People trying to destroy you

[Urbanyst]

So I have a co-worker who is actively trying to destroy me. She is trying to destroy my reputation and get me fired from my job.

Our work relationship started out normal. We got along well and worked well together on projects. Then it was time performance reviews and raises and I guess she didn't get what she wanted. Since then she has been doing everything she can to destroy me. She takes things out of context and accuses me of things I didn't do.

I've gone to upper management repeatedly to fix the issue, but after a week or two she goes right back to her attack plan.

Anyone experience something like this before? How did you handle it?

Its always tricky when its a woman going after you, because they can get away with more unprofessional behavior than you can.

 

[sazc]

Document every situation.
I would go to HR and speak with them about it. If you feel like you need to let your manager know, simply tell him that the situation has not subsided and you would like to take it ti HR in order to get some more coaching on how to make your communication better and easier. Always approach it from "you seem upset" and "how can I help, how can I solve this?"

It could be that this IS her personality and it has nothing to do with you, it just takes time for her true colors to show thru. In any case, you want to show that you are concerned because she hasn't been happy with you for some time and you want to understand how you can make it better.

Or just ignore it and let her be unhappy. As long as she cant get your fired, let her wallow in her misery alone. Ignore her BS and dont let her push your buttons.

 

[speed dawg]

1) Smile
2) Have a great attitude, never get angry
3) Outlast her

That's it. And like sazc says, document everything she does wrong, just in case something goes down. THIS IS CRITICAL. If you take the time to do this, upper management folks will take your word for it EVERY TIME. If they don't you can sue the sh*t out of them.

If you go for blood - you WILL lose. Remember that.

 

[sazc]

It's perfectly fine to send her an email saying "you seem upset, was it something I did or said?" Just be sure to be accommodating and keep it above board in th written word. If you are lucky, she will flame. If she flames, reply and let her know that you wont tolerate being spoken to like that and invite her to have a meeting with the boss to discuss he matter otherwise lets keep it professional and do our best to work together.

 

[Serenity]

Sometimes I almost wish someone would try pulling that shit on me, I would absolutely obliterate their nasty game. Keep calm and play it smart like a game of chess, the hot headed ones always lose against that. Eventually it's a check mate and you win.

Going to upper management is a smart move. Guarding yourself with evidence would be another smart move. It's also a great idea to have an attitude towards ending this drama and in that process creating as little drama as possible. You want to show that all you want to do is get back to working for the company, but your job is being obstructed by her, you don't know why and isn't getting any sense out of her. It has to be framed in such a way that it's obvious the company is losing efficiency because of this, because that's really something the company (should) care about.

 

[Urbanyst]

She is definitely out for blood.

The good news is she is a moron and doing most of her communication through email where its very easy to track and prove what was said. I'm hoping she will eventually implode. But its still very stressful because it puts me in a position where I have to be flawless. One mistake or wrong word and she will jump on it to get me in trouble.

 

[Atom Smasher]

The big question here is why does she have this vendetta against you? She must be perceiving some kind of slight.

 

[resilient]

And like sazc says, document everything she does wrong, just in case something goes down. THIS IS CRITICAL.

I can't emphasize the above enough in bold. Regardless of the gender, whenever you're in a conflict with someone at work and communication breaks down, you need a paper trail of whatever was said immediately after a conversation goes down so you have a record you could pull up later if the stakes are raised and the situation becomes more political and visible to your associates.

Sounds like you're off to a good start of that with the email trail... cheers.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

So I have a co-worker who is actively trying to destroy me. She is trying to destroy my reputation and get me fired from my job.

Our work relationship started out normal. We got along well and worked well together on projects. Then it was time performance reviews and raises and I guess she didn't get what she wanted. Since then she has been doing everything she can to destroy me. She takes things out of context and accuses me of things I didn't do.

I've gone to upper management repeatedly to fix the issue, but after a week or two she goes right back to her attack plan.

Anyone experience something like this before? How did you handle it?

Its always tricky when its a woman going after you, because they can get away with more unprofessional behavior than you can.

White knighting can be huge in a work concept...

 

[Urbanyst]

The big question here is why does she have this vendetta against you? She must be perceiving some kind of slight.

I suspect its related to money and/or recognition. There was never any slight and I was never mean or disrespectful towards her to make her act this way.

 

[sazc]

b1tch. I've been the target of b1tches at work before. fvcking ridiculous. all you want to do is go to work, do your job and have a reasonably pleasant day, then some b1tch comes along and decides to have an issue with you and you now need to spend time (and anxiety and stress) figuring out how you are going to deal with it.
sucks

 

[Urbanyst]

b1tch. I've been the target of b1tches at work before. fvcking ridiculous. all you want to do is go to work, do your job and have a reasonably pleasant day, then some b1tch comes along and decides to have an issue with you and you now need to spend time (and anxiety and stress) figuring out how you are going to deal with it.
sucks

Tell me about it.

She is a horrible person. And a very FAKE person. I know she doesn't have the political capitol or the facts to destroy me.. but its still damaging and stressful. And it makes for a work relationship that will never be "good" because she makes me sick to my stomach and probably always will long after this is resolved. I really hope she quits within the next year.

 

[logicallefty]

Some good replies here. I second those to said smile, don't get mad, and try to settle it via Email. Then if that doesn't work be prepared to send her a "cease and desist" letter via Certified US Mail and a copy of it to your HR Dept too. Then if that doesn't work sue her in court if what she is saying has having an adversarial effect on your reputation with others at work. Lies can become truth if not dealt with swiftly. We live in a society where facts do not have the power they once did in the battle of facts vs lies. We have to fight hard sometimes so the facts prevail.

 

[ubercat]

B nice to her in front of colleagues. Keep your enemies closer. Her inability to destroy u will eat away at her and sooner or later she ll move on or explode.

 

[BeExcellent]

I agree strongly with @logicallefty about truth versus hearsay. If hearsay goes unchallenged it can become regarded as true.

You are a smart guy. If you don't have a copy of 48 Laws of Power, get one. Pay careful attention to Law 1: Never Outshine the Master and Law 24: Play the Perfect Courtier. You need to so ingratiate yourself to your manager & superiors that they feel compelled to keep you.

Document everything and do not let anything you put in writing be able to be perceived as unprofessional and ignore as much of her behavior as possible lest you appear petty (which will reflect poorly on you.)

See this situation in a new light. Here is an opportunity to road test principles in the Laws of Power and better watch the dynamics in action. Here is an opportunity to sharpen your social acumen. Be Zen. Be observant.

Guess what? This is how the professional world works. Sadly in some ways but truly. Like TRP you have to understand the corporate game as well. There is always someone gunning for you. Overtly or covertly. Overt behavior is usually easier to deal with because you see it (as in this case.). Covert behavior much tougher to see but with experience you'll see it too.

You want to arrive at a place where you are serene about this. Remember, angry or upset people are easily maneuvered.

 

[BeExcellent]

Final thought. Be very circumspect about complaining to management or to HR. Both are loyal to the organization first. It is an error to assume HR will protect you or that management will see the error in her ways based on anything you say.

Better to become indispensable. If she sends you an unprofessional email (indisputably unprofessional), forward to your supervisor, ask how best to respond. Let her own words hang her. All you need to do is help a wee bit.

If management fails to check obviously unprofessional behavior you are concurrently documenting a.) the behavior exists, b.) you are escalating to management for guidance & intervention, & c.) you are building a case for hostile work environment liability should you be fired as a result of the behavior against you.

This is a two edged sword however so if you do as noted in the paragraph above it better be indisputable that her conduct, evidenced by her own words, are unprofessional or hostile. And you better blind copy your personal email on everything so you have records outside work.

It is very easy to get outfoxed in a situation like this. Tread carefully but learn as much as you can from it.

 

[ubercat]

And make sure u take yr referees to a few lunches. Some days u get the bear some days the bear gets u

 

[Tenacity]

So I have a co-worker who is actively trying to destroy me. She is trying to destroy my reputation and get me fired from my job.

Our work relationship started out normal. We got along well and worked well together on projects. Then it was time performance reviews and raises and I guess she didn't get what she wanted. Since then she has been doing everything she can to destroy me. She takes things out of context and accuses me of things I didn't do.

I've gone to upper management repeatedly to fix the issue, but after a week or two she goes right back to her attack plan.

Anyone experience something like this before? How did you handle it?

Its always tricky when its a woman going after you, because they can get away with more unprofessional behavior than you can.

This is unfortunate bro because this gig is making you some serious money, right? Some good suggestions have been made in this thread, but here's how TENACITY handles it when this shyt comes up.

#1.) I sit the other person down, explain that I love this job, and explain to them how I FEEL about their behavior. I discuss that their behavior is stopping me from my performance, or making me pissed off, or making me uncomfortable, etc., and I ask them why this is being done and if they can STOP IT.

#2.) If that doesn't work, I have a conversation with whomever manages the person or manages myself, try to schedule a time for all of us to come in and sit down and talk. The message you want to communicate is this person's behavior is HINDERING your from doing the very best you can do on the job, and you are seeking modifications in this person's behavior.

#3.) If BOTH of these situations don't work and if it's a "dude doing it", I'm probably about to pull him off to the side after work and have a man-to-man talk. If this is a female, I'm going to do the same thing once again.

#4.) If THAT still doesn't work and it keeps going...........ask to be transferred or ask that they be transferred.

Usually if you follow my first step above and directly confront the person individually FIRST, communicate the issue you are having directly and seriously, that usually 95% of the time modifies their behavior. Then if that doesn't work, by the time you have both sat down with management, the situation gets worked out from there. If this is a professional company with good salary/compensation being paid out to the workers, then steps #1 or #2 can resolve the situation.

Now, if this is a shytty company in general or a low wage position, then it's going to be much more difficult to modify any behavior with the person because the employees nor management really give a damn. OR, if you are working with a black, nappy head, weave wearing Tyquesha type of bytch......then bro I feel for you because nothing is going to make that bytch act right

 

[Urbanyst]

Some good replies here. I second those to said smile, don't get mad, and try to settle it via Email. Then if that doesn't work be prepared to send her a "cease and desist" letter via Certified US Mail and a copy of it to your HR Dept too. Then if that doesn't work sue her in court if what she is saying has having an adversarial effect on your reputation with others at work. Lies can become truth if not dealt with swiftly. We live in a society where facts do not have the power they once did in the battle of facts vs lies. We have to fight hard sometimes so the facts prevail.

This is very good advice. The treat of legal action alone can stop someone in their tracks. It can also make the company more inclined to take this matter very seriously and make her stop what she is doing immediately.

She is actively trying to destroy my reputation and she is telling LIES.

I agree strongly with @logicallefty about truth versus hearsay. If hearsay goes unchallenged it can become regarded as true.

You are a smart guy. If you don't have a copy of 48 Laws of Power, get one. Pay careful attention to Law 1: Never Outshine the Master and Law 24: Play the Perfect Courtier. You need to so ingratiate yourself to your manager & superiors that they feel compelled to keep you.

Document everything and do not let anything you put in writing be able to be perceived as unprofessional and ignore as much of her behavior as possible lest you appear petty (which will reflect poorly on you.)

See this situation in a new light. Here is an opportunity to road test principles in the Laws of Power and better watch the dynamics in action. Here is an opportunity to sharpen your social acumen. Be Zen. Be observant.

Guess what? This is how the professional world works. Sadly in some ways but truly. Like TRP you have to understand the corporate game as well. There is always someone gunning for you. Overtly or covertly. Overt behavior is usually easier to deal with because you see it (as in this case.). Covert behavior much tougher to see but with experience you'll see it too.

You want to arrive at a place where you are serene about this. Remember, angry or upset people are easily maneuvered.

Yep, I own 48 Laws of Power. One of the most eye opening books I ever read. I'm already a favorite among management and even hang out with managers outside of work sometimes. I'm closer with management than I am with most of my co-workers. This wasn't even intentional. Its just my personality matches theirs more than the lower level people because I care so much about MONEY just like them. So they invite me out to happy hours and lunches.

This is why I know the b*tch trying to destroy me will fail. But management also has to stay professional and protect themselves at the same time. So as much as they have my back, they cannot really say it or act like it.

When dealing with this b!tch at work I've stayed professional. All my communication with her is related to work and never personal. Even when she makes very personal attacks and LIES about me. She is trying to get under my skin so that I will snap and say something that damages myself.

This is unfortunate bro because this gig is making you some serious money, right? Some good suggestions have been made in this thread, but here's how TENACITY handles it when this shyt comes up.

#1.) I sit the other person down, explain that I love this job, and explain to them how I FEEL about their behavior. I discuss that their behavior is stopping me from my performance, or making me pissed off, or making me uncomfortable, etc., and I ask them why this is being done and if they can STOP IT.

#2.) If that doesn't work, I have a conversation with whomever manages the person or manages myself, try to schedule a time for all of us to come in and sit down and talk. The message you want to communicate is this person's behavior is HINDERING your from doing the very best you can do on the job, and you are seeking modifications in this person's behavior.

#3.) If BOTH of these situations don't work and if it's a "dude doing it", I'm probably about to pull him off to the side after work and have a man-to-man talk. If this is a female, I'm going to do the same thing once again.

#4.) If THAT still doesn't work and it keeps going...........ask to be transferred or ask that they be transferred.

Usually if you follow my first step above and directly confront the person individually FIRST, communicate the issue you are having directly and seriously, that usually 95% of the time modifies their behavior. Then if that doesn't work, by the time you have both sat down with management, the situation gets worked out from there. If this is a professional company with good salary/compensation being paid out to the workers, then steps #1 or #2 can resolve the situation.

Now, if this is a shytty company in general or a low wage position, then it's going to be much more difficult to modify any behavior with the person because the employees nor management really give a damn. OR, if you are working with a black, nappy head, weave wearing Tyquesha type of bytch......then bro I feel for you because nothing is going to make that bytch act right

There is no hope changing this b*tches behavior by using reason and logic. She is out for blood. I already had a face to face with her and she just LIES and pretends everything is ok. Then the next day she goes back to attacking me.

At this point, I'm considering the threat of legal action if things don't improve. This is the best job I ever had and the MONEY is great. Nothing can make me leave or quit right now.