Introverted extrovert- it’s not easy to be me!

[Reformemind]

For the past few years I’ve been depressed, since the age of 17. Well...I can’t be too unjust to myself, there have been good times and there have been lonely times, though the lonely times have outnumbered the ‘good times’ by like a thousand.

I’ve been the sort of person whom people view as “calm and quite”. Yes! These are the words of my last g friend. This is probably why she left me and shattered my pride and honour into pieces. My pride and honour was the relationship with her! ( I know I’m weak and I have no life lol). This is not the point I’m trying to make though.

Something I have realised about myself is that people may see me as an introvert guy but in reality, within me I’m extrovert af! I can’t be by myself. If I’m left by myself I start daydreaming and those daydreams never beat the awesome lives that sociable people live and the fame and the attention they constantly receive. To be honest I don’t have anyone real in my mind, I think of a hypothetical guy who is just naturally social and has girls all around him!

You have probably understood that I am jealous! Yes I’m jealous of guys who have good circles of friends and have guy friends as well as female friends. I am jealous of guys who have girls around them and those girls have ‘crush’ on those guys. I’m jealous af and it’s not a good feeling. It’s also not a good look for me ‘cause I’ve been pretending to be cool around people, people think I’m very socialised!’ (imagine me whispering the last part in your ear).

I’m a university student. My daily routine is waking up between 11am-2pm weekdays and weekends! (You’re jealous right lol) I then eat some high protein breakfast and hit the gym in which I train like a popular horse and enjoy the jealous looks of people on me which say in their kind hearts “ I wish I had your body bro!”. That’s what I assume guys think when they perv me and girls think to themselves “ you’re so hot” then I tell them in (my heart) “haha, I’m too cool for you, you’re hot tho, good on you”.

Going to public places have been a challenge for me. Although I have figured out a way I can get past my social anxiety and actually enjoy being in social situations.

I remember when I was a kid, whenever my family and I went to a family party or we went to an even, I was very shy and socially anxious at first( yeah, unfortunately it is in my gene! Haha) but once I started playing with other kinds AND once I had greeted all the adults, I would feel amazing. Really really amazing.

As an adult now (23) I am still the same. When I go out I need to at least talk to one person in order to feel normal. That person has to be a stranger. Talking to my family members or friends won’t count. I have to make cold approaches otherwise I feel like a piece of crap the whole day.

I dream of a day or night when I can be all by myself and enjoy a peaceful moment with myself and only myself....

 

[wifehunter]

I dream of a day when people write less, and say more.

 

[sosousage]

I dream of a day when people write less, and say more.

when they write less words but provide more meaning

 

[Visionist]

Ambiverts exist. Introverted or extroverted as and when it pleases them. I've neglected all my friends for months now, although sooner or later that needs to end.

Parties and gatherings really don't need to be a big deal. You'll naturally spend them with whoever shares your current energy level, friend or stranger. It's easy to talk to people after a short spell. Most folks only really wanna discuss themselves. Listen more than you speak, reveal less about yourself than them whilst giving insights on what they say and you're suddenly the mysterious guy with all the right answers to life's little struggles. Oh, how does he do it, they'll ask themselves.

It's easy to bull$hit certain people. Sell them what they wish they could sell to themselves. A wannabe starlet, or singer? Tell her she needs to ignore her rivals and assert her rightful dominance over others. It's who she wants to be, but ethics won't let her, not yet...

Whatever hobbies and interests you have are easy to sell to others, no matter how obscure or even nerdy. Everyone is dominant in his chosen field. A card player? He can easily hold a whole group hostage to his stories and tales. If you don't have any, make them up. Just stick to the same ones and make them come alive through your passion.

It's not lying, it's flirting.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Dude you got issues.

 

[Visionist]

OP has his gym game on track. That's a huge piece of the puzzle.

 

[wifehunter]

when they write less words but provide more meaning

The word is 'concise'.