Guys give me some encouragement here

[bigdave17]

I went out to downtown Chicago last night and went to few different bars. I didn't hit on any of the girls but this decent looking early 30s blonde was hitting on me hard. I was very nice to her but I didn't pursue anything- too old for me and I don't really like light skinned white women (unless they are really hot). I'm all about the ethnic ladies.

Anyways, how do i convince myself that the hot mid 20s women will like me if i pursue them? I consistently have 1 or 2 women who pursue me hard when I go out but it's never anybody I could see myself dating

The biggest thing that stops me is the big groups that hot women go out in. The big groups are incredibly daunting. I only really feel ok approaching a woman at a bar if she is there with 1 friend.

Am I making dating much much harder than it really is?? Shouldn't a guy like me be completely dominating and be able to get almost any girl he wants??

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

"I didn't hit on any of the girls but this decent looking early 30s blonde was hitting on me hard. I was very nice to her but I didn't pursue anything- too old for me"

"Am I making dating much much harder than it really is??"

--

Decent looking early 30's blonde chick came over and hit on you and you didn't want that? Wut. Can you give me her number? I hear flights to Chicago are fairly affordable these days, and a woman deserves a reward for taking the initiative...

Even if she's not exactly your type, you have what you have admitted is a "decent looking" woman who wants you to snog her face and instead you didn't hook up with anyone in the end at all. Personally I don't really understand that, just those two quotes make it sound to me like you're screwing up your own chances by having a very particular type.

I seem to have a predisposition towards brunette girls. That doesn't mean that if a smoking hot, intelligent, super funny 30-yo redheaded minx started flirting with me at a bar that I would just decide she's "too old" and not go for it.

I will say though, props to you for having the balls to cold approach girls at bars. I've only ever managed to do that very rarely. But I would relax your "criteria" somewhat, it sounds like you're getting some nice opportunities and just ignoring them. That "too old" 30-something might have given you the most incredible sex of your life if you'd chatted her up!

 

[bigdave17]

"I didn't hit on any of the girls but this decent looking early 30s blonde was hitting on me hard. I was very nice to her but I didn't pursue anything- too old for me"

"Am I making dating much much harder than it really is??"

--

Decent looking early 30's blonde chick came over and hit on you and you didn't want that? Wut. Can you give me her number? I hear flights to Chicago are fairly affordable these days, and a woman deserves a reward for taking the initiative...

Even if she's not exactly your type, you have what you have admitted is a "decent looking" woman who wants you to snog her face and instead you didn't hook up with anyone in the end at all. Personally I don't really understand that, just those two quotes make it sound to me like you're screwing up your own chances by having a very particular type.

I seem to have a predisposition towards brunette girls. That doesn't mean that if a smoking hot, intelligent, super funny 30-yo redheaded minx started flirting with me at a bar that I would just decide she's "too old" and not go for it.

I will say though, props to you for having the balls to cold approach girls at bars. I've only ever managed to do that very rarely. But I would relax your "criteria" somewhat, it sounds like you're getting some nice opportunities and just ignoring them. That "too old" 30-something might have given you the most incredible sex of your life if you'd chatted her up!

I didn't cold approach

I was on the dance floor and she was pursuing me hard, dancing with me, trying badly to get my attention

I possibly could have banged her but I really want a relationship and just to bang her would have been a ton of work (one night stands are always a ton of work). Not worth it for someone I would not want to see again

 

[bigdave17]

@bigdave17 your too-old ploy is just a cover up for your failure with women in general or you enjoy men company better. Reread all your posts.

I'm looking for a relationship. I'm not gonna date anybody older than me - would only make a small exception if I met a hot black girl. Black women age crazy well

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

I didn't cold approach

I was on the dance floor and she was pursuing me hard, dancing with me, trying badly to get my attention

I possibly could have banged her but I really want a relationship and just to bang her would have been a ton of work (one night stands are always a ton of work). Not worth it for someone I would not want to see again

Few obvious questions here. How come you just decided it would be a ONS before it even happened? It seems very presumptuous to just assume that's where it would have lead before you even got to know this woman. There could have been any number of outcomes if you'd spent some time with her.

Secondly, how come ONS are "tons of work"? That seems rather counter intuitive to the whole purpose of one! It's literally back to their place, safety first, happyfun sexytimes. That doesn't sound like gruelling back breaking labour to me.

Also, if you think having sex with someone once is "a ton of work", why do you think you're ready or qualified for a relationship, which is a whole metric elephant s***-ton of work by comparison? You want something that's going to be really long and require dedication, but you can't be bothered to have sex with someone that's interested in you?

 

[bigdave17]

Few obvious questions here. How come you just decided it would be a ONS before it even happened? It seems very presumptuous to just assume that's where it would have lead before you even got to know this woman. There could have been any number of outcomes if you'd spent some time with her.

Secondly, how come ONS are "tons of work"? That seems rather counter intuitive to the whole purpose of one! It's literally back to their place, safety first, happyfun sexytimes. That doesn't sound like gruelling back breaking labour to me.

Also, if you think having sex with someone once is "a ton of work", why do you think you're ready or qualified for a relationship, which is a whole metric elephant s***-ton of work by comparison? You want something that's going to be really long and require dedication, but you can't be bothered to have sex with someone that's interested in you?

I'm willing to put in the work with the relationship because that's what I crave. I don't really care about one night stands. If it didn't lead to a one night stand, I especially didn't want her. She is nowhere near my league

I really want like a cute Spanish or middle eastern chick a few years younger than me

 

[Trump]

I really want like a cute Spanish or middle eastern chick a few years younger than me

You should go for a cute White or Chinese chick a few years older than you.

 

[Skyline]

You don't look for relationships at clubs. There's your first, and biggest, mistake right there.

 

[bigdave17]

You don't look for relationships at clubs. There's your first, and biggest, mistake right there.

I've met plenty of very nice girl at bars and clubs

just can't find one who likes me and who I like. It's always me not wanting the girls who want me and vice versa

 

[bigdave17]

then why are you in a bar?

I dunno man

I'm all kinds of ****ed up. I want this to happen by itself

 

[ohrein]

You don't find relationships in a bar. Jesus, dude. Go volunteer, hang out in a library, do a dancing class, cooking class... anything other than going out on the weekend and anything other than bars. By the way, quality of women goes waaaaayyy up at particular activities. Compare the type of woman who would volunteer to wipe an old guys ass versus some skank at a bar, showering herself with attention.

"Looking for love in all the wrong places"

 

[bigdave17]

You don't find relationships in a bar. Jesus, dude. Go volunteer, hang out in a library, do a dancing class, cooking class... anything other than going out on the weekend and anything other than bars. By the way, quality of women goes waaaaayyy up at particular activities. Compare the type of woman who would volunteer to wipe an old guys ass versus some skank at a bar, showering herself with attention.

"Looking for love in all the wrong places"

if I go to a bar at a nice area, I see plenty of quality women. I met a cute 24 year old once who was in school to be a doctor

she didn't return my calls

 

[ohrein]

if I go to a bar at a nice area, I see plenty of quality women. I met a cute 24 year old once who was in school to be a doctor

she didn't return my calls

Fair enough, maybe you go to classier bars than I do. Seems unlikely women in bars are looking for a relationship. I've never had more than a ONS from bar game. Most of my relationships have been social circle followed by OLD. But if you want to ignore advice as per and keep chasing bar girls for a relationship, go right ahead.

 

[bigdave17]

Fair enough, maybe you go to classier bars than I do. Seems unlikely women in bars are looking for a relationship. I've never had more than a ONS from bar game. Most of my relationships have been social circle followed by OLD. But if you want to ignore advice as per and keep chasing bar girls for a relationship, go right ahead.

I've met 4 women I've gone out with at bars and all 4 wanted to date me but 3 of the 4 were too old or had kids and 1 was 20 to 30 lbs overweight (and wasn't willing to get into shape). Except for the slightly overweight one, the other 3 were attractive.

all 4 were quality. One I met at a bar is a big religious chick who is a wonderful person

everybody likes to dance and have drinks once in a while. My frustration is I can't seem to get the cute girls my age without kids to be extremely interested in me

 

[bigdave17]

I should add that I'm down to meet women anywhere but I work 55 hours a week and I live in suburbs, both of which make it tough

 

[BeExcellent]

Dave next time get the girl's number. You can friend zone the women who are pretty (but don't meet your specific criteria) and build a "go out" social circle that will social proof you to the women you do want. Meanwhile you help your chick buddies meet other guys.

I have always enjoyed nightlife. Still do. Nothing wrong with that. Use the opportunities that present themselves to your advantage. I've always had men friends who we would go out and wing for each other. It is great fun and it will build your social acumen & game more than you imagine.

Try it.

 

[bigdave17]

Dave next time get the girl's number. You can friend zone the women who are pretty (but don't meet your specific criteria) and build a "go out" social circle that will social proof you to the women you do want. Meanwhile you help your chick buddies meet other guys.

I have always enjoyed nightlife. Still do. Nothing wrong with that. Use the opportunities that present themselves to your advantage. I've always had men friends who we would go out and wing for each other. It is great fun and it will build your social acumen & game more than you imagine.

Try it.

ehhh...I hate leading people on. She was very heavily into me.

I don't think it's morally right to "friendzone" people. If someone wants to be with you but you don't want to be with them, the right thing to do is to cut off all contact or otherwise you are prolonging the pain.

 

[BeExcellent]

ehhh...I hate leading people on. She was very heavily into me.

I don't think it's morally right to "friendzone" people. If someone wants to be with you but you don't want to be with them, the right thing to do is to cut off all contact or otherwise you are prolonging the pain.

You aren't leading people on. Don't be so arrogant. One of my closest buddies in my 20's was a man I originally had a crush on. He didn't like me "that way". No biggie. So I reset to platonic and we were pals for years (and no I never was physically involved with him & no I didn't secretly still want him.) We worked out together, discussed each other's dating situations, went out together, double dated together...had a ball.

We attended each other's weddings & still keep in touch once every couple of years. His friendship was a blast, taught me a lot (he was a player so I learned a great deal about game hanging out with him), and knowing him enriched my life.

You never know what someone might have to offer. Open up more & you might find a benefit you were not expecting.

 

[ohrein]

^^^This.

For 20 years now I have made good friends out of many women I have either already dated, were friends of the women I dated, etc. These women make up a large portion of my social circle now, and I often meet many new female friends of theirs in the process. This has widened my access to women in ways I cannot achieve through bars, OLD, day game, etc. Sh*t really changes when you have a team of women in your corner...

Hmmm, I totally forgot about this. This is perfect if you're in a relationship, too. Keep up a social circle with potentials, create social proof and jealousy. Might have to work on that this year. I knew hanging out here again would pay dividends!

 

[Glassguy]

I'm willing to put in the work with the relationship because that's what I crave. I don't really care about one night stands. If it didn't lead to a one night stand, I especially didn't want her. She is nowhere near my league

I really want like a cute Spanish or middle eastern chick a few years younger than me

If that's the only woman that flirted with you, then she is your league. Maybe you should face the facts instead of chasing pipe dream relationships