Black Tie event - no Black Tie

[Murk]

So this girl invited me to an event tonight after work with "chapmagne, capanés and celebrities". She works in TV and film, tell me to wear a suit I say yes. I wear a suit to work anyway so today I just throw on a more snazzy one and ad a pocket square "murk you look smart today" is the general consensus in the office.

No she has just text me:

Her: I've just looked at the invite and it says Black Tie
Me: I have a tux and bow tie at home why didn't you say?
Her: Sorry, my bad
Her: If it's any consolation, at my awards we say black tie, but that really just means suit x

I'm wearing a blue suit gold/blue tie and a pocket square, I planned to lose the tie after work was done. I'm gonna stand out like a sore thumb if everyone adheres to the black tie rule.

I would just write it off and not bother but we already pre-planned to go back to hers for a sex session involving whips and tying up etc (not 100% my kinda thing but open to exploring and the sex was good last time).

I'm really self conscious about dress codes and not being looked at negatively.

What should I do? Just go home and wait for it to finish and go to hers? Ask her what the general consensus is regarding attire before I arrive and make a decision then? I'm p*ssed off.

 

[Murk]

I actually like events like this and it's free food and drink and celebrities man!

Me: Well I'm wearing a blue suit, it's not as passable as a black one
Her: Honestly it'll be fine, I promise :blow kiss emoji:

I need her to give me a heads up on what people are wearing there before I go, no way am I sacrificing my dignity for sex, I'm getting anxious just thinking about rocking up being the odd one out

 

[Glassguy]

Just go and stop worrying about what anyone else thinks. You may stand out, but that isnt a bad thing.

Have high self confidence, indifferent attitude as to what the others think and have fun. It will only be awkward if you make it that way.

She will respect you more for it too because she will see that you do what you want and a stranger's opinion of you is not important, which is very sexy to a woman btw.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

I would just write it off and not bother but we already pre-planned to go back to hers for a sex session involving whips and tying up etc (not 100% my kinda thing but open to exploring and the sex was good last time).

Lol Murk, I feel like your posts are a window into some sort of sexual underworld I never knew existed. I really can't imagine going to a party with a lass with pre-arranged B.DSM sex happening afterwards...hahaha!

I'd say just wear a smart suit, hanky tucked in the pocket and don't sweat it. You have a smart waistcoat or something maybe as well?

If you stick out it's her fault not yours, and it will be her that looks a bit silly. These are probs all people you won't be seeing all the time anyway if it's her work or whatever. Plus a smart suit still looks good, even if people go in a tux.

 

[derby1]

as above ....., I went to a funeral the once in a blue jumper not the usual black and white tie setup

i was slagged off to high heaven , .....the fact i had helped the widower for a week before hand meant nothing to anyone

point being if you do turn up in the right attire they will still find something

so indifference makes the difference OP when you stop caring results come

 

[Murk]

as above ....., I went to a funeral the once in a blue jumper

LOOOL don't know why that made me crack up laughing at my desk.

Yeah you guys are right, I'm just gonna go and sink some free champagne I'll give you guys the report tomorrow!

@LessThanSmooth I'm realising how many girls are into being dominated and tied up/whipped - it's crazy.

 

[derby1]

yeah lol i think i was totally skint at the time if i remember

 

[Glassguy]

LOOOL don't know why that made me crack up laughing at my desk.

Yeah you guys are right, I'm just gonna go and sink some free champagne I'll give you guys the report tomorrow!

@LessThanSmooth I'm realising how many girls are into being dominated and tied up/whipped - it's crazy.

I have NEVER had sex with a chick that didnt like to be spanked, hair pulled and dominated. EVER. Most, if not all, will be completely fine with B DSM to a degree (tying up, spanking, etc) as long as they are 100% comfortable with you. The time it takes them to get there will vary, but thats about it.

The chick that I am currently seeing has a doctorate degree. Very professional in the work place, super affectionate at all times around me and couldnt be more into me right now.

After an hour round of "indoor olympics" yesterday she asks me if I would want to make a "movie" with her. Says she has never done it but wants to do it with me because she would want to watch it when we cant get together and masturbate to it. I was like "Just me fvcking you??" and she said no....everything. Her sucking my c0ck, me going down on her, all of it. And this one has an outgoing personality but still on the reserved side.

So my smart phone will be fully charged for the next time she comes over.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

@LessThanSmooth I'm realising how many girls are into being dominated and tied up/whipped - it's crazy.

There's a girl I snapchat sext with sometimes, though don't think she's my type really so it's never gone further. Anyway she tells me that she basically just wants to get totally roughly destroyed in every way. Like even the kind of more degrading stuff I don't think most women would even enjoy...she is basically begging me to do that to her.

Flips me out. I think the reason I've never hooked up with her is she's so keen it just feels like she's desperate. I'd probably get HIV or something lol.

 

[The Duke]

Not worrying about what others think will get you a long way down the road of life. I'd rather be a lone wolf than one of the sheeple(sheep people) that worry about fitting in.

 

[BeExcellent]

Murk, you have probably already been through the mental gymnastics of what I'm about to say BUT...if it's black tie and you have a tux that you own (something every gentleman should have in his wardrobe) I'd consider changing into the tux and going in that. I think you will feel more comfortable that way.

Here's why I say that. Let me first say I'm certain you cut a handsome figure in your sharp suit. If you feel the suit is stylish enough (contrast collars, cuff links, natty pattern play between the suit weave/pattern and the shirt weave/pattern and a sophisticated tie with top flight shoes/belt) you'll be fine...but...I say change into the tux because if it's black tie all these other men are going to be in black tie and you will look like you don't have a tux and therefore you might be judged a bit by people you don't know, as in "Oh, well he looks sharp but he must not have a tux" and I wouldn't want to come off that way in a new social setting.

Or alternatively you might risk coming of as holding yourself in too high esteem (I'm too cool to wear a monkey suit) and thus appear arrogant. I wouldn't want to risk it either way in a new group that you might enjoy being a part of going forward.

If you were already established in this social circle and you decided to blow off the dress code that would be different. People enjoy folks who they know have knowledge of the rules and throw them out the window with panache...but if people don't already know you then they won't know whether you know the rules or not, they may simply assume you simply don't really belong.

I'm not saying that to be terse or a jerk in any way. I just think it's worth considering given the type of people who are throwing the party (film & media types) and I think it's worth sending the message through your mode of dress that you fit with the group.

Whatever you decide to do, enjoy yourself.

 

[RangerMIke]

If it was possible for me to get home and wear a tux, I would have done it. If I couldn't then I would have just told her that I do not like to show up to events dressed inappropriately so pass.... Then tell her to grab a bottle of Champagne and come over to your place after, and tell her you don't have a 'dressed' code. This let's her know you aren't butt hurt about it.

It was a honest mistake, but classy guys always wear the appropriate clothes to whatever they are invited to: Be it a black tie affair or bowling ally.

 

[Murk]

Very true BE and ranger mike.

I decided to go for a quick drink with my boss after work, the girl messaged me that nobody had adhered to the black tie dress code so I sank a couple gin and tonics and headed over.

It was a gorgeous venue, super cars outside I shook hands with Sir Patrick Stewart, Jake Gyllenhall and Simon Pegg, the girl I was with pointed out other people and I saw some B listers getting photos taken and just ignored them and focus on the champagne.

I’d say 10-15% were in black tie, majority just is smart formal wear which made me feel at ease.

Drank loads, took the girl for a meal after which I paid for as she’s invited me to this thing and got me drunk for free.

Went back to hers, she showed me her weird hand cuffs and other bondage gear but we didn’t use them. Smashed. She said she can’t wait for date 3 when we are allowed to have sex, I thought it was funny. On train to work now.

 

[Murk]

Great news.

This girl calls me just now to tell me she tested positive for Chlamydia and maybe syphilis but she has to wait until next week for those results.

I have no idea if i gave it to her or she me, I'm booking a test tomorrow and rocking up there on Thursday during my lunch break.

She was like "I'm gonna go now coz it's kind of awkward" gave an awkward laugh and I said ttyl.

Shall I ask her when was the last time she banged someone without and also the last time she was tested?

I was clean with my ex, but if you guys remember that debauched night the HB5 came over... she could well have been riddled.

Anyway I'm not too bothered, but now I can't bang the girl from the weekend on Thursday or the girl that wants me to come over after 10pm on Saturday.

Shall I just wrap up and bang both?

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

Shall I just wrap up and bang both?

Personally I'd get the STI s*** all sorted before you do any more banging. As you well know, condoms are hardly infallible for STI protection anyway - at least if you know you're clean that's one thing off your mind.

Most of these STI tests don't include blood tests. That detects herpes and HIV. I know a lot of people that think they're "clean" but actually they have no f***ing clue.

I don't want to be a fearmonger but you never know unless someone's getting a full screen what they've got. If she's into bondage she's probably pretty liberal sexually which means lots of banging --> much more likely she'd have something *properly* nasty.

So basically I'd take care. I'm a little over cautious myself, but I'd rather that than I wind up with something really unpleasant.

 

[Murk]

She was really awkward and apologetic... not suspicious or accusatory. She defo thinks she gave it to me. That HB5 was like a month ago I would have felt the clam by then (had it twice I know the drill).

You’re right, I should get sorted and put the other girls on hold, but I don’t see that happening. I’ll go on the date Thursday, not push for sex, hopefully we just have a good evening ready to bang on date 3. I think the medication would work in time for Saturday night, I’ll wear a condom.

Yeah, I got it alllll figured out (fml).

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

She was really awkward and apologetic... not suspicious or accusatory. She defo thinks she gave it to me. That HB5 was like a month ago I would have felt the clam by then (had it twice I know the drill).

You’re right, I should get sorted and put the other girls on hold, but I don’t see that happening. I’ll go on the date Thursday, not push for sex, hopefully we just have a good evening ready to bang on date 3. I think the medication would work in time for Saturday night, I’ll wear a condom.

Yeah, I got it alllll figured out (fml).

Yeah just hook up without the sex. Nothing wrong with just making out 'till you're all sorted. TBH you can do pretty much all the foreplay sexy stuff anyway right? Just chill and have fun without pushing to the full thing.

 

[Murk]

I think if I get a blowy they can get chlamydia in the mouth. It's drinks after work in central London so no place to go for foreplay unless she comes to mine. She even said in the restaurant Saturday just gone "you would love to pull out and come on my arse".

Girl I'm going to on Saturday night I've had sex with 3 times and never worn a condom and she's a nurse too... honestly, these women are so bad.

BUT I may not even have anything *touch wood* we find out on Thursday

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

Girl I'm going to on Saturday night I've had sex with 3 times and never worn a condom and she's a nurse too... honestly, these women are so bad.

Jeez. You should go down the hospital she works at and give her one of the sexual health pamphlets lol.

I know bareback is supposed to be more fun but I can't believe so many girls do it casually.

*touch wood*

GIGGIDY.

 

[Murk]

Neg on the Syph, Pos on the clam. Gonna go get the treatment (1 pill) tomorrow morning.

I guess that means my date tomorrow can't end with a bang...