Just force social "skills"?

[RestUnknown]

Every single fvcking time when I meet woman (and I mean in a social-not-interested setting, so co-workers etc), they seem to be talkative at the beginning. Then after a few weeks they become quieter and quieter. Ok I'm a quiet guy and don't often know what to say, so they start to think I'm weird/a creep I think.

When talking with co-workers, they give a lot of clues about what they want to talk about. I pick up on that, but I can't ask questions about it, because it comes over very forced. "so how is your kid", this is just so ****ing weird and kind of creepy to ask I think. Or how was your weekend with your girlfriends? Normal questions in essence, but from my mouth they're just forced and the neediness drips of them.

I'm an introvert. I don't want to be one. But for example when my brother or sister comes over, I kind of feel nervous. What to say to them? And this shouldn't be an issue as they're family, but my self-esteem is so low and believe me, I try. But it doesn't get better.

 

[RestUnknown]

Your thinking that and your projecting it out.
They dont know what your thinking but you are vibration.
I would venture to say in communication a half a world away it still can be felt.

Meditate, some have flamed over mindset but once you start to know your value you bring to peoples lives it will all wake up.

Stir in some workout and good diet and not touching your dik all the time you will be good to go.
Even try acting class. Not to pretend but workout those expression muscles without THINKING.

Ive said before and ill beat it to death again. Its our thinking thats the root problem.
If you think enough on somthing you will believe it.
When you start thinking and can catch it start working being were you are in the physical realm. Out of the head.

The best coaches out there have a 3 second rule. Why?
To get out of the head.

I totally agree that it's all in my head. I just started meditating in the hope it really helps.

My mind is constantly racing:
- what to say next
- why is she not saying anything
- damn that was a weird thing too say
- did I say it in the right way
- should I keep eye contact and look away now or in a few seconds
- do I look ok today
- what can I say as a response that's ****y and funny
- how can I make her laugh

I do am afraid that if I act how I truly want, nobody would like me. But yeah, that IDGAF attitude is my holy grail.

 

[Mike32ct]

I run into similar issues.

One thing that I've done to try to "compensate" is "tone things down" and "slow things down." Being a little serious and dry can come across as way more confident than try-hard nervous humor, over-talking, asking too many questions, etc.

Slow down. Say less. A few dead spots in the conversation are fine. You can look away too; you don't need constant eye contact. I let the other person talk more than me. As an introvert, I'm a great listener. I will still nod and inject other questions or comments as I see fit (so that I am participating in the conversation), but I don't try too hard to talk a lot. I talk just enough so that people know I'm not cold and I do like talking to them.

I think you trying to run before you can walk. I would aim for being the chill guy that makes people feel comfortable FIRST. Then, you can either remain the chill guy* (as I'm doing) or continue on to become the really talkative IDGAF guy that you want to be.

*Being chill is a more quiet form of IDGAF.

 

[RestUnknown]

I would aim for being the chill guy that makes people feel comfortable FIRST.

*Being chill is a more quiet form of IDGAF.

And how do you do that?

 

[Mike32ct]

And how do you do that?

Re-read my post above. Slow down and take a “Less is more” approach.

Good luck.

 

[Trump]

Every single fvcking time when I meet woman (and I mean in a social-not-interested setting, so co-workers etc), they seem to be talkative at the beginning. Then after a few weeks they become quieter and quieter. Ok I'm a quiet guy and don't often know what to say, so they start to think I'm weird/a creep I think.

They should.

What do you mean you don't know what to say? It's a woman, not the President of the United States. If you don't know what to say, READ some more, educate yourself, do more stuff, get involved in activities. Don't just sit waiting for her to magically fall in love and take off her clothes for you.

When talking with co-workers, they give a lot of clues about what they want to talk about. I pick up on that, but I can't ask questions about it, because it comes over very forced. "so how is your kid", this is just so ****ing weird and kind of creepy to ask I think. Or how was your weekend with your girlfriends? Normal questions in essence, but from my mouth they're just forced and the neediness drips of them.

Come on bro, it's not brain surgery under intense operating lights.

You: "Hey how's it going?"
Woman: "good, you?"
You: "good, do anything fun over the weekend."
Woman: "not really, just with my kid."
You: "oh, how old is he."
Woman: "7"
You: "what does he like to do?"
Woman: "he loves hockey, I go skating with him sometimes."
You: "really? I play hockey, we should all go skating next weekend at the rink."
Woman: "sure, love to go."

Man how do you guys survive in the real world.

I'm an introvert. I don't want to be one. But for example when my brother or sister comes over, I kind of feel nervous. What to say to them?

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So suave

Have I given you enough to talk about?