Would you tell your girlfriend about anxiety you were dealing with?

[B0redandl0nely]

If it was causing problems in the relationship would you tell her that you were dealing with a lot of anxiety?

 

[wifehunter]

If it was causing problems in the relationship would you tell her that you were dealing with a lot of anxiety?

Alone time, should help in this area. Just let her know.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

Yes. If she's not compassionate enough to empathise, that's her problem.

Girls like it when guys share the important stuff. If you're crying and shouting in front of her because the store didn't have your favourite sandwich that is weak.

If you're confessing something more meaningful and deep to her, she will be pleased you were honest. Holding in sincere feelings and having a mental breakdown as a result is not attractive to women, it's an old-fashioned man-value that's kind of silly really.

Mental reserve and restraint is one thing, suppressing all your emotions artificially is another.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Yes. If she's not compassionate enough to empathise, that's her problem.

Girls like it when guys share the important stuff. If you're crying and shouting in front of her because the store didn't have your favourite sandwich that is weak.

If you're confessing something more meaningful and deep to her, she will be pleased you were honest. Holding in sincere feelings and having a mental breakdown as a result is not attractive to women, it's an old-fashioned man-value that's kind of silly really.

Mental reserve and restraint is one thing, suppressing all your emotions artificially is another.

It won't be useful if she is a $hit person.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

It won't be useful if she is a $hit person.

If she's a **** person she'll deal with herself and disappear. You don't need someone like that in your life. Couples are supposed to be mutually supportive, if the OP is anxious for a legitimate reason he has nothing to fear IMO.

 

[Macaframalama]

It would be best to turn to your father or other masculine peers. If you feel you need a woman's perspective, call your mom. Outside of family, people can only handle so much negative energy, regardless of how much they love you. Anxiety is a result of insecurity. This is not something that your girlfriend can fix, nor be expected to. It's fine to express hesitancy in regards to decisions or circumstances, that affect the both of you, but never appear to be out of control of the situation. She knows you're going through some chit, you're dealing with it and making the proper adjustments for the benefit of the relationship and you live by your decisions. Any insecurities she has will be calmed as a result of seeing you lead by action. There are instances, where it's ok for your woman to see you bend, but general life anxieties are not one of them.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

If she's a **** person she'll deal with herself and disappear. You don't need someone like that in your life. Couples are supposed to be mutually supportive, if the OP is anxious for a legitimate reason he has nothing to fear IMO.

He might have anxiety cause she ain't supporting him and he's worn thin.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

If it was causing problems in the relationship would you tell her that you were dealing with a lot of anxiety?

Depends on the woman in question IMO. Women who love you want to know how you tick, what your weaknesses are as well as your strengths and want to see you able to reveal vulnerability. Vulnerability is revealed from strength, not weakness.

If you have a woman you think will exploit weakness or vulnerability, you are wise not to share. If you have a woman who will protect you and support you and shield your vulnerability then you would be wise to share with her so she can lend her understanding and support. If you don't know which sort of woman you have on your hands, that's a larger issue. That would suggest you either lack trust or discernment (possibly both) where she is concerned, and if that is the case the best course of action would be not to share.

You are the one in the relationship so you are the one who knows best the situation.

 

[Macaframalama]

If you have a woman who will protect you and support you and shield your vulnerability

The mental picture that followed this was amusing. I'm sure you mean well and it comes from a motherly, nurturing place, but more times, than not a man will end up resented for it. A woman wants to raise her own kids, not a full grown adult.

 

[BeExcellent]

The mental picture that followed this was amusing. I'm sure you mean well and it comes from a motherly, nurturing place, but more times, than not a man will end up resented for it. A woman wants to raise her own kids, not a full grown adult.

That's kinda funny. I do mean it from a good place...think of the image of two warriors fighting the enemy while standing in close contact back to back. In this way each shield protects the front of the warrior facing outward and also protects the backside vulnerability of the other warrior at the same time. That is more how I meant it. A good woman is the sort of partner who protects her man in this way (not as a warrior *although I think that imagery is illustrative* but as a partner).

Regarding weaknesses, we all have some. My BF has disclosed many of his weaknesses to me (and I can observe some of them just by paying attention too.) Disclosure of weakness and vulnerability isn't the problem. Disclosure comes from a place of strength and self-awareness. Wallowing in weaknesses and whining about them is the problem. Having a victim mentality about them (poor me/woe is me) is the problem. And THAT kills attraction. The disclosure isn't the issue, the attitude behind it is. Hiding weakness isn't useful either over time. Refusal to acknowledge something doesn't make it any less present.

Often an observant eye can see the weaknesses because they are manifest in various ways depending on what they are. I have disclosed weaknesses of mine to the BF as well, and like I see his, he can see mine if he is paying attention. So then knowing this information about one another we can move forward in such a way as to respect one another's vulnerabilities and be supportive where possible. It requires emotional strength and trust to reveal oneself in this manner because you are giving someone the ability to injure you where it would most hurt...

But you are also unlocking the door to connection and emotional intimacy and you cannot have one without the other.

 

[RangerMIke]

NO! Chicks don't want to hear about your problems. Your job as a man is to be a rock... and not need her for emotional support. Sharing this with your chick only makes you look weak. She will respect you less and love you less. No good can come from this, because it will not help you. If you start blabbing about your 'feelings' you will dry her up like the Gobi Desert.

If you have anxiety and need to vent, go get drunk with your male friends and vent.

 

[The Duke]

Nope, don't do it. Men are expected to be sound/solid structures. They will see you as weak and it lose attraction. Women desire men for their strength and stability(their rock). Divulging things like this indicate you aren't strong and she will become nervous/confused/insecure as a result. It chips away at the image of strength she has constructed of you in her head.

I've had a few relationships where I thought it would be safe to divulge more than I should have. It backfired on me every time.

Its very similar to a woman "bitching and complaining". She needs to do this with her GIRL friends, not her man. This is even explained in many relationship books.

 

[sazc]

It really depends on how long you have been dating. If you've been dating for 2 or more years, then go for it. If not, talk to a good male friend or your mom, family member, etc

Honestly, you need to go to your doctor, get some anxiety meds and get some therapy to identify the issues and learn coping skills.

I'm about to cut one loose because he came in all emotional and needy too quickly. It's important to build the relationship first.

As @macframalama said, no chick wants to raise you, they want you whole, as a strong male.

 

[fastlife]

Why, so she can enable you?

No one else is responsible for your happiness, your insecurity, your anxiety, your depression, etc. ALL OF THOSE ARE ON YOU. Most relationships, on some level, are codependent--emotions are contagious. Make sure you do everything in your power to take care of any negative emotions on your own. Do what you need to do. I know in the midst of negative emotions, self-victimization feels good, self-sabotage feels good, sympathy feels good; but those are the very qualities that sustain that toxicity.

Are you exercising? Are you eating right? Are you meditating? Are you spending time with the people who matter to you? Are you pursuing your passions? For the sake of fun, let's do a little scavenger hunt: Spend the next 30 days making sure you can answer 'Yes' to those 5 questions & if at the end of 30 days you still feel depressed, anxious, etc., you have my permission to crawl into the arms of your girl like a little child.

If that seems harsh, it's because I spent years in a very negative place--and it was all because of me. Patting your head would be doing you (and did me) no favors. As for the practicality of confessing your fears/weaknesses, I've done it with a handful of girls: The first two were very supportive--they needed those emotional hooks to try to break me later. The third was entirely dismissive--which hurt me a little at the time but was the appropriate response. The fourth was a woman who I still have a great deal of respect for; she already looked up to me & was genuinely interested in learning who I was as a person; by then I had a handle on my issues; she valued that openness in a connectiveness sort-of-way. Overall, I'd be very careful with who you let in to that extent. And if it's something you 'feel the need to do' or you expect a certain reaction, don't do it.

 

[guru1000]

Do you tell your gf about the anxiety you're dealing with?

If you are a novice, no.

For the adept, this is a power play. Nothing tingles a woman's gina more than a Superman who shamelessly battles with his Krytonite, that she tries to help with, and that which he later conquers.

Emotional spikes;
Excitement;
Purpose;
Challenge;
Evolvement.

These are all the attributes of the dance to which you and she are engaging while you play this little game called "life." This game is best played with faux insecurities.

 

[Macaframalama]

Do you tell your gf about the anxiety you're dealing with?

If you are a novice, no.

For the adept, this is a power play. Nothing tingles a woman's gina more than a Superman who shamelessly talks about his Krytonite, that she tries to help with, and that which he later conquers.

Emotional spikes;
Excitement;
Purpose;
Challenge;
Evolvement.

These are all the attributes of the dance to which you and she are engaging while you play this little game called "life." This game is best played with faux insecurities.

You mean playing this little game called "manipulation". Lol

 

[guru1000]

You mean playing this game called "manipulation". Lol

Women are the natural manipulators; though they are oblivious to their manipulating (e.g. shvt tests).

Covert communication is the language of women, which at its core is manipulatory. Manipulations predate 5000+ years back even to the (fictional) story of Adam and Eve, where Eve manipulates Adam to eat the apple. Even then, women's intrinsic nature was clearly understood.

The "stories" you share certainly can be construed as manipulation. I'd like to think of these "tactics" as the art (and mastery) of covert communication

 

[CMNILS87]

When start staying up late at night, can’t sleep, get irritable, panic attacks at 3 am. She’ll know somethings up. I just had to go in and get pills and it helped smooth everything out. My girl was very understanding.

The problem with turning to your dad or bro’s is that if they’ve never dealt with anxiety or depression they’ll most likely tell you to man up or just deal with it. Problem is you’re going crazy and you don’t know how. I’d strongly suggest going in and getting some Xanax or Ativan to smooth you out. I haven’t had any anxiety in a month with my daily pill now

 

[Macaframalama]

When start staying up late at night, can’t sleep, get irritable, panic attacks at 3 am. She’ll know somethings up. I just had to go in and get pills and it helped smooth everything out. My girl was very understanding.

The problem with turning to your dad or bro’s is that if they’ve never dealt with anxiety or depression they’ll most likely tell you to man up or just deal with it. Problem is you’re going crazy and you don’t know how. I’d strongly suggest going in and getting some Xanax or Ativan to smooth you out. I haven’t had any anxiety in a month with my daily pill now

Man, I liked the ativan. If you had problems, you fvcking don't once you pop one of them. Shopping lines and driving used to be one of my triggers. I'd almost black out in lines from time to time. Then, I just educated myself on what it was and beat it pretty well. The doctors didn't and probably still don't know chit about it. Once I figured out what was going on and that I wasn't going to die, i was able to get a handle on it.

 

[Macaframalama]

Telling her what's going on isn't manipulative lol, you're just presenting it in a way thats constructive to the relationship rather than destructive. It's a win-win really.

I agree with guru though, if you're a novice better to avoid it altogether. In fact, should be a default rule for everyone. There are however situations where a caregiver personality woman will enjoy it. Also, women who view you as way above them in value need to see a little humanity.

That response was made in regard to the "faux" comment in his last sentence.