not responding.

Thoughts?

Your thought process is @ss backwards dude.

The question should be "Am I interested in this chick or not?"

If you are interested in her, pin her down to a specific time and place to get together. A yes is good, counter offer works, anything else is a no. Period.

No guts no glory and bounce quick if she doesnt make it easy.

Who is the prize? You or her?

Time to switch gears and realize your own worth (to honestly whatever it is) and step your game up.

 

[Glassguy]

she apologized two or three times in the message, but didn't mention getting together another time or wanting to see me or suggesting an alternate date.

There you go.

Case closed. Move on and dont waste another second on this chick. Its a dead end street.

Part of why I didn't hard-next on this was that I felt I made a mistake. When I set the second date, we had a plan for what we were doing and roughly what time and on what day, but I didn't lock-in the logistics of if we'd meet there or if I'd pick her up or whatever. I ALWAYS lock in the logistics and am not sure why I didn't do it this time - my bad - I know better. I think my not doing that is part of what caused her to flake because in her text to me when she cancelled

Cut the mumbo jumbo out of that entire post and focus on this.

If she wanted to see you bad enough, she would have figured out if you were meeting or picking her up. You are the man, you make the decision for future reference and dont be open ended.

But she was probably breathing a sigh or relief when you didnt nail her down and force her to go. You are getting played for attention by this one and you need to snap out of it.

She could have finalized it.....she didnt. She canceled on you (your words) and you didnt cause her to flake......her low interest caused her to flake.
Never....I repeat NEVER make fvcking excuses for a woman, especially one that you arent even dating regularly. Your judgement is clouded as you see something here with her that really is not there.

Drop this one like she is a bad STD and move on. You'll thank me later.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Drop this one like she is a bad STD and move on. You'll thank me later.

Yeah, I already did. I lost interest during the game playing with the second-date logistics so I just quit texting her. That resulted in her sending some seriously crazy texts last night (you can see them several posts up). Glad I didn't continue the discussion with her.

The main point of my original post was to get a better understanding of whether she was just an air-head or if it was game-playing.

 

[guru1000]

It was very apologetic - she apologized two or three times in the message, but didn't mention getting together another time or wanting to see me or suggesting an alternate date.

Part of why I didn't hard-next on this was that I felt I made a mistake. When I set the second date, we had a plan for what we were doing and roughly what time and on what day, but I didn't lock-in the logistics of if we'd meet there or if I'd pick her up or whatever. I ALWAYS lock in the logistics and am not sure why I didn't do it this time - my bad - I know better. I think my not doing that is part of what caused her to flake

I never lock in logistics outside of day and time until the day of (too much effort for me). You're rationalizing.

because in her text to me when she cancelled, one of the things she said was, "I hope it's ok since we didn't finalize plans," which I took as "You set the date five days ago and it's now one day before the date and I still don't know where we are meeting".

Words, just words. Her cancelling without a counteroffer and a BS excuse is the message.

So that is a big part of why I responded to her when she reached back out again, because I felt I had some responsibility in what happened.

And she made you feel like you fvcked up while she's canceling! Manipulation at its finest.

As for your comment about rapport/connection, we only had the one date so couldn't establish too much - though the date was good. Plus I don't use text or phone to continue building rapport - only do it in person.

Don't rationalize for them. Make them rationalize for you.

 

[Glassguy]

Yeah, I already did. I lost interest during the game playing with the second-date logistics so I just quit texting her. That resulted in her sending some seriously crazy texts last night (you can see them several posts up). Glad I didn't continue the discussion with her.

The main point of my original post was to get a better understanding of whether she was just an air-head or if it was game-playing.

Either way, she wasnt filling your needs of what you wanted out of this so you made the good call to eliminate her for now,

 

[flowtheory]

I will never understand why women do any of this. Leading on, bailing, etc. Why purposefully make your life complicated? It only makes them lose at the end of the day and has massive ramifications on their own self-esteem.

But yes. Good call on nexting! From my teachings as of late, I would have peaced out after the time she bailed with no alternative new date.
I also think 5 weeks to have plans after a first date is a sure fire sign of low interest on both yours and her part. The only time that would be okay is if one went away.
Why was there such a massive gap?