[advice] should i have handled a declined date like this?

[Fabricss]

i can give background if you want but to cut to the chase:

I asked her if she was interested in joining me as im going to a festivle with a few friends, the last day of one. She enjoys them.
She was enthusiastic. I became busy over the next 4 days and didnt contact her much while i was sorting out the festival and other things.

Today i tried to plan it out via text.

It was a little complicated of a situation in logistics which was not good. I asked her if she was getting train, and said that we would meet at X time etc. I also mentioned that i could hook her up with free tickets(truth) but needed to know by X day and left it.

she asked me what day it was on, and after i told her the particular day i got this:

"Sorry, i'm already going to another festivle on that day" (i thought BS instantly, but to my surprise its 100% legitimate.)

I responded "Np! that kinda works well for me, this was getting a little complicated tbh. catch you later broc(silly nickname we have).

She didnt try to rearrange but i might think that she is just inexperienced in dating, which is true. but i think common sense would prevail here at the same time.

thoughts here? what should i have done differently?

 

[wifehunter]

Most likely, she's trash.

You may have dogged a bullet.

Spin plates!

 

[Fabricss]

Most likely, she's trash.

You may have dogged a bullet.

Spin plates!

as per usual. Just wondering if my response was appropriate. my text game is pretty dire tbh.

 

[Fabricss]

Your response could be looked as weak, you are basically okaying flaking.

Is it flaking if it wasn't accepted yet?

 

[Building_and_Loan]

I responded "Np! that kinda works well for me, this was getting a little complicated tbh. catch you later broc(silly nickname we have).

Your response was unnecessary and made it look like you were trying to save face. I'm guessing she was put off by that. You should have just said "No worries, enjoy!" and then waited a week or so to reach out to her and ask her out again.

 

[Fabricss]

Your response was unnecessary and made it look like you were trying to save face. I'm guessing she was put off by that. You should have just said "No worries, enjoy!" and then waited a week or so to reach out to her and ask her out again.

thanks, this is what im looking for. although i was actually being truthful, it was a headache, wish i had invited her to something different.
although i think im going to next this one.

 

[TheGambino]

Nothing much bro. I would wait a week and ask her out to do something together, just the 2 of you. If she accepts go rock her night if she comes up with an excuse with no counter offer delete and NEXT.

 

[Fabricss]

Nothing much bro. I would wait a week and ask her out to do something together, just the 2 of you. If she accepts go rock her night if she comes up with an excuse with no counter offer delete and NEXT.

I'll try this then, one more chance. Shes giving mixed signals and might be an AH. I've made my intentions clear and haven't really taken to these games.
She always responds very fast to me. a bit immature though, so not sure how my message above was taken. Not really interested in anything long term with her.

 

[wifehunter]

as per usual. Just wondering if my response was appropriate. my text game is pretty dire tbh.

If you have frame, you'll always be at the top of your game.

 

[Trump]

i can give background if you want but to cut to the chase:

Yes we want background. Bro you ask us if we want background and don't even wait for us to answer before going into the question. Kind of funny...

I asked her if she was interested in joining me as im going to a festivle with a few friends, the last day of one.She enjoys them.

Tip: Don't invite a girl you have sexual feelings for to a festival with your friends who can flirt, tease, touch, and ask her out.

She was enthusiastic. I became busy over the next 4 days and didnt contact her much while i was sorting out the festival and other things.

Today i tried to plan it out via text.

OK bro issue right there. You invited her out and she was enthusiastic. Plan it out as soon as she was enthusiastic. You have to strike when the iron is hot. Just because she is in love with you at 2 pm, doesn't mean she will be in love with you at 3 pm. She could have met somebody, changed her mind, got pregnant, got married, by the time you waited.

she asked me what day it was on, and after i told her the particular day i got this:

"Sorry, i'm already going to another festivle on that day" (i thought BS instantly, but to my surprise its 100% legitimate.)

I responded "Np! that kinda works well for me, this was getting a little complicated tbh. catch you later broc(silly nickname we have).

"Sorry, i'm already going to another festivle on that day" (i thought BS instantly, but to my surprise its 100% legitimate.)

You: NO RESPONSE


She didn't say it was a problem. She didn't care if it works out well for you. She didn't care to catch you later.

Suppose you couldn't go to the festival unless you brought a date. Would you say "No problem, works out well for me?" Or would you get on the phone and ask another girl in 2 seconds?

Men, don't assume these girls care about you or are in love with you. Most of the time they have someone and want to see how desperate you are in chasing them.

 

[Fabricss]

In my opinion this response conveys disingenousness. I suspect that denying rejection in such a pretenscious, haughty way is just as off-putting as overpursuing.

Hahaha. i was trying to convey indifference. oh man thats funny.

 

[Fabricss]

Yes we want background. Bro you ask us if we want background and don't even wait for us to answer before going into the question. Kind of funny...



Tip: Don't invite a girl you have sexual feelings for to a festival with your friends who can flirt, tease, touch, and ask her out.



OK bro issue right there. You invited her out and she was enthusiastic. Plan it out as soon as she was enthusiastic. You have to strike when the iron is hot. Just because she is in love with you at 2 pm, doesn't mean she will be in love with you at 3 pm. She could have met somebody, changed her mind, got pregnant, got married, by the time you waited.



"Sorry, i'm already going to another festivle on that day" (i thought BS instantly, but to my surprise its 100% legitimate.)

You: NO RESPONSE


She didn't say it was a problem. She didn't care if it works out well for you. She didn't care to catch you later.

Suppose you couldn't go to the festival unless you brought a date. Would you say "No problem, works out well for me?" Or would you get on the phone and ask another girl in 2 seconds?

Men, don't assume these girls care about you or are in love with you. Most of the time they have someone and want to see how desperate you are in chasing them.

Good advice. Actually regarding my friends... i made it clear me and her would be doing our own thing if she came along. I had that covered.
I think i consistently make that mistake. striking while the iron is hot. Something to work on.

I did dance with no response and maybe it would have been best. to me it seemed like no response could easily convey butthurt as much as it does indifference. so i wasnt sure.

 

[Fabricss]

If you have frame, you'll always be at the top of your game.

something i'm trying to hone in one is frame. it seems like the most important thing of all. doesn't matter what you do so long as you own it. in person i'm good at this, but when it comes to text it's not the same. To bad texting is a reality in my age group.

 

[wifehunter]

something i'm trying to hone in one is frame. it seems like the most important thing of all. doesn't matter what you do so long as you own it. in person i'm good at this, but when it comes to text it's not the same. To bad texting is a reality in my age group.

I'm starting to think coversing by text is for people with minimal social skills .... see: immaturity

Removing voice and body language can easily lead to misunderstandings.

 

[Fabricss]

Indifference is good, but owning & conceding rejection, with indifference, is better.

Well said!
I just hope that my text could be taken in an "indifferent" light. You actually made me cringe at my own words when I read your interpretation lol. "what was i thinking!?".

I'm starting to think coversing by text is for people with minimal social skills .... see: immaturity

Removing voice and body language can easily lead to misunderstandings.

I can charm people really easily in person, at least all the old ladies who frequent my workplace seem to give me that impression anyway..... lol. I make a good impression and probably punch above my weight a bit, but when it comes to texting i seem to fck it up. it may be because i heavily use non verbal communication and body language.
My ideal is just using text to get that next meeting but with girls my age so many of them want to build rapport through text and you cannot get away with the bare minimum now like i see a lot of people advised.

 

[AJ84]

i can give background if you want but to cut to the chase:

I asked her if she was interested in joining me as im going to a festivle with a few friends, the last day of one. She enjoys them.
She was enthusiastic. I became busy over the next 4 days and didnt contact her much while i was sorting out the festival and other things.

Today i tried to plan it out via text.

It was a little complicated of a situation in logistics which was not good. I asked her if she was getting train, and said that we would meet at X time etc. I also mentioned that i could hook her up with free tickets(truth) but needed to know by X day and left it.

she asked me what day it was on, and after i told her the particular day i got this:

"Sorry, i'm already going to another festivle on that day" (i thought BS instantly, but to my surprise its 100% legitimate.)

I responded "Np! that kinda works well for me, this was getting a little complicated tbh. catch you later broc(silly nickname we have).

She didnt try to rearrange but i might think that she is just inexperienced in dating, which is true. but i think common sense would prevail here at the same time.

thoughts here? what should i have done differently?

I think you should of left it at NP with a smiley face or something. Texting that it kinda works out for you because it was getting complicated tbh, could of been intepreted as you getting annoyed with texting her to plan where to meet etc, like dealing with her was a pain in the ass. That's the first thought that came to me when I read that last text, like you didn't want her to go that much that you wanted to go out of your way to arrange to get her tickets or meet up.

 

[devilkingx2]

"Sorry, i'm already going to another festivle on that day" (i thought BS instantly, but to my surprise its 100% legitimate.)

first off, Festival* just to help you out there fam.

second off, what this tells me is that going to some other festival without you was more important to her than going to a festival with you. does she really love festivals that much? is the festival she was going to the best festival ever? is the festival you wanted to go to the worst festival in the world? no to all of those?

well then the only logical conclusion is that she doesn't like festivals that much, but she likes you even less. thusly, this girl is a waste of time, find another. sorry bro.

 

[nismo-4]

I think you should of left it at NP with a smiley face or something. Texting that it kinda works out for you because it was getting complicated tbh, could of been intepreted as you getting annoyed with texting her to plan where to meet etc, like dealing with her was a pain in the ass. That's the first thought that came to me when I read that last text, like you didn't want her to go that much that you wanted to go out of your way to arrange to get her tickets or meet up.

Saying no problem when a girl flakes on you AKA tells you go to hell just shows you approve of her flaking on you.

Second place is first loser. When a girl flakes on you, you didn't come in first. Unfortunately, every woman has a guy in their life, and you're always competing with her exes and others on the high score list.

OP, your "sounding indifferent" is just you saving face. She has a better guy than you anyway. She wouldn't have flaked on a date with Steph Curry, just like you wouldn't flake on a date with Shakira.

And dates should be one-on-one, not one-on-four. Damn, what's tougher? Getting an attractive girl or a entry level job at Google?

Back on track, a girl is either interested or not. To further help, anything other than a yes complete with all its backing actions is a no. Mixed signals and unenthusiasm are also a no. Maybe and any mid-range, grey area answers are considered a no.

There's a reason why you need to strike hard and strike fast. All this overanalyzing is useless and hurting guys in this game. Before you overanalyze, remember that you are not a senior analyst at a fortune 500 company. If you are, get me a job there. You get paid to analyze. Do you get paid to analyze women's behavior? Didn't think so.

OP, move on. Sorry you failed with this one.

Case closed.

 

[Glassguy]

I never saw where she said YES to your offer.