Work friendzone/romance.. Is No contact the right thing to do?

[adviceplease]

I've been getting close to a girl from work the past couple of months, attending parties with her and another couple. Not officially a 'date' but essentially they were double dates. I tried to kiss her both times, but to no avail. Only getting the cheek, she gave retorts like 'I'm not easy', and said something about 'we work together', despite grinding on me. The second time we was out, she was more cold than the first and not initiating any touching, she even offered to wing man me for another girl. My reply 'Do I look like I need a wingman?' in a ****y tone .I think she's a shy girl but It's weird since when she messages me online she would be acting as if she really likes me. After returning to the bar from the bathroom I saw her talking to another guy, I don't know what she was doing or saying to him, but the other girl we was out with was making undertones how 'harsh' it was for her to do that. I was noticeably pissed off, but didn't say anything and left soon after, leaving her alone with the other couple. Since the second attempt I have not contacted her at all as I feel she is just messing me about, despite her initiating contact nearly every day since (about 2 1/2 weeks) and saying she missed me after a period of a week not seeing her. The past week I found out she was sleeping with another guy during this period and it all boiled up in my mind, was it the guy from the bar? Does she take me for a fool? I know indifference is the key but I had to say/do something (doh!). I deleted her on facebook as by this time she would tag me in things daily, I let my emotions get the better of me and due to wanting to move on, didn't want any contact with her. After asking me why I would do that, I came out and told her that I'm not interested in being 'just friends' with her and that I don't appreciate her making me look like a fool, telling her to message me if she changes her mind. She explained that she had been hanging out with a guy 'as friends' and 'didn't sleep with him', she has 'relationship issues' and that the guy from the bar was just someone she thought she recognised. I haven't messaged her since this nor do I plan to. I think I overreacted by deleting her on facebook and showing beta behaviour but at least I have piece of mind knowing the ball is in her court if she ever wants to speak again. Did I mess up totally? At this point I don't even think I want her, I think it's just the fact she doesn't seem to want me that drives me. Thanks.

 

[PokerStar]

1. dont dip your pen in company ink. unless you dont care about your job.

2. Maybe you did overreact. but now and forever keep your emotions in check.

3. Keep it professional from now on.

 

[adviceplease]

1. dont dip your pen in company ink. unless you dont care about your job.

2. Maybe you did overreact. but now and forever keep your emotions in check.

3. Keep it professional from now on.

It's only a crappy job I don't care about. And she's been with other people from work before. Her excuses are lame.

 

[PokerStar]

withdraw your attention and meet other girls. if she was highly interested in you then she will come around. but remember what she is capable of doing.

 

[adviceplease]

withdraw your attention and meet other girls. if she was highly interested in you then she will come around. but remember what she is capable of doing.

It's crazy how much other girls/***** can take your mind off someone. I need to get out more and stop thinking about her.

We have a christmas party soon, do you think I should go? I don't particularly care about many staff there anymore. I think she's planning on getting drunk and getting with other guys in front of me to upset me based on something she tagged a girl in (mentioned me by name).

 

[Murk]

How do you know she was banging someone else while going out with you? did you bring that up when she denied it?

Just leave her alone and try to bang if she reaches out but don't get all hung up trying to wifey this hoe that bangs everyone at work. She seems like a player.

 

[adviceplease]

How do you know she was banging someone else while going out with you? did you bring that up when she denied it?

Just leave her alone and try to bang if she reaches out but don't get all hung up trying to wifey this hoe that bangs everyone at work. She seems like a player.

Some guy at work told me that she told him about it . I called her out on it when she was trying to talk to me about some other work related gossip.. she basically admitted it, then back tracked and said they were only hanging out as friends when she realised it annoyed me.

I like this girl which is why I'm emotionally unglued, with other girls it's easy and my charm would allow me to ignore that and shrug it off. It just blind sighted me as I didn't expect this girl would be like that.

 

[PokerStar]

It just blind sighted me as I didn't expect this girl would be like that.

now you know what they are capable of. they can rip your heart out, sh*t on it and wouldn't think twice about it. So your job now is to get over this chick. indifference is key. dont ignore but keep your conversations brief and be a little mysterious. not only itll help you get over this girl itll give you practice for future endeavors.

 

[adviceplease]

now you know what they are capable of. they can rip your heart out, sh*t on it and wouldn't think twice about it. So your job now is to get over this chick. indifference is key. dont ignore but keep your conversations brief and be a little mysterious. not only itll help you get over this girl itll give you practice for future endeavors.

Do you think I should go to the party? Like I said I don't really care about anyone else there now. If the party was a couple weeks ago It would probably just be me and her hanging around at it. Me deleting her on facebook probably shows her I care too much already, avoiding a party aswell?... lowers my value? I just know she's going to do something to get a rise out of me.

 

[Murk]

Go to the party and try to hit on or at least talk to other girls.

 

[PokerStar]

see if you can set up a date with another plate the same night. go for the free food and converse with your co workers for a few hours. after that head out on your date or go to the local bar. forget this chick man.

 

[adviceplease]

Go to the party and try to hit on or at least talk to other girls.

I normally do well on night outs (kiss 1-2), but girls can guarantee to kiss a GL guy whenever they want. It's harder for guys.

 

[Building_and_Loan]

I'd go to the party, at least for a little bit anyway.

If I were you, I'd just be nice and strictly professional every time I saw her. Deleting her off Facebook was kind of a ***** move but whatever, nothing you can do now but be classy about it.

Just be indifferent to her. That's what sucks about workplace romance, it's tough to get over her and go no contact when you see her and hear about her social life about every day.

 

[dude99]

I've been getting close to a girl from work the past couple of months, attending parties with her and another couple. Not officially a 'date' but essentially they were double dates. I tried to kiss her both times, but to no avail. Only getting the cheek, she gave retorts like 'I'm not easy', and said something about 'we work together', despite grinding on me. The second time we was out, she was more cold than the first and not initiating any touching, she even offered to wing man me for another girl. My reply 'Do I look like I need a wingman?' in a ****y tone .I think she's a shy girl but It's weird since when she messages me online she would be acting as if she really likes me. After returning to the bar from the bathroom I saw her talking to another guy, I don't know what she was doing or saying to him, but the other girl we was out with was making undertones how 'harsh' it was for her to do that. I was noticeably pissed off, but didn't say anything and left soon after, leaving her alone with the other couple. Since the second attempt I have not contacted her at all as I feel she is just messing me about, despite her initiating contact nearly every day since (about 2 1/2 weeks) and saying she missed me after a period of a week not seeing her. The past week I found out she was sleeping with another guy during this period and it all boiled up in my mind, was it the guy from the bar? Does she take me for a fool? I know indifference is the key but I had to say/do something (doh!). I deleted her on facebook as by this time she would tag me in things daily, I let my emotions get the better of me and due to wanting to move on, didn't want any contact with her. After asking me why I would do that, I came out and told her that I'm not interested in being 'just friends' with her and that I don't appreciate her making me look like a fool, telling her to message me if she changes her mind. She explained that she had been hanging out with a guy 'as friends' and 'didn't sleep with him', she has 'relationship issues' and that the guy from the bar was just someone she thought she recognised. I haven't messaged her since this nor do I plan to. I think I overreacted by deleting her on facebook and showing beta behaviour but at least I have piece of mind knowing the ball is in her court if she ever wants to speak again. Did I mess up totally? At this point I don't even think I want her, I think it's just the fact she doesn't seem to want me that drives me. Thanks.

This chick blew her chances with you . You do know it is ok to tell her to hit the bricks. Next her.

You're obsessing over a girl you have barely gone out with twice, You need to stop doing that first.

Second don't date where you work no matter how crappy the job is. She could get mad at you and go all sexual harassment on you --even with zero evidence. Angry women lie. If you don't know this yet it can be a horrible lesson down the road.

Third. Date other women. She isn't interested. No woman that wants to date you would offer to be your wing man.

Fourth, if she has the relationship issues as she said then next. Why welcome more baggage into your life?

I don't know how many times she blew her chances with you and now you're still trying to get her.

 

[adviceplease]

I'd go to the party, at least for a little bit anyway.

If I were you, I'd just be nice and strictly professional every time I saw her. Deleting her off Facebook was kind of a ***** move but whatever, nothing you can do now but be classy about it.

Just be indifferent to her. That's what sucks about workplace romance, it's tough to get over her and go no contact when you see her and hear about her social life about every day.

I know. I regretted doing it as soon as I did it. I was really fking angry and couldn't sleep thinking that she was sleeping with that guy from the bar after making a fool out of me. Mind got the best of me.

 

[dude99]

I know. I regretted doing it as soon as I did it. I was really fking angry and couldn't sleep thinking that she was sleeping with that guy from the bar after making a fool out of me. Mind got the best of me.

Next time don't add them until they have proven themselves. Leave their request pending. If she ever asks, you just tell her, Facebook is for my close close friends and family. I need to get to know someone before I will add them ,

 

[adviceplease]

This chick blew her chances with you . You do know it is ok to tell her to hit the bricks. Next her.

You're obsessing over a girl you have barely gone out with twice, You need to stop doing that first.

Second don't date where you work no matter how crappy the job is. She could get mad at you and go all sexual harassment on you --even with zero evidence. Angry women lie. If you don't know this yet it can be a horrible lesson down the road.

Third. Date other women. She isn't interested. No woman that wants to date you would offer to be your wing man.

Fourth, if she has the relationship issues as she said then next. Why welcome more baggage into your life?

I don't know how many times she blew her chances with you and now you're still trying to get her.

We'd been talking for months, and worked together over year and half. I don't normally get attached easily. When you're in contact with someone daily for month after month, both single, same social circle you do become attached.. Even 6 months ago I didn't really care about her like that. I just feel duped based on way she's been acting recently thought that it was moving towards that. Normally I'm talking to/seeing other girls but I stopped past two months stupidly thinking something would happen. You're right though, she's not good enough for ME.

 

[dude99]

We'd been talking for months, and worked together over year and half. I don't normally get attached easily. When you're in contact with someone daily for month after month, both single, same social circle you do become attached.. Even 6 months ago I didn't really care about her like that. I just feel duped based on way she's been acting recently thought that it was moving towards that. Normally I'm talking to/seeing other girls but I stopped past two months stupidly thinking something would happen. You're right though, she's not good enough for ME.

Withdraw all attention to her, except work related stuff. Go date other women. You won't have to worry about this one anymore.

 

[Glassguy]

You want to fvck her and she wants to fvck other guys and be friends with you. Obviously, that is a problem.

Not sure what else I am missing but I know what you are missing- she is a work wh0re and you're not her type. No big deal, find one who is and doesnt work with you.

Both problems solved. When she wants to go do "friend" things with you, tell her that you have a chick that you are going to hang out with instead. "Sorry, busy tonight. Meeting up with a girl I've been talking to".

She messages you a few days later: Want to hang out Friday?
You: Not sure if I am hanging out with this new girl or not yet. I will let you know. (then dont let her know anything).

So go find a new chick to hang out with asap. Or two. Or three. Dont throw it in her face but if she asks you to hang out tell her the truth, which is that you have a date.

You didnt eliminate her, she eliminated herself. Get it?

 

[adviceplease]

Update.

She initiated contact again after 7 days of not talking or seeing her, asking if I was going to the Christmas party (I thought she'd be giving me a warning that she'd be with some other guy). She said I 'should come to hang out with her'. After telling her I have only romantic interest and not platonic interest in her, she said I didn't make it clear enough in person before so she was holding back to not get burnt, that's her reason for seeing another guy as she didn't know what I wanted from her. This is partially true as I never try to bring up my feelings in person as I think it's a turn off to women, going in for the kiss twice should be e enough of a hint? She said she's sorry for it seeming like she made me look a fool 'talking to other guy', but it was innocent and she wasn't intentionally trying to annoy/hurt me. Apparently she had been bigging me up to another girl at work before this debacle saying how great I was and it turns out she's been crying the past few weeks thinking I don't like her after hearing rumours (not started by me) of things that I supposedly said about her. I tried to make a definite date but she's still being a bit flaky.

Thoughts?

Proceed with caution? Did I really misread it all? Anyway. No contact ****ing works!