When She's Still Friends with Her Ex on Social Media

[JST8828]

Long story short a girl who was casually dating me last year went back to her ex and now she's back in my life. We reconnected while out this past weekend with some friends and she has been sending me positive signals via text ever since. SHE suggested talking more sometime when we were out, and the next day she messaged me. Basically I'm 100% sure I can get her out on a date and see where things go. HB9 btw.

ONE huge problem though. The EX BOYFRIEND she left me for last year and was still hung up on? They are still friends on both Instagram and Facebook. However here's the kicker - when she left me, there was a small phase of us talking afterwards where she was telling me she was having second thoughts. I told her the only way I'd ever take her back is for her to be completely honest going forward, and she would have to delete her ex off her social media. So there is some real history going on here with me and this ex-boyfriend situation of hers. I'm certain she's over him and I know they have not dated for a long time, but still, this would bother me going forward in any capacity with her.

Do you think I have any grounds for bringing this up to her after lets say our first date back out? And if not, let's just say for argument sake this takes off and we go out a few times, there is NO way I could ever seriously date her again knowing that f-cking guy is still following her on those sites. What would ever need to be done in this type of rather tricky situation?

 

[Billtx49]

They are still friends on both Instagram and Facebook.

I'm certain she's over him

Don’t be so certain of that. She didn’t exactly burn that bridge behind her did she…
Her lack of action probably says no she’s not completely over him.

 

[ohrein]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/index.php?threads/high-score-theory.229343/

 

[JST8828]

Her lack of action probably says no she’s not completely over him.

Believe me I know there's that possibility, and even if its a 1% possibility I ain't putting myself at risk. I am hesitant to even ask her out for one date of drinks bc of this. I almost feel like she has some gall to reach out to me seeing as how she's still friends with him on there.

Also, have read the High Score Theory before. Great stuff. But it just all depends. I don't think this guys high score is astronomically high, at least not anymore. He could have done enough things wrong to where his "score" has been lowered and other guys have a good chance to swoop in and take over now. The ex didn't take her virginity or anything and wasn't her first love either. That being said, he STILL could be the high score man where if lets say me and her are going on a few mediocre dates in her mind but in my mind I'm enjoying this all, and suddenly he swoops back in with a few texts... Boom, I could be as good as done for all I know.

 

[Billtx49]

Believe me I know there's that possibility, and even if its a 1% possibility I ain't putting myself at risk. I am hesitant to even ask her out for one date of drinks bc of this. I almost feel like she has some gall to reach out to me seeing as how she's still friends with him on there.

Also, have read the High Score Theory before. Great stuff. But it just all depends. I don't think this guys high score is astronomically high, at least not anymore. He could have done enough things wrong to where his "score" has been lowered and other guys have a good chance to swoop in and take over now. The ex didn't take her virginity or anything and wasn't her first love either. That being said, he STILL could be the high score man where if lets say me and her are going on a few mediocre dates in her mind but in my mind I'm enjoying this all, and suddenly he swoops back in with a few texts... Boom, I could be as good as done for all I know.

Ok, she dumped you for her Ex. That obviously didn’t work out for her, so now she’s back in your orbit, but still with a social connection to the Ex. What does that tell you about her future behavior…

 

[JST8828]

Ok, she dumped you for her Ex. That obviously didn’t work out for her, so now she’s back in your orbit, but still with a social connection to the Ex. What does that tell you about her future behavior…

Not sure what you're implying exactly. Does it all look good? Hell no. But it doesn't mean for CERTAIN she's going to pull a similar stunt again. That being said, I don't think I'm even going to give her the chance to. She's also on two dating apps for what its worth. I do think she's seriously trying to find someone new for what its worth, but i'm still cautious.

 

[Skyline]

I would probably go forward with it.

I doubt she's over her ex but requesting her to delete her ex on social media falls under your own personal boundaries. I personally wouldn't care.

If her not deleting him is an issue for you then it's going to arise again further down the line if things work out between you and her. But something I want to note, a woman will move mountains to see someone that she's interested in.

What would stop her from simply texting him? Maybe she has his number written down somewhere. I know this is just a boundary but it wouldn't stop her from contacting him.

 

[QuadDeuces]

Youre the backup guy, sorry.

 

[Glassguy]

I would do the opposite. I'd mind fvck her by treating her as a fwb only (as this is her proven worth) and actually encourage her to stay friends with him on social media. A truly IDGAF attitude about it. Do this correctly and she will forever be a plate that you can spin.

You already know her history and character. She is not a possible healthy LTR option. So why are you treating her with the respect of one?

 

[JST8828]

I personally wouldn't care.

If her not deleting him is an issue for you then it's going to arise again further down the line if things work out between you and her.

In any other situation I would never ever say a word or care in the slightest. It’s the fact that there is history between us and this ex. Not only that, but when there was an initial chance at rekindling shortly after this first happened I told her she’d have to delete him. Make no mistake she KNOWS this guy is a problem for me. I can spin her as a plate no problem but the bottom line is i could never ever get involved in a serious capacity with her as long as she is friends with this guy on social media. That’s just the way it is. I know even that wouldn’t be a lock that she couldn’t ever go back to him, but it would be the least I’d need to see

I would do the opposite. I'd mind fvck her by treating her as a fwb only (as this is her proven worth) and actually encourage her to stay friends with him on social media. A truly IDGAF attitude about it. Do this correctly and she will forever be a plate that you can spin.

I like it, but you think it’s a complete lost cause for a LTR possibility? She never cheated on me. She just chose another option at the time. I moved on. Now she’s back. Not putting her in a positive light , but you just never know what can happen

 

[Glassguy]

I like it, but you think it’s a complete lost cause for a LTR possibility? She never cheated on me. She just chose another option at the time. I moved on. Now she’s back. Not putting her in a positive light , but you just never know what can happen

Completely lost cause.

1.) You will never fully trust her again

2.) You were her second priority before, that wont change when she thinks someone better comes along.

And you are missing my point. You are treating this as a LTR and you havent even hooked back up with her yet.

Treat her like a wh0re and she will probably never leave, which is probably the reason she was still so hung up on her ex (and probably still is).

 

[highSpeed]

Not sure what you're implying exactly. Does it all look good? Hell no. But it doesn't mean for CERTAIN she's going to pull a similar stunt again. That being said, I don't think I'm even going to give her the chance to. She's also on two dating apps for what its worth. I do think she's seriously trying to find someone new for what its worth, but i'm still cautious.

It means, if she's done it once, she could easily do it again. Look at her past behavior for the best predictor of her future behavior.

 

[skinnyguy]

I’m going out with a girl next week who has THOUSANDS of orbiters on instagram including exes. I don’t care.

If she’s not your wife you shouldn’t care.

 

[JST8828]

I think the best way to go forward is to not care as others mentioned above. Regardless of what she did a while back, it doesn't change the fact that she's not my wife, gf or anything serious. Reality is she doesn’t owe me anything right now. In the (albeit rare) event that we ended up becoming something serious, even then I don't think it would be smart to ask her to delete the guy off social media. Bc as someone noted above, all she needs is his phone number to reach out to him if she ever wanted to, and lord knows he has HER number as well.

So basically, even if she did remove him as a friend on social media, it would still be a risk getting involved with this girl long term, and I know that. The removal of the ex from social media would really come down more to a respect thing for me. Who knows, maybe it would happen naturally if things progressed. Right now though, she's going to be treated as a sex plate.