RichardTheFrog
Banned
This is a collection of notes that I wrote over the past couple weeks. I have not gone out during this time.
When I was on Seeking Arrangement (SA), I was basically telling a girl that what she was trying to do was to be a prostitute, yet come up with some fantasy scenario where she didn't have to think of herself as a prostitute. She told me that I had to have "tact." Meaning, that I had to smoothly pay for sex all while getting to know her and pretending it's not just about money for sex.... then pay for sex all while pretending that she's worth much more than a prostitute. It occurred to me that maybe all "game" is just "tact." I currently have none of this. I'm not real good at convincing girls to do things. I don't even have enough game to get sex from SA unless the girl is willing to just trade money for sex in no uncertain terms. I don't have time or desire to pretend that a girl is doing anything other than prostitution or to play into her fantasy world where she's still a Princess as she's sucking d !ck for money.
It struck me that I don't ever build comfort with girls. (I barely even talk to them to begin with). The Mystery Method goes Attract --> Comfort Build --> Seduce. I don't remember the last time I built comfort with a girl that I had recently met. But then again, I don't really socialize much. I am "shy" but for those who know more about me, they know that I could also be scary or psychotic, although I am definitely a lot less psychotic than I used to be (I think). I spent probably 5 years, beginning in 2008 (when I started doing acid) as quite psychotic. I have improved majorly since then, but it is very hard to "build comfort" with ANYONE (male, female, even a dog) if you are in such states of mind. Thankfully, I have improved since then.
I hope to be "rich" within the next couple years. I think it would serve me well to still have a humble personality. I don't know if this will be easy or not.
It occurred to me that I'm trying to run a similar game as @bigneil, but the difference is that I'm almost 20 years younger. I'm 30. It is pretty pathetic at my age that I'm wanting to buy a Bentley to impress girls, let alone girls that I met off SA.
The Bentley is a testament to my poor social skills and negative personality. But I don't know that my personality can be fixed. I have to go with what I've got. There's nothing "wrong" with driving a Bentley, but it does say "something" about a person's personality, whatever that may be. People probably buy expensive cars for all kinds of reasons. Even the salesman said he was always interested to hear people's reasons for wanting to purchase such expensive vehicles. (I test drove one and it is nice). Even if I did make a lot... I could just as easily TELL PEOPLE rather than have to buy an expensive car so that they ask me. Or I could just keep it to myself. But I will still choose to buy the car. You only live once and they told me at the dealership that it would only lose about $10,000 in value if I wanted to trade it in within 6 months.
I haven't had the urge to dress well. I used to go out in nice expensive shirts, but lately when I leave the house, I'm in dirty clothes. I don't feel that the nice clothes are "me" right now.
I feel like expensive clothes are a fake personality for me right now and a Bentley is an EXTREMELY fake personality. Yet I will still buy it. I am hoping it will increase my value in the eyes of women. What is actually real in this world?
At one point, I was thinking that it can't just be all about sex. Then, later I was thinking that I have to be more sexually aggressive. I can't be afraid to be rude or offensive. They've probably heard it all before.
I know that it would hurt my ego if a girl thought I was too ugly for her. This is probably true of everyone, but I don't think I have enough self-esteem to find out that most girls find me ugly, if they in fact do. That would mean that no matter what I've done in the past or what I will go through in the future, I can NEVER be worth as much to them as someone who is amazing looking. Chad doesn't have to endure any hardships or have any real value in order for girls to want him. I guess this is just unfair, but I wonder how many Chad's actually exist in real life.
I've spent most of the last two weeks at home, in bed, watching YouTube videos explaining important topics of world history, astronomy, advanced mathematical theories, unexplained mysteries of quantum physics... as well as making spreadsheets with complicated formulas in order to predict how my business should work.
I am also "treading water" until 9/1 when I will be able to buy my first house to flip. This will be a life-changing moment as it will be when I step into my "career" that I may have for my whole life. I fully expect to make lots of money doing this and to get better and better at it each time.
But watching YouTube videos about quantum physics sure isn't resulting in my d !ck being in a girl's vagina... especially for free. Someone told me on this forum to forget about women for 6 months. Maybe I am doing this subconsciously. This sucks because I keep thinking about that super hot girl who thinks I'm attractive down town and how I have no idea what to say to her and she is probably off fuc k!ng someone else as we speak.
I will be buying the Bentley. But I also know that this won't be some magic solution. It may not even help me at all. There is something about my personality that is what is getting in the way. I don't know how to fix this because I don't know exactly what it is. Am I too selfish? Is it a schizoid thing? An anxiety thing? Should I smile and laugh, be friendly and empathize with people regularly? Well what if I'm not in a good mood. I don't smile very much. I can't FAKE a personality.
I once took the Meyers-Briggs personality test and scored 100% introverted. Some have suggested that I "develop social skills." Well.... I'm not NEW TO THE PLANET. The issue is that I'm EXTREMELY INTROVERTED. It often drains me just to interact a little bit. I used to interact a lot when I was younger, but for the most part, I now prefer to spend my time to myself. I don't know if this is something that I can change, or something that I even want to change.
I am light-years away from being the extroverted, smiling guy. I tend to just sit silent, often with anger inside.
Despite the fact that it is a 99.9% probability that I have been through more than these girls and the fact that I am much stronger than them.... I still feel that they don't view me as someone they want to get with. Rather, they view me as someone to play with. At best, they might give me some pity sex, but I doubt they would even give me that.
The worst part is.... I don't even know why. I don't know what's "wrong with me," in their eyes. If I could learn what that was, maybe I could fix it. Perhaps I couldn't, but maybe I could. That being said, I haven't gone out in a while, so maybe things would look up if I actually went out. But I live 30 minutes from down town and I just haven't felt like making the drive.
Perhaps they perceive MOST GUYS as someone just to play games with and not to take seriously, so maybe this makes me no different than the majority of guys. I just feel like I deserve something good. If a girl is any bit of a decent, honest person, I feel like I would have a lot to offer.
When I was on Seeking Arrangement (SA), I was basically telling a girl that what she was trying to do was to be a prostitute, yet come up with some fantasy scenario where she didn't have to think of herself as a prostitute. She told me that I had to have "tact." Meaning, that I had to smoothly pay for sex all while getting to know her and pretending it's not just about money for sex.... then pay for sex all while pretending that she's worth much more than a prostitute. It occurred to me that maybe all "game" is just "tact." I currently have none of this. I'm not real good at convincing girls to do things. I don't even have enough game to get sex from SA unless the girl is willing to just trade money for sex in no uncertain terms. I don't have time or desire to pretend that a girl is doing anything other than prostitution or to play into her fantasy world where she's still a Princess as she's sucking d !ck for money.
It struck me that I don't ever build comfort with girls. (I barely even talk to them to begin with). The Mystery Method goes Attract --> Comfort Build --> Seduce. I don't remember the last time I built comfort with a girl that I had recently met. But then again, I don't really socialize much. I am "shy" but for those who know more about me, they know that I could also be scary or psychotic, although I am definitely a lot less psychotic than I used to be (I think). I spent probably 5 years, beginning in 2008 (when I started doing acid) as quite psychotic. I have improved majorly since then, but it is very hard to "build comfort" with ANYONE (male, female, even a dog) if you are in such states of mind. Thankfully, I have improved since then.
I hope to be "rich" within the next couple years. I think it would serve me well to still have a humble personality. I don't know if this will be easy or not.
It occurred to me that I'm trying to run a similar game as @bigneil, but the difference is that I'm almost 20 years younger. I'm 30. It is pretty pathetic at my age that I'm wanting to buy a Bentley to impress girls, let alone girls that I met off SA.
The Bentley is a testament to my poor social skills and negative personality. But I don't know that my personality can be fixed. I have to go with what I've got. There's nothing "wrong" with driving a Bentley, but it does say "something" about a person's personality, whatever that may be. People probably buy expensive cars for all kinds of reasons. Even the salesman said he was always interested to hear people's reasons for wanting to purchase such expensive vehicles. (I test drove one and it is nice). Even if I did make a lot... I could just as easily TELL PEOPLE rather than have to buy an expensive car so that they ask me. Or I could just keep it to myself. But I will still choose to buy the car. You only live once and they told me at the dealership that it would only lose about $10,000 in value if I wanted to trade it in within 6 months.
I haven't had the urge to dress well. I used to go out in nice expensive shirts, but lately when I leave the house, I'm in dirty clothes. I don't feel that the nice clothes are "me" right now.
I feel like expensive clothes are a fake personality for me right now and a Bentley is an EXTREMELY fake personality. Yet I will still buy it. I am hoping it will increase my value in the eyes of women. What is actually real in this world?
At one point, I was thinking that it can't just be all about sex. Then, later I was thinking that I have to be more sexually aggressive. I can't be afraid to be rude or offensive. They've probably heard it all before.
I know that it would hurt my ego if a girl thought I was too ugly for her. This is probably true of everyone, but I don't think I have enough self-esteem to find out that most girls find me ugly, if they in fact do. That would mean that no matter what I've done in the past or what I will go through in the future, I can NEVER be worth as much to them as someone who is amazing looking. Chad doesn't have to endure any hardships or have any real value in order for girls to want him. I guess this is just unfair, but I wonder how many Chad's actually exist in real life.
I've spent most of the last two weeks at home, in bed, watching YouTube videos explaining important topics of world history, astronomy, advanced mathematical theories, unexplained mysteries of quantum physics... as well as making spreadsheets with complicated formulas in order to predict how my business should work.
I am also "treading water" until 9/1 when I will be able to buy my first house to flip. This will be a life-changing moment as it will be when I step into my "career" that I may have for my whole life. I fully expect to make lots of money doing this and to get better and better at it each time.
But watching YouTube videos about quantum physics sure isn't resulting in my d !ck being in a girl's vagina... especially for free. Someone told me on this forum to forget about women for 6 months. Maybe I am doing this subconsciously. This sucks because I keep thinking about that super hot girl who thinks I'm attractive down town and how I have no idea what to say to her and she is probably off fuc k!ng someone else as we speak.
I will be buying the Bentley. But I also know that this won't be some magic solution. It may not even help me at all. There is something about my personality that is what is getting in the way. I don't know how to fix this because I don't know exactly what it is. Am I too selfish? Is it a schizoid thing? An anxiety thing? Should I smile and laugh, be friendly and empathize with people regularly? Well what if I'm not in a good mood. I don't smile very much. I can't FAKE a personality.
I once took the Meyers-Briggs personality test and scored 100% introverted. Some have suggested that I "develop social skills." Well.... I'm not NEW TO THE PLANET. The issue is that I'm EXTREMELY INTROVERTED. It often drains me just to interact a little bit. I used to interact a lot when I was younger, but for the most part, I now prefer to spend my time to myself. I don't know if this is something that I can change, or something that I even want to change.
I am light-years away from being the extroverted, smiling guy. I tend to just sit silent, often with anger inside.
Despite the fact that it is a 99.9% probability that I have been through more than these girls and the fact that I am much stronger than them.... I still feel that they don't view me as someone they want to get with. Rather, they view me as someone to play with. At best, they might give me some pity sex, but I doubt they would even give me that.
The worst part is.... I don't even know why. I don't know what's "wrong with me," in their eyes. If I could learn what that was, maybe I could fix it. Perhaps I couldn't, but maybe I could. That being said, I haven't gone out in a while, so maybe things would look up if I actually went out. But I live 30 minutes from down town and I just haven't felt like making the drive.
Perhaps they perceive MOST GUYS as someone just to play games with and not to take seriously, so maybe this makes me no different than the majority of guys. I just feel like I deserve something good. If a girl is any bit of a decent, honest person, I feel like I would have a lot to offer.
